The Art of Living Alone and Loving It Summary

Living alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. It can be one of the most fulfilling and empowering experiences of your life if you take control and embrace it.

1. Embrace Living Alone as an Opportunity

Living alone can initially feel daunting, but it’s an opportunity to redefine your life on your own terms. After her divorce, Jane Mathews discovered that many societal norms and expectations made her feel inadequate as someone who lived alone. But rather than letting this define her, she found ways to celebrate her independence.

Society often stigmatizes those who live alone, especially women, linking solitude with failure. Mathews counters this narrative by highlighting the growing demographic of solo living—almost 300 million people globally. She encourages shifting the mindset from “living alone” to “living with yourself” to focus on personal growth and joy.

Living alone doesn’t mean a lack of connection. Instead, it’s a chance to explore who you are without compromise. Recognizing this perspective opens the door to self-discovery and a life that authentically reflects your values and passions.

Examples

• Australia predicts more single households than traditional families by 2026, showcasing a growing trend.
• Mathews rebranded her solo life, describing it as “living with herself,” instead of “being alone.”
• Negative stereotypes in books and movies inspired her to actively reshape her narrative about living independently.

2. Cultivate Mental Strength to Thrive Alone

Happiness, Tolstoy once said, starts with a choice. Adopting the right attitude won’t solve every challenge, but it lays the foundation for a fulfilling life alone. To thrive, it’s essential to define who you want to be and proactively work toward embodying that version of yourself.

Identify three qualities you aspire to embody—such as kindness, calmness, or resilience—and practice actions that reflect those traits. This exercise helps align your behavior with your ideal self. Also, reframe loneliness as solitude. By understanding what makes you feel disconnected, you can plan ways to avoid or adjust during those moments.

Discovering your purpose, or “ikigai,” can also transform your mindset. This Japanese concept encourages finding meaning in daily life by engaging in activities you love, excel at, and value. Whether it’s gardening, volunteering, or writing, pursuing purpose sustains positivity.

Examples

• Mathews tackled her loneliness by learning to cherish solitude as a positive space for self-reflection.
• She encouraged readers to redefine their identity using three descriptive adjectives.
• Finding her “ikigai” through creative projects allowed her to focus on joy and avoid isolation.

3. Build Healthy Relationships, Starting with Yourself

Your relationship with yourself is the backbone of your well-being, especially when you live alone. Mathews emphasizes the importance of nurturing self-esteem through small meaningful practices, such as maintaining a scrapbook filled with compliments and messages of support.

Meanwhile, family connections often take on unique importance when you live apart. They may provide a sense of belonging that friends, though equally vital, might not offer in the same way. For friends, focus on those who bring genuine support and kindness into your life, and be willing to seek out new connections.

Romantic relationships don’t have to define your happiness. Mathews notes that studies show only a fraction of married people report being truly happy. Building a fulfilling solo life doesn’t require relying on external validation from a partner.

Examples

• Mathews’ scrapbook contains a list of her best qualities and thank-you letters from friends and well-wishers.
• She observed that friends often reevaluate relationships when marital status changes, offering insight into who truly matters.
• Statistics show that only 25% of married Australians describe their unions as happy, challenging societal norms around relationships and fulfillment.

4. Take Charge of Your Health

Living alone means taking full responsibility for your health, both physical and mental. Research indicates higher health risks for solo living, but Mathews shows these risks are avoidable with conscious effort. Even small changes, like meal planning and regular exercise, can make a significant difference.

Cooking for one can feel discouraging, but experimenting with quick, healthy recipes can spark joy in preparing solo meals. Similarly, finding an activity you genuinely enjoy—like dancing, hiking, or yoga—makes it easier to stay active. Rewards, like a movie night or a self-pampering session, can keep motivation high.

Consider scheduling regular health checkups to track your progress and stay on top of potential problems. Making your health a priority empowers you to live a longer, happier life.

Examples

• Brigham Young University found that living alone increases mortality risk by 32%, but habits can counteract this.
• Mathews found cooking healthy meals and investing in a variety of recipes empowering and enjoyable.
• Rewarding her exercise routines with treats helped her build consistency in caring for herself.

5. Take Financial Control

After her divorce, Mathews discovered she didn’t know much about her financial situation. Living alone forced her to engage with her money like never before, creating a sense of empowerment. She realized that with a solid plan, she could take complete financial control.

She encourages self-reflection by asking how money makes you feel—are you prone to anxiety or avoidance? Understanding these emotions allows you to create a strategy, whether it’s saving for retirement or simply covering monthly expenses. Tracking your spending while outlining your financial goals helps build a sustainable framework.

Mathews urges women especially to prepare for long-term financial independence, as statistics reveal significant challenges for retired solo women. Facing these facts head-on is the first step toward financial freedom.

Examples

• Mathews realized after her divorce that financial ignorance could be disempowering.
• Most Australian women lack sufficient retirement savings, making early planning essential.
• She encourages readers to track spending habits and align income goals with their personal aspirations.

6. Make Your Home a Joyful Haven

Your home should be your safe space, a reflection of your personality and interests. Mathews highlights how creating a meaningful, tailored environment helps improve mental well-being. Start small—add your favorite photos, uplifting art, or even fresh flowers to boost the mood of your space.

By examining how you exist in your home, you can make intentional changes. For instance, reorganize furniture to create smoother movement paths or design spaces for different activities. Cleaning and decluttering also foster a calm and welcoming atmosphere.

Enhancing your environment doesn’t have to be expensive. Simple acts like upgrading your bed or adding a cozy throw blanket can give your home new life.

Examples

• Mathews likens redesigning your home to creating a Cribs-style tour for yourself.
• “Desire paths” can direct changes for improved layout and functionality.
• Investing in comfortable bedding transformed Mathews’ sleep quality and outlook.

7. Enjoy Activities Solo Without Hesitation

Whether it’s dining at a restaurant or embarking on a solo vacation, doing things alone isn’t something to shy away from. Mathews champions diving into experiences without waiting for company and learning to enjoy the freedom that comes with independence.

Solo vacations allow you to focus entirely on your interests, without the compromises required when traveling with others. Smaller and local activities, like exploring a street market, visiting a library, or taking a class, can add variety and joy to daily life. Confidence comes from practice; the more you step out alone, the easier it feels.

Even quiet evenings reading, relaxing, or pursuing hobbies can feel deeply satisfying when tailored around your preferences.

Examples

• Mathews crafted unique solo adventures with stops at unexpected local art galleries.
• Meetup websites offered easy access to group activities, from cooking classes to hiking clubs.
• Dining alone became an enjoyable ritual when paired with a book or journal.

8. Reframe Quiet as a Gift

Silence can feel intimidating, especially in a solitary home. But Mathews encourages reframing it as an opportunity to connect with deeper thoughts and sensations. It’s in this stillness that personal growth often flourishes.

Ritualizing daily routines, such as brewing tea in the morning or journaling at night, provides stability and joy. Make time to meditate or reflect on gratitude as a way of grounding yourself within the quiet.

This shift from fearing silence to welcoming it as peace unlocks surprising contentment, helping you embrace living alone.

Examples

• Mathews meditates to calm her mind and appreciate stillness.
• Savoring morning sunlight while opening windows became a small but joyful routine.
• Reconnecting with nature often helped her find balance and serenity.

9. Your Mindset Shapes Your Solo Life

Everything in the book boils down to one core idea: how you choose to see your life will determine your happiness. Mathews believes that prioritizing positivity and action transforms challenges into opportunities.

She stresses the importance of taking daily actions, such as managing your finances or cooking a satisfying meal. Words and intentions alone won’t create the change you need; only consistent effort will push you toward fulfillment.

During life’s inevitable rough patches, embracing self-care and maintaining a sense of purpose can keep you on track.

Examples

• Mathews found joy in reframing small habits into meaningful daily rituals.
• She turned challenges like budgeting into opportunities for empowerment.
• Finding a spiritual or reflective practice provided her with additional clarity and peace.

Takeaways

1. Create a self-esteem scrapbook filled with affirmations and positive memories to boost your confidence during challenging times.
2. Build a financial blueprint that includes tracking expenses, setting goals, and understanding your emotional relationship with money.
3. Customize your living space to create a joyful, comfortable sanctuary that brings you warmth and happiness every day.