The Road to Character

What does it mean to live a good life? The answer might not lie in chasing success but in building character.

1. The Duality of Human Nature

Human beings are an intricate mix of two opposing traits, dubbed Adam I and Adam II. Adam I is the ambitious extrovert who seeks success and personal gratification. He builds a career and strives for wins. Adam II, on the other hand, is the moral and introspective side that wants inner virtue. Adam I chases external validation, while Adam II seeks deeper fulfillment through humility and connection to others.

Over time, societies encourage one of these traits more than the other. In the past, Adam II flourished, with people valuing humility, restraint, and moral depth. Today, society has swung towards Adam I, pushing us into a self-centered, achievement-driven environment that disregards the importance of inner growth.

This shift can be seen in historical contrasts. For example, George H.W. Bush, shaped in an Adam II-respecting era, avoided self-promotion, even in his political campaign speeches. In contrast, modern culture promotes constant self-praise through social media platforms, where individuals are urged to showcase their achievements.

Examples

• Modern self-help books consistently focus on the message, "Follow your dreams!" or "You can achieve anything!"
• Social media feeds often feature carefully curated "highlight reels" of personal success.
• Historical leaders like Abraham Lincoln were celebrated for humility, in contrast to some modern celebrities who thrive on self-promotion.

2. The Shift from Humility to Self-Obsession

The transition from a culture rooted in humility to one dominated by individualism began with the rise of romanticism in the 18th century. Romanticism celebrated the individual, highlighting creativity and personal freedom. Though valuable, this emphasis shifted the focus away from shared morality and interconnected values.

In the 1950s and 60s, the balance tilted further. Empowerment movements, while necessary and transformative, amplified personal ambition over communal values. Advertising and consumer culture exploded, encouraging people to pursue happiness through consumption and individual achievement rather than deeper relationships or inner growth.

By the late 20th century, progress meant supremacy of individual goals. Parents, educators, and institutions began prioritizing achievements over character, teaching children to see success as life’s ultimate objective.

Examples

• The post-WWII boom encouraged people to spend and embrace leisure, moving away from sacrifice and restraint.
• Empowerment movements, while essential, inadvertently promoted self-promotion and pride.
• Advertising slogans shifted from "We" or community-based messaging to "Because you’re worth it!" and "Just do it!"

3. The Hidden Cost of Individualism

Modern culture’s focus on individualism and financial success comes at a high price. Chasing external milestones leads to shallow engagements with life. Relationships, once anchored in love and loyalty, are reduced to transactional exchanges.

Parents now see child-rearing as a way to boost their social credibility. Kids are pushed to achieve milestones that look good on college applications rather than develop genuine character or emotional resilience. Likewise, relationships and friendships often focus on networking or mutual benefit rather than authentic connection.

This growing obsession with results over substance erodes our internal moral compass, leading to dissatisfaction. People may achieve their career goals or financial dreams yet feel empty or unfulfilled because they have neglected meaningful communal and personal bonds.

Examples

• The rise in helicopter parenting centers on resume-worthy accomplishments rather than emotional growth.
• Surveys at UCLA show a drop in students prioritizing a life philosophy, replaced by the drive for material wealth.
• Work cultures that celebrate individual success often undermine team cohesion and collective goals.

4. The Value of Admitting Flaws

The path to building character begins with acknowledging imperfection. Rather than pretending to be invulnerable, recognizing one’s weaknesses can foster humility, gratitude, and connection with others. Adversity plays a critical role in shaping deep moral understanding.

Take Dorothy Day, a young writer battling alcoholism and depression. Her transformation began when she admitted her flaws and sought a purpose beyond herself. By founding The Catholic Worker newspaper during the Great Depression, Day turned her struggles into service for others, eventually finding joy and purpose.

Modern society often sees vulnerability as weakness, but embracing flaws can lead to profound growth and deeper relationships.

Examples

• Dorothy Day used her challenges to create a movement rooted in service and humility.
• Sharing personal struggles can make individuals more relatable and inspire empathy.
• Research shows that admitting imperfections fosters deeper trust in partnerships and friendships.

5. Pride: An Obstacle to Growth

Pride—an inflated sense of self—prevents people from seeking help or forming genuine bonds. When people are too proud, they isolate themselves, believing they must bear their burdens alone or prove their superiority.

However, metaphorically tossing pride aside allows for vulnerability and interconnectedness. For instance, author George Eliot (Mary Anne Evans) overcame her self-centered insecurities with the unwavering encouragement of her partner, George Lewes. His support helped her to build confidence, ultimately unlocking her creativity and success.

True growth requires admitting that one cannot achieve everything alone. Explicitly asking for help or seeking support is not a sign of failure but a step toward building authentic relationships.

Examples

• George Eliot relied on George Lewes to overcome personal hurdles and become a renowned author.
• Workplace collaborations thrive when employees admit mistakes or weaknesses, fostering trust within teams.
• Shared vulnerability during therapy or support groups provides collective healing.

6. The Dangerous Pursuit of Perfection

Modern society’s relentless pursuit of perfection—physically, professionally, or emotionally—creates undue stress. People curate lives of artificial perfection through digital filters, awards, or curated personas but feel more disconnected than ever.

Acknowledging human limitations helps people build a sense of compassion. Understanding that perfection is unattainable frees energy to focus on relationships and authentic growth.

Instead of creating Instagram-perfect lives or resumes, individuals should strive to find satisfaction in the messy truths of human existence.

Examples

• The constant curation of social media profiles often leads to feelings of inadequacy.
• Separate studies show that striving for "perfection" decreases overall happiness and mental health.
• Historical thinkers and leaders, like St. Augustine, highlighted human vulnerability as a source of strength.

7. Virtue Brings Lasting Joy

True joy comes not from external achievements but from practicing virtues like love, kindness, gratitude, and honesty. People who live virtuously build strong relationships and derive more satisfaction from life.

Choosing virtue involves intentional acts of selflessness and focusing on goals bigger than personal comfort. Navigating life’s challenges with integrity and compassion anchors a more meaningful existence.

For example, figures like Mother Teresa served others selflessly, finding more purpose in her work with the poor than in material acquisition.

Examples

• Mother Teresa epitomized how joy springs from service and humility.
• Studies on volunteering show it has tangible mental health benefits for participants.
• Sharing meals with friends or family fosters deeper connection, often bringing more happiness than work-focused accomplishments.

8. The Importance of Community

No person builds character alone. Support networks, including friends, family, mentors, or faith communities, are essential to moral growth. People rely on others for grounding, guidance, and accountability.

For instance, Eliot’s success was tied to her relationship with Lewes, who urged her to shed insecurities. Similarly, the transformative power of civil rights movements stemmed from shared collective effort, with individuals working in harmony toward vital social goals.

True character is a community effort.

Examples

• George Eliot benefited from George Lewes's steadfast encouragement.
• Life-transforming movements like the Civil Rights Movement relied on collective, not individual, action.
• Collaborative teams often outperform solitary leaders, spreading diverse contributions.

9. Discontent as a Catalyst

The longing for change, when used constructively, fuels personal growth. Discontent should inspire, not discourage. Recognizing what needs to change in oneself or society propels individuals and groups toward positive transformation.

Rather than dwelling on what isn’t working, this mindset turns dissatisfaction into a roadmap for character development.

Examples

• Dorothy Day channeled her struggles into activism and faith.
• Social reformers throughout history transformed discontent into societal progress.
• Self-improvement often begins with healthy dissatisfaction, spurring reflection and action.

Takeaways

1. Pause before sharing on social media. Reflect on motives like seeking validation, and aim for meaningful communication instead.
2. Embrace your flaws. Use life’s challenges as stepping stones to deeper connections and purpose.
3. Seek support from others. Build stronger, more authentic relationships by admitting you cannot succeed alone.