Weird

“Feeling out of place is not a flaw—it’s an opportunity to carve a unique path and turn your oddities into strengths.”

1. Everyone feels weird at some point

Feeling different is a universal experience. Whether it's because of how we look, our beliefs, or the roles we occupy, there comes a time when we all feel like we don't belong. Despite its ubiquity, society has not learned to fully embrace difference, often isolating those who stand out.

Author Olga Khazan's personal story reflects this reality. As a Russian immigrant in a small Texas town, her family was immediately labeled as "other," even attracting curiosity that bordered on the absurd, like a local man asking if horses existed in Russia. This pervasive feeling of not fitting in is something she recognized in interviews with nonconformists from different walks of life. From Julia, a female NASCAR driver, to Daniel, a male preschool teacher, the experience of being an outsider resonated across diverse contexts.

Despite this shared reality, there’s a growing cultural gap that leaves people less connected than ever. Political divides, geographic separations, and a decrease in neighborly interactions exacerbate our discomfort with difference. Feeling weird might be common, but it also underscores larger issues about how we define community.

Examples

• The author’s family sparked curiosity in a small Texas town because they were immigrants.
• Julia, a female driver, faces sexism in NASCAR—an industry dominated by men.
• Daniel’s choice of early childhood education challenges stereotypes of masculinity.

2. Our brains distrust difference

Human brains are wired to favor familiarity. Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or choosing friends, you’re likely drawn to people who look or think like you. While this instinct might have helped early humans survive, it now fuels biases and prejudice.

The author explains how evolutionary history shaped this tendency. Back in the hunter-gatherer days, accepting outsiders could mean welcoming danger. When humans transitioned to farming, social distinctions became more pronounced, and the temptation to view "the other" as a threat grew stronger. These neurological reactions persist, shaping modern interactions.

Even subtle differences heighten this reaction. Olga herself experienced suspicion at the tender age of four when her teacher punished her for not saying grace over a box of raisins. Similarly, Julia's challenges as a female NASCAR driver and accusations against Daniel as a male preschool teacher both reflect society's deep-seated discomfort around breaking norms.

Examples

• Evolution trained humans to view those outside their group as potential threats.
• Four-year-old Olga was reprimanded at school for not adhering to Christian practices.
• Daniel endured baseless accusations because of stereotypes about male preschool teachers.

3. Being excluded impacts mental and physical health

The sting of exclusion is more than emotional—it can manifest in physical ailments. Humans are social creatures, and mistreatment or isolation leaves a lasting mark. Studies even show that early ostracism can cause an emotional toll within minutes.

Loneliness, often an unintended consequence of feeling different, can have severe health repercussions. Prolonged isolation triggers inflammation, which is linked to heart problems, poor cancer outcomes, and even reduced immunity to viruses. Minority stress adds another layer of complexity, as facing repeated societal biases increases both mental and physical health risks.

The author highlights the dangers of this phenomenon. For example, Black women in the U.S. are disproportionately likely to experience complications in childbirth—a statistic often linked to systemic prejudices. Similarly, high rates of suicide attempts among transgender youth show the devastating toll of social rejection.

Examples

• Emotional exclusion triggers physical stress responses like inflammation.
• Black women are more likely to give birth prematurely due to societal stress.
• 35% of U.S. transgender youth have attempted suicide as a result of discrimination.

4. Adversity builds resilience and creativity

While being different can be painful, it often forces people to think creatively and adapt. Struggling with rejection or hardship can lead to new solutions and deeper personal strength. This concept—called adaptive resourcefulness—paves the way for originality and success.

For Olga, rejection created an unexpected breakthrough. Preparing for a journalism scholarship after a heartbreak, the author found herself tapping into untapped creativity during her interview. Studies confirm that people who face obstacles, like nonconformists, often show higher levels of innovation than those in stable, unchallenging environments.

Notably, staying true to one’s beliefs can result in life-changing outcomes. The story of Leslie Wagner-Wilson, who escaped the deadly Jonestown cult, illustrates the power of conviction. Leslie had always felt on the fringes, but listening to her doubts about the group saved her and her son’s lives.

Examples

• Difficulties pushed Olga into a creative mindset during a scholarship interview.
• People with adaptive resourcefulness are proven to be more creative.
• Leslie Wagner-Wilson survived the Jonestown massacre by trusting her instincts.

5. Self-acceptance opens new doors

Transforming perceived weaknesses into strengths starts with self-confidence. Many of Olga's interviewees shared that celebrating their unique aspects helped them navigate social challenges. Often, reframing your experiences and seeing the positive aspects can shift how you view your role in the world.

Daniel, the accused preschool teacher, focused on becoming a vocal advocate for LGBTQ+ educators instead of letting stereotypes define him. He also immersed himself in understanding the psychology of discrimination, which gave him tools to contextualize others’ suspicions of him.

Even personality traits, often seen as fixed, can be altered to better align with the life you want. For instance, public speaking—a skill that intimidates many—becomes less daunting when you actively practice and tell yourself you enjoy the process.

Examples

• Daniel reframed his challenges to advocate for LGBTQ+ inclusivity in education.
• Self-perception can evolve with small, deliberate efforts like practicing public speaking.
• Psychologists suggest “lying" to yourself positively for a confidence boost.

6. Community matters

Finding the right environment can make all the difference for someone who feels out of place. It isn’t always possible to move to a new city or join a group full of like-minded individuals. But for many, crafting a social network that respects their individuality is life-changing.

Surgeon Michael Ain, who has dwarfism, faced rejection from nearly 60 medical schools before finding one that accepted him. Now, as a professor at Johns Hopkins, he thrives in a field where his difference has no bearing on his abilities. He also rejected surgery to alter his height, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance.

Others, like Paul Chabot, sought entirely new geographical communities to align with their beliefs. His move from progressive California to conservative Texas underscores how environment shapes personal happiness and self-expression.

Examples

• Michael Ain was rejected by 59 medical schools before finding success at Johns Hopkins.
• Paul Chabot relocated to Texas for a like-minded political community.
• A supportive environment allows individuals to fully embrace their uniqueness.

Takeaways

1. Reframe your narrative. Treat your differences as assets rather than weaknesses.
2. Build a supportive network. Find people or groups who celebrate your uniqueness.
3. Practice self-assuredness. Engage in activities that enhance self-confidence, like public speaking, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.