Triggers

Why do we struggle to become the person we want to be? The answer lies in the hidden triggers all around us.

1. Triggers Shape Our Behavior Without Us Realizing It

Triggers are stimuli in our environment that influence our thoughts and actions, often without our awareness. They can be people, events, or even subtle cues like sounds or smells. These triggers can either encourage or discourage us from achieving our goals.

For example, imagine starting a diet on a sunny day in the park. You see others enjoying ice cream, and suddenly, your resolve weakens. That ice cream is a trigger, pulling you away from your goal. Triggers can be direct, like seeing a happy baby that makes you smile, or indirect, like a family photo that prompts you to call a loved one. They can also be conscious or unconscious, anticipated or unexpected.

The problem is that we often don’t recognize when we’re being triggered. The author shares a personal story about his comb-over hairstyle. For years, he resisted accepting his baldness because of environmental triggers that pressured him to look youthful. It wasn’t until his hairdresser cut his hair too short that he realized how these triggers were influencing his behavior.

Examples

• Seeing an ad for fast food can trigger cravings, even if you're trying to eat healthily.
• A rainy day might trigger memories of childhood, affecting your mood.
• The author’s comb-over was influenced by societal triggers to appear younger.

2. Belief Triggers Justify Our Resistance to Change

Our internal beliefs often act as triggers that prevent us from making positive changes. These belief triggers create excuses that justify our inaction, even when change would benefit us.

One common belief is that we already have enough wisdom to assess our own behavior. This leads us to think we can change whenever we want, so we delay taking action. However, studies show we’re often poor judges of ourselves. For instance, in a survey of over 80,000 professionals, 70% rated themselves in the top 10% of their peer group, which is statistically impossible.

External triggers in our environment can also reinforce these beliefs. For example, people who pay a lot for a meal might feel entitled to treat servers poorly, even if they’re polite in other settings. This shows how different environments can influence our behavior in ways we don’t always notice.

Examples

• Believing you can quit smoking anytime might delay your decision to actually stop.
• Overestimating your abilities at work can prevent you from seeking feedback or improvement.
• Treating waitstaff rudely in a fancy restaurant highlights how environments shape behavior.

3. Feedback Helps Identify and Manage Triggers

To overcome the influence of triggers, we first need to identify them. Feedback is a powerful tool for this. By analyzing our behavior and its triggers, we can make more intentional choices.

Start by picking a goal, like exercising regularly. Then, list the people and situations that affect your progress. For instance, the urge to check emails in the morning might stop you from working out. Once you identify these triggers, you can adjust your environment or routine to support your goal. For example, exercising in the afternoon with a friend might be more effective.

The author shares a personal example of resisting an impulse during a TV interview. When the segment ended, he wanted to keep talking because he was enjoying himself. However, he recognized this as a pleasure trigger and chose to end the interview gracefully instead.

Examples

• Listing distractions that prevent you from focusing on work can help you eliminate them.
• Identifying that social media triggers procrastination can lead to setting app limits.
• The author avoided embarrassing himself on TV by recognizing his impulse to keep talking.

4. Adjusting to Your Environment Can Lead to Better Choices

Our environment often works against us, making it harder to focus or behave as we’d like. By understanding and adapting to our surroundings, we can reduce the impact of negative triggers.

When making changes, think of yourself as the leader of your own behavior. Assess what needs to be done and choose a strategy to achieve it. For example, a lawyer named Rennie carried an index card reminding him not to confuse his staff during meetings. This simple tool helped him stay on track.

Sometimes, avoiding a negative environment isn’t possible. In such cases, adjusting your approach can help. A tech executive named Sachi, for instance, reframed how she talked about her job to avoid alienating her low-income friends in India. Instead of bragging about her travels, she focused on the challenges of her work.

Examples

• Using reminders or notes can help you stay focused in distracting environments.
• Reframing conversations can prevent misunderstandings with friends or colleagues.
• Adjusting your workspace can reduce distractions and improve productivity.

5. Active Questions Put You in Control of Change

Active questions encourage you to take responsibility for your actions, rather than focusing on external factors. They shift your mindset from passive to proactive.

For example, instead of asking, “Do I have clear goals?” ask, “Did I do my best to set clear goals today?” This subtle change reminds you that you’re in charge of your progress. The author uses this technique daily, asking himself questions like, “Did I do my best to be happy?” This keeps him engaged with his goals and motivated to improve.

Scorekeeping is another way to stay accountable. The author pays someone to call him every night and review his progress. By scoring his efforts on a scale from 0 to 10, he stays aware of his behavior and motivated to do better.

Examples

• Asking, “Did I do my best to exercise today?” keeps you focused on your fitness goals.
• Tracking your progress with a journal or app can help you stay accountable.
• The author’s nightly scorekeeping system ensures he stays engaged with his goals.

6. Structure and Routine Conserve Willpower

Willpower is a limited resource that gets depleted throughout the day. By creating structure and routine, you can reduce decision fatigue and save your energy for more important tasks.

For instance, the author wears the same type of clothes every day to avoid wasting time deciding what to wear. He also delegates travel planning to an assistant, freeing up mental energy for other decisions. These small changes help him stay focused and productive.

Structure can also help you handle unexpected triggers. By sticking to routines and using active questions, you can make better choices even in unpredictable situations.

Examples

• Simplifying your wardrobe can reduce decision fatigue in the morning.
• Delegating tasks like meal planning or scheduling can free up mental energy.
• Using routines to manage your day helps you stay on track despite distractions.

7. Awareness Creates a Circle of Positive Change

Awareness is the first step to creating meaningful change. By staying aware of your triggers and responses, you can build a cycle of positive behavior.

The author describes this as a circle of engagement: a trigger leads to an impulse, which leads to awareness, which leads to a choice, which leads to behavior, and back to a new trigger. By staying aware of this cycle, you can make choices that benefit both yourself and others.

For example, one of the author’s clients improved his relationship with his wife by responding thoughtfully to her need for conversation. Instead of ignoring her or reacting impulsively, he chose to listen, creating a positive exchange for both of them.

Examples

• Recognizing when you’re about to procrastinate can help you choose to stay productive.
• Responding kindly to a friend’s frustration can strengthen your relationship.
• Being aware of your impulses allows you to make better decisions in challenging situations.

Takeaways

1. Identify your triggers by analyzing your environment and behavior patterns.
2. Use active questions to take responsibility for your progress and stay engaged with your goals.
3. Create structure and routines to conserve willpower and make better decisions throughout the day.