Untamed Summary

"Is the life you're living the life you want, or is it the life you think you should want?" Glennon Doyle challenges us to awaken to our untamed selves and reclaim our truest desires.

1. Love Happens in Unexpected Places

Glennon Doyle’s life took a drastic turn when she met Abby Wambach, a retired soccer player, at a book conference. Even as a successful author and devout Christian, Doyle’s immediately undeniable attraction to Abby revealed something profound about her true self.

Doyle, who was married with children, had spent years advising others on parenting and marriage. At the time, she was promoting her memoir about marriage redemption, yet deep down, her connection with her husband felt stagnant. In stark contrast, meeting Abby flooded her with emotions she had never experienced. It wasn't a fleeting interest; it was a startling recognition of belonging.

This magical, uncontrollable connection with Abby forced Doyle to grapple with societal norms, religious expectations, and her identity. It was the spark that led her to evaluate her life honestly and choose authenticity over obligation.

Examples

• Doyle described the moment she saw Abby across the room as hearing the words “There she is,” as if her body knew before her mind.
• Despite their limited interaction, Doyle felt more alive touching Abby’s arm than in all her years with her husband.
• Abby and Doyle shared deep, soulful conversations despite being married to others at the time.

2. The Cage of "Good Girl" Conditioning

From an early age, Doyle was taught to fit a mold – to be pleasing, obedient, and restrained. This conditioning made her drift further from her natural, wild, and untamed self.

At just ten years old, Doyle began internalizing messages about appearing perfect, being thin, and hiding her emotions. These pressures led her to struggle with depression, anxiety, and bulimia as ways to cope with the pain of losing herself. Even in adulthood, she continued living up to an image of the ideal wife and mother, burying her own needs for the sake of others’ expectations.

Her visit to a zoo years later brought it all into sharp focus. Watching a caged cheetah, once majestic and free, reduced to performing tricks for humans, reminded her painfully of her own repressed wildness. The memory of her untamed childhood self became her call to break free.

Examples

• As a child, Doyle transformed from fearless and creative to self-critical after early exposure to cultural standards.
• Her bulimia and drug use in her youth were attempts to numb her disconnection from her true self.
• The metaphor of the cheetah in the zoo captured her realization about living a small, caged life that didn’t honor her spirit.

3. Redefining Parenthood to Include Self-Fulfillment

Doyle’s decision to leave her marriage came with immense guilt as she worried about how it might impact her children. However, she realized that prioritizing her happiness would model strength and authenticity for her daughters.

She recognized that teaching her children to suppress their desires and settle for an unhappy life was a disservice to them. Instead, she decided that being true to herself was the best way to raise strong, self-respecting individuals. This realization gave her the courage to leave her marriage, even though it wasn't easy.

By deconstructing her role as a martyr-mother, Doyle shifted the paradigm. She worked with her ex-husband to build a blended family where honesty and love were the foundations, proving that reinventing motherhood can create healthier, happier dynamics.

Examples

• Doyle asked herself whether she’d want her daughters to remain in a loveless marriage, and the answer pointed her to action.
• She and her ex-husband explained their divorce to their children with warmth and openness, emphasizing unity.
• Together, Doyle, Abby, and her ex-husband created a co-parenting model that acknowledged everyone’s roles in the new family.

4. Choosing Integrity Over Fear

When Doyle fell in love with Abby, she had to reconcile her feelings with her public image as a Christian writer. It was a scary path that required unflinching honesty.

Her publishing team warned her not to reveal her new relationship because it could hurt her career, especially as she was a rising star with Oprah’s Book Club. Still, Doyle couldn't betray herself. She decided to open up about her love publicly.

Instead of backlash, Doyle’s honesty was met with overwhelming support. Through this act of truth-telling, she connected more deeply with her community and reached an audience that appreciated her vulnerability and courage.

Examples

• Doyle posted a photo of her and Abby online and addressed their relationship directly despite industry pressure.
• Readers expressed gratitude for her honesty rather than judging her.
• While promoting her memoir, she replaced the story of marriage redemption with one embracing authenticity and nuance.

5. Tuning into Inner Wisdom: The “Knowing”

To build a life that truly belonged to her, Doyle spent time learning to access her intuition, which she called the Knowing.

In a quiet closet she designated for reflection, she began listening to herself for answers instead of relying on external validation. Over time, the “Knowing” guided her toward decisions that aligned with who she was. Doyle learned that ignoring this voice in favor of societal approval would leave her disconnected and unfulfilled.

Using the Knowing helped her challenge old notions, such as tying her self-worth to productivity or assuming motherly love always means self-sacrifice.

Examples

• Doyle described the sensation of following the Knowing as a flood of “warm liquid gold.”
• She stopped reacting angrily when Abby relaxed during the day after realizing she no longer believed productivity defined worth.
• Doyle rejected long-held societal beliefs in favor of personal truths that emerged during her reflection.

6. Religion Without Barriers

Doyle wrestled with her faith when her romantic relationship with a woman seemed to conflict with her Christian upbringing. This journey forced her to redefine her connection to God.

While many told her that her love for Abby betrayed her faith, Doyle saw it as an expression of divine connection. For her, God wasn’t a dogma enforced by pastors but a presence in her intuition – the Knowing. She continued to identify as Christian but rejected the exclusionary agendas tied to modern religion.

Through this lens, Doyle blended her spiritual beliefs with her values of love, justice, and authenticity.

Examples

• Doyle challenged a pastor who claimed homosexuality was sinful and chose to maintain her beliefs.
• Research led her to uncover how political movements tied modern Christianity to anti-LGBTQ and anti-choice causes.
• She now fights social injustices in ways aligned with her faith.

7. Growing Through Pain

Instead of avoiding pain, Doyle embraced it as a gateway to growth. This shift allowed her to experience life more fully.

Helping her daughter Tish train for a soccer team highlighted how discomfort can lead to strength and pride. Similarly, Doyle realized how numbing her emotions in the past deadened her life experience. By allowing herself to feel deeply, she found a resilience that helped her connect to causes she cared about.

Through her nonprofit, Together Rising, Doyle rallied others to use heartbreak as a force for change, building a community of meaningful action.

Examples

• When Tish trained for soccer, Doyle saw the positive outcomes of working through discomfort.
• Doyle’s sobriety made her confront emotions she had long suppressed.
• Together Rising has raised millions for social justice issues, turning collective pain into healing.

8. Confronting Racism is Personal Work

Doyle’s journey of self-discovery included unearthing the racism she had absorbed from her environment. Loving equality wasn’t enough; she needed to actively unlearn the behaviors she had unconsciously inherited.

Recognizing white privilege in her life, Doyle began educating herself through books, activists of color, and conversations about systemic racism. She committed to becoming a better ally and began discussing her journey so others could take similar steps.

She calls on white women, in particular, to analyze their privilege and follow a path of racial “sobriety.”

Examples

• Doyle responded to her daughter’s question about activism by acknowledging her inaction.
• She started reading Black writers to understand institutional racism.
• Doyle used her platform to challenge other white women to address their complicity in racial inequality.

9. Imagination Builds New Realities

Letting go of prewritten societal scripts allowed Doyle to rebuild her life into something more beautiful than she’d imagined.

Abby’s love reframed Doyle’s ideas of family and faith. Doyle opened herself to possibilities beyond rigid ideals of marriage, designing a blend of love, co-parenting with her ex-husband, and a new partnership based on joy and trust.

Through imagination, Doyle created a family and marriage that thrived not in conformity but in freedom, authenticity, and love.

Examples

• Abby and Doyle’s marriage emphasizes evolving together as equals.
• They crafted a nontraditional family where love and open communication thrive.
• Doyle’s choice to live untamed inspires others to dream beyond limits.

Takeaways

1. Spend ten minutes daily in a quiet space, listening to your inner voice, and identify the truths that feel personal and intrinsic to you.
2. Re-examine deeply held beliefs that may no longer resonate and replace them with ones that reflect your real values.
3. When faced with discomfort, remind yourself, “We can do hard things,” and see it as an opening for growth and learning.