Spare

"Darling boy, Mummy was in a car crash. She didn't make it." How does a life defined by public scrutiny, loss, and familial duty shape a prince who chooses love and freedom over tradition?

1: Being "The Spare" Came with a Unique Identity and Role

From the moment Prince Harry was born, his role as "the Spare" to his brother William, the heir, was made clear. His father, Prince Charles, jokingly remarked, "Wonderful! Now there’s an Heir and a Spare," a sentiment that shaped Harry's identity within the royal family. While he accepted this second-tier position in his youth, its implications haunted him into adulthood.

Growing up, Harry observed how the "Spare" was treated differently. Simple decisions, like flight arrangements, were based on protecting the line of succession. Harry could fly alone with little concern, while William was under stringent protection. Despite some tender moments with his father, their relationship was distant and transactional—Charles was as much a boss and banker as he was a dad.

Harry's efforts for normalcy were often thwarted by his royal status. At an early age, his life strayed far from what others would call ordinary. He was closely guarded at school and followed even during trivial outings. His attempts at small freedoms—wearing disguises to grocery shop—only highlighted how restricted his world was by circumstance and public interest.

Examples

• Prince Charles's offhand comment at Harry’s birth emphasized his "back-up" status in the royal hierarchy.
• Harry was allowed to fly freely without the same safety reservations placed on his brother.
• Even his rare moments of grocery shopping required extensive planning and disguises to escape attention.

2: Diana's Death Deeply Marked Harry's Childhood and Beyond

At just 12, Harry experienced a life-altering tragedy: his mother Diana’s death in a car crash. His father broke the devastating news without a hug, emphasizing a family norm of emotional restraint. The funeral was equally surreal for Harry, who was forced to greet countless grieving strangers.

For years, Harry didn't accept her death. He held onto the belief that she was in hiding and would one day reappear. This denial provided fleeting comfort but delayed his healing. As he grew older, his search for answers led him to examine police reports and photos of the crash scene. Seeing paparazzi flashes in the images filled him with anger—they had pursued Diana even in her dying moments.

A breakthrough came later in therapy, where Harry allowed himself to reconnect with his mother's memory. Using her favorite perfume, he summoned the sound of her laughter, which brought him both joy and healing tears. After years of wrestling with his loss, Harry began to find reconciliation with her memory.

Examples

• At Diana’s funeral, Harry struggled to match the grief of strangers as he processed his own feelings.
• He examined private police files to understand the nature of her death and the paparazzi's role.
• A therapy session with Diana’s perfume helped him relive positive memories of her.

3: Media Scrutiny Defined Harry's Life from a Young Age

The media's fixation on Harry began early and never subsided, transforming even normal teenage antics into damning tabloid fodder. By his mid-teens, fabricated stories about drugs and cheating at school tarnished his reputation. While some stories were baseless, Harry's public image also suffered when real missteps were exposed, like wearing a Nazi costume to a party.

The relentless presence of paparazzi made escape impossible. Harry would even hide in car trunks to avoid the cameras hounding him outside clubs. The media fabricated stories to gain headlines, damaging Harry’s relationship with his father, who was unwilling—or sometimes complicit—in allowing distorted narratives to circulate.

Prince Charles once approved a false rumor about Harry’s drug use to boost his own image as a struggling single father. This betrayal by his own family left scars that deepened over time, contributing to Harry’s eventual departure from royal life.

Examples

• False tabloid allegations accused Harry of drug abuse and school misconduct.
• The Nazi costume incident exemplified Harry’s lack of foresight and its brutal public fallout.
• Prince Charles cooperated with editors to publish damaging stories to rehabilitate his own public image.

4: Love Came with Inescapable Challenges from Public Scrutiny

Dating under constant surveillance proved exceptionally challenging for Harry and his partners. Girlfriend Chelsy Davy, for instance, discovered a tracking device on her car and ultimately ended the relationship because she couldn’t take the endless attention.

Things reached a boiling point in 2016 when Harry began dating Meghan Markle. The press not only subjected Meghan to extreme harassment but introduced a racist narrative into their coverage, denigrating her heritage and speculating about royal children with mixed-race ancestry. Meghan’s friends and family were also targeted, and she became increasingly overwhelmed by ceaseless invasions of privacy.

A harrowing moment came when Meghan cried over the phone to Harry while being chased by paparazzi in icy Canadian weather. That danger reminded Harry of Diana’s death and showed how much Meghan’s life mirrored his mother’s tragedy.

Examples

• Chelsy Davy experienced stalking so pervasive that she ultimately ended her relationship with Harry.
• Tabloids described Meghan’s heritage disparagingly as “rich and exotic DNA.”
• Meghan was physically endangered by paparazzi while being followed in Canada.

5: Meghan's Mental Health Struggled under Media Pressure

The relentless negativity Meghan faced deeply affected her mental health. By 2018, when she was newly married and pregnant, it became unbearable. Meghan revealed to Harry that she had thoughts of ending her life due to the pressure and harassment. The royal family's apparent indifference to their distress compounded this anguish.

Though shaken, Meghan endured public appearances despite her internal struggle. On one such night, after crying at home, she composed herself for an engagement at the Royal Albert Hall with Harry. It was a facade painfully maintained amidst their darkest hour. Ultimately, this moment solidified Harry’s determination to protect Meghan and their future family.

Examples

• Pregnant Meghan found herself crying on the stairs, overwhelmed by tabloid harassment.
• Meghan openly expressed suicidal ideation at the height of media bullying in 2018.
• Despite her distress, she continued to fulfill royal engagements, such as the Royal Albert Hall visit.

6: Lack of Support from the Royal Family Drove Harry to Leave

Throughout the ordeal, Harry felt unsupported by his own family. Requests for intervention against hostile press articles were rebuffed, leaving Harry and Meghan to fend for themselves. Even when Meghan faced blatant racism, the royal family remained silent, maintaining their tradition of not commenting on media coverage.

Certain members of the family also cooperated with the press for their own benefits, worsening Harry’s sense of betrayal. A critical document—Harry’s private letter about stepping back from responsibilities—was leaked before he and Meghan could announce their decision, further eroding their trust in the institution.

These repeated letdowns led Harry to ultimately remove himself and Meghan from the royal fold, believing it was the only way to ensure safety and sanity for his family.

Examples

• Royal figures ignored Harry’s pleas to address racist media coverage of Meghan.
• Meghan learned her private letter was leaked by someone with inside access in the Palace.
• Harry realized his family prioritized their image over protecting their loved ones.

7: Stepping Back Was a Deliberate and Painful Decision

Walking away from royal duties wasn't a rash choice—it involved years of reflection and failed compromise. Harry aimed to find middle ground, stepping back without fully renouncing his royal identity. However, his suggestion of part-time duties was rejected, forcing him to choose between all-in or all-out.

Ultimately, Harry and Meghan viewed their exit as necessary for self-preservation. They accepted the loss of royal privileges but negotiated for continued security, which they deemed vital. Their departure was widely criticized at home, but Harry found solace knowing he was protecting himself, Meghan, and their children.

Examples

• Harry proposed part-time royal work, only for it to be firmly rejected during negotiations.
• Leaks from the Palace complicated their departure, framing it as a personal affront to tradition.
• Harry traded royal backing for the freedom and safety he wanted for his young family.

8: Therapy Helped Harry Reclaim Emotional Balance

Harry credits therapy as an essential tool for processing his complicated emotions. When he began therapy in his thirties, he was able to confront repressed memories, especially those around his mother’s death, and articulate feelings long kept buried in the royal upbringing of emotional detachment.

Beyond healing himself, therapy helped Harry manage his responsibilities as a husband and father amid challenging circumstances. This growth made him more resilient and better equipped to navigate life outside of royal protocols.

Examples

• The tactile experience of smelling Diana’s perfume during therapy brought back vivid, joyful memories.
• Therapy provided tools to confront rage at incessant press coverage.
• Enhanced emotional intelligence helped Harry support Meghan during mental health struggles.

9: Freedom in California Brought a New Beginning

Living in California offered the fresh start Harry and Meghan desperately needed. Away from the royal fold and British tabloids, they could focus on their family and charitable work. This new life symbolized Harry's departure from expectations that bound him from childhood.

Harry embraced a proactive approach to privacy and defining public narratives, joining Meghan in spearheading human rights and mental health initiatives. Although estranged from parts of his family, Harry felt confident in building a meaningful legacy on his own terms.

Examples

• Moving to California allowed them to establish financial and personal independence.
• Their new freedom empowered causes like mental health awareness and anti-racism.
• Privacy became a central value in building a safe environment for their children.

Takeaways

1. Prioritize mental health by initiating therapy or open conversations to process unresolved trauma.
2. Advocate for yourself, even when facing systems resistant to change. Protect your boundaries unapologetically.
3. Build life on your terms, seeking environments that align with your values and mental well-being.