Surprise

Surprise is the spark of life; it peels away our expectations and reveals the unexpected beauty of the unknown.

1. Surprise is a Product of the Brain's Predictive Nature

The brain is always busy predicting what's coming next, and surprise occurs when it fails to do so. This natural malfunction is not only instantaneous but also intentional, driven by evolutionary needs. The surprise response ensured the survival of our ancestors in a precarious world filled with threats and fast decisions.

When you're surprised, your brain goes through a specific sequence. First, there's a freeze moment where all focus shifts to the surprising object or event. Next, your brain pieces together clues in the environment during the "find" phase to identify what has occurred. The "shift" phase alters your understanding of your environment, recalibrating what you expect moving forward. Lastly, the "share" phase reduces mental strain as you process the event by discussing it with others.

For example:

• Prehistoric humans needed quick reactions to predators lurking in bushes.
• A surprise birthday party triggers the "duh" face, followed by a realization of your friends' intentions.
• Sharing your reaction to a movie's surprising twist helps make sense of it.

2. Balancing Predictability and Surprise is a Constant Human Struggle

Our daily lives oscillate between the need for stability and the yearning for unpredictability. Predictability provides comfort, but too much of it breeds boredom. Surprise, on the other hand, pumps excitement into our lives yet can bring anxiety if overly intense.

Modern life amplifies this tug-of-war. On one hand, apps and schedules ensure we arrive where we need to, when we need to. On the other hand, such rigid structures can leave us craving unexpected events. Some people even seek predictability from psychics, proving our tolerance for uncertainty has boundaries.

For example:

• A busy parent who relies on routines may eagerly daydream about impromptu weekend getaways.
• Structured work schedules can feel stifling, yet completely chaotic workplaces can lead to burnout.
• The popularity of reality TV stems from its combination of comfort (same format) and excitement (unexpected drama).

3. Resilience Helps You Handle Life's Unpleasant Surprises

Not all surprises are welcome. However, building resilience helps you manage adversity without losing the joy of positive surprises. Resilience can transform life’s toughest challenges into opportunities for growth and change.

To cultivate resilience, you need a strong foundation, like a supportive community. Another way is reframing difficulties to highlight hidden advantages. Struggling toward goals while embracing failure also strengthens your problem-solving skills and your emotional grit. And sometimes, surprises steer you in new directions you wouldn't have otherwise considered.

For example:

• Neighbors facing a natural disaster find support by leaning on one another.
• A cancer patient who loses their hair embraces wigs as a chance for playful self-expression.
• A dancer with an injury switches careers and becomes a renowned saw musician.

4. Vulnerability Opens Doors to Embracing the Unknown

Vulnerability isn't weakness; it's a strength that allows you to embrace life's unpredictability. When you open yourself to uncertainty, it becomes easier to accept and even celebrate surprises. Letting go of control fosters new connections and personal growth.

Raghava KK, a TED speaker, experienced this firsthand. By exposing his emotional side on stage, he evoked admiration from an initially cold and distant room. His openness broke down barriers, creating goodwill and a memorable experience.

For example:

• Sharing mistakes at work can build trust among teammates.
• Taking risks in love by being honest about your feelings can deepen connections.
• Authentically expressing emotions during public speaking engages audiences effectively.

5. Engineering Delightful Surprises Strengthens Joy and Connection

Creating small, delightful surprises can light up someone’s day—and your own. Planning thoughtful surprises doesn’t just feel good, it also encourages social bonding and goodwill in relationships, whether personal or professional.

For instance, one hotel improved its reputation with complimentary treats for guests. These unexpected gestures inspired guests to share their joy with others, creating a ripple of satisfaction that strengthened business. Surprises focused on sensory and emotional experiences amplify their impact.

For example:

• Free coffee at your usual café feels like a warm, personal gesture.
• A themed party with interactive experiences enhances guests’ enjoyment.
• Surprise notes or small gifts can elevate a romantic relationship.

6. Healthy Relationships Benefit from Both Familiarity and Mystery

Balanced relationships thrive on both predictability and otherness. Familiar routines foster security, while surprising one another sustains passion and interest. Allowing room for surprise keeps relationships vibrant.

Psychologist Esther Perel highlights that romantic partners often feel connected when there’s a mix of stability and unpredictability. Too much routine can dampen curiosity, whereas a healthy dose of charm, confidence, and spontaneity reignites desire.

For example:

• A couple who shares daily rituals yet plans unplanned road trips maintains excitement.
• Introducing a new hobby to a long-standing friendship brings fresh energy.
• Allowing yourself to grow individually within a relationship prevents stagnation.

7. Seek Novelty to Rediscover the Thrill of the Unexpected

Surprise yourself by stepping outside your routine. Novelty and new experiences ignite the brain’s dopamine reward system and naturally trigger surprise phases like "find" and "shift." This can reinvigorate your perspective and spark unexpected joy.

You can find novelty by exploring new hobbies or meeting diverse groups. Expanding what you know or believe about the world fosters appreciation for its unpredictability.

For example:

• Take a cooking class to learn a different cuisine.
• Participate in an unfamiliar cultural celebration.
• Switch up your weekly commute route to discover hidden gems.

8. Awe Sparks Life-Changing, Mind-Expanding Moments of Surprise

Awe, a profound form of surprise, pushes boundaries of comprehension. Whether gazing at the star-filled night sky or witnessing inspiring human achievements, awe reminds us of life's mystery and grandeur.

Seeking awe enriches your experience of surprise by adding wonder and curiosity. Whether through nature, art, or science, awe leaves people feeling connected to something larger than themselves.

For example:

• Watching a meteor shower leaves us pondering the universe's vastness.
• Seeing a ballet performance inspires admiration for human skill and resilience.
• Visiting a historical site makes history feel both alive and incomprehensible.

9. Harnessing Surprise Unlocks Creativity and Productivity

Surprise shakes up preconceived ideas, encouraging fresh thinking. Incorporating surprise into your work and routine can ignite creativity and productivity, whether through brainstorming techniques or introducing unexpected challenges.

By breaking predictability, you solve situations with ingenuity instead of sticking to the same patterns, unlocking untapped potential in projects or ideas.

For example:

• Writers use surprise prompts to overcome creative blocks.
• Managers surprise employees with team challenges to boost workplace morale.
• Incorporating unpredictable plot twists enlivens storytelling or filmmaking.

Takeaways

1. Lean into unfamiliar situations. Actively seek novelty by traveling, meeting new people, or trying unexplored activities.
2. Engineer moments of joy. Start small—write an uplifting note or give an unexpected gift to strengthen your relationships.
3. Redefine vulnerability. Show your authentic self, even in difficult situations, to create stronger human connections and access personal growth.