The Myth of Sanity Summary

Have you ever felt like you weren’t really there – like you were watching your life from the outside? This book explores why our minds sometimes ‘check out’ and how we can reclaim our presence.

1. Dissociation: A Survival Tool with a Hidden Cost

Dissociation is the brain’s way of protecting us during overwhelming situations. It allows us to emotionally disconnect, helping us stay calm and act rationally in moments of crisis. For example, during a car accident, you might feel as though you’re watching the event from outside your body. This detachment can help you focus on survival rather than panic.

However, dissociation doesn’t always stop when the crisis ends. The brain can form connections between traumatic events and unrelated triggers, causing dissociation to resurface unexpectedly. For instance, a loud noise might remind someone of a past trauma, leading to feelings of fear or detachment. This can disrupt daily life and leave people feeling disconnected from reality.

While dissociation is a natural response, it can become a long-term problem. People who frequently dissociate may struggle to process emotions, form memories, or stay present in their lives. This makes it harder to confront challenges and build meaningful relationships.

Examples

• A driver feels detached during a car accident, enabling them to act quickly and avoid further harm.
• A woman hears a train whistle and is suddenly overwhelmed by memories of a childhood trauma.
• A person spaces out during an argument, unable to stay emotionally engaged.

2. Trauma Alters How the Brain Stores Memories

Trauma doesn’t just affect emotions; it changes how the brain processes and stores memories. Normally, the amygdala evaluates emotional significance, and the hippocampus organizes memories. But during trauma, this system breaks down, leaving memories fragmented and disconnected.

Traumatic memories often exist as isolated sensory experiences, like sounds, smells, or physical sensations. These memories are harder to process because they aren’t integrated with the rest of a person’s experiences. They also bypass the brain’s language centers, making it difficult to describe or make sense of them.

This disconnection can lead to memory gaps or vivid flashbacks. For example, someone might vividly recall the smell of chlorine from a traumatic event but have no context for why it feels significant. These fragmented memories can resurface unexpectedly, causing distress and confusion.

Examples

• A woman remembers the smell of chlorine but not the traumatic event it’s tied to.
• A man has vivid flashbacks of a car crash but struggles to describe the experience in words.
• A survivor of abuse has large gaps in their childhood memories.

3. Dissociative States Can Lead to Lost Time

Dissociation can sometimes cause people to lose track of time or feel disconnected from reality. In extreme cases, this can result in fugue states, where a person functions on autopilot but has no memory of their actions. For example, someone might go to work and interact with others but later have no recollection of the day.

More commonly, people experience demifugue, a milder form of dissociation. This might feel like watching the world through a fog or being detached from one’s body. These episodes are often triggered by reminders of past trauma, even if the connection isn’t obvious.

These states can be disorienting and make it difficult to stay present. They can also strain relationships, as loved ones may not understand why someone seems distant or unresponsive during these episodes.

Examples

• A woman loses three days to a fugue state but appears normal to her coworkers.
• A man feels detached and heavy during a family visit, likely triggered by childhood memories.
• A person feels like they’re watching their life through a telescope during a stressful argument.

4. Children Are Especially Vulnerable to Trauma

Children are more likely than adults to be deeply affected by traumatic events. Their limited life experience makes it harder for them to process overwhelming situations, leaving them more susceptible to long-term effects like dissociation.

Even events that might seem minor to adults can be deeply traumatic for children. For example, witnessing a parent’s violent outburst or being exposed to frequent arguments can leave lasting emotional scars. These experiences can shape how children respond to stress and conflict as they grow older.

Trauma during childhood often leads to dissociation as a coping mechanism. This can carry into adulthood, making it difficult for people to process emotions or stay present in challenging situations.

Examples

• A child feels numb and detached after witnessing a parent’s violent outburst.
• A boy spaces out during arguments as an adult, a habit formed during his parents’ fights.
• A girl dissociates during a loud noise, recalling a traumatic childhood event.

5. Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Survival Mechanism

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) often develops in children who experience chronic abuse. It allows them to create separate identities, or “alters,” to cope with extreme stress. Each alter handles different aspects of the trauma, helping the child survive.

While this coping mechanism can be life-saving during childhood, it becomes problematic in adulthood. Alters may take control at unexpected times, leading to behavior that seems out of character. This can cause confusion and strain relationships.

For example, a man with DID might have an alter that emerges to protect him during conflict, while another alter carries the guilt and pain of past abuse. These shifts can make it difficult for him to maintain a consistent sense of self.

Examples

• A man develops multiple alters to cope with abuse, including one that carries his guilt.
• A woman’s alter emerges during stressful situations, causing her to act out of character.
• A child creates an alter to endure repeated trauma, allowing them to mentally escape.

6. Dissociative Identity Disorder Can Cause Behavioral Shifts

People with DID often experience sudden changes in behavior that can seem confusing to others. These shifts may not involve distinct personalities but can still make someone act in unrecognizable ways.

For example, a normally cheerful person might suddenly become withdrawn or irritable. These changes are often triggered by reminders of past trauma, even if the connection isn’t obvious. Loved ones may struggle to understand these shifts, leading to feelings of frustration or alienation.

These behavioral changes can make it difficult for people with DID to maintain relationships or function in daily life. They may feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells, unsure of when the next shift will occur.

Examples

• A man disappears for days without explanation, leaving his family confused and worried.
• A woman lashes out in anger during a minor disagreement, surprising her friends.
• A person becomes uncharacteristically withdrawn after hearing a triggering song.

7. Facing Trauma Is Key to Healing

Overcoming dissociation requires confronting past traumas head-on. This can be a painful process, but it’s essential for breaking free from the patterns of avoidance and detachment that dissociation creates.

Therapy can help people access and process buried memories, often through techniques like hypnosis or guided visualization. Revisiting old places or discussing traumatic events with trusted individuals can also aid in healing. The goal is to integrate these experiences into one’s sense of self, rather than letting them remain isolated and disruptive.

By taking responsibility for their healing, people can begin to live more fully in the present and build healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Examples

• A man confronts his guilt over a sibling’s death through hypnosis, leading to emotional healing.
• A woman revisits her childhood neighborhood to process memories of abuse.
• A survivor of trauma keeps a journal to explore and understand their emotions.

8. Dissociation Affects Everyone Differently

Dissociation exists on a spectrum, from mild daydreaming to severe disorders like DID. Everyone experiences it differently, and its effects depend on the individual’s history and coping mechanisms.

For some, dissociation might be a rare occurrence triggered by extreme stress. For others, it can be a daily struggle that interferes with their ability to function. Understanding this spectrum can help people recognize and address their own dissociative tendencies.

By acknowledging the ways dissociation manifests, individuals can take steps to stay present and engaged in their lives.

Examples

• A person spaces out during a boring meeting, a mild form of dissociation.
• A woman feels detached during a family gathering, likely triggered by past trauma.
• A man struggles with frequent fugue states, a more severe form of dissociation.

9. Healing Requires Self-Awareness and Support

Recovering from dissociation is a journey that requires self-awareness and a willingness to seek help. Therapy, mindfulness practices, and supportive relationships can all play a role in healing.

It’s important to recognize dissociative behaviors and understand their roots in past trauma. By addressing these underlying issues, people can begin to reclaim their sense of self and build a more grounded, present life.

Support from loved ones can also make a significant difference. Encouraging someone to seek therapy or simply being a compassionate listener can help them feel less alone in their journey.

Examples

• A man practices mindfulness to stay present and reduce dissociative episodes.
• A woman seeks therapy to process childhood trauma and heal her dissociative tendencies.
• A friend supports a loved one by encouraging them to explore their emotions in a safe space.

Takeaways

1. Practice mindfulness to stay present and reduce dissociative tendencies.
2. Seek therapy to confront and process past traumas.
3. Support loved ones by encouraging open communication and understanding.