The Light We Give

While you can’t always control what happens to you, you can control how you react and the ways you find meaning, joy, and connection through life’s challenges.

1. Understand That You Can’t Change the World, Only Your Perspective

The choices you make about how to interpret events shape your experience of reality. Instead of succumbing to anger or frustration when confronting hardship, ask yourself how you might learn, grow, or create positive change through the experience. This mindset enables resilience and fosters personal growth, even in turbulent times.

For instance, Simran Jeet Singh’s life as a Sikh growing up in racist south Texas was filled with challenges. He used humor and grace to navigate discrimination, but the 9/11 attacks dramatically raised the stakes. Faced with death threats and hate crimes directed at his community for their appearance, Singh recognized that anger alone was insufficient. He began to reflect deeply on how he could transform his reactions into something constructive, focusing on hope and love.

This shift in perspective extends beyond personal survival. Communities coming together after shared hardships, like his family’s experience of neighbors showing kindness post-9/11, can illuminate humanity’s capacity for goodness and connection even during dark moments.

Examples

• Constant threats after 9/11 prompted Singh’s family to find hope in their supportive neighbors.
• Racism in Texas led Singh to use humor to educate others.
• He began shifting his perspective by focusing on opportunities to find peace and joy through difficult times.

2. Challenging Bias Starts With You

Unchecked biases are a barrier to connection. Taking the time to reflect on your own assumptions and examine their roots helps you cultivate openness toward others, even when they express ignorance or hatred. This internal work can transform how you engage with the world.

When people told Singh “Go back to where you came from,” they assumed his true home lay elsewhere. Yet his Sikh ancestors had fled centuries of persecution in India, and America symbolized their pursuit of belonging. As he reflected on how inherited beliefs form, Singh became curious about the origins of others’ biases. This replaced his anger with understanding, creating opportunities for empathy.

Asking “Why does someone think this way?” opened the door to meaningful conversations. Instead of simply reacting to hostility, Singh embraced curiosity and radical honesty, which deepened his relationships with others, even in challenging circumstances.

Examples

• Singh reflected on the history of his family, turning anger into curiosity about others’ perspectives.
• He asked deeper questions to understand the roots of people’s biases.
• Practicing radical honesty allowed for connections he hadn’t thought possible.

3. Choosing to See the Best in Others Changes You

Choosing to see the humanity in others—even those who harm you—can transform anger into hope. The simplest acts of recognition and understanding can help reframe how you view both others and yourself.

After the 2012 Oak Creek gurdwara shooting, many would have labeled the white supremacist gunman as pure evil. Yet Singh challenged himself to look beyond anger. Inspired by survivors who responded with optimism, he sought to find the light in even the darkest of situations. Viewing perpetrators of hate as human allowed Singh to maintain his own humanity.

This approach isn’t about excusing harmful acts—it’s about sustaining your spirit. Connecting with the courage and compassion of others, as Singh did with the surviving community, can help turn tragedy into resilience.

Examples

• Survivors of the shooting modeled resilience and optimism.
• Singh resisted labeling the shooter as evil to maintain his own humanity.
• Finding the light in others helped Singh experience more hope in his life.

4. Love and Generosity Create Abundance

When you prioritize helping others, you experience a sense of abundance and joy that cannot be achieved through personal gain alone. Sharing, even in times of scarcity, shifts your perspective from lack to gratitude.

During the early days of COVID-19, Singh witnessed countless stories of people sharing food, resources, and comfort in New York City. While these acts might seem draining, for every act of giving, he saw that people felt revitalized, hopeful, and optimistic. The Sikh principle of providing for others before oneself taught him that selfless acts create lasting goodwill.

Even in isolation, Singh practiced generosity through acts of service for his family and community. These moments of giving restructured his sense of purpose, creating meaning through connection.

Examples

• New Yorkers shared food and resources in the pandemic’s early days.
• Singh reflected on the Sikh ideal of selfless sharing when isolated.
• Generosity brought Singh and his family a renewed sense of love and hope.

5. Your Actions Should Serve, Not Center, You

Sometimes we mistake doing good for others as purely altruistic when it may still focus on our need for results or recognition. True service requires humility and is about intention over outcomes.

In lockdown, Singh initially struggled with feelings of helplessness, thinking real activism had to be external. But reframing his role as a father and partner at home helped him see that selflessness isn’t about measurable outcomes but about intention. Instead of seeking external validation, he embraced the quiet ways he could serve.

This mindset shift reminded him that acts of service—big or small—have ripple effects. His supportive energy helped his wife serve others as a doctor. These ripples of change fed into larger positive outcomes he couldn’t have fully predicted.

Examples

• Singh wrestled with the need to see his activism or actions have visible results.
• For his family during lockdown, he turned daily life into quiet acts of service.
• His wife’s energy for hospital work expanded thanks to his quiet support.

6. Self-Reflection Illuminates Your True Priorities

Observing yourself like an outsider reveals a gap between what you value and how you spend your time. Bridging this gap can help you reconcile your internal life with your actions.

Imagine telling yourself family is the most important thing to you, but an outside observer might see you spend most of your day at work or online. Singh encourages an "alien observer" exercise to view your life from a neutral perspective. This outsider lens helps you confront the contradictions in how you live versus what you value.

Recognizing these contradictions isn’t about guilt—it’s about self-compassion. Seeing this clearly brings growth through humility and affords patience for others’ struggles, too.

Examples

• Singh uses the "alien observer" exercise to highlight gaps in alignment.
• This tool provides clarity about how time and energy are spent daily.
• Self-compassion bridges contradictions between internal goals and external priorities.

7. Optimism Builds Resilience

Choosing hope in difficult times requires active effort but pays off in emotional endurance. Optimists see negative events as opportunities for growth, enabling them to adapt more effectively.

Simran’s Sikh upbringing emphasized finding hope, even amidst suffering. Whether living through systemic racism or the chaos of the pandemic, he practiced seeing good around him. By focusing on resilience, he learned every struggle contained opportunity.

This mindset helps you weather life’s challenges by reframing obstacles as stepping stones. Adversity becomes less overwhelming when met with persistent positivity.

Examples

• Singh’s family emphasized hope even in the face of racism.
• During the pandemic, he focused on stories of optimism in New York City.
• Resilience came from actively seeking goodness in life’s darkest moments.

8. Love and Connection Overcome Isolation

Isolation and fear thrive on divisions, but choosing love and community heals both. Building bridges through shared humanity strengthens your bonds and combats loneliness.

After 9/11, many supported Singh’s family, displaying immense love despite pervasive hate. These simple gestures sustained them and inspired their belief in the power of connection. Singh attributes his journey to healing by actively seeking and building connections across ideological divides.

Leaning on each other’s shared humanity fosters a life full of joy and compassion during hard times.

Examples

• Neighbors visiting post-9/11 brought comfort amidst fear.
• Singh’s example of seeking conversations about bias led to deeper cross-cultural connections.
• Community strength became an anchor during systemic and personal challenges.

9. Daily Practice Creates a Life of Meaning

None of the transformations Singh discusses happen overnight—they require consistent effort. Practicing empathy, optimism, and service daily builds a sustainable foundation for joy.

By committing to the continual process of reflecting, serving, and choosing hope, Singh’s life became rooted in meaning and love. It’s a practice, not perfection, that matters.

This approach shows every moment is a chance for growth, as long as we’re willing to begin again.

Examples

• Singh builds daily habits that reflect Sikh principles.
• Choosing service as life’s purpose deepened his sense of joy.
• Practicing empathy reduces anger and strengthens relationships over time.

Takeaways

1. Practice daily self-reflection to align your life with your core values and adjust your priorities meaningfully.
2. When encountering bias or hate, replace anger with curiosity by asking, "Why might they think this way?"
3. Actively choose optimism by seeking out examples of strength, compassion, and resilience in difficult times.