Unbroken

Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.

1. Trauma is a response, not an event

Trauma isn't just defined by the event itself but by how our minds and bodies respond to it. Traditionally, trauma has been linked to specific, dramatic incidents like accidents or violence. However, this perspective fails to capture the subjective nature of trauma. Two people can experience the same event and respond in entirely different ways due to factors like emotional resilience, past experiences, and individual nervous systems.

Our nervous system plays a key role in how we experience trauma. When faced with overwhelming stress, the brain's emergency systems kick in, altering normal psychological functioning. These changes can linger, leaving the body in a state of heightened alert even long after the event has passed. This response is unconscious and automatic, not a personal weakness or failure.

Understanding trauma as a response rather than an event changes how we approach healing. It reframes trauma as a biological reaction—one that can be understood and managed rather than judged. Removing stigmas and misconceptions allows individuals to seek help without shame or fear of being misunderstood.

Examples

• A person escaping a car crash might feel anxious around cars, even though the event is long over.
• Another person, exposed to the same event, might seem unaffected because their nervous system processes it differently.
• Historical trauma frameworks often lacked recognition of individual variability, but the neurobiological lens clarifies why responses differ.

2. Stigma and shame limit growth

For too long, society has misunderstood trauma symptoms as signs of weakness or flawed character. This misunderstanding creates harmful stigmas, making people hesitant to discuss or seek help for their experiences. Emphasizing vulnerability as a weakness rather than a natural response only exacerbates suffering.

By shifting to a neurobiological perspective, we can reject these outdated labels. Trauma responses—whether they manifest as withdrawal, heightened vigilance, or emotional numbness—are biologically driven. These are not personal failures but survival mechanisms. A deeper understanding of this removes the space for judgment and builds empathy both internally and externally.

A culture that fosters empathy and encourages open discussion about trauma creates room for healing. Recognizing that trauma does not make someone "broken" but instead reflects their body's fight to protect itself reframes the narrative of recovery.

Examples

• Society’s misunderstanding of PTSD led many to dismiss its seriousness until recent decades.
• Veterans like Malcolm, who battled moral injury, often feel shame over their trauma, complicating their recovery process.
• Recognizing trauma responses as biological fosters a safer space for individuals to seek healing without judgment.

3. Rewriting your personal story

We make sense of our lives through stories we tell ourselves. Traumatic experiences often disrupt these narratives, creating harmful versions that might emphasize helplessness, guilt, or unworthiness. Identifying and rewriting these internalized stories becomes a vital step toward reclaiming self-awareness and healing.

Narrative therapy helps individuals reframe their experiences with flexibility and compassion. By exploring alternative perspectives, you can see beyond limiting beliefs rooted in trauma. The exercise of creating "four versions of your story" is a practical way to challenge fixed and damaging interpretations. While the harmful version may not disappear instantly, new, empowering narratives can gradually take root.

This process offers not just healing but a sense of agency in shaping self-identity. When we reshape these stories, we're not dismissing the event but choosing to see it from a perspective that fosters growth, self-empathy, and strength.

Examples

• Malcolm transitioned from destructive fight club activities to the introspective and constructive practice of jiujitsu.
• Writing alternative versions of a difficult experience can help shift internalized blame or anger toward self-compassion.
• Therapists often use storytelling methods to help clients process events holistically.

4. The intertwining of trauma and moral injury

Certain traumatic experiences challenge not only survival but also an individual’s deeply held morals and values. Known as moral injury, this internal conflict arises when actions or experiences conflict with one’s core ethical beliefs. This often accompanies profound feelings of disconnection, self-blame, or existential despair.

Malcolm’s story is a powerful example. As a combat veteran, his trauma was compounded by moral injury, leaving him grappling with guilt and disillusionment. Processing these feelings required him to confront not just physical memories of combat but also the emotional and moral dissonance it left behind.

Understanding and addressing moral injury recognizes the deeper layers of trauma that go beyond physical or psychological reactions. Healing in such cases often involves reevaluating and reconstructing moral frameworks to restore a sense of coherence and inner peace.

Examples

• Veterans struggle with actions they took in survival situations that conflict with their moral values.
• Malcolm’s jiujitsu practice symbolized self-care, a shift from punishment to restoration.
• Moral injury can appear in everyday settings, such as caregivers feeling guilt over decisions in a crisis.

5. Loss and repetitive patterns

Trauma often triggers repetitive thought or behavioral patterns, particularly when tied to grief and loss. These patterns reflect the brain’s attempt to regain control or make sense of upheaval but can reinforce toxic cycles of distress.

Max’s story vividly illustrates this concept. Her fixation on an hourglass symbolized her feeling of life slipping away, a reaction to both personal and external losses. Coping behaviors like recklessness or over-control often emerge as unconscious attempts to regain stability, though they don’t address the root cause.

Awareness and deliberate coping strategies help break these cycles. Recognizing that such patterns are the brain’s natural reaction can reduce self-criticism, fostering a more compassionate and proactive path forward.

Examples

• Max used the symbol of the hourglass to bring awareness to her sense of imbalance, which helped her address it.
• After sudden loss, many people unconsciously engage in behaviors that mimic control, like excessive organization.
• Neuroscience has shown how trauma physically reshapes brain patterns, perpetuating cycles.

6. The power of absurd hope

Absurd hope, or imagining wildly unrealistic futures, can serve as an effective tool for breaking mental patterns caused by trauma. It allows the mind to briefly escape, offering relief and sparking new perspectives.

Engaging in an exercise of envisioning impossible yet detailed futures helps the brain rewire itself. These imagined scenarios create distance from recurring narratives of fear or stress without invalidating them. By deliberately imagining joy or freedom, individuals can initiate shifts in their emotional state.

This simple practice reminds us of our capacity for change. It highlights life’s possibilities beyond trauma, helping reframe the present moment as part of a broader journey.

Examples

• Visualizing an unexpected future, like being a florist in Paris, lets the brain explore joy without constraints.
• Neuroscientific studies find that hope-based practices reduce stress and enhance emotional regulation.
• Lily’s refusal to focus only on death in her final days underscores the resilience built through hopeful thinking.

7. Quiet acts of defiance reveal strength

Even in moments of perceived helplessness, small acts of resistance can serve as seeds of resilience. Lily’s childhood act of hiding in her closet was one such moment—a quiet rebellion against an authoritarian father. Though small, these actions reflect an effort to retain agency.

These acts of resistance may be overlooked but become powerful touchstones during healing. Recognizing them offers a reframed narrative where the individual is not solely a victim but also a survivor. This perspective fosters pride and builds new layers of self-understanding.

Much like Muhammad Ali’s rope-a-dope strategy, finding strength doesn’t always come from fighting head-on. Observing subtler forms of persistence allows for healing without overexertion.

Examples

• Lily’s memories of defiance helped her redefine her identity from victim to resilient figure.
• Oppressed individuals often resist in quiet, nonviolent ways—like silent protests.
• Celebrating small victories during tough times strengthens emotional fortitude.

8. The role of identity in healing

Trauma often distorts self-identity, creating labels that constrain growth. Confronting these labels opens the path to rediscovering who you are beyond the pain.

Lily’s exercise of listing 100 things she is helps counteract the narrowing effects of trauma. By focusing on the many facets of her identity, she begins to see herself as more than her scars. This practice builds self-confidence and offers clarity on what truly defines her.

Healing involves expanding beyond imposed identities. It’s not about forgetting the past but integrating it alongside a broader understanding of self-worth and possibility.

Examples

• Trauma survivors often focus on specific defining events at the expense of their fuller identities.
• Writing identity lists encourages exploration of talents, quirks, and roles often overshadowed by trauma.
• Expanding identity can inspire new pathways beyond formerly limiting belief systems.

9. Healing is an ongoing process

Healing doesn’t end with a singular breakthrough. It’s a lifelong process requiring ongoing reflection, acceptance, and self-compassion.

Lily’s story of reconciling her past during her fight with cancer emphasizes the continuous nature of healing. Even in the shadow of death, she chose to engage in reflection and redefine herself. This persistence demonstrates that recovery is about progress, not perfection.

Acknowledging this helps reduce frustration when progress feels slow. Every step, no matter how small, contributes to a broader journey of growth.

Examples

• Lily’s healing involved revisiting unresolved memories without rushing toward “closure.”
• Daily intentional practices, like gratitude lists, often mark steady progress in trauma recovery.
• Accepting small steps prevents overwhelm and builds sustainable healing habits.

Takeaways

1. Use narrative exercises to rewrite harmful personal stories and foster self-empathy.
2. Try imagining absurd futures as a creative, emotionally freeing form of hope.
3. Regularly reflect on and expand your identity with lists or journaling exercises.