Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered Summary

Kindness is great, but sometimes, you've got to say 'fuck politeness' to protect your well-being.

1. Own Your Voice and Protect Yourself

Many women grow up equating politeness with acceptance, but Karen and Georgia stress the importance of standing your ground when your instincts tell you something is off. Georgia recounts how the feminist punk movement Riot Grrrl empowered her to assert herself and embrace her voice as a strong woman. However, even with tools of empowerment, not every situation leads to perfect actions.

Georgia shares her story of a frightening encounter with a man named Lawrence, who lured her to a secluded location under the guise of photography. Though she felt something was wrong, she ignored her instincts to "be nice." Ultimately, her fear proved well-founded, though she escaped unharmed. This experience taught her the need to practice self-advocacy without placing blame on herself or others when fear limits action.

Learning to advocate for oneself takes time and mistakes. Georgia highlights that nobody is perfect in threatening situations. The message is simple: trust your gut, but acknowledge that failure to act doesn’t make a bad outcome your fault.

Examples

• Riot Grrrl inspired Georgia to pour a drink on the floor when pressured by a stranger.
• Her intimidating experience with Lawrence showed the importance of instincts.
• Therapy helped her let go of internal guilt for not reacting differently.

2. True Self-Care Goes Beyond Daily Routines

The modern self-care trend often focuses on surface-level improvements like yoga or clean eating. For Karen, self-care goes deeper—it's about nurturing relationships, managing mental health, and seeking therapy. She realized her tendency to overshare and gossip was a toxic pattern that needed correction.

Karen found therapy crucial in understanding the importance of authentic relationships. A friend, Laura, gave her a powerful reality check when Karen was obsessing over an unrequited romantic interest. This blunt moment demonstrated the strength of close friendships over superficial ones.

The big takeaway: self-care includes surrounding yourself with genuine people who want you to grow. Therapy and meaningful friendships can break damaging cycles of self-sabotage or obsessiveness.

Examples

• Karen sought therapy when she noticed unproductive and blame-filled habits.
• Friend Laura gave her a reality check when she was in a cycle of romantic obsession.
• Therapy helped Karen focus on the positive aspects of her friendships.

3. Family Support Bridges Gaps During Tough Times

Georgia reflects on her shoplifting phase as a teen, driven by feelings of inadequacy from growing up in a struggling single-parent household. Her arrest for stealing cheap earrings at a mall was a critical learning experience, but her father’s reaction left a deeper impression.

Instead of punishment, her father supported her, picking her up from the store and crying alongside her. This incident proved how family provides a foundation during difficult moments, no matter how rebellious or troubled someone might seem.

Over time, Georgia’s relationship with her family taught her the lasting value of forgiveness and unconditional love, which became pivotal as she navigated adult life.

Examples

• Georgia shoplifted to fit in with wealthier peers, showcasing a rebellious streak.
• Her father prioritized love over judgment when he bailed her out of trouble.
• The incident taught her the importance of being there for loved ones, flaws and all.

4. Cultivate Enthusiasms, No Matter How Odd

Karen and Georgia didn’t stumble upon true crime as a mere topic—it was a lifelong passion. Georgia’s fascination started with Stephen King novels and Ted Bundy biographies. While others saw her interests as eerie, she eventually embraced them as part of herself.

When Georgia met Karen at a Halloween party, their mutual enthusiasm for crime stories was instant. They bonded over analyzing dark themes, realizing their so-called weirdness had the power to foster connections and even turn into a wildly successful career.

This serves as a reminder: your quirks and interests can lead to meaningful friendships or opportunities if you openly share them.

Examples

• Georgia’s early obsession started with King’s "Pet Sematary" and grew with Ted Bundy’s biography.
• Karen and Georgia connected over the HBO documentary "The Staircase."
• Their fascination ultimately led to their popular podcast, "My Favorite Murder."

5. Therapy Provides Tools, Not Taboos

For Georgia, therapy has been a lifelong practice that played a transformative role in her life. Diagnosed with anxiety, ADHD, and depression, she views these labels as tools rather than burdens. Therapy became a means of managing her diagnoses and prevented them from affecting her work or social life.

Rather than fearing the label of laziness, therapy taught Georgia that action mattered more than motivation. Simply showing up, whether for the gym or a difficult task, often gets the job done when motivation lacks.

For some, the stigma around professional help remains a barrier. Georgia’s message: finding the right therapist might take trial and error, but it’s worth the effort.

Examples

• Georgia started therapy at age six after her parents divorced.
• Labeling her ADHD helped her take preventive steps to manage behaviors.
• A life coach’s advice to “just show up” shifted her perspective on procrastination.

6. Work Teaches Resilience and Self-Reliance

Karen’s journey to stand-up comedy wasn’t glamorous. She juggled several jobs, from serving yogurt to folding clothes at Gap, each experience leaving her with hard-learned lessons. While fired from the yogurt store for “unprofessional conduct,” facing financial difficulties at Gap inspired her to put all focus into her dream career.

She emphasizes that financial independence fosters personal safety. Learning to provide for yourself ensures that you don’t stay stuck in unhealthy relationships or situations for dependency’s sake.

Karen’s humorous retelling of her past reveals the importance of taking both big goals and day-to-day responsibilities seriously.

Examples

• Karen’s eating disorder complicated her yogurt shop job but taught her self-awareness.
• A low-paying Gap job gave her motivation to get serious about comedy.
• Despite being fired, her work ethic built resilience for future successes.

7. Blame the Criminal, Not the Victim

One of Karen and Georgia’s biggest lessons came from learning how victim-blaming seeps into crime analysis. Initially, their podcast suggested ways that victims might have protected themselves. Listener feedback forced them to rethink this narrative.

Karen recalls the story of her friend’s mother almost encountering the Scarborough Rapist. This highlighted how living everyday life doesn’t make someone complicit in their victimization. Instead, society’s focus should be on identifying harmful behaviors early rather than policing victims’ choices.

By shifting their approach, Karen and Georgia emphasize systemic fixes over judgment, reframing crime stories with greater empathy.

Examples

• The Scarborough Rapist case showcased unfair curfews targeted at women.
• Karen’s friend’s mother’s story underscored the randomness of being targeted.
• Critiques from listeners helped Karen and Georgia reassess how they told crime stories.

8. Friendships Can Spur Self-Awareness

Karen discovered that genuine friends challenge you to grow. When Laura stopped indulging Karen’s repeated unrequited love complaints, it was a wake-up call. This moment solidified what Karen considers the critical measure of a friend: honesty paired with care.

Strong friendships also reveal patterns in your behavior, allowing you to change for the better. Karen stresses nurturing relationships where growth and authenticity can thrive, rather than just surface-level niceties.

Boundaries in friendships ensure you give as much positivity as you take.

Examples

• Laura’s intervention transformed Karen’s perspective on choice and self-respect.
• Therapy reinforced Karen’s understanding of authentic friendships.
• Close connections motivated her openness about personal challenges.

9. Laugh Through the Darkness

Comedy and dark topics go hand in hand for Karen and Georgia. Through their personal hurdles and terrifying true crime episodes, humor became their coping mechanism. It doesn’t trivialize difficult subjects; instead, it acknowledges complexity while making heavy discussions approachable.

Karen teaches that finding humor in hard situations can offer lightness and community. This doesn’t erase the pain, but it makes survival more bearable.

Their advice? Don’t be afraid to use humor to process fear—just do it thoughtfully.

Examples

• Humor transformed tragic true crime tales into accessible podcast episodes.
• Karen’s comedy career taught her resilience in the face of failure.
• Shared laughter helped them bond and tackle difficult topics.

Takeaways

1. Trust your instincts, and practice self-advocacy with patience.
2. Build and nurture friendships that prioritize honesty and positivity.
3. Seek therapy as a tool for self-improvement and perspective.