Stop trying to do it all; instead, focus on what truly matters to you and find joy in the messiness of life.
1. Perfectionism Separates You from Authenticity
Perfectionism often isolates us, convincing us that we must excel at everything. Kendra Adachi reveals how her upbringing in a tense household drove her to maintain a flawless facade in academics and at home, only to be criticized nonetheless. This chase for perfection left her feeling exhausted and disconnected from others. It’s not just about achieving; perfectionism denies vulnerability and genuine expression.
When Adachi entered the workforce, perfectionism morphed into its equally toxic counterpart—complete indifference. She stopped aspiring for growth and abandoned activities she enjoyed because doing them imperfectly scared her. This roller coaster of extremes taught her that neither overachieving nor apathy could provide peace or fulfillment.
By identifying her true desires and redefining success as progress rather than flawlessness, Adachi began crafting a more meaningful life. She calls this approach "being a Lazy Genius," finding joy in imperfection and pursuing what genuinely matters.
Examples
- Adachi kept her room spotless as a child yet still faced her father’s disapproval.
- Abandoning perfectionism, she let her home turn into chaos, which overwhelmed her.
- She found balance by focusing on hosting heartfelt gatherings instead of striving for a perfect house.
2. Small Changes Lead to Big Improvements
We often give up on new habits when we don’t see immediate results. Adachi experienced this frustration when she tried to master yoga by jumping into three classes weekly—an overwhelming schedule that quickly fizzled. She learned that ambitious leaps often lead to burnout.
Small, consistent steps are more sustainable than grand, unsustainable changes. By committing to a single yoga pose daily, Adachi built a manageable routine that allowed her to steadily improve. Incremental progress might seem insignificant, but over time, small efforts create lasting transformations.
This principle is especially helpful when changing established habits. By lowering the stakes and allowing yourself to focus on small wins, you keep motivation alive and avoid burnout.
Examples
- Adachi tried to practice yoga intensively but gave up within weeks.
- She shifted to practicing one pose daily, which led to gradual improvement.
- Other habits, like cooking better meals, became easier when she started tweaking just one small process at a time.
3. Fixed Decisions Simplify Life
Having too many choices each day can drain mental energy. Decisions as mundane as choosing what to wear or cook can lead to decision fatigue, which heightens stress. To avoid this, Adachi embraced fixed decisions, committing to routines like wearing the same outfit every Monday or using pre-planned dinner rotations.
Fixed decisions free up mental bandwidth by removing unnecessary choices. They might seem rigid, but they free you to focus on tasks and experiences you truly enjoy. For instance, Adachi scheduled regular activities like grocery shopping on the same day weekly, which helped her family feel more prepared and relaxed.
Fixed routines extend to celebrations, too. Simplified traditions—like ordering out for birthdays—reduce planning stress so that you can use the saved energy to connect with loved ones.
Examples
- Adachi always wears black jeans on Mondays, simplifying her mornings.
- She rotates predetermined meals instead of brainstorming dinner every night.
- Scheduled grocery trips save her time and hassle during busy weeks.
4. Prepare Now for Future Pressure Points
Everyday stress can often be preempted with a little preparation. Adachi encourages asking this "Magic Question": “What can I do now to make life easier later?” Simple changes, like pre-packing snacks or arranging keys in a designated spot, help reduce chaotic moments.
Planning doesn’t require grand preparations; small adjustments suffice. Stress often peaks during transitions—think about mornings, school pickups, or work starts. Simple rituals, like setting out kids' snacks beforehand, or routines for leaving the house, like placing essentials near the door, create smoother transitions.
Setting your workspace and mind helps at work, too. Starting the day by aligning your mindset—whether through a walk or playing energizing music—results in greater focus and productivity in the hours ahead.
Examples
- Adachi stages after-school snacks in advance to soothe hungry kids.
- She avoids forgetting keys or cards by leaving them near the door.
- She introduces calming work-starter rituals, tuning out distraction.
5. Simple Rules Make Home Inviting
Rules in a household should serve the people in it, not make them feel awkward or tense. Having a balance between structure and flexibility helps you create a welcoming, functional space. Adachi suggests thoughtful rules like assigning chores among family members, such as loading the dishwasher nightly.
Decluttering is an essential step. Keep items that matter to you while ensuring everything has its designated place. From organizing treasured books on prominent shelves to neatly arranging daily spices, simplifying physical clutter improves emotional well-being.
Some rules will focus on reducing mess, while others should ensure you’re displaying what boosts happiness. By removing what doesn’t serve, you create room to spotlight what you cherish.
Examples
- Family members split kitchen chores between evening and morning.
- Adachi dedicates a prominent shelf to her cherished book collection.
- Broken toys and seldom-used items get discarded to reduce clutter.
6. You Must Rest to Discover What Matters
Feeling disconnected from your purpose? It may mean you haven’t had space to reflect. Adachi highlights genuine rest as crucial for reconnecting with your desires. Self-care should go beyond trendy activities; it’s about actions that make you feel truly like yourself, even if this means reading alone or exercising briefly.
To tune into your intuition, carve out small pockets of time for self-reflection. Rest comes in many forms—weekly activities like reading or occasional full days off can reset your outlook. Equally important is daily ground-level prioritizing; even taking breathers can make space for clarity and anchor your focus.
Rest doesn't require elaborate plans. Simply find what feels reenergizing and unapologetically carve moments for it within your routine.
Examples
- Adachi unwinds and rediscovers her spark through walks or books.
- She avoids over-planning by fitting in manageable rest sessions like 15 minutes of quiet reflection.
- Scheduling time alone reinvigorates her mind after social pipelines feel drained.
7. Life’s Seasons Teach Us Growth
Life naturally fluctuates through seasons of calm, challenge, joy, and sorrow. Accepting this flow empowers you to navigate difficult phases. Whether adjusting to parenthood or mourning a loss, resisting discomfort intensifies it. Adachi encourages showing up fully, enabling resilience over avoidance.
Difficult emotions often teach patience and insight, though acknowledging them takes courage. Accepting seasons for what they are, without predicting doom or fighting temporality, allows room for peace. Enduring an emotional “winter” often sets one up for growth when “spring” dawns again.
Hard phases are inevitable, but graceful navigation ensures you emerge stronger and wiser. Growth happens when you stay present.
Examples
- Adachi faced challenges in parenting but leaned into the joys of each moment rather than rushing milestones.
- Mourning a lost parent became bearable when she made peace with her feelings instead of suppressing them.
- During work lulls, she turned uncertainty into skill-building time.
8. Vulnerability Builds True Connection
Pretending to be perfect creates distance between you and others. Adachi challenges readers to allow friends into their imperfections—the messy home, the less-than-ideal meal, or the emotional lows. Authenticity fosters deep connections, while trying to "look perfect" keeps support away.
Hosting friends without pre-cleaning or stressing over fancy meals invites true conversations and bonding. Likewise, sharing anxieties and failings encourages mutual trust. Vulnerability from one person usually inspires others to open up, creating a friendship ripple effect.
True connection shines when you let your guards down. Growth and joy come not from impressing people, but from simply being with them.
Examples
- Adachi invites friends over without apologizing for clutter.
- Vulnerable conversations build genuine friendships with neighbors.
- Pizza nights replace elaborate feasts when energy feels low.
9. Focus on Celebrating Life in Small Moments
Adachi encourages savoring daily joys—celebrating life even through tiny happenings or funny quirks. Celebrations aren’t reserved for monumental events; they include everyday victories, like mastering a new recipe or simply enjoying a perfect fall day.
Celebrating small wins builds a spirit of gratitude. It also shifts the focus away from chasing large goals constantly. By sharing celebrations with friends and family, you also create meaningful bonding moments that strengthen relationships instead of waiting for grand gestures.
Joy is found fully in appreciating authentic, consistent days, no matter how imperfect the seasons may be.
Examples
- Celebrate personal progress, like exercising regularly for one week.
- Host mini parties with friends over unexpected milestones or holidays.
- Make an annual event out of simple joys like admiring seasonal changes.
Takeaways
- Start small—whether forming habits or tackling clutter, take tiny steps that feel manageable.
- Create fixed routines or decisions to save your mental energy for things you love.
- Accept imperfection; welcome others into your life even in messy, complicated stages.