Introduction
Abraham Verghese's "The Covenant of Water" is an epic family saga that spans 77 years of Indian history, from 1900 to 1977. Set against the backdrop of South India's lush landscapes and tumultuous political changes, the novel follows three generations of a family bound by an ancient curse: in every generation, at least one family member dies by drowning.
This sweeping narrative explores themes of love, loss, faith, and the unbreakable bonds of family. It weaves together the lives of unforgettable characters as they navigate arranged marriages, medical breakthroughs, and India's struggle for independence. At its core, "The Covenant of Water" is a story about the interconnectedness of all things – from the intricate waterways that give and take life to the complex relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children.
Big Ammachi: The Child Bride
The story begins in 1900 in South India, where a 12-year-old girl is about to embark on a life-changing journey. Unnamed and frightened, she's been arranged to marry a 40-year-old widower with a young son. As she prepares for her wedding day, the girl clings to her Christian faith for comfort, struggling to leave behind her childhood home and the memories of her beloved late father.
The wedding ceremony is an emotional affair, filled with both joy and sorrow. The young bride's mother tells her that this is "the saddest day" in a young woman's life – a stark reminder of the harsh realities faced by many girls in South India at the time. After the ceremony, the newly married child travels to her marital home, Parambil Estate, with a mix of trepidation and curiosity.
At Parambil, the shy young bride slowly adjusts to her new life and domestic duties. Initially, she feels lonely and isolated, yearning for her mother and the familiar comfort of church services. However, under the guidance of the kind cook Thankamma, she begins to adapt to her role as a wife and stepmother.
Her much older husband is distant at first, preoccupied with the demands of managing the estate. But as the years pass, a gentle intimacy develops between them. He starts to understand his young wife's needs, gifting her gold earrings and allowing her to attend church. The girl also forms a maternal bond with her stepson, JoJo, a spirited boy who, like his father, has an irrational dislike of water and prefers climbing trees. It's JoJo who gives his stepmother the affectionate nickname she'll be known by for the rest of her life: Big Ammachi.
By 1908, Big Ammachi's family has grown. Her mother now lives with them at Parambil, and Big Ammachi has given birth to a daughter, Baby Mol. Life seems to have settled into a comfortable rhythm, but tragedy is lurking just around the corner.
One fateful day, JoJo drowns in a ditch on the property. The family is devastated, overwhelmed by grief and shock. In the wake of this tragedy, Big Ammachi's husband, now known as Big Appachen, reveals a long-held family secret: the men of Parambil seem to be cursed, destined to die by drowning.
At first, Big Ammachi is angry at her husband for hiding this knowledge. But as she processes the information, she finds an unexpected solace in the thought that her husband's family tree will preserve the memory of her beloved stepson. In a moment of defiance and faith, she challenges God to end the curse, setting the stage for the generations to come.
This opening chapter of the saga introduces us to the central themes that will run throughout the novel: the power of faith, the strength of family bonds, and the ever-present threat of water. Big Ammachi's journey from a frightened child bride to a strong, faithful matriarch lays the foundation for the family's story, highlighting the resilience and adaptability that will be crucial for survival in the face of the curse.
Digby: The Surgeon's Journey
In 1933, the narrative shifts to introduce a new character: Digby Kilgour, a young doctor from Glasgow, Scotland. Seeking a fresh start, Digby embarks on a journey to Madras, India, to begin his career as a surgeon. His train journey becomes a metaphor for the cultural transition he's about to experience, as he befriends fellow passenger Banerjee, an Indian lawyer returning home from his studies in London.
During their conversation, Digby shares his experiences of discrimination as a Catholic in Scotland. Banerjee draws a parallel to the Indian caste system, offering Digby a first glimpse into the complex social structures he'll encounter in India. This exchange sets the stage for Digby's growing awareness of the injustices of British colonial rule, which becomes more apparent when he witnesses a British customs official threatening Banerjee.
Upon arriving in Madras, Digby takes up his position as a surgeon at Longmere Hospital. Under the supervision of British senior surgeon Claude Arnold and Indian surgeon Dr. Ravichandran, he begins to learn the intricacies of tropical medicine. Digby quickly forms a strong friendship with nurse Honorine, who shares his controversial opinions about British rule in India.
At a Christmas party hosted by Claude, Digby meets the senior surgeon's wife, Celeste. There's an immediate spark between them as they bond over Celeste's love for Indian art. Over the following months, their relationship blossoms into a passionate affair, adding a layer of personal complication to Digby's professional life.
The delicate balance of Digby's world is shaken when Claude is accused of medical malpractice after one of his patients dies in surgery. Claude, aware of Digby's affair with Celeste, attempts to blackmail him into providing false testimony. However, Celeste refuses to be part of this scheme and distances herself from her increasingly alcoholic husband.
In a pivotal moment, Digby chooses to testify against Claude, taking a stand against the corrupt practices of British colonial power. This decision is not just about professional integrity; Digby secretly hopes his honesty will lead Celeste to divorce Claude. Celeste does indeed decide to leave her husband, but she tells Digby she needs time alone to figure out who she is.
Just as it seems Digby and Celeste might have a future together, tragedy strikes. After a final passionate encounter, Digby's bungalow catches fire. Celeste is trapped in the flames and dies, leaving Digby devastated and guilt-ridden.
This chapter of the story delves deeper into the political and social context of 1930s India. Through Digby's eyes, we see the simmering tensions between the British colonizers and the Indian population. The hospital becomes a microcosm of these larger conflicts, with wards divided by race and power dynamics playing out in every interaction.
Digby's journey is one of moral awakening. Despite his initial status as a British colonizer, he forms meaningful cross-cultural connections with figures like Banerjee and Dr. Ravichandran. His decision to testify against Claude, even at great personal cost, marks a turning point in his character development. It aligns him more closely with the growing calls for Indian independence, setting him apart from many of his British counterparts.
The tragic end to Digby's relationship with Celeste adds a layer of personal loss to the broader themes of political and social change. It sets the stage for Digby's future development and his eventual connection to the family at Parambil Estate.
Philipose: The Non-Swimmer
The narrative returns to Parambil Estate, where Big Ammachi is struggling to regain her footing after the tragic drowning of her stepson. She finds some solace in tending to her gardens and caring for her baby daughter, Mol. However, it soon becomes apparent that Baby Mol is not developing as she should.
Concerned, the family travels to a larger city to consult with renowned Swedish doctor Rune Orqvist. The diagnosis is heartbreaking: Mol has an incurable thyroid condition called cretinism and will remain childlike for her entire life. During the same visit, Orqvist also diagnoses Big Ammachi's mother with advanced terminal cancer. Despite the devastating news, Big Ammachi finds herself grateful for Rune's kindness and wisdom, a small light in the darkness of their circumstances.
Life at Parambil continues, and soon Big Ammachi is pregnant again. She gives birth to a healthy baby boy named Philipose, bringing new hope to the family. However, this joy is tempered by Big Appachen's declining health. He begins suffering from spells of dizziness and dementia, and a few years after Philipose's birth, he dies peacefully in his sleep. At just 35 years old, Big Ammachi takes over the management of Parambil estate, shouldering the responsibility with quiet strength.
As Philipose grows, he develops an unusual obsession with swimming. Despite the family curse, he frequently begs to practice in the river, causing his mother great anxiety. Eventually, Big Ammachi relents and allows Philipose's older friend Joppan to give him rudimentary swimming lessons. However, despite years of practice, Philipose fails to make significant progress in the water.
When Joppan leaves the estate for another job, Big Ammachi makes Philipose promise to stay away from water, finally revealing to him the family curse. This revelation weighs heavily on the young boy, adding to his complex relationship with water.
One day, as Philipose is walking to school in heavy rain, he hears a boatman crying out for help. The man's baby daughter is choking, and he begs Philipose to save her. In a moment of quick thinking, Philipose manages to remove a piece of rubber from the baby's mouth, but realizes they need to get to a hospital quickly. Without hesitation, he pushes the boatman's boat into the dangerous flood waters.
The journey is perilous, with Philipose nearly drowning in the violent current. But against all odds, they make it to the hospital, saving the baby's life. This act of bravery marks a turning point for Philipose, challenging the notion of the family curse and hinting at the possibility of breaking free from its grip.
This chapter delves deeper into the theme of destiny versus free will. The family curse looms large over Philipose's life, shaping his relationship with water from an early age. Yet his fascination with swimming and his eventual act of heroism in the flood suggest a desire to challenge this predetermined fate.
Philipose's struggle with swimming parallels India's own quest for independence during this time period. Just as Philipose strains against the current, seeking mastery over the water that threatens his family, India pushes against the strong currents of British colonial rule, fighting for self-determination.
The juxtaposition of Philipose's birth with his father's decline and death underscores the cyclical nature of life and the passing of generations. As Big Ammachi takes on the role of managing Parambil Estate, we see her growth from a child bride to a strong, capable leader, adapting to the changing circumstances of her life with resilience and grace.
Paths Converge
The narrative now weaves together the stories of Digby and Philipose, bringing the two threads of the tale into alignment. After the devastating house fire that claimed Celeste's life, Digby is left with severe burns and overwhelming guilt. He retreats to the estate of friends to recover, both physically and emotionally.
It's here that Digby encounters Dr. Orqvist Rune, the same doctor who had previously treated Big Ammachi's daughter Mol. Rune, now working as a leprosy specialist at the nearby Saint Bridget's Leprosarium, takes charge of treating Digby's wounds using advanced skin grafting techniques.
Under Rune's care and wisdom, Digby begins to heal, not just physically but emotionally as well. A deep and meaningful friendship forms between the two men, providing Digby with the support he needs to process his grief and guilt. During this time, Digby also meets Elsie, a beautiful young woman who assists with his art therapy sessions, foreshadowing future connections.
When Rune dies unexpectedly, Digby steps up to lead the leprosy community at St. Bridget's, finding purpose in continuing his friend's work. It's in this role that his path first crosses with Philipose's. The young man arrives at the hospital carrying the choking baby he rescued from the flood.
Recognizing the urgency of the situation, Digby realizes the baby needs an emergency tracheotomy. However, his hands are still too injured from the fire to perform the delicate procedure. In a tense and pivotal moment, Digby guides Philipose through the process of making the life-saving incision in the baby's throat. Philipose, showing remarkable courage and steady hands, follows the doctor's instructions precisely, successfully saving the baby's life.
This shared experience creates a bond between Digby and Philipose, though neither realizes at this point how intertwined their lives will become. Shortly after this incident, Digby leaves St. Bridget's when he learns that the Mission funding the hospital plans to send nuns to take over its management.
A new opportunity presents itself when Digby's friends purchase a plantation called Müller's Madness. After leading the negotiations, Digby decides to become the manager of the estate, setting down roots in India and further distancing himself from his past life in Scotland.
Meanwhile, Philipose is preparing for the next chapter of his life: college. Despite his family's hopes that he'll follow a medical path, inspired perhaps by his experience with Digby, Philipose decides to study literature instead. However, his plans are derailed when he arrives at college in Madras and discovers that his hearing is severely impaired, making it impossible for him to follow lectures.
After consulting several specialists, it becomes clear that traditional college is not an option for Philipose. Undeterred, he resolves to pursue his literary ambitions through other means. Returning home, he begins writing a popular column for a local newspaper, launching what will become a successful writing career.
This section of the story is set against the backdrop of the 1940s, a turbulent time in Indian history. World War II is still raging, and India faces the threat of Japanese invasion. The political landscape is shifting, with the Indian independence movement gaining momentum as the British Empire's resources are stretched thin by the war effort.
The convergence of Digby and Philipose's stories highlights the interconnectedness of lives and the role of chance in shaping destinies. Their brief but significant interaction at the hospital becomes a turning point for both characters, influencing their future paths in unexpected ways.
Digby's journey from guilt-ridden survivor to community leader at St. Bridget's, and then to plantation manager, shows his gradual integration into Indian society. He moves from being an outsider – a representative of British colonial power – to someone who has found a place and purpose in India.
Philipose's story, on the other hand, is one of adaptability and perseverance. When faced with the obstacle of his hearing impairment, he doesn't give up on his dreams but finds an alternative path to pursue them. His decision to become a writer rather than a doctor also represents a kind of independence – a choice to follow his own desires rather than the expectations of others.
Both men's experiences reflect the larger themes of the novel: the search for identity, the impact of historical events on individual lives, and the power of human resilience in the face of adversity.
Elsie: The Grieving Mother
The story now focuses on Philipose's personal life, introducing a new character who will play a significant role in the family saga. On his train journey back home from his abbreviated college experience, Philipose encounters Elsie, the beautiful young woman who had previously worked with Digby during his art therapy sessions.
Drawn to Elsie, Philipose takes the traditional route of asking a marriage broker to arrange a union between them. In 1945, as India stands on the brink of independence, the newlyweds settle into life at Parambil. Under Big Ammachi's wise and steady leadership, the estate has flourished, growing from a single household into a thriving village community.
Initially, Philipose and Elsie's marriage is filled with joy and promise. However, tensions soon arise over a seemingly trivial matter: a jackfruit tree on their property. Elsie wants it removed, but for Philipose, the tree holds deep sentimental value, reminding him of his late father. This disagreement becomes symbolic of deeper issues in their relationship, highlighting their different perspectives and priorities.
Their marital harmony is further tested when their son, Ninan, is born prematurely and Elsie falls ill. In a moment of desperation, Philipose promises to finally cut down the contentious jackfruit tree. However, he never follows through on this promise, a decision that will have far-reaching consequences.
As Ninan grows into a strong little boy, India gains its long-fought independence. The family's personal joy mirrors the nation's collective celebration, but this period of happiness is tragically short-lived. When Ninan is just a few years old, he falls from the very jackfruit tree that had caused so much discord between his parents. The fall proves fatal, and Ninan dies from injuries sustained in the accident.
This devastating loss becomes a turning point in Philipose and Elsie's marriage. Consumed by grief and mutual blame, their relationship begins to disintegrate. Unable to bear the pain of remaining at Parambil, Elsie leaves to live with her father, while Philipose is left to grapple with his guilt and sorrow alone.
More than a year passes before Elsie returns for a visit. Just as she's preparing to leave again, a destructive monsoon isolates the community, forcing her to stay. Philipose sees this as an opportunity to rebuild their relationship, and the two share a moment of physical intimacy. However, Elsie remains emotionally distant, unable to fully reconnect with her husband or her former life at Parambil.
Although Elsie stays at the estate, their relationship remains fraught with unresolved grief and regret. Philipose, struggling to cope with the loss of his son and the emotional absence of his wife, develops an opium dependence. His behavior becomes increasingly erratic, causing further strain in their already fragile relationship.
When Elsie becomes pregnant again, Philipose becomes fixated on the idea that the baby is Ninan's reincarnation. This belief, born out of grief and desperation, only serves to push Elsie further away. When she gives birth to a daughter, whom she names Mariamma after Big Ammachi, Elsie is unable to engage with her newborn, likely suffering from postpartum depression compounded by her unresolved grief for Ninan.
Three weeks after Mariamma's birth, Elsie mysteriously vanishes. Despite an extensive search, only her neatly folded clothes are found near the river bank, leading to the assumption that she has drowned herself. In the face of this new tragedy, Big Ammachi steps in once again, resolving to raise young Mariamma herself.
This chapter of the story delves deep into the themes of grief and loss that run throughout the novel. The death of young Ninan becomes a pivotal moment, not just for Philipose and Elsie, but for the entire family. It highlights the devastating impact that the loss of a child can have on a marriage and a family unit.
Interestingly, Ninan's death breaks the pattern of the family curse – he dies not by drowning, but by falling from a tree. This deviation from the expected fate underscores the unpredictable nature of life and death, and perhaps suggests that the "curse" is more complex than it initially appeared.
The contrast between water and sky, symbolized by swimming and climbing, is a recurring motif in the story. At one point, Big Ammachi wonders why men pretend to be either birds or fish, instead of just staying on the ground. This musing takes on a tragic significance in light of Ninan's fatal fall and Elsie's presumed drowning.
Philipose and Elsie's inability to support each other in their grief leads to the disintegration of their marriage. Philipose's descent into opium addiction and Elsie's emotional withdrawal and eventual disappearance illustrate the different, equally destructive ways that people can respond to overwhelming loss.
The arrival of Mariamma brings a glimmer of hope to this tragic situation, but also highlights the cyclical nature of the family's struggles. As Big Ammachi takes on the care of her granddaughter, we see the strength and resilience that have allowed her to weather so many storms throughout her life.
Mariamma: The Doctor
The narrative now shifts to focus on Mariamma, Philipose and Elsie's daughter, as she comes of age in the 1950s and 60s. Meanwhile, we catch up with Digby, who has established himself as a competent manager of both Müller's Madness and another plantation called Gwendolyn Gardens. In addition to his managerial duties, Digby runs a small medical clinic, putting his surgical skills to use in service of the local community.
One day, a pregnant woman arrives at Digby's clinic seeking help. She's been stabbed in the belly by her unstable husband, and both her life and that of her unborn child are in danger. Digby successfully treats the woman's wound, saving both mother and child. In a moment of levity, he jokes that the baby was extending his fist like Lenin and playfully christens the child "Lenin, evermore."
Nine years later, young Lenin Evermore arrives at Parambil Estate. Tragedy has struck again – he has lost his mother, father, and little sister to smallpox. Big Ammachi, who knew Lenin's parents, has promised to take care of the orphaned boy. Lenin's rebellious spirit and tragic background immediately fascinate Mariamma, who is close to him in age. However, Lenin's behavior proves too disruptive for the household, and Philipose decides to send him away to boarding school.
As the years pass, Mariamma grows into a bright and determined young woman. Inspired perhaps by Digby's medical work and her family's history with illness, she decides to become a doctor. While studying medicine in Madras, she receives an unexpected visitor – Lenin, now a young man. Their reunion reignites the attraction that had begun in childhood, and they quickly fall into an intense relationship.
However, their reunion is complicated by Lenin's revelation that he has become involved with the Naxalites, a violent militant communist group. After sharing an intimate night together, Lenin asks Mariamma to join him in the uprising. But Mariamma, committed to her path of healing and saving lives, refuses. With heavy hearts, they accept that their paths must diverge.
Mariamma throws herself into her medical studies, specializing in obstetrics. For a brief, anxiety-filled period, she worries that she might be pregnant with Lenin's child, but is relieved when the test comes back negative. When she returns home to Parambil for a visit, she learns disturbing news: Lenin has been involved in violent raids in the region. The police have responded to the Naxalite uprising with brutal force, and another of Mariamma's childhood friends has been killed in the conflict.
This section of the story is set against the backdrop of India's post-independence struggles. The country is grappling with issues of wealth inequality and lingering caste oppression, which have given rise to movements like the Naxalites. Through Lenin and Mariamma's diverging paths, we see the different responses to these societal problems – Lenin's revolutionary violence contrasted with Mariamma's commitment to healing and working within the system.
The reappearance of Lenin in Mariamma's life brings the themes of destiny and choice into sharp focus. Despite their strong connection and shared history, their ideological differences prove too great to overcome. Mariamma's decision to pursue her medical career rather than join Lenin's cause represents a pivotal moment in her character development, establishing her as a woman who makes her own choices rather than being swept along by fate or the desires of others.
This chapter also continues to explore the intergenerational nature of the family's struggles. Mariamma's choice to become a doctor can be seen as a response to the medical issues that have plagued her family – from her aunt Mol's thyroid condition to her father's mysterious illness, and even to the family's perceived curse. In choosing this path, Mariamma positions herself to potentially unravel the medical mysteries that have shaped her family's history.
The contrast between Mariamma's path of healing and Lenin's path of violence adds another layer to the novel's exploration of how individuals respond to societal and personal challenges. While both are driven by a desire to make the world better, their methods couldn't be more different. This contrast raises questions about the most effective ways to create change and the moral implications of different forms of action.
Reunion and Revelation
The story reaches its climax in 1974, bringing together the various threads of the family saga. An aging Philipose is involved in a tragic train accident while traveling to Madras. The train derails and plunges into a river, placing Philipose face-to-face with the family curse. In a poignant twist of fate, Philipose survives the initial impact but drowns while attempting to save a child – his inability to swim, despite years of practice, proves fatal.
When Mariamma sees her father's body, she's overcome with shock and grief. However, her medical training kicks in, and she seizes the opportunity to investigate the mysterious condition that has plagued her family for generations. She allows her colleagues to conduct an autopsy, which leads to a groundbreaking discovery: her family suffers from a variant of von Recklinghausen's disease. This genetic condition causes non-malignant tumors to grow along the nerves in the ear, leading to the dizziness and deafness that have affected multiple generations of her family.
This medical revelation provides a scientific explanation for what the family had long perceived as a supernatural curse. The dizziness and disorientation caused by the disease explain why so many family members struggled with water and were prone to drowning. This discovery represents a turning point in the family's understanding of their history and their future.
As Mariamma processes this new information, an unexpected visitor arrives at her hospital – Digby. He brings news that Lenin, now a wanted man due to his Naxalite activities, has sought refuge at Digby's estate. Lenin is gravely ill with a dangerous brain tumor and needs Mariamma's expertise. Despite the complicated history between them, Mariamma agrees to help. She successfully removes the tumor, showcasing her skill as a surgeon. However, their reunion is short-lived, as Lenin is arrested shortly after the surgery for his involvement with the Naxalites.
Driven by her recent discoveries about her family's medical history, Mariamma delves deeper into her research. While combing through her father's journals, she stumbles upon a shocking revelation: the journals suggest that Philipose isn't her biological father. The implications of this discovery lead her to confront Digby, who she now suspects might be her real father.
When confronted, Digby confirms Mariamma's suspicions about her parentage. But he also reveals an even more startling truth: Elsie, Mariamma's long-lost mother, is alive and living on his estate. After the death of her son Ninan, Elsie had sought refuge with Digby, and the two had become lovers. Elsie had briefly returned to Parambil, resulting in Mariamma's conception, but had contracted leprosy while pregnant.
After Mariamma's birth, Elsie made the heart-wrenching decision to leave again, choosing to live with Digby to protect her baby from potential infection and to shield her from the social stigma associated with leprosy. This revelation reframes Elsie's disappearance, transforming it from an act of abandonment to one of sacrificial love.
In a poignant and emotionally charged finale, mother and daughter are reunited. Mariamma approaches Elsie's hospital room, where her mother lies dying. In a symbolic gesture of connection and forgiveness, Mariamma places her hand on the glass window, meeting her mother's hand on the other side. This touching moment brings the story full circle, connecting generations and healing old wounds.
This final chapter of the novel brings resolution to many of the story's central mysteries and conflicts. The scientific explanation for the family's "curse" represents a triumph of reason over superstition, while also highlighting the advances in medical knowledge over the generations spanned by the story. Mariamma's role in uncovering this truth underscores the importance of education and the power of women to effect change.
The revelation about Mariamma's true parentage adds another layer to the theme of interconnectedness that runs throughout the novel. It shows how lives can be intertwined in unexpected ways, and how secrets can shape family dynamics across generations.
Elsie's story, finally revealed in full, adds depth to her character and provides a new perspective on her actions. Her sacrifice in leaving Mariamma to protect her from leprosy showcases the complex nature of maternal love and the difficult choices parents sometimes face.
The reunion between Mariamma and Elsie, though bittersweet due to Elsie's impending death, provides a sense of closure to their story. It represents the healing of old wounds and the power of forgiveness and understanding.
Final Thoughts
"The Covenant of Water" is a rich, multilayered narrative that explores the complexities of family, love, and destiny against the backdrop of India's journey from colonial rule to independence. Through the intertwining stories of Big Ammachi, Digby, Philipose, Elsie, and Mariamma, Abraham Verghese paints a vivid picture of a family grappling with what they believe to be an ancient curse.
The novel's exploration of the family's relationship with water serves as a powerful metaphor for the ebb and flow of life itself. Water is presented as both a life-giving force and a potential threat, mirroring the dual nature of many of life's experiences. The family's struggle with their perceived curse reflects broader themes of fate versus free will, and the extent to which we can shape our own destinies.
Verghese's narrative also provides a nuanced portrayal of India's social and political evolution over nearly eight decades. From the rigid social structures of the early 1900s to the tumultuous years following independence, the story captures the nation's growth and the challenges it faced. The characters' personal struggles often mirror larger societal conflicts, adding depth and relevance to their individual stories.
The medical thread running through the novel, culminating in Mariamma's discovery of the genetic condition affecting her family, highlights the power of science and reason to dispel superstition and fear. It also underscores the progress made in medical knowledge over the course of the 20th century, and how this progress can impact individual lives and family histories.
Ultimately, "The Covenant of Water" is a story about the unbreakable bonds of family, the power of love to transcend time and circumstance, and the resilience of the human spirit in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges. It reminds us that our lives are intricately connected – to our ancestors, to our descendants, and to the world around us. Like the rivers that flow through the landscape of the novel, these connections shape our paths, influence our choices, and ultimately define who we are.