Name: Social
Rating: 4.1 (2885 reviews)
Author: Matthew D. Lieberman

“What makes us human? It’s not just our intelligence or creativity – it’s our deep, hardwired need to connect with others.”

When the brain is at rest, it doesn’t switch off – it switches to social thinking. This phenomenon, driven by the brain’s “default network,” shows how deeply sociality is embedded in our nature. Even when we’re not actively engaged in tasks, our minds wander to relationships, social hierarchies, and interactions.

This default network is a product of evolution. It ensures that we use downtime to reflect on social matters, which are essential for survival and cooperation. For instance, newborns already show activity in their default networks, even before they can consciously process the world. This suggests that social thinking is not learned but innate.

The sheer amount of time we spend on social cognition is staggering. Studies show that 70% of our conversations revolve around social topics. Additionally, our default networks are active for at least three hours daily, making us experts in social living by the age of ten.

Examples

Gordon Schulman’s research revealed that the brain’s default network activates during rest, focusing on social matters.
Newborns exhibit active default networks, highlighting the innate nature of social thinking.
Conversations are overwhelmingly social, with 70% of topics related to relationships and interactions.

The human brain processes social pain – like rejection or exclusion – in the same way it processes physical pain. This overlap underscores how vital social connections are to our well-being. Losing a connection or being excluded triggers a response in the brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC), the same area activated by physical pain.

This connection begins in infancy. Babies cry when they sense a caregiver’s absence, signaling their need for proximity and care. Adults, in turn, are wired to respond to these cries, ensuring the survival of the young. This dynamic highlights the evolutionary importance of social bonds.

Experiments like the Cyberball study demonstrate how deeply we feel social pain. Participants excluded from a virtual ball-tossing game reported feelings of sadness and anger. Their brain scans mirrored those of people experiencing physical pain, proving that social rejection is not just an emotional experience but a neurological one.

Examples

Babies cry when separated from caregivers, showing the brain’s early focus on social connection.
The Cyberball study revealed that social exclusion activates the same brain regions as physical pain.
Adults feel distress when hearing a baby cry, driven by an evolutionary need to maintain social bonds.

3. Reading Minds: The Power of Mentalizing

Humans have a unique ability to understand the thoughts and intentions of others, a skill known as mentalizing. This ability allows us to navigate complex social situations, predict others’ actions, and collaborate effectively.

Mentalizing begins early in life but takes time to develop fully. For example, young children often struggle to understand that others can hold beliefs different from their own. By age five, most children can grasp this concept, enabling them to predict others’ behavior more accurately.

This skill isn’t limited to human interactions. We often attribute intentions to inanimate objects, as shown in Fritz Heider’s experiment with moving shapes. Participants described the shapes as having emotions and motives, demonstrating how deeply ingrained mentalizing is in our perception of the world.

Examples

The Sally–Anne task showed that five-year-olds could predict others’ beliefs, unlike three-year-olds.
Fritz Heider’s experiment revealed that people attribute emotions to moving shapes.
Everyday actions, like signaling a bus driver, rely on mentalizing to convey intentions.

Our sense of self is not as independent as we might think. Instead, it’s shaped by the social world around us. Many of our beliefs and preferences are absorbed from the groups we belong to, often without conscious awareness.

Cultural norms provide a clear example. The idea that “blue is for boys and pink is for girls” feels natural to many, yet it’s a relatively recent social construct. In the early 20th century, the colors were assigned the opposite way. This shift wasn’t the result of individual reasoning but collective adaptation to changing norms.

The brain’s dorsomedial prefrontal cortex (MPFC) plays a key role in this process. It activates when we think about ourselves or how others perceive us, acting as a bridge between personal identity and social influence. Studies show that people with higher MPFC activity are more likely to adopt behaviors aligned with social messages.

Examples

The shift in gendered color norms illustrates how social beliefs shape personal preferences.
The MPFC activates when we consider how others view us, linking self-perception to social influence.
A study on sunscreen usage found that MPFC activity predicted behavior change after watching a public service announcement.

Self-control isn’t just about personal discipline – it’s a key factor in maintaining social harmony. The ability to delay gratification and resist impulses benefits both individuals and the groups they belong to.

The Marshmallow Test is a famous example. Children who resisted eating a marshmallow immediately in exchange for two later showed better life outcomes, including higher SAT scores and better health. This suggests that self-control is linked to long-term success.

Social environments can also encourage self-control. Jeremy Bentham’s Panopticon design, where people behave as if they’re always being watched, demonstrates this principle. Even subtle cues, like posters of eyes, can influence behavior, reducing littering and promoting cooperation.

Examples

The Marshmallow Test linked self-control in childhood to better life outcomes.
Bentham’s Panopticon concept showed how perceived observation encourages restraint.
Posters of eyes in public spaces reduced littering by nearly 50%.

Strong social connections are a major driver of happiness. Studies show that relationships, not wealth, have the greatest impact on our well-being. For example, volunteering once a week can boost happiness as much as a significant pay raise.

Unfortunately, social connection is declining. Surveys reveal that people today have fewer meaningful conversations than in the past. This trend highlights the need to prioritize relationships in our lives.

Social incentives also work in professional settings. Employees often value recognition and connection more than financial rewards. For instance, a study found that workers were willing to forgo significant earnings for symbolic rewards like a gold star.

Examples

Volunteering weekly increases happiness as much as a $55,000 salary raise.
A 2004 survey found that most people hadn’t had a meaningful conversation in six months.
Employees prioritized symbolic rewards over financial gains in a workplace study.

7. Evolution Hardwired Us for Sociality

Our brains have evolved to prioritize social matters because they’re essential for survival. From infancy, we rely on others for care and learning. This dependence shapes our development and behavior throughout life.

Social thinking is so ingrained that it influences even our idle moments. The brain’s default network ensures that we constantly reflect on relationships and social dynamics, preparing us for future interactions.

This evolutionary focus on sociality explains why we’re so sensitive to rejection and why we derive so much joy from connection. It’s not just a preference – it’s a survival mechanism.

Examples

Babies rely on caregivers for survival, shaping their early development.
The default network activates during rest, focusing on social matters.
Social rejection triggers the same brain regions as physical pain.

In the workplace, social incentives often outperform financial ones. Recognizing employees’ contributions and fostering a sense of connection can significantly increase motivation and performance.

For example, reading letters from scholarship recipients boosted fundraisers’ motivation by 153%. This shows that connecting work to its social impact can inspire greater effort and commitment.

Companies that prioritize social incentives also see better results. Employees are more likely to go above and beyond when they feel valued and connected to their team.

Examples

Fundraisers increased donations by 153% after reading letters from scholarship recipients.
Employees valued symbolic rewards, like gold stars, over financial bonuses.
Teams with strong social bonds perform better and are more innovative.

Despite our social nature, modern life often undermines connection. Technology, busy schedules, and individualism have led to a decline in meaningful interactions.

This trend has serious consequences for mental health and happiness. Loneliness is linked to higher rates of depression and physical illness, highlighting the importance of rebuilding social ties.

Reversing this decline requires intentional effort. Prioritizing relationships, fostering community, and creating opportunities for connection can help us reclaim the social bonds that make life fulfilling.

Examples

Surveys show a decline in meaningful conversations over the past few decades.
Loneliness is associated with higher rates of depression and physical illness.
Community-building initiatives can restore social connection and improve well-being.

Takeaways

Prioritize relationships by scheduling regular time for meaningful conversations and activities with loved ones.
Use social incentives at work to motivate teams, such as recognizing contributions and connecting tasks to their broader impact.
Volunteer or join community groups to strengthen social bonds and boost personal happiness.