The Goodwill Jar

"Give them flowers while they can still smell them." This simple idea reminds us of the power of nurturing our relationships in real-time to build resilience and warmth.

1. Relationships Thrive on Deposits of Goodwill

Every relationship we have is like an invisible goodwill jar, accumulating positivity and mutual care. This metaphor reminds us to consciously contribute to relationships by doing kindnesses, whether big or small.

Positive actions, such as helping a colleague meet a deadline or praising a friend for their achievements, act as deposits in this metaphorical jar. These contributions make our relationships more resilient when tougher times emerge. If there are enough positive moments to draw from, disagreements or hardships won't deplete the connection entirely.

However, this isn't about keeping track of every "deposit" or expecting something in return. True goodwill is freely given. But if only one person contributes and the other takes without reciprocation, the relationship risks becoming strained. Relationships flourish when exchanges of care and strength are balanced.

Examples

• Washing the dishes after your partner cooks is a quiet yet meaningful deposit into the jar.
• Taking a moment to compliment a colleague's effort on a project strengthens workplace camaraderie.
• Sending a heartfelt note of encouragement to a friend builds positivity that lasts.

2. Be a Cheerleader, Not a Competitor

Investing in relationships means uplifting others genuinely, while avoiding comparisons or one-upmanship. By focusing on encouragement rather than rivalry, we foster human connections.

Genuine encouragement requires us to meet people where they are and celebrate their wins authentically. For instance, if a friend shares a goal, cheer them on while offering constructive guidance when appropriate. Applying understanding rather than judgment strengthens relationships.

Even feedback can align with goodwill. By starting with something positive before delivering difficult truths, you set the stage for growth rather than defensiveness. Also, celebrating others' successes without inserting comparisons nurtures goodwill and joy for everyone involved.

Examples

• Celebrating your colleague's promotion without mentioning your higher salary lets them bask in their accomplishment.
• Encouraging a teenager’s dreams while sharing the dedication needed to achieve them sets a positive tone for growth.
• Offering a warm smile and kind connection before necessary criticism can make your feedback easier to accept.

3. Value-Adding Actions Create Long-Term Relationships

Maintaining goodwill in the workplace is key, but it works best when paired with making an impact. By contributing value to teams and individuals, we build lasting relations at work.

Helping lift the workload off an overwhelmed teammate, solving small but persistent office issues, or responding calmly in high-pressure situations can all be ways to add value. This approach avoids self-interest and instead prioritizes collaboration and positive contribution.

Actions often stand out more than words. People who observe you stepping up for the benefit of the group will come to see you as trustworthy, reliable, and indispensable. This reputation not only preserves relationships but also fosters long-term successes.

Examples

• Volunteering to assist a stressed coworker can prevent a project's failure.
• Quietly tidying the communal coffee station each day creates goodwill others notice.
• Recommending a process improvement saves time and shows you’re invested in the team’s success.

4. Goodwill Softens Conflicts and Challenges

Hardship is unavoidable in relationships, whether within families, friendships, or professional spaces. Yet, goodwill can act as a buffer, making difficult times easier to navigate.

When a discord arises, reflecting on past positive exchanges can guide compassion and patience. External factors you’re unaware of may be affecting the other person’s behavior. Offering grace instead of jumping to conclusions keeps the relationship intact.

Critical feedback is another test of goodwill. Responding thoughtfully after a cool-off period, rather than defensively, paves the way for growth. Emotional resilience allows constructive outcomes even when something stings initially.

Examples

• Avoid burning bridges with a long-term friend over a single argument.
• Acknowledge both valid critique and unfair comments, addressing each appropriately.
• During tough patches, recall shared wins to rebuild confidence in the bond.

5. Uphold Core Values During Life's Ups and Downs

Your values define who you are, helping you maintain integrity during good and hard times. By staying aligned with these values, you bring strength and authenticity into relationships.

Identifying recurring patterns in life’s challenges can offer reflection points for growth. Often, life’s low points mirror unmet inner needs or highlight opportunities for self-awareness. Tuning into these lessons with grace sets a foundation for deeper connections.

Failures and mistakes can become launchpads for positive outcomes if approached constructively. Each setback offers a chance to realign with your truest values and move forward with renewed purpose.

Examples

• Use periods of calm to practice gratitude, preparing for future challenges with perspective.
• Apply self-kindness and reflection when responding to life’s low moments.
• Consciously work through recurring struggles to discover new paths of growth.

6. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

The people you allow in your inner circle influence your outlook and experience massively. By prioritizing relationships with those who share values and exude positivity, you create a mutual ecosystem of encouragement.

Goodwill tends to be contagious among like-minded friends and family. They, in turn, contribute freely to each other's goodwill jars. Mutual care thrives without tallying who did more or less, but rather from genuine connection.

Seek out individuals who celebrate your wins, provide encouragement, and offer honest insights. These relationships create a safe space to grow and succeed together.

Examples

• A friend who consistently uplifts you after setbacks contributes to your emotional health.
• Surrounding yourself with generous-spirited coworkers cultivates team harmony.
• Spending time with mentors opens doors to valuable guidance and perspective.

7. Prioritize What Matters Most

Life is a balancing act, and prioritizing what holds deep meaning—be it family, faith, or friendships—is essential. Decisions should align with what truly nourishes you.

Sometimes, making necessary sacrifices preserves what matters most. Missing a social event to attend your child’s recital or turning down a transfer to prioritize family time are examples of heart-driven decisions.

The time spent nurturing important connections cannot be recreated. When we lead with purpose and clarity in our priorities, life becomes more fulfilling.

Examples

• Postponing career moves to care for aging parents reflects prioritizing family.
• Choosing quality time at dinner over extra office hours balances both work and life.
• Consistently showing up for your family’s celebrations builds lasting memories.

8. Life's Ebb and Flow Builds Emotional Resilience

Life’s rhythm naturally moves between happiness and struggle. Accepting this yet choosing to stay anchored emotionally helps us weather storms gracefully.

Celebrate and savor triumphs, small or large. During the inevitable valleys, use introspection to uncover lessons or truths. Each season plays its role in helping you grow stronger.

Resilience isn't about ignoring hard times but finding meaning in them. Doing so not only enriches life but also reinforces the bonds at its center—relationships with yourself and others.

Examples

• Pausing to deeply enjoy a milestone prevents it from being overlooked.
• Seeing setbacks as temporary builds hope and grit during hard phases.
• Examining conflicts helps uncover patterns that strengthen self-awareness.

9. Small Acts of Care Redefine Success

Success isn't just about grand achievements but the daily moments when you show care to others. These acts create lasting impressions far beyond fleeting milestones.

Little gestures—a listening ear, a well-timed compliment—shape others' emotional landscapes. Relationships blossom not from occasional bursts of generosity but sustained attentiveness.

Making steady, meaningful contributions to others’ lives often delivers the deepest satisfaction—more than personal accolades or material success ever could.

Examples

• Texting a friend “thinking of you” during their tough week conveys deep empathy.
• Offering to pick up groceries for a neighbor shows simple yet profound compassion.
• Sincerely applauding a teammate’s efforts on a project spreads goodwill.

Takeaways

1. Treat every relationship as an invisible goodwill jar by frequently “depositing” acts of kindness and positivity without expecting immediate reciprocity.
2. Prioritize core values in life’s big decisions, balancing personal goals alongside nurturing family and friendships.
3. Lead with resilience and curiosity during both life’s highs and lows, using challenges to grow while preserving strong connections.