Small Fry Summary

“What happens when the person supposed to love you unconditionally is flawed and distant?” Lisa Brennan-Jobs explores this and more in her poignant memoir about her relationship with her famous father, Steve Jobs.

1. A Start in Turmoil: How Lisa’s Life Began

Lisa’s story begins with her parents’ rocky and sporadic relationship. Steve Jobs and Chrisann Brennan’s connection started in high school, blossoming despite challenges like Chrisann’s troubled home life. However, the relationship was often unstable, with Steve’s fiery temper and Chrisann’s uncertainties casting long shadows.

Their relationship took a significant turn when Chrisann unintentionally became pregnant, a development that Steve reacted to by denying paternity. Lisa was born in 1978, but Steve refused involvement, emotionally or financially. His reaction to the situation—refusing to acknowledge Lisa as his child—set the tone for an uneven and complex father-daughter relationship throughout her life.

Chrisann, left to fend for herself, relied on welfare and various odd jobs to support Lisa as a single mother. Steve’s denial persisted for years, including during Lisa’s early childhood, despite evidence like DNA testing proving his fatherhood. These early years were marked by emotional and financial challenges for Chrisann and her daughter.

Examples

• Steve shouting “It’s not my kid” even when visiting Lisa shortly after her birth.
• Chrisann struggling with insufficient welfare payments and odd jobs like waitressing to care for her daughter.
• Steve denying Lisa’s paternity in public forums, even carrying her picture as a joke.

2. A Distant Father Who Occasionally Surprises

Lisa revered her father despite his aloofness, seeing him as a larger-than-life figure. She recognized his trailblazing role in technology and his ascension as one of the world’s wealthiest and most admired individuals. Yet, as a presence in her life, Steve was erratic, oscillating between moments of kindness and indifference.

One moment that stood out to Lisa was Steve helping name her—choosing the name “Lisa” before reportedly denying for years the connection between her name and his poorly performing Lisa computer. Steve’s sporadic appearances in her life, including skating trips or visits for a movie, became the small moments Lisa cherished in the absence of consistent fatherly love.

Steve’s insistence on clear boundaries and financial limitations also manifested in odd ways, like giving Lisa an aged computer that didn’t function. Even when offering gestures of kindness, they often came with caveats that left her yearning for more genuine connections.

Examples

• Steve named his computer Lisa but insisted for years it wasn’t in honor of his daughter.
• Random outings like skating instilled in Lisa fleeting glimpses of a bond.
• He gifted her a defective NeXT computer but refused to replace or fix it.

3. Torn Between Two Families

Lisa lived a dual existence, caught between the starkly different lives of her mother and father. With Chrisann, she saw warmth but also frustration; her mother loved her but often expressed bitterness over how motherhood had derailed her life plans. Emotional outbursts and financial struggles shaped Lisa’s life with Chrisann in profound ways.

On the other hand, when Lisa moved into her father’s house as a teenager, she found a cold and challenging environment. Steve’s new family welcomed her, but she felt an outsider among them. She approached the situation in a way she believed would foster approval, excelling in school and catering to her father’s rigid demands, but often felt this wasn’t enough for Steve.

No matter where Lisa was, she longed for stability. She was caught between wanting to remain loyal to her mother and trying desperately to forge a meaningful connection with her father.

Examples

• Chrisann frequently expressing disdain about her life changes after becoming a mother.
• Steve setting strict rules when Lisa moved in, such as banning visits to Chrisann for six months.
• Lisa excelling academically and organizing extracurriculars to gain Steve’s approval.

4. Denial of Basic Comforts

Despite wealth that allowed Steve to live grandly, Lisa often found herself deprived of basic comforts in his home. She needed her father’s approval but found his actions shocking at times. For example, Steve refused to fix her room’s heating or replace her stolen bicycle, seemingly indifferent to her needs.

Steve’s criticism of Lisa extended to her career potential. He often sarcastically joked that she’d never have a real job or marketable skills, singling out a strip club she’d never visited as a place she’d end up working. These comments hurt Lisa deeply, fueling a sense of inadequacy.

She coped by focusing on her achievements in school and beyond, hoping her hard efforts would eventually make Steve proud and change his perception of her.

Examples

• Steve leaving Lisa’s cold room unrepaired and neglecting to replace her lost bike.
• Frequent jokes about Lisa working at a fictional seedy bar as a career path.
• Lisa tirelessly dedicating herself to school clubs and leadership roles.

5. Lisa Sought Escape Through Education

When Lisa gained admission to Harvard, she hoped the achievement might finally earn her father’s respect. She imagined it as a symbol of personal worth and an escape from the difficulties at home in California. It was a defining moment for Lisa, one she celebrated without Steve’s direct involvement in her preparations.

Ironically, education was something Steve didn’t value highly. His self-made journey without a college degree likely shaped this perspective. Nonetheless, he grudgingly supported Lisa’s decision, covering her Harvard tuition but never showcasing excitement over her success.

Even with her acceptance and academic achievements, Lisa continued to feel isolated, suggesting that even lofty goals couldn’t shield her from the emotional struggles rooted in her family relationships.

Examples

• Lisa taping signs reading, “I GOT IN,” in the hallway windows after learning of her Harvard acceptance.
• Steve scoffing at higher education, seeing it as unnecessary for success.
• Lisa applying to Harvard with minimal emotional support from her father.

6. Steve’s Ultimatum Severed Their Bond

One memorable moment defined Lisa’s decision to distance herself from her father. When Steve invited Lisa to join his family at Cirque du Soleil, she declined, choosing instead to stay with her mother. This prompted Steve to declare her unwillingness to be part of his family, insisting she move out as a result.

Rather than yielding, Lisa took a bold step, relying on her father’s neighbors to help her relocate. This incident cemented their estrangement—a separation that carried over into her college years, where Lisa found herself cut off financially from her father without warning.

This difficult decision was influenced largely by Lisa’s need to prioritize her emotional well-being over appeasing her father’s demands.

Examples

• Steve insisting Lisa join his family for the circus or leave his home.
• Lisa seeking refuge among Steve’s neighbors, Kevin and Dorothy.
• Steve refusing to pay Lisa’s tuition after their falling-out.

7. Emotional Reconciliation in Steve’s Final Days

As Steve’s illness progressed, he showed a softer side that Lisa had rarely seen growing up. In a heart-rending hospital conversation, he admitted his regrets, tearfully expressing sorrow for not spending enough time with her during her childhood.

Steve’s emotional openness provided some solace to Lisa, who’d grappled for years with questions about her father’s love. In a moment of vulnerability, he acknowledged his shortcomings, offering Lisa a semblance of closure.

These revelations gave Lisa insight into Steve's inner struggles and his conflicting feelings about fatherhood, even as his actions often suggested otherwise.

Examples

• Steve telling Lisa from a hospital bed that he owed her missed time.
• Tearfully apologizing to her with regret for his absence during her youth.
• Allowing Lisa to join a family trip just before his health declined further.

8. One Word Changed the Narrative About the Lisa Computer

A surprising moment arrived when Bono, curious about the origins of Apple’s Lisa computer, directly asked Steve about the connection between its name and Lisa’s. In front of her, he admitted for the first time that it was named after her—a truth he’d denied for years.

This acknowledgment offered Lisa a comforting realization of her importance to him, albeit obscured by years of denial and rejection.

It took Bono’s uninvolved perspective to extract this long-overdue confirmation, cementing a narrative Lisa often yearned to believe.

Examples

• Bono directly asking Steve if the Lisa computer was named for his daughter.
• Steve admitting that the computer bore Lisa’s name for the first time.
• Lisa feeling vindicated after years of her father’s denials about the connection.

9. Healing After Loss

Lisa’s relationship with her mother evolved significantly after Steve’s passing. Despite lingering issues, Lisa and Chrisann grew closer in the wake of shared grief. Chrisann continuously reassured Lisa that Steve loved her deeply, even as his actions had often been unclear or hurtful.

Lisa’s healing journey suggests that relationships evolve over time, with losses often spurring reflection. Despite years of emotional ambiguity, Lisa ultimately grasped her father’s complicated love for her.

Examples

• Chrisann visiting Lisa and reaffirming Steve’s deep affection after his death.
• Lisa reconciling some personal struggles during her father’s last years.
• Chrisann stating that Steve’s spirit would always remain near Lisa.

Takeaways

1. Reflect on the complexities of familial relationships and strive for communication, even when it feels difficult.
2. Balance pursuing personal goals with addressing unresolved emotional wounds, as both are key to long-term well-being.
3. Seek reconciliation and closure when possible because unresolved feelings can linger far beyond a loved one’s passing.