Stop Checking Your Likes Summary

“What if your self-worth wasn't tied to the opinions, criticisms, or approval of others? Learn to create a life driven from within, not one dependent on likes or shares.”

1. Criticism is more about them than you

Understanding that criticisms often reflect the critic’s biases changes how we process them. People tend to project their own insecurities and worldview onto others, making their judgment less about you and more about themselves. For instance, an online comment about your choices might stem from their own unexamined fears or opinions.

Reframing criticism this way can lower its emotional impact. Confident individuals recognize that mistakes or perceived flaws don’t define them. These are temporary situations, not permanent labels. When you detach from emotional reactions, criticism becomes easier to handle.

Instead of reacting, take a moment to process criticism in a neutral way. Writing your feelings down, without confronting the critic, helps release negative emotions. Adopting humor or lightly agreeing with criticism, such as responding with, “You might be right,” can deflate the tension for both parties.

Examples

• Someone criticizes your work presentation—it may stem from their need to feel superior.
• A relative judges your lifestyle choices; their opinion reflects their own experiences, not universal truths.
• A stranger comments on your appearance online; their judgment says more about societal standards they’ve absorbed than about you.

2. Negative beliefs are rarely factual

Negative thoughts often derive from assumptions rather than facts. For instance, thinking, “I’m not good enough,” is likely based on irrational fears rather than evidence. This skewed thinking builds a distorted view of reality.

Questioning these beliefs is the first step to breaking their grip. Are you truly underqualified for that promotion, or are you assuming so without facts? Is your body really “too big,” or is it functioning and healthy despite the societal pressures to look a certain way? Examining these thoughts brings clarity.

Seneca, the Roman philosopher, likened challenges in life to comedy; laughing at yourself or a situation erodes its weight. This mindset allows us to face difficulties without letting them overwhelm us. Reframing your perspective injects moments of levity even in serious situations.

Examples

• Challenging “I’ll never save enough money”: Look at your ability to meet daily expenses or build a practical plan.
• Countering “My body isn’t great”: Shift focus to health and strength, rather than appearance.
• Laughing after dropping a plate instead of spiraling into blaming yourself reminds you mistakes are part of life.

3. Focus on what’s missing, not what’s wrong

Obstacles can overshadow what’s truly important. Instead of dwelling on problems, ask, “What’s missing here?”. This approach leads to fresh perspectives and creative solutions. In identifying voids—rather than flaws—you unleash potential for growth.

Doing a personal audit helps uncover unmet desires. Write down the dreams you’ve held back and things you secretly want. Reviewing this list may reveal recurring themes, like a yearning for connection or a passion for traveling.

Starting small leads to large shifts. Perhaps you realize a lack of adventure in your life. Commit to trying one new thing, whether it’s exploring a nearby park or signing up for a class. These steps bring clarity and fulfillment, while avoiding overwhelm.

Examples

• Feeling uninspired at work could mean you’re missing creativity. Pursue a hobby like photography.
• Longing for quiet moments can signal a need to reprioritize self-care over busy schedules.
• A desire to travel could be fulfilled with a day-trip instead of waiting for an expensive vacation.

4. Learn to both give and receive

Life is a balance between giving and receiving. Yet many struggle to accept help, rooted in feelings of unworthiness. Recognizing that everyone is entitled to support can transform how you view yourself and others.

Graciously receiving a favor—like someone holding the door for you—fosters connection and mutual respect. It’s not about dependency, but about allowing others to share kindness with you. The exchange is part of an energy flow that keeps the world functioning harmoniously, as highlighted by Deepak Chopra’s philosophy.

Start practicing by requesting small favors. Whether it’s assistance with a task or a compliment, notice how often others are willing to help. Embracing support doesn’t diminish your independence; instead, it acknowledges the beauty of human interaction.

Examples

• Asking a friend to proofread your email instead of hesitating to bother them.
• Letting someone else handle dinner when you feel overwhelmed reminds you to step back.
• Accepting kind gestures like a compliment without deflecting builds your worthiness muscle.

5. Gratitude reframes stress

Daily life often feels overwhelming, but a simple mindset shift can turn chores into privileges. By renaming your "to-dos" as "get-to-dos," you can begin to appreciate the opportunity embedded in even mundane tasks.

For example, rather than begrudging your early alarm to start work, reframe it as gratitude for having a job that offers stability. Even struggles like burning dinner can remind you of shared moments with loved ones. This gratitude grounds you in the present, reducing stress.

Break tasks down to essentials when facing pressure. During a big work project, ask, “What truly matters here?” Focusing only on necessary points can calm nerves and simplify action steps.

Examples

• Shift “I have to exercise” to “I get to exercise because my body is able.”
• Instead of hating public speaking, focus on sharing one key message and engaging naturally.
• When cleaning the house feels endless, appreciate it as a sign of your home providing safety.

6. Manage responses, not situations

You can’t control everything, but you can control how you respond. Viewing life’s difficulties as passing moments helps release their power over you. You’re not defined by discomfort or embarrassment; they’re fleeting and subject to how much weight you assign them.

Tactics like remaining defenseless in criticism—by humorously agreeing or diffusing tension—allow you to stay calm. Processing feelings through quiet reflection, such as journaling or venting privately, prevents unnecessary conflict.

This approach not only protects peace of mind, but also maintains healthier relationships. Creating this space between reaction and action reshapes interactions with everyone around you.

Examples

• Responding to harsh feedback with, “Thank you for your input,” neutralizes tension.
• Writing unsent letters about frustrations clarifies emotions while avoiding drama.
• Keeping calm during transportation delays reduces unnecessary stress.

7. Life unfolds now, not in the future

Success is often seen as something that guarantees happiness, but real happiness grows from enjoying the present. The “perfect” future doesn’t exist if you delay joy today. Instead, recognize life as it happens.

Living in the moment begins with small acts of mindfulness. Appreciate your morning coffee or enjoy time spent with family, without distraction. These moments are what make life meaningful—success or milestones come second.

Choosing laughter over despair brings lightness to experiences. This isn’t about avoiding pain, but about finding moments to shake off seriousness and create joy.

Examples

• Savoring a cup of tea rather than rushing keeps you present during the simplest joys.
• Sharing a laugh after spilling something reminds you mistakes are natural.
• Cooking with loved ones brings focus back to relationships, not outcomes.

8. Doing less can mean gaining more

Balancing life doesn’t have to mean doing everything at once. Scaling back commitments or focusing only on the essentials reduces overwhelm. Whether it’s fewer social events or resetting health goals to manageable levels, simplicity is key.

Work smarter, not harder. Focus on tasks that matter most rather than stretching yourself thin. By limiting effort to clear priorities, you achieve better results while feeling more capable.

Applying this principle to relationships fosters stronger bonds by turning selective attention into more meaningful encounters. Saying yes to fewer demands gives space for deeper, genuine connection.

Examples

• Lower social obligations by setting one night a week as downtime.
• Improve public speaking by distilling content into a few memorable points.
• Focus workouts on consistency rather than intensity; what you can sustain matters more.

9. Stress' impact is smaller than imagined

We often overestimate how much challenges will affect us. In reality, most fears about failing or being judged pale once the moment passes. By resisting overplanning or overthinking, you can embrace opportunities to handle situations calmly.

Even mistakes or adverse outcomes don’t ruin everything. Life goes on—and often brings new lessons. Fretting beforehand robs you of time and energy better spent on enjoying the present.

Laughing, scripting realistic plans, and facing events with curiosity reduce pressure. If things go wrong, treat it as an experiment to learn.

Examples

• The anxiety over a presentation usually decreases after the first few minutes.
• Worrying over a traffic ticket diminishes when addressed step-by-step.
• Following a wrong cooking recipe becomes a story rather than a disaster.

Takeaways

1. Challenge your automatic negative thoughts: Are they facts or assumptions?
2. Make small but meaningful changes by focusing on what’s personally missing.
3. Reframe responsibilities with a gratitude mindset, turning tasks into privileges.