Transcend

"What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization." Abraham Maslow's famous assertion serves as the foundation for Scott Barry Kaufman’s exploration into human growth and transcendence.

1. Safety Forms the Strong Foundation for Personal Growth

Safety is the cornerstone of human stability. Without it, other aspirations crumble under the weight of uncertainty. Whether it's physical, emotional, or social safety, we need a stable environment to take risks. Early patterns of attachment influence our sense of safety and ability to connect with others, paving the way for distinct attachment styles in adulthood—secure, anxious, or avoidant.

When caregivers provide warmth and attention during infancy, children feel safe to explore and engage with their surroundings. However, neglect or inconsistency causes anxiety or withdrawal, which adults often carry into their relationships. These patterns influence how they trust, handle conflict, and seek validation.

Addressing safety is not a one-time achievement. Even in adulthood, new positive experiences can reshape attachment styles, helping individuals feel more confident and connected. Social and environmental stability remains just as relevant as physical survival needs.

Examples

• The phenomenon of "hanger" demonstrates how unmet physiological needs, like hunger, overshadow everything else.
• Infants with attentive caregivers feel secure enough to explore their environment.
• Adults who’ve had warm childhoods exhibit healthier relationships and resilience under stress.

2. Connection and Belonging are Core Human Needs

Loneliness hurts as much as physical pain. People thrive through meaningful connections, finding safety and joy in their communities. Real connection requires both belonging to a group and forming intimate, mutual relationships where each individual feels seen and valued.

The Greek island of Ikaria provides an excellent case study. Known for its high concentration of centenarians, Ikaria's secret isn't just its diet but its close-knit community. Social bonds provide psychological safety, allowing residents to live long and fulfilled lives.

These deep connections are built on unconditional positive regard—accepting and caring for others without judgment. Truly healthy relationships balance participation and honesty, offering emotional richness and the support essential for personal fulfillment.

Examples

• Social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain, emphasizing its deep impact.
• Residents of Ikaria live longer due to their extended family systems and strong community ties.
• High-quality connections involve mutuality, where people both give and receive care.

3. Achievements Build True Self-Esteem

Self-esteem isn't inflated pride—it arises naturally through real accomplishments and meaningful social ties. It has two parts: self-worth, which reflects how you see yourself, and mastery, or how effectively you work toward your goals.

True self-esteem is social. Relational value, or how much you feel valued by others in personal relationships, boosts self-worth. Similarly, instrumental social value—being seen as useful or competent by others—supports mastery. Both these values grow when we engage authentically with others and tackle life’s challenges.

Striving for accomplishments without connection or self-awareness often backfires, leaving people dissatisfied. However, repeatedly meeting goals while maintaining meaningful interactions builds self-esteem in profound and lasting ways.

Examples

• Positive interactions boost self-worth and strengthen bonds in relationships.
• Overcoming challenges like learning new skills increases feelings of mastery.
• High self-esteem combines internal satisfaction with external validation from others.

4. Curiosity Opens Doors for Personal Growth

Exploration guides us toward new experiences and knowledge. It stems from curiosity and manifests in two ways: behaviorally, through social risk-taking and adventurous activities, and cognitively, through intellectual pursuits and creative thought.

Adults often lose their childlike sense of wonder. Yet a curious mind helps sweep away anxieties and keeps us learning. Behavioral exploration includes social curiosity (meeting new people) and adventure-seeking (pushing boundaries). Cognitive exploration involves appreciating complex beauty, gaining wisdom, and engaging in abstract reasoning.

Exploration restores vitality, helping people adapt and grow. Being open to the unknown, whether through art or adventure, boosts creativity and resilience, making life richer in the process.

Examples

• Mountain climbers overcome fear and grow through their adventures.
• Artists absorb and reinterpret beauty through their creative processes.
• Engaging in philosophical discussions fosters intellectual curiosity.

5. Love, When Given Freely, Fills Life with Joy

Love isn’t something we need to “get” to feel whole—it’s something we give. Maslow’s distinction between D-love (deficiency-based love) and B-love (love for its own sake) captures this shift from seeking love out of emptiness to sharing it from abundance.

B-love is other-centered and generous, focusing on appreciating individuals for who they are. It transcends dependency, instead fostering trust, kindness, and mutual admiration. Practicing this form of love integrates both individuality and community.

When love is no longer tied to unmet personal needs, relationships become deeply satisfying. By balancing self-reliance and compassion, people in B-loving states enrich their lives and the lives of those around them.

Examples

• People engaged in B-love radiate kindness and attract others through trustworthiness.
• Parents embracing unconditional love often raise emotionally secure children.
• B-love reinforces values like humility and forgiveness, strengthening bonds.

6. Purpose Makes Life Meaningful

Finding a purpose transforms aimless living into a driven, energized existence. When actions align closely with personal values, they gain a sense of weight and direction. People live with greater satisfaction and resilience when anchored by purpose.

Purpose often emerges from meaningful work or a calling—a burning desire to contribute. However, even without a clear calling, individuals can choose values-driven goals rooted in growth, creativity, or community. These pursuits offer lasting fulfillment.

Greta Thunberg, for example, found relevance and confidence in her environmental activism. Purpose not only gave her renewed energy but also a reason to overcome obstacles and interact positively with the larger world.

Examples

• Greta Thunberg’s activism transformed personal struggles into a global movement.
• Living purposefully leads to long-term well-being, regardless of financial rewards.
• Aligning work with personal values enhances not just career satisfaction but overall life satisfaction.

7. Awe Expands Our Connection with Life

Moments of awe often come as surprises, whether through nature, art, or profound ideas. These peak experiences momentarily dissolve the sense of self, offering feelings of oneness and wonder.

Such moments don’t only create happy memories; they profoundly impact mental health. Awe heightens motivation, reduces fear, and deepens personal connections. Whether contemplating vast landscapes or pondering eternity, awe inspires both respect and humility.

Self-loss during peak experiences doesn’t diminish the individual. Rather, it integrates their identity with the universe at large, encouraging growth and teaching openness to new perspectives.

Examples

• Viewing the Grand Canyon leaves visitors feeling humbled and connected.
• Philosophical discussions about eternity create cognitive awe.
• Experiencing awe repeatedly leads to increased generosity and decreased aggression.

8. Self-Transcendence Elevates Human Existence

Self-transcendence is the natural step beyond self-fulfillment. It unites diverse aspects of being—emotions, intellect, and physicality—into a cohesive, harmonious whole. Instead of striving solely for personal happiness, transcenders advocate for universal values.

Transcenders embrace aspects like truth, justice, or beauty as their guiding principles. They focus on the interconnected nature of humanity, drawing strength from shared experiences. While transcendence doesn’t guarantee happiness, it enriches life with depth and meaning.

Fully self-actualized individuals balance personal growth with service to larger ideals, elevating not only themselves but also the collective human experience.

Examples

• Transcenders integrate painful and beautiful moments instead of avoiding life’s darker aspects.
• They use their personal growth to inspire societal contributions, prioritizing justice and truth.
• Transcendent values attract others who seek depth and purpose.

9. The Journey to Integration Leads to Fulfillment

Integrating human needs creates unity across life’s diverse facets. When safety, belonging, exploration, purpose, love, and awe merge organically, higher existence becomes possible.

Integration involves balancing independence with intimacy, agency with communion. By weaving different aspects of humanity into harmony, individuals create a fulfilling, ever-evolving life. Transcendence emerges not as an end goal but as a guiding star.

Discovering this balance allows people to face uncertainty and embrace life as it is, full of complexity and beauty. It’s not about escaping challenges but living deeply within them.

Examples

• People with balanced attachments thrive even during failures or upheavals.
• Harmonizing independence and connection inspires secure, lasting relationships.
• Seeing the world’s complexity without judgment fosters emotional peace.

Takeaways

1. Cultivate your curiosity: Actively seek new experiences and challenge your thinking. Read books, engage in discussions, or try something outside your comfort zone.
2. Live with purpose daily: Review your decisions and align them with meaningful goals, whether they’re small or life-changing.
3. Nurture connections: Build high-quality relationships where giving and receiving love are mutual. Aim for acceptance and openness with those around you.