Introduction
In "The Earned Life," Marshall Goldsmith offers a fresh approach to finding fulfillment in life. Drawing inspiration from Buddhist wisdom, Goldsmith challenges our conventional understanding of happiness and success. This book is not about Buddhism per se, but it uses Buddhist insights to help readers rethink their approach to life and personal growth.
Goldsmith argues that many of us are trapped in a "Western paradigm" that sees happiness as a future goal to be achieved. We often believe that once we reach a certain status, acquire enough money, or find the perfect relationship, we'll finally be happy. However, this approach often leads to disappointment and a constant search for the next big thing that will bring us happiness.
Instead, Goldsmith proposes embracing the Buddhist concept of impermanence and focusing on the present moment. He suggests that fulfillment is not a destination but a process, and that we should seek it in the here and now rather than in some distant future.
The Buddha's Wisdom: Embracing Impermanence
Goldsmith begins by introducing the Buddha's core insight: life is impermanent. Nothing lasts forever, including our pleasures, sorrows, and dreams. The Buddha taught that we are constantly changing, becoming different people from moment to moment. This idea might seem abstract, but Goldsmith invites readers to consider it as a thought experiment.
By adopting this perspective, we can gain a new understanding of what it means to lead a fulfilling life. The Buddhist paradigm challenges the Western view that we remain the same person throughout our lives and that there's a single answer to all our questions. It also contradicts the notion that there's a path to permanent happiness.
Goldsmith argues that accepting impermanence can be a powerful tool for personal development. It allows us to:
- Move on from past experiences and identities
- Open ourselves to new adventures
- Focus on being better in the present moment
Understanding impermanence also highlights the need to continually re-earn our achievements, reputation, and relationships. These aren't possessions we can lock away; they require constant effort to maintain and renew.
Honoring the Past While Moving Forward
While focusing on the present is crucial, Goldsmith emphasizes that this doesn't mean forgetting the past entirely. Instead, he suggests an exercise to honor our past selves while preparing for the future.
The exercise involves writing two letters:
- A letter to your past self
- A letter from your present self to your future self
In the first letter, you express gratitude to your past self for the choices and actions that have shaped who you are today. This could include decisions about education, career moves, lifestyle changes, or small habits that have had a significant impact.
For example, one of Goldsmith's clients thanked their past self for going vegan, which led to improved health. Another expressed gratitude to their younger self for choosing a particular college, where they met their spouse. A writer thanked her childhood self for developing the habit of looking up new words, which later proved invaluable in her career.
This exercise helps you recognize the often-overlooked connections between past decisions and your current situation. It's a way of acknowledging that you've been the architect of your own life in many ways.
The second letter is addressed to your future self. In this letter, you outline the investments you're making now for your future well-being. This could include efforts in your career, personal development, relationships, health, or any other area you believe will benefit your future self.
The purpose of this exercise is twofold:
- It helps you appreciate the continuity between your past, present, and future selves.
- It encourages you to take action in the present that will benefit your future self.
The Power of Basic Questions
In a world where we make thousands of decisions daily, Goldsmith emphasizes the importance of simplifying our approach to major life choices. He suggests that asking basic questions can lead to profound insights and clarity.
Complex questions like "What do I want to do with my life?" or "What would make me happy?" can be overwhelming and difficult to answer. Instead, Goldsmith recommends focusing on simple, direct questions that address a single factor.
Examples of basic questions include:
- "Do you love him/her?"
- "Will this work?"
- "Can I afford this?"
These questions force us to confront the facts and our true feelings. They demand honest, straightforward answers that can provide clarity in decision-making.
Goldsmith has found that one particularly powerful basic question is "Where do you want to live?" This seemingly simple query can reveal a lot about a person's priorities, desires, and ideal lifestyle. By exploring the implications of living in a particular place, you can gain insights into what truly matters to you.
When you answer this question, consider:
- What would your daily life look like in this place?
- Can you find fulfilling work there?
- Would your loved ones be happy there?
- Does it align with your long-term goals and values?
By delving into these details, you can uncover your real priorities and how closely your current life aligns with your ideal.
Aspiration vs. Ambition
Goldsmith introduces the concept of aspiration as a key driver of personal transformation, drawing on the work of philosopher Agnes Callard. He contrasts aspiration with ambition, arguing that the former is more fulfilling and aligned with the reality of impermanence.
Aspiration is about the gradual process of becoming someone new. It's not about reaching a specific endpoint but about embracing the journey of personal growth and change. Goldsmith uses the example of becoming a parent to illustrate this concept:
- Before having a child, we can only imagine what parenthood will be like.
- During pregnancy, we begin to try on the emotions and values we hope to embody as parents.
- After the child is born, we continually adapt and grow into our role as parents.
This process of aspiration involves:
- Choosing new values
- Learning new skills
- Acquiring new knowledge
Goldsmith argues that aspiration is more fulfilling than ambition because:
- Ambition focuses on achieving specific goals, which provide only temporary satisfaction.
- Aspiration is an ongoing process of growth and transformation.
- It aligns with the reality of impermanence, recognizing that we are constantly changing.
By embracing aspiration, we can find fulfillment in the present moment while continuously working towards becoming the person we want to be.
Choosing Realistic Aspirations
To help readers choose aspirations that align with their personalities and values, Goldsmith introduces an exercise based on the concept of dichotomy resolution. This technique, borrowed from product design, involves resolving either/or quandaries.
The exercise consists of three steps:
Write down as many interesting dichotomies as you can think of. Examples include:
- Optimist vs. pessimist
- Conservative vs. progressive
- Trusting vs. suspicious
- Reason vs. feeling
- Money matters vs. money doesn't matter
- Quiet vs. loud
- People pleaser vs. independent
- Ironic vs. sincere
- Instant gratification vs. delayed gratification
- Confront problems vs. avoid problems
Cross out dichotomies that don't apply to your personality or play a significant role in your life.
For the remaining dichotomies, cross out the side that doesn't apply to you.
The result is a list of qualities that define you and influence your aspirations. This exercise helps you:
- Gain a clearer understanding of your personality traits
- Identify aspirations that are more likely to align with your natural tendencies
- Recognize areas where you might need to stretch or adapt
Goldsmith suggests sharing this list with someone who knows you well to get their perspective and ensure you're being honest with yourself.
By understanding your defining qualities, you can choose aspirations that are more likely to lead to an earned life – one where your choices and efforts align with your greater sense of purpose.
The Importance of Continuous Earning
Throughout the book, Goldsmith emphasizes that an earned life is not about reaching a final destination or achieving a specific goal. Instead, it's about consistently making choices and putting in effort that aligns with our sense of purpose.
This concept of continuous earning applies to various aspects of our lives:
Achievements: Past accomplishments don't guarantee future success. We need to continually prove ourselves and adapt to new challenges.
Relationships: Strong connections with others require ongoing effort and nurturing. We can't take relationships for granted based on past experiences.
Personal growth: Learning and self-improvement are lifelong processes. There's always room for growth and new experiences.
Professional development: In a rapidly changing world, we need to constantly update our skills and knowledge to remain relevant and effective in our careers.
Health and well-being: Maintaining good physical and mental health requires consistent effort and attention.
By embracing this mindset of continuous earning, we can:
- Stay engaged and motivated in our daily lives
- Avoid complacency and stagnation
- Adapt more easily to change and new challenges
- Find fulfillment in the process of growth rather than just in end results
Practical Strategies for Living an Earned Life
Goldsmith offers several practical strategies to help readers apply the concept of an earned life to their daily experiences:
Practice mindfulness: Develop the habit of being present in the moment. This can help you appreciate the process of earning your life rather than constantly focusing on future goals.
Regularly reassess your aspirations: As you grow and change, your aspirations may evolve. Periodically review and adjust your goals to ensure they still align with your values and desires.
Embrace failure as a learning opportunity: Instead of seeing setbacks as permanent defeats, view them as chances to grow and improve.
Cultivate gratitude: Regularly acknowledge and appreciate your efforts and achievements, no matter how small. This can help you stay motivated and focused on the process of earning your life.
Seek feedback: Regularly ask for input from trusted friends, family, or mentors. Their perspectives can help you stay accountable and identify areas for growth.
Create daily rituals: Establish small, daily practices that align with your aspirations. These can help you stay connected to your larger purpose and make consistent progress.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate the challenges of earning your life. Recognize that growth and change are often uncomfortable processes.
Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge and appreciate the small steps you take towards your aspirations. This can help maintain motivation and reinforce the value of the earning process.
The Role of Community in an Earned Life
While much of Goldsmith's focus is on individual growth and self-reflection, he also acknowledges the importance of community in living an earned life. Our relationships and interactions with others play a crucial role in our personal development and sense of fulfillment.
Some ways to incorporate community into your earned life include:
- Seeking mentors and role models who embody the qualities you aspire to develop
- Surrounding yourself with people who support and encourage your growth
- Offering support and encouragement to others on their own journeys of personal development
- Engaging in collaborative projects or volunteer work that aligns with your values and aspirations
- Sharing your experiences and insights with others, fostering a culture of growth and continuous learning
By recognizing the interconnectedness of our lives with those around us, we can create a supportive environment that facilitates personal growth and fulfillment.
Overcoming Obstacles to an Earned Life
Goldsmith acknowledges that living an earned life isn't always easy. There are several common obstacles that can hinder our progress:
Fear of change: The comfort of familiar routines and identities can make it challenging to embrace new aspirations.
Societal expectations: External pressures and norms may conflict with our personal aspirations and values.
Self-doubt: Lack of confidence in our abilities can prevent us from pursuing meaningful aspirations.
Perfectionism: The desire for flawless execution can paralyze us and prevent us from taking action.
Short-term thinking: Focusing solely on immediate gratification can distract us from long-term aspirations.
To overcome these obstacles, Goldsmith suggests:
- Practicing self-awareness to identify when these barriers are holding you back
- Challenging limiting beliefs and reframing negative self-talk
- Breaking down large aspirations into smaller, manageable steps
- Seeking support from others when facing difficult challenges
- Remembering that setbacks and mistakes are natural parts of the growth process
The Ripple Effect of an Earned Life
As we conclude our exploration of "The Earned Life," it's important to consider the broader impact of embracing this philosophy. When we commit to living an earned life, the effects extend beyond our personal experiences:
Inspiration: By living authentically and pursuing meaningful aspirations, we can inspire others to do the same.
Positive influence: Our commitment to growth and continuous earning can positively impact our relationships, workplaces, and communities.
Legacy: An earned life creates a lasting legacy of purpose and personal growth that can influence future generations.
Societal change: As more individuals embrace the concept of an earned life, it can lead to broader societal shifts towards valuing personal growth, authenticity, and meaningful contribution.
Final Thoughts
Marshall Goldsmith's "The Earned Life" offers a compelling alternative to the traditional pursuit of happiness and success. By embracing impermanence, focusing on the present, and viewing fulfillment as a continuous process rather than a destination, we can lead more meaningful and satisfying lives.
The key takeaways from the book include:
- Embrace impermanence and focus on the present moment.
- Honor your past achievements while continuously re-earning them.
- Use basic questions to gain clarity in decision-making.
- Choose aspiration over ambition for lasting fulfillment.
- Align your aspirations with your personality and values.
- Commit to continuous earning in all aspects of life.
- Cultivate practices that support living an earned life.
- Recognize the role of community in personal growth.
- Overcome obstacles that hinder progress towards an earned life.
- Appreciate the broader impact of living an earned life.
By applying these principles, we can shift our focus from chasing elusive goals to finding fulfillment in the process of growth and contribution. The earned life is not about reaching a final destination but about aligning our choices and efforts with our sense of purpose in each moment. It's a journey of continuous learning, adaptation, and self-discovery that can lead to a more authentic and satisfying existence.