Introduction
Prince Harry's memoir "Spare" offers a unique and intimate glimpse into the life of one of the world's most famous royals. The title itself is revealing - a reference to Harry's position as the "spare" heir, second in line to the throne after his older brother William. This book provides Harry's perspective on growing up in the royal family, his struggles with mental health, his relationships, and ultimately his decision to step back from royal duties.
A Royal, Yet Abnormal Life
From the moment of his birth, Prince Harry's life was far from ordinary. His father, Prince Charles, allegedly remarked upon Harry's arrival, "Wonderful! Now there's an Heir and a Spare." This seemingly offhand comment would come to define much of Harry's existence within the royal family.
As a child, Harry quickly became aware of his role as the backup. He noticed that his father and brother, first and second in line to the throne, were never allowed to travel on the same flight for safety reasons. No such rules applied to Harry - the spare could be spared.
While Harry claims he didn't take offense at this designation, it's clear that his position in the family hierarchy had a profound impact on his sense of identity and purpose. As an adult looking back, he recognizes just how abnormal his upbringing truly was.
A Complicated Relationship with Prince Charles
Harry's relationship with his father, Prince Charles, was complex and often strained. Charles wasn't just Harry's father - he was also his boss and his banker, at least until Harry's departure from royal life. This unusual dynamic made it difficult for them to have a typical father-son bond.
That's not to say there weren't moments of tenderness between them. Harry fondly recalls his father comforting him as a child when he was afraid of the dark. Charles would sit by Harry's bed, gently tickling his face until he fell asleep. He always referred to Harry as his "darling boy," a term of endearment that stuck throughout their relationship.
However, for the most part, Charles was a distant parent who struggled with communication. Rather than expressing pride or affection face-to-face, he preferred to leave notes on Harry's pillow. Physical displays of affection were rare, a trait Charles seemed to have inherited from his own mother, Queen Elizabeth.
The Challenges of Royal Life
Growing up as a prince came with unique challenges that made it nearly impossible for Harry to lead a normal life. At school, armed bodyguards were stationed down the hall. As a teenager, they waited for him outside the pub. Every attempt at normalcy was thwarted by the constant presence of security personnel.
Even as an adult, Harry had to plan simple outings like trips to the supermarket with military precision. He would go in disguise, wearing a loose coat and low baseball cap, and vary his shopping times to avoid detection by the press. He even memorized the store layout to get in and out as quickly as possible.
This lack of freedom and privacy became a constant source of stress and frustration for Harry throughout his life. But nothing would impact him quite as profoundly as the tragic events of August 1997.
Coming to Terms with Diana's Death
Harry was just 12 years old when his father woke him in the middle of the night to deliver the devastating news: his mother, Princess Diana, had been in a car crash and didn't survive. In that moment, Harry recalls his father's words with crystal clarity: "She didn't make it."
The aftermath of Diana's death was a confusing and emotionally turbulent time for young Harry. He didn't cry immediately, which made him feel guilty when confronted with the outpouring of grief from strangers at the funeral. When he did finally break down in tears watching his mother's coffin descend, he felt embarrassed - crying went against the stoic family ethos.
For years, Harry clung to the belief that his mother wasn't really dead. He told himself she was in hiding or playing dead for some reason, and that one day she would reappear. This denial allowed him to cope with the loss, but it also prevented him from truly processing his grief.
It wasn't until Harry was an adult that he began to search for the truth about his mother's death. He requested access to the secret police files on the car crash, which included photos of the accident scene. For the first time, Harry saw images of the smashed car in the Paris tunnel and realized that some of the photos had been taken by paparazzi who continued to shoot even as Diana lay dying.
This revelation filled Harry with rage towards the photographers who had harassed his mother throughout her life and even in her final moments. But it still didn't provide the closure he sought.
That came unexpectedly during Harry's first visit to Paris in his early twenties. He asked his driver to take him through the tunnel where his mother's car had crashed. As they drove through twice, the reality of Diana's death finally sank in. She was truly gone.
However, this realization didn't end Harry's suffering. Instead, it marked the beginning of a new phase of pain. For years, he struggled with anxiety, panic attacks, and intense feelings of anger. It wasn't until his thirties that Harry finally began to heal through therapy.
In one particularly poignant therapy session, Harry brought a bottle of his mother's favorite perfume. As he inhaled the scent, memories came flooding back - including the sound of Diana's laughter, which he had struggled to recall for so long. For the first time, he cried tears of joy rather than sorrow.
The Relentless Pursuit by the Press
Given the circumstances of his mother's death, it's not surprising that Harry developed a deep-seated animosity towards the press. From his teenage years onward, Harry found himself constantly targeted by tabloids and paparazzi.
As a teen, false stories about Harry using drugs and cheating on school exams were splashed across the newspapers. While these accusations were completely fabricated, they left a lasting mark on his reputation.
Of course, not all the stories were lies. Harry's infamous decision to wear a Nazi uniform to a costume party was a genuine error in judgment that he deeply regretted. The intense media scrutiny that followed was a harsh lesson in the consequences of his actions as a public figure.
But even when Harry wasn't making headlines for his behavior, he couldn't escape the constant surveillance of photographers. He began to recognize individual paparazzi by sight because they followed him everywhere he went. The harassment became so unbearable that Harry sometimes asked his bodyguard to hide him in the trunk of the car when leaving clubs or pubs, just to avoid being photographed.
Harry's father, Prince Charles, advised him to simply ignore the papers. But this was easier said than done, especially considering Charles's own complicated relationship with the media. In a shocking revelation, Harry learned that his father's PR team had actually collaborated with a newspaper to publish the false story about Harry's drug use. This was done to improve Charles's own public image at a time when his reputation was suffering.
This betrayal by his own father's team was a painful reminder of the complex and often toxic relationship between the royal family and the press.
The Impact on Harry's Relationships
The constant media attention didn't just affect Harry - it also took a toll on his romantic relationships. Any woman he dated instantly became a target for paparazzi harassment.
One of Harry's girlfriends, Chelsy, discovered a tracking device on her car. The invasion of privacy was so intense that she ultimately decided she couldn't handle a lifetime of being stalked. Harry understood her decision, but it was frustrating to see his chances at a normal relationship repeatedly sabotaged by the press.
When Harry began dating American actress Meghan Markle in 2016, the media frenzy reached new heights. Racist and classist undertones permeated many of the stories about Meghan, with journalists making snide comments about her background and mixed-race heritage.
The harassment went beyond just negative press coverage. Meghan was followed relentlessly, as were her friends and family. Journalists camped outside her home, ringing the doorbell non-stop and terrorizing her dogs.
One particularly harrowing incident occurred when Meghan called Harry in tears while driving home from work in Ontario. She was being chased by five cars on icy roads, cutting her off and putting her life in danger. Harry, listening helplessly from London, was reminded of his mother's fatal car crash.
Even after Harry and Meghan married, the press intrusion continued unabated. When Meghan was pregnant with their first child, the constant harassment pushed her to a breaking point. Harry came home one day to find Meghan sobbing on the stairs, saying she didn't want to live anymore. The suicidal thoughts she experienced were a direct result of the relentless media persecution.
Despite this personal crisis, Harry and Meghan still had to maintain their public duties. That very night, they attended an event at the Royal Albert Hall in London. As they held hands in the darkened auditorium, Meghan silently wept, the weight of their situation bearing down on them both.
Lack of Support from the Royal Family
As the situation with the press grew increasingly dire, Harry was disappointed by the lack of support from his own family. When he and Meghan decided to take legal action against a newspaper for publishing a private letter, Harry expected his family to back their decision. Instead, his father and brother tried to talk him out of it, saying it wasn't the "done thing."
Harry went ahead with the lawsuit anyway, which led to a tense meeting with his father at Buckingham Palace. Charles told Harry that his legal action was damaging to the royal family's reputation. Harry defended himself, arguing that the lawsuit wouldn't have been necessary if the family had done more to protect him and Meghan from the relentless media attacks.
What hurt Harry the most was the family's silence in the face of hateful articles and social media abuse directed at him and Meghan. Despite their pleas for help, the royal family made no public or private statements in their defense.
Even more troubling, Harry began to suspect that certain family members were actually working with the press against him. This suspicion was reinforced when news of Harry and Meghan's decision to step back from royal duties was leaked to the media before they could make an official announcement. The leaked story included private details that only a handful of people within the royal circle could have known.
The Decision to Leave
In 2020, Harry and Meghan made the difficult decision to leave the UK and step away from their royal duties. The final details were hashed out in a meeting with the royal family, where Harry hoped to find a compromise that would allow them to retain their security protection.
However, the other family members pushed for an all-or-nothing approach - either remain full-time working royals with all the associated perks and responsibilities, or give it all up entirely. In the end, a deal was struck that allowed Harry and Meghan to keep their security, at least temporarily.
The palace released a statement announcing that Harry and Meghan would "step back" from formally representing the Queen. The media reaction was predictably outraged, with their actions described as "insults" and "crimes" against the monarchy.
Despite the backlash, Harry had no regrets about his decision. Two years later, living in California with Meghan and their two children, he knew he had made the right choice for his family's well-being.
Reflections on Family and Freedom
Looking back on his life, Harry recognizes a common thread running through most of his problems - the toxic relationship between the royal family and the press. The media's obsession with tormenting and dividing the royals had a profound impact on Harry's life and relationships.
While it's regrettable that Harry and Meghan felt compelled to leave the country, their departure also represents a kind of victory. Harry has finally broken free from the constraints of royal life and is living on his own terms.
Throughout his journey, there have been moments of triumph amidst the struggles. Harry has come to terms with the loss of his mother and found healing through therapy. He's found love with Meghan and started a family of his own - something that once seemed out of reach given the challenges of his public life.
Harry's feelings towards his royal relatives remain complex. He loves them, of course, and always will. But he can't help wishing they had been there for him during some of the darkest moments of his life.
The Impact of Being "The Spare"
Throughout the book, Harry grapples with his identity as "the spare" heir. This designation, which seemed almost comical at his birth, came to define much of his existence within the royal family.
As a child, Harry accepted his role without question. He understood that his father and brother's lives were more valuable in terms of the monarchy's succession. There were no special rules or precautions for Harry's safety - he was, quite literally, expendable.
This realization had a profound impact on Harry's sense of self-worth and purpose. While he didn't resent his brother for being the heir, he often felt directionless and struggled to find his place within the royal family and in the wider world.
The "spare" label also affected how others treated Harry. He was often seen as the wild child, the rebel prince who could afford to take risks because the weight of the crown would never fall on his shoulders. This perception both liberated and constrained him, allowing him certain freedoms while also pigeonholing him into a particular role.
As an adult, Harry began to question the fairness and logic of this system. Why should accident of birth determine one's entire life path and value to the family? This questioning eventually contributed to his decision to step away from royal duties and forge his own path.
The Shadow of Diana
Princess Diana's presence - and absence - looms large throughout Harry's memoir. Her tragic death when Harry was just 12 years old shaped the course of his entire life.
In the immediate aftermath of Diana's passing, Harry struggled to process his grief. The public nature of his loss made it even more difficult to come to terms with. He was forced to walk behind his mother's coffin in front of millions of onlookers, his private pain on display for the world to see.
For years, Harry clung to the belief that his mother might still be alive. This denial allowed him to avoid fully confronting the reality of her death. It wasn't until he was in his twenties that he finally accepted the truth, triggering a new wave of grief and mental health struggles.
Diana's death also profoundly affected Harry's relationship with the press. Knowing that paparazzi had chased his mother's car in her final moments filled him with rage and resentment towards the media. This animosity would only grow as he experienced his own battles with invasive journalists and photographers.
At the same time, Harry strove to honor his mother's memory and continue her charitable work. He speaks fondly of the moments when strangers would approach him to share how Diana had touched their lives. These encounters helped him feel connected to his mother even years after her death.
As he grew older, Harry also began to recognize traits of Diana in himself - her compassion, her desire to help others, and her willingness to challenge the status quo. In many ways, his decision to step back from royal duties and prioritize his own family's well-being echoes Diana's own struggles against the constraints of royal life.
Mental Health Struggles
A significant portion of Harry's memoir is devoted to his battles with mental health. The trauma of losing his mother at such a young age, combined with the pressures of royal life and constant media scrutiny, took a heavy toll on his emotional well-being.
For many years, Harry tried to ignore or suppress his feelings of grief, anxiety, and anger. He describes experiencing panic attacks and fits of rage that he couldn't explain or control. The expectation to maintain a stoic public facade only exacerbated these issues, as Harry felt unable to openly express his emotions or seek help.
It wasn't until his late twenties that Harry began to seriously address his mental health. Encouraged by his brother William, he started seeing a therapist. This marked a turning point in Harry's life, as he finally had a safe space to process his grief and trauma.
Therapy helped Harry confront the pain of losing his mother and come to terms with the realities of his unusual upbringing. He learned coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety and stress, and began to understand the root causes of his emotional struggles.
Harry's openness about his mental health journey is one of the most impactful aspects of his memoir. By sharing his experiences, he hopes to break down the stigma surrounding mental health issues and encourage others to seek help when they need it.
Finding Love with Meghan
Amidst the challenges and struggles, one of the brightest spots in Harry's story is his relationship with Meghan Markle. Their whirlwind romance and eventual marriage is described with genuine warmth and affection.
Harry portrays Meghan as a breath of fresh air in his life - someone who understood him on a deep level and encouraged him to be his authentic self. Her outsider perspective on the royal family and her own experiences as a successful actress gave her unique insight into the pressures Harry faced.
At the same time, Harry is candid about the challenges their relationship faced from the very beginning. The racist and sexist undertones in much of the media coverage of Meghan were deeply upsetting to Harry. He felt powerless to protect her from the onslaught of negative press and online abuse.
The couple's decision to step back from royal duties was largely motivated by their desire to protect their relationship and future family from the toxic environment they found themselves in. Harry describes the relief and sense of freedom they felt upon relocating to California and starting their new life together.
Throughout the memoir, it's clear that Meghan has been a source of strength and support for Harry. She encouraged him to continue his mental health journey and stood by him as he made the difficult decision to distance himself from his family and royal responsibilities.
The Royal Family's Relationship with the Media
One of the most revealing aspects of Harry's memoir is his insider perspective on the royal family's complex and often dysfunctional relationship with the media. He describes a system of quid pro quo, where family members and their staff would trade access or information in exchange for favorable coverage.
Harry was shocked to discover that his own father's team had been involved in planting negative stories about him in the press. This betrayal deeply hurt Harry and contributed to his growing disillusionment with the royal institution.
The book also sheds light on the internal competition between different royal households for positive media attention. Harry suggests that some family members were willing to throw others under the bus to improve their own public image. This cutthroat atmosphere created tension and mistrust within the family.
Harry's decision to sue certain newspapers marked a departure from the royal family's typical approach of not confronting the media directly. His family's disapproval of this action highlights the deep-rooted nature of their symbiotic relationship with the press.
The Weight of Royal Duty
Throughout his memoir, Harry grapples with the concept of royal duty and what it means to be a working member of the monarchy. He describes feeling torn between his desire to serve his country and make a positive impact, and his need for personal freedom and autonomy.
As a young man, Harry threw himself into his military career, finding purpose and camaraderie that had been lacking in his royal role. His time in the Army allowed him to feel like he was making a real contribution, rather than simply fulfilling ceremonial duties.
However, the demands of royal life often clashed with Harry's personal aspirations. He speaks of the frustration of having to cancel personal plans or cut short relationships due to his public responsibilities. The expectation to always put duty first took a toll on his mental health and personal happiness.
Harry's eventual decision to step back from royal duties was, in many ways, a rejection of this all-encompassing sense of duty. He came to believe that he could better serve causes he cared about and make a positive impact on the world outside of the constraints of the monarchy.
At the same time, Harry expresses guilt and sadness about leaving behind certain aspects of royal service. He speaks fondly of the charities and organizations he worked with, and the sense of purpose he derived from these endeavors.
The Future of the Monarchy
While "Spare" is primarily a personal memoir, Harry's experiences and observations raise larger questions about the future of the British monarchy. His criticisms of the institution - its outdated traditions, its toxic relationship with the press, its impact on the mental health of family members - suggest a need for significant reform.
Harry's departure, along with the controversies surrounding other family members, has undoubtedly shaken the monarchy's foundation. The book implies that without major changes, the institution may struggle to remain relevant and respected in the modern world.
At the same time, Harry's story is a reminder of the human cost of maintaining the monarchy. The pressure placed on royal family members, particularly those in the direct line of succession, is immense. Harry's experiences suggest that this pressure can be deeply damaging to individuals' mental health and personal relationships.
While Harry doesn't explicitly call for the abolition of the monarchy, his memoir does encourage readers to question the value and purpose of the institution in contemporary society.
Reconciliation and the Path Forward
As "Spare" draws to a close, Harry reflects on his current relationship with his family and his hopes for the future. While he expresses love for his father and brother, it's clear that significant hurt and mistrust remain.
Harry seems open to the possibility of reconciliation, but he also stands firm in his decision to prioritize his own family's well-being over royal obligations. He hopes that time and distance will help heal some of the wounds, but he's also realistic about the challenges of bridging the divide.
The memoir ends on a note of cautious optimism. Harry has found happiness and purpose in his new life with Meghan and their children. While he carries the weight of his past experiences, he's also looking forward to building a future on his own terms.
Harry's story is ultimately one of personal growth and self-discovery. From the "spare" prince struggling to find his place, to a man willing to walk away from everything he's ever known in pursuit of a healthier, happier life, Harry's journey is both uniquely royal and universally relatable.
Conclusion
"Spare" offers an unprecedented look into the inner workings of the British royal family through the eyes of one of its most controversial members. Prince Harry's candid reflections on his life as "the spare," his struggles with mental health, his complicated family relationships, and his battle against the invasive press paint a picture of a man torn between duty and self-preservation.
The memoir challenges many of the public's preconceptions about royal life, revealing the heavy personal toll of living in the public eye. It also raises important questions about the role of the monarchy in modern society and the ethical implications of the media's obsession with royal affairs.
Ultimately, "Spare" is a story of resilience and self-discovery. Despite the trauma, loss, and public scrutiny he has endured, Harry has found a way to forge his own path and prioritize his own well-being and that of his family. His willingness to break with tradition and speak openly about his experiences may well pave the way for change within the royal institution and in society's approach to mental health.
While opinions on Harry's actions and decisions will undoubtedly remain divided, his memoir offers valuable insight into the human cost of royal duty and the courage required to challenge the status quo. Whether you view him as a rebel prince or a man simply trying to protect his family, Harry's story is a compelling reminder of the complexity of human experience, even within the rarefied world of royalty.