Introduction
In "The Urgent Life," Bozoma Saint John shares her powerful journey of navigating through profound loss and emerging with a renewed sense of purpose and zest for life. This book is not just a memoir; it's a call to action for anyone who has faced adversity or loss, encouraging readers to embrace life with urgency and boldness.
Saint John's story is one of resilience and transformation. Born in Ghana, she experienced displacement at a young age when her family fled to Kenya and later sought asylum in the United States. As a Black woman in America, she faced the challenges of never quite feeling like she belonged. But it was the personal losses she endured that truly shaped her perspective on life.
The death of her first boyfriend in college, the loss of her first daughter at birth, and the passing of her husband to cancer were all devastating blows that left indelible marks on her soul. However, instead of allowing these tragedies to define her, Saint John used them as catalysts for personal growth and a renewed appreciation for life.
Through her experiences, Saint John teaches us that while the scars of loss never truly heal, they can become a source of strength and motivation to live life to its fullest. Her message is clear: life is precious and unpredictable, so we must seize every moment with urgency and purpose.
Lesson 1: Pick Up That Phone
One of the most poignant lessons Saint John shares comes from a haunting experience during her college years. One night, she ignored a phone call from her boyfriend, Ben, who was struggling with mental health issues. Tragically, that same night, Ben took his own life.
This heart-wrenching event left an indelible mark on Saint John's psyche. While she understands intellectually that she couldn't have prevented Ben's suicide, the "what if" scenario of answering that call continues to play in her mind. This experience taught her a crucial lesson about the importance of connection and not taking relationships for granted.
As a result, Saint John now lives by the principle of always picking up the phone. She doesn't delay in expressing her feelings or showing love to those around her. This approach to life emphasizes the urgency of maintaining connections and the importance of being present for others.
The lesson extends beyond just answering phone calls. It's about seizing opportunities to connect, to show love, and to be there for others. Saint John encourages us to:
- Never hesitate to reach out to loved ones
- Express feelings and emotions openly and frequently
- Prioritize personal connections over trivial daily tasks
- Be present and available for those who need us
This lesson reminds us that life is unpredictable, and we may not always get second chances. By picking up that metaphorical phone, we ensure that we make the most of our relationships and leave no room for regret.
Lesson 2: Listen to Your Inner Voice
Throughout her life, Saint John has faced numerous situations where societal expectations and familial pressures clashed with her personal desires and intuitions. Her journey teaches us the importance of tuning into our inner voice and following our true path, even when it goes against the grain.
As the eldest daughter in a traditional Ghanaian family, Saint John was expected to become a doctor and make her parents proud. However, she felt a pull towards a different path. Despite the weight of her parents' sacrifices and expectations, she chose to follow her passion for marketing, moving to New York to pursue her dreams.
This decision wasn't easy. It meant disappointing her parents and stepping into an uncertain future. But Saint John knew that living someone else's dream would never fulfill her. By listening to her inner voice, she embarked on a career that would allow her to truly express her talents and passions.
Saint John's choice to be with Peter, a white man who didn't share her cultural background, was another instance where she had to tune out external voices and listen to her heart. Their relationship faced disapproval from both families and society at large, but Saint John chose to prioritize love over conformity.
The lesson here is clear: to live an authentic and fulfilling life, we must:
- Trust our instincts and inner wisdom
- Be willing to go against societal norms and expectations
- Recognize that our unique path may not align with others' plans for us
- Have the courage to pursue what feels right, even in the face of disapproval
By listening to our inner voice, we open ourselves up to experiences and opportunities that align with our true selves, leading to a more genuine and satisfying life.
Lesson 3: Live Boldly
Saint John's career trajectory is a testament to the power of living boldly. As a Black woman in predominantly white, male-dominated industries, she has had to confront numerous challenges and prejudices. Her journey from a lowly assistant at Spike Lee's agency to becoming the head of marketing at Netflix and the first Black woman in the company's C-suite is a story of courage, resilience, and bold decision-making.
Saint John attributes her ability to navigate these challenges to two key factors:
- A strong sense of identity and pride instilled by her parents
- The ability to trust her instincts and take calculated risks
Growing up, Saint John's parents celebrated their Ghanaian identity, even when they were the only ones who looked different in their community. This upbringing taught her to be proud of her differences and to see them as strengths rather than weaknesses.
Her boldness is exemplified by the moment she asked Spike Lee to let her read a script, despite being a junior assistant. This audacious move, driven by her intuition, became the catalyst for her career advancement.
Living boldly, according to Saint John, means:
- Embracing your unique identity and background
- Taking calculated risks and seizing opportunities
- Not being afraid to stand out or be different
- Trusting your instincts, even when they go against conventional wisdom
- Challenging the status quo and pushing boundaries
By living boldly, we open ourselves up to new experiences, growth opportunities, and the chance to make a real impact in our personal and professional lives.
Lesson 4: Don't Be Afraid of Making U-turns
Saint John's relationship with her husband, Peter, illustrates an important lesson about the complexity of life decisions and the value of being open to change. Their story shows that living urgently doesn't mean sticking stubbornly to every decision, but rather being willing to reassess and change course when necessary.
Initially, Saint John couldn't imagine a life with Peter due to their cultural differences. However, after he demonstrated a genuine effort to understand her world by reading Toni Morrison's "Song of Solomon," she opened her heart to the possibility of their relationship.
Years into their marriage, challenges arose. The loss of their first child during childbirth and the realization of persistent cultural differences led to a separation. Saint John felt constrained in the marriage and decided to leave, following her intuition once again.
However, when Peter received a terminal cancer diagnosis, everything changed. His wish to reunite and Saint John's immediate acceptance of this idea demonstrates the fluidity of life decisions. Their reconciliation allowed them to rediscover their love and spend precious time together before Peter's passing.
This experience teaches us several valuable lessons:
- Life is not linear, and our paths may take unexpected turns
- It's okay to change your mind and reverse previous decisions
- Listening to your intuition is an ongoing process, not a one-time event
- Sometimes, what seems like a step backward can lead to personal growth and fulfillment
By being open to U-turns in life, we allow ourselves the flexibility to adapt to changing circumstances and to continue growing and learning throughout our journey.
Lesson 5: Realize You're Always Guided Along the Way
While Saint John's success story might seem like a testament to individual determination and grit, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing the support and guidance we receive along our journey. This awareness has been a source of strength and resilience for her, especially during challenging times.
Saint John's early days in New York illustrate this point perfectly. Despite arriving alone with limited resources, she was supported by a network of friends and kind strangers. From a college friend offering a couch to crash on, to a compassionate diner waitress who provided free bread rolls during her job search, these "angels" played crucial roles in her survival and eventual success.
Beyond these tangible forms of support, Saint John also finds comfort and guidance in spiritual connections. She feels the presence of her late husband Peter in natural phenomena like rainbows and cloud formations, interpreting these as signs of continued support and love.
This lesson teaches us to:
- Recognize and appreciate the support we receive from others
- Be open to unexpected sources of help and kindness
- Cultivate gratitude for the "angels" in our lives
- Stay attuned to subtle signs of guidance and support around us
- Understand that success is rarely a solo journey
By acknowledging the web of support that surrounds us, we can approach life with more humility, gratitude, and openness to the connections that sustain us.
The Ultimate Lesson: Embrace Life's Urgency
The overarching message of "The Urgent Life" is to allow loss and adversity to open us up rather than shut us down. Saint John encourages readers to:
- Embrace wonder and curiosity about the world around us
- Be open to kindness from strangers and unexpected sources
- Cherish time spent with loved ones
- Pay attention to the beauty and patterns in nature
- Listen to and trust our inner voice
- Recognize our inherent value as unique individuals
By living with this sense of urgency and openness, we can transform our experiences of loss into catalysts for personal growth and a deeper appreciation of life.
Final Thoughts
Bozoma Saint John's "The Urgent Life" is a powerful reminder of the preciousness and unpredictability of life. Through her personal stories of loss, resilience, and triumph, she offers valuable lessons on how to live boldly and urgently.
The key takeaways from the book are:
- Always pick up the phone and seize opportunities to connect with loved ones.
- Listen to your inner voice, even when it goes against external expectations.
- Live boldly, embracing your unique identity and taking calculated risks.
- Don't be afraid to make U-turns when your intuition guides you to change course.
- Recognize the support and guidance you receive from others along your journey.
Saint John's experiences teach us that while we can't control the losses and challenges life throws our way, we can control how we respond to them. By choosing to live urgently – with purpose, authenticity, and openness – we can transform our pain into growth and find joy even in the face of adversity.
"The Urgent Life" is not just a memoir; it's a call to action. It challenges readers to examine their own lives and ask themselves: Are we truly living, or merely existing? Are we making the most of every moment, or letting precious time slip away?
As we close the book, we're left with a renewed appreciation for life and a desire to embrace its urgency. Saint John's story reminds us that every day is an opportunity to live boldly, love deeply, and make a meaningful impact on the world around us.
So, don't wait. Pick up that phone, follow your intuition, take that bold step, be open to change, and recognize the support around you. Your urgent life is waiting to be lived.