Introduction
Glennon Doyle's "Untamed" is a powerful memoir and self-help book that encourages readers to break free from societal expectations and live authentically. As a successful Christian blogger and author, Doyle had built a life and career around being the perfect wife, mother, and role model. But when she unexpectedly fell in love with a woman, she was forced to question everything she thought she knew about herself and her place in the world.
"Untamed" chronicles Doyle's journey of self-discovery as she learns to listen to her inner voice, embrace her true desires, and build a life aligned with her deepest values. Through vulnerable storytelling and insightful reflection, she explores themes of sexuality, faith, motherhood, addiction, racism, and social justice. Ultimately, Doyle's story is one of liberation - from others' expectations, internalized oppression, and the cages we build for ourselves.
This book serves as both an intimate personal narrative and an inspiring call to action. Doyle challenges readers to examine their own lives, question limiting beliefs, and summon the courage to live "untamed." Her raw honesty and hard-won wisdom offer a roadmap for anyone seeking to break free from convention and create a more authentic, fulfilling life.
Key Ideas
1. Embracing Authenticity and Desire
One of the central themes of "Untamed" is learning to recognize and honor our true desires, even when they go against societal norms or our own long-held beliefs. Doyle's journey begins when she meets soccer star Abby Wambach and experiences an instant, powerful attraction. Despite being married to a man and having built her identity around being a Christian wife and mother, Doyle can't deny the intensity of her feelings.
This unexpected desire forces Doyle to confront the ways she had been living inauthentically. She realizes that for years, she had been suppressing her true self in an attempt to fit into prescribed roles and meet others' expectations. Her marriage lacked passion, she felt disconnected from her body, and she was going through the motions of a life that didn't truly fulfill her.
Doyle describes the voice of her authentic self as "the Knowing" - an inner wisdom that had been muffled by years of people-pleasing and self-denial. By tuning into this voice and honoring her attraction to Abby, she takes the first steps toward reclaiming her wild, untamed nature.
The author encourages readers to pay attention to what brings them alive and to trust their own instincts, even when it's scary or inconvenient. She argues that our desires are not random or selfish, but actually point us toward our true purpose. By having the courage to want what we want, we open ourselves up to a more vibrant, meaningful life.
2. Breaking Free from Societal Cages
Doyle uses the metaphor of a caged cheetah to illustrate how women, in particular, are conditioned to shrink themselves and suppress their wild nature to fit into society's narrow expectations. She reflects on how, as a young girl, she went from being carefree and unselfconscious to hyper-aware of how she should look, act, and feel to be considered "good."
This socialization process teaches women to prioritize being likable, thin, and accommodating above all else. It cuts them off from their power, creativity, and authentic desires. Doyle admits that she spent years contorting herself to fit these ideals, resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction.
The book challenges readers to identify the "cages" in their own lives - the limiting beliefs, gender roles, or cultural norms that keep them small and tame. Doyle shares how she began to question core assumptions about marriage, motherhood, sexuality, and success. She encourages a radical re-examination of received wisdom, asking: "Do I actually believe this? Is this true for me?"
Breaking free from these cages requires courage and a willingness to disappoint others. But Doyle argues that it's the only way to reclaim our power and live as our true selves. She inspires readers to "let it burn" - to let go of outdated identities and expectations in order to be reborn as their wild, untamed selves.
3. Redefining Family and Relationships
When Doyle decides to leave her husband for Abby, she's forced to completely reimagine what family and partnership can look like. She wrestles with guilt over breaking up her nuclear family and fears that she's failing as a mother. But ultimately, she realizes that modeling authenticity and self-respect is the greatest gift she can give her children.
The book offers a refreshing, expansive view of family. Doyle, her ex-husband Craig, and Abby work to create a loving blended family where all the adults collaborate in parenting the children. They prioritize honesty, mutual support, and putting the kids' wellbeing first. This requires vulnerability, clear communication, and a willingness to forge a new path.
In her relationship with Abby, Doyle discovers a deeper level of intimacy and passion than she'd ever experienced. She describes feeling truly seen, accepted, and cherished for who she is. Their marriage is a true partnership of equals, free from gendered expectations or power imbalances.
Doyle's story demonstrates that there's no one "right" way to structure a family or relationship. She encourages readers to get creative and design the connections that will help them thrive, even if they look unconventional. The goal is to build relationships based on love, respect, and allowing each person to be fully themselves.
4. Evolving Faith and Spirituality
As a prominent Christian author and speaker, Doyle's relationship with Abby forces her to grapple with her faith in new ways. She has to confront religious teachings that condemn same-sex relationships and navigate potential backlash from her Christian audience.
Through deep reflection, Doyle comes to believe that her relationship with Abby has actually brought her closer to God. She rejects the idea that she needs any human intermediary between herself and the divine. Instead, she learns to trust her own connection to a loving higher power that she believes resides within her.
The book offers a progressive, inclusive vision of Christianity focused on Jesus's teachings of radical love and social justice. Doyle criticizes how the modern evangelical movement has become fixated on policing sexuality and opposing abortion rights, rather than fighting poverty or welcoming immigrants. She advocates for a faith that is more concerned with how we treat each other than with enforcing rigid doctrine.
Ultimately, Doyle chooses to continue identifying as Christian while rejecting aspects of organized religion that feel oppressive or outdated. She models how it's possible to honor one's spiritual roots while also evolving in alignment with one's conscience and lived experience. Her journey invites readers to examine their own beliefs and develop a personal spirituality that feels authentic and life-giving.
5. Embracing Discomfort and Vulnerability
A key lesson in "Untamed" is learning to sit with difficult emotions instead of numbing or avoiding them. Doyle shares how she spent years trying to escape pain through addiction, busyness, and people-pleasing. But true freedom and growth only came when she learned to feel her feelings and face challenges head-on.
The author introduces the mantra "We can do hard things" as a reminder that humans are resilient and capable of handling discomfort. Whether it's having difficult conversations, pursuing a dream, or fighting injustice, Doyle encourages readers to lean into what scares them. She argues that our deepest fears often point us toward our greatest purpose.
Vulnerability is presented as a strength, not a weakness. By sharing her own messy, imperfect journey, Doyle creates space for others to be real about their struggles. She models how being honest about our pain and mistakes can deepen connections and inspire change in others.
The book also explores how accepting life's inherent pain and uncertainty can paradoxically lead to more joy and aliveness. When we stop trying to control everything and numb ourselves to discomfort, we open ourselves up to the full range of human experience. This allows for deeper intimacy, creativity, and purpose.
6. Activism and Social Responsibility
As Doyle becomes more attuned to her own pain and desires, she also awakens to the suffering in the world around her. She realizes that personal transformation and social change are deeply interconnected. The book chronicles her growing commitment to anti-racism work, LGBTQ+ rights, and economic justice.
Doyle is candid about confronting her own internalized racism and unearned privilege as a white woman. She shares her ongoing process of education and unlearning, encouraging other white readers to do the same. The author emphasizes that it's not enough to simply believe in equality - we must actively work to dismantle oppressive systems.
Through her non-profit organization Together Rising, Doyle channels her community's energy and resources toward addressing social issues. She demonstrates how ordinary people can make a significant impact through small, consistent actions. The book inspires readers to get involved in causes they care about and use their voices for positive change.
Importantly, Doyle frames activism not as a burden, but as a path to greater meaning and connection. By showing up for others and fighting for a better world, we access our own power and purpose. She encourages readers to let their heartbreak over injustice fuel them into action rather than despair.
7. Trusting Your Intuition
Learning to access and trust her intuition is a crucial part of Doyle's journey to becoming "untamed." She describes intuition as a deep inner knowing that exists beneath our conditioned thoughts and societal programming. By getting quiet and still, we can tap into this wisdom to guide our choices.
Doyle shares how she developed a daily practice of sitting alone in her closet for 10 minutes, simply listening to her inner voice. At first, this was incredibly challenging as she was used to constantly seeking external validation and input. But over time, she learned to distinguish between the voice of fear/people-pleasing and her true intuition.
The book encourages readers to develop their own practices for accessing their inner wisdom. This might involve meditation, journaling, time in nature, or any activity that helps quiet the mind. The goal is to become attuned to our body's signals and gut feelings rather than always deferring to outside opinions.
Doyle argues that our intuition will never steer us wrong, even if it's telling us something that seems scary or illogical. She shares how following her intuition led her to leave her marriage, come out publicly, and completely reinvent her life and career. While terrifying in the moment, these leaps of faith ultimately led her to much greater joy and fulfillment.
Learning to trust ourselves in this way is presented as an ongoing practice. It requires questioning inherited beliefs, getting comfortable with uncertainty, and having the courage to forge our own path. But Doyle insists that this inner compass is the key to living an authentic, purposeful life.
8. Redefining Success and Self-Worth
"Untamed" challenges conventional notions of success and encourages readers to define achievement on their own terms. Doyle reflects on how she once measured her worth through external markers like marriage, motherhood, career accomplishments, and others' approval. But this left her feeling empty and disconnected from herself.
The author presents a new paradigm where success is measured by how true we are to ourselves, how much love we give and receive, and how we show up for others. She emphasizes that our inherent worth is not tied to productivity, appearance, relationship status, or any other external factor.
Doyle shares how she had to confront her own workaholic tendencies and unhealthy relationship with productivity. She learns to value rest, play, and simply being present as much as doing and achieving. This shift allows her to enjoy life more fully and model healthier patterns for her children.
The book also explores how to navigate public opinion and criticism when living authentically. Doyle admits struggling with people's judgments about her divorce and same-sex relationship. But she learns that true confidence comes from internal validation rather than others' approval.
Readers are encouraged to examine their own definitions of success and worth. Doyle suggests identifying the values and experiences that make us feel most alive, rather than chasing society's prescriptions for a good life. She models how to build a life optimized for personal fulfillment rather than external validation.
9. Embracing Imagination and Possibility
A powerful theme in "Untamed" is using imagination to envision and create a better life and world. Doyle describes how limited thinking and adherence to the status quo can trap us in unfulfilling patterns. By daring to imagine new possibilities, we open the door to profound personal and social transformation.
The author shares how she had to radically reimagine concepts like marriage, family, faith, and success in order to build a life aligned with her true self. This required looking beyond conventional models to envision what would bring her the most joy and meaning. She encourages readers to ask themselves, "What's the truest, most beautiful story about your life that you can imagine?"
On a broader scale, Doyle argues that imagination is essential for creating positive change in the world. Whether it's envisioning more just economic systems or new approaches to education, we need to be able to picture a different reality in order to create it. She challenges readers to dream big about the kind of world they want to live in and then work to make it a reality.
The book presents imagination not as mere fantasy, but as a vital human faculty that allows us to transcend current limitations. By cultivating our imaginative powers, we become active creators of our lives rather than passive recipients of circumstance. Doyle inspires readers to stay open to unexpected possibilities and to believe in their power to shape a new future.
10. The Ongoing Journey of Becoming
While "Untamed" chronicles Doyle's dramatic life changes, she emphasizes that becoming our true selves is an ongoing process rather than a destination. She describes how she continues to question her beliefs, face new challenges, and discover new aspects of herself.
The author presents personal growth as a spiral rather than a linear path. We may have to revisit old wounds or patterns multiple times, but each time we do so with greater awareness and tools for healing. Doyle is candid about her continued struggles with mental health, parenting challenges, and navigating complex relationships. But she approaches these difficulties with more self-compassion and wisdom gained from experience.
Importantly, Doyle rejects the idea of arriving at some perfect, finished version of ourselves. Instead, she encourages embracing the messy, ever-evolving nature of being human. The goal is not to reach some idealized state, but to keep showing up authentically and doing our best with what each day brings.
The book leaves readers with a sense of hope and possibility. While becoming "untamed" requires courage and often involves pain, Doyle insists that it's infinitely preferable to remaining caged by others' expectations. She inspires readers to view life as a grand adventure of continual growth and self-discovery.
Final Thoughts
"Untamed" is a raw, inspiring memoir that serves as both a personal story and a universal call to living authentically. Glennon Doyle's journey from people-pleasing Christian mommy blogger to unapologetic queer activist offers a powerful example of what's possible when we dare to listen to our deepest truths.
The book's central message - that we all have a wild, untamed self longing to be free - resonates across lines of gender, sexuality, and background. Doyle's vulnerable sharing of her struggles with addiction, mental health, and internalized oppression creates a sense of solidarity with readers facing their own battles.
While the author's specific path won't be for everyone, her core insights about trusting our intuition, questioning inherited beliefs, and designing a life true to our desires are widely applicable. The book offers practical strategies for accessing our inner wisdom, navigating major life changes, and showing up for ourselves and others.
"Untamed" is particularly powerful in its intersectional approach, drawing connections between personal healing and broader social change. Doyle demonstrates how becoming more fully ourselves enables us to show up more powerfully for causes we believe in. Her growing activism around anti-racism, LGBTQ+ rights, and economic justice is presented as a natural extension of her personal liberation.
The book's conversational, friend-to-friend tone makes even challenging concepts feel accessible. Doyle's self-deprecating humor and willingness to share her missteps create a judgment-free atmosphere that encourages self-reflection. Readers are likely to see aspects of themselves reflected in her story, spurring them to examine their own lives with fresh eyes.
Some may find Doyle's approach too self-focused or her conclusions about faith too unorthodox. The book's emphasis on following desire could potentially be misinterpreted as an endorsement of selfishness. However, Doyle consistently links personal authenticity with greater compassion and service to others.
Ultimately, "Untamed" is a passionate argument for living bravely and truthfully. It's a book that's likely to make readers both uncomfortable and inspired - pushing them to question long-held assumptions while also awakening them to new possibilities. For anyone feeling trapped by societal expectations or their own limiting beliefs, Doyle's story offers hope and practical guidance for breaking free.
The author's journey reminds us that it's never too late to change course and create a life more aligned with our deepest selves. While the path of becoming "untamed" is not always easy, Doyle insists that the aliveness, purpose, and love we gain in the process make it all worthwhile. This book has the potential to be a life-changing read for those ready to examine their lives honestly and dare to imagine something more wild and beautiful for themselves.