Introduction
"You Are Your Best Thing" is a powerful collection of essays edited by Tarana Burke, founder of the Me Too movement, and Brené Brown, renowned researcher on shame and vulnerability. This book brings together the voices of Black writers, activists, and artists to explore how racism and white supremacy impact their experiences of vulnerability, shame, and trauma - and how they find resilience, joy, and connection in the face of oppression.
The book arose from Burke's realization that discussions around racial justice were missing a crucial element: consideration of Black humanity and how systemic racism affects Black people's ability to move through the world, dream about their futures, and raise their children. She approached Brown to collaborate on creating a space where Black voices could share these deeply personal experiences.
While Brown's previous work on vulnerability and shame resonated with many, it didn't fully capture the unique challenges faced by Black Americans living under white supremacy. This book aims to make those insights more relevant and inclusive by centering Black perspectives.
Through intimate personal essays, the contributors unpack their experiences of vulnerability, shame, and trauma within a racist society. They also examine how they work to find joy, connection, and resilience despite systems designed to oppress them. The result is a profound exploration of the Black experience in America and a testament to the strength of the human spirit.
Black Experiences of Shame, Vulnerability, and Trauma
A key theme throughout the book is how Black experiences of shame, vulnerability, and trauma are inextricably tied to white supremacy. The contributors describe how racism impacts their daily lives, shapes their sense of self-worth, and creates very real threats to their safety and wellbeing.
For many Black Americans, being emotionally vulnerable isn't always possible or safe due to the very real dangers they face. Finding self-worth is a constant struggle in a society designed to shame and oppress them. The essays reveal how systemic racism creates complex layers of trauma that are passed down through generations.
At the same time, the writers emphasize that Black joy, love, and resilience persist despite these challenges. They describe finding ways to be vulnerable and open with trusted others, to dismantle internalized oppression, and to create lives full of meaning and connection.
The Fear and Joy of Black Parenting
Several essays touch on the unique fears and joys of being a Black parent in America. Austin Channing Brown describes looking at her young son wearing a hooded jacket and being struck with terror, remembering Trayvon Martin's murder. She experiences what Brené Brown calls "foreboding joy" - a protective impulse to prepare for the worst that robs us of joy in the moment.
But for Black parents, this sense of foreboding is tragically rational given the very real dangers their children face. Channing Brown reflects on balancing love and fear, choosing to embrace joy and shower her son with affection even while knowing the risks he faces.
Other writers echo this bittersweet mix of emotions in raising Black children. They describe the weight of having to prepare their kids for racism from a young age, but also the profound love and hope their children inspire. Black parents must navigate how to protect their children while also allowing them to be carefree and joyful.
Dismantling Internalized Shame
A powerful theme in many essays is the process of recognizing and dismantling internalized shame stemming from racist stereotypes and oppression. Tanya Denise Fields shares her journey of rejecting the deep shame that had kept her trapped in abusive relationships and prevented her from creating the life she wanted.
She realized she had embodied racist ideas about beauty and stereotypes about Black women. Her shame was the result of years of internalized oppression. Fields describes the transformative process of examining her beliefs about herself, confronting generational trauma, and deciding that she was intrinsically worthy of love and respect.
By rejecting shame and claiming her self-worth, Fields was able to leave an abusive situation, create a happy home for her children, and build a thriving career. Her story exemplifies how tackling internalized oppression can be a pathway to healing and empowerment.
Failures of the White Medical Establishment
Several contributors describe harmful experiences with the white medical establishment that left them feeling unseen and uncared for as Black patients. Kiese Laymon shares how negative childhood experiences with doctors made him wary of seeking help even when experiencing concerning symptoms as an adult.
When he finally saw a cardiologist for heart palpitations, the doctor did only perfunctory tests before dismissing Laymon's concerns. It was only through his own research that Laymon discovered the likely connection to panic attacks - a common condition the doctor hadn't bothered to consider.
Laymon's experience highlights how Black patients are often not fully seen as people deserving of thorough care. The essay reveals the very real harm caused when medical professionals fail to overcome their biases and truly listen to Black patients.
Other writers describe similar experiences of having their pain dismissed or misdiagnosed due to racist assumptions. The essays paint a picture of a medical system that routinely fails Black Americans, compounding health issues and eroding trust.
The Journey to Self-Acceptance
Prentis Hemphill's essay traces their journey from hiding their true self to embracing their full identity as a queer, non-binary person. Growing up poor in a volatile household, Hemphill learned to assimilate and maintain a facade of respectability. But their queerness refused to be suppressed.
Coming out led to rejection from family, spurring Hemphill to move across the country and begin healing from trauma and shame. Through therapy and community activism, they learned to relax the emotional armor they'd built up and start letting people in.
Hemphill's story exemplifies how self-acceptance and vulnerability can open the door to deeper healing and connection. By embracing their whole self - including the parts that didn't fit societal expectations - they were able to find a sense of belonging and purpose.
Reimagining Faith Communities
Tracey Michae'l Lewis-Giggetts reflects on how the church, which should have been a sanctuary, became a source of further trauma after she experienced sexual abuse as an adolescent. Instead of supporting her, the church community covered up the abuse and shamed her into silence.
As an adult working to heal, Lewis-Giggetts had to confront how the church had failed her. She realized the older women who silenced her were passing on toxic survival strategies born from their own experiences of oppression as Black women.
Lewis-Giggetts describes reimagining her faith and working to create the kind of loving, supportive church community she needed as a girl. Her essay points to the potential for faith communities to be sources of healing and empowerment when freed from harmful patriarchal and racist influences.
Creating Safe Spaces for Vulnerability
Shawn Ginwright, who works with traumatized youth, emphasizes the importance of creating safe environments where Black people can experience emotional vulnerability. He points out that vulnerability isn't just an emotional state - it's also a structural condition imposed on marginalized groups.
Many Black youth live in persistently traumatic environments where they must numb their feelings to survive. Ginwright created a summer camp to give these young people a break from daily stressors and a chance to open up emotionally.
His essay highlights how essential it is to have spaces where Black Americans can let down their guard and connect through shared vulnerability. These oases of safety allow for vital emotional processing and relationship-building.
The Toll of Relentless Labor
Tarana Burke shares how internalized oppression drove her to work herself to the point of severe health consequences. Despite spending her career telling other Black women they were intrinsically worthy, Burke hadn't applied that wisdom to herself.
Instead, she'd absorbed the idea that her worth depended on how hard she worked. She pushed through exhaustion, anxiety, and physical symptoms until she experienced a stress-induced stroke that temporarily paralyzed half her body.
Burke's essay is a powerful reminder of how Black women are often conditioned to prioritize their labor over their wellbeing. Her journey to truly embracing her inherent worth - beyond her accomplishments - speaks to the ongoing work of dismantling internalized oppression.
Confronting Violence Against Trans Women
Actress Laverne Cox writes candidly about the fear she experiences as a Black trans woman, even as a famous public figure. She traces how violence against trans women is propagated by the historic trauma experienced by Black men under white supremacy.
Cox describes how her own family's legacy of trauma - from slavery through sharecropping and domestic abuse - created cycles of violence. She sees attacks on trans women as a projection of this trauma and the emasculation Black men have faced.
Her essay emphasizes the importance of acknowledging historic trauma in the fight for both racial and gender justice. By openly discussing these painful legacies, Cox hopes to help break cycles of violence.
Developing Shame Resilience
Aiko D. Bethea shares strategies for developing "shame resilience" - the ability to live authentically and vulnerably even in the face of oppression. She describes how various defensive tactics like assimilation or anger ultimately prevented her from fully expressing herself.
Bethea outlines key tools for building shame resilience, including:
- Confronting white supremacy head-on through education
- Engaging with Black art that imagines new possibilities
- Creating in-person spaces for healing and connection
- Tapping into a higher purpose or calling
Her essay offers a roadmap for how Black Americans can develop the inner resources to live wholeheartedly despite systemic racism. Shame resilience allows for choosing vulnerability in supportive environments and sharing one's story on one's own terms.
The Importance of Joy and Connection
While the essays in this collection deal with heavy topics like trauma and oppression, a thread of joy, love, and resilience runs throughout. The writers emphasize the importance of finding moments of lightness and creating deep connections with others.
They describe the healing power of laughter with friends, the simple pleasures of family life, and the sense of purpose found in community organizing. Art, music, and creativity emerge as vital outlets for processing pain and imagining new possibilities.
The book makes clear that experiencing joy is an act of resistance against systems that seek to dehumanize Black Americans. Finding ways to love, celebrate, and connect deeply with others is essential for weathering trauma and creating meaningful lives.
Intergenerational Healing
Many essays touch on the legacy of intergenerational trauma passed down through Black families - but also the potential for intergenerational healing. Writers describe working to understand their parents' and grandparents' experiences of oppression in order to break cycles of violence or emotional distance.
They emphasize the importance of creating new narratives and healthier patterns to pass on to their own children. This might involve being more emotionally open, actively working on personal growth, or creating stronger support systems.
The essays reveal how healing personal and familial trauma can have ripple effects that strengthen the broader community. By doing their own inner work, these writers aim to create a better future for the next generation.
The Power of Sharing Stories
A central theme of the book is the transformative power of sharing personal stories. Many writers describe how naming their experiences of racism and trauma - often for the first time - was a crucial step in their healing journey.
They emphasize the validation that comes from hearing others' similar experiences and no longer feeling alone. Several essays touch on how sharing vulnerably allows for deeper connections and breaking down shame.
The book itself serves as an example of the power of storytelling. By bringing together these raw, honest accounts of the Black experience in America, it creates new possibilities for understanding, empathy, and change.
Balancing Self-Protection and Openness
The essays reveal the complex balancing act many Black Americans must perform between self-protection and emotional openness. Writers describe the very real need to stay vigilant and guarded in many situations due to the threat of racism or violence.
At the same time, they emphasize how essential vulnerability and connection are for healing and living fulfilling lives. The contributors share various strategies for discerning when it's safe to open up and when to maintain boundaries.
Many describe creating intimate circles of trusted friends and family where they can be their full selves. Others talk about using art or writing as an outlet for vulnerable expression. The essays highlight the ongoing work of finding ways to be authentic and connected while also staying safe in a racist society.
Reimagining Systems and Institutions
While much of the book focuses on personal experiences and inner work, the essays also point to the need for broader systemic change. Writers critique various institutions - from healthcare to education to law enforcement - that perpetuate racism and cause harm to Black Americans.
They imagine how these systems could be reimagined to actually support and empower Black communities. This might involve diversifying leadership, changing policies and practices, or creating entirely new models centered on equity and justice.
The book makes clear that both personal and collective work are needed to create real change. Individual healing and resilience go hand in hand with reimagining and rebuilding oppressive systems.
The Ongoing Nature of the Work
A recurring theme is that healing from racial trauma and dismantling internalized oppression is ongoing, lifelong work. Writers describe how racism continues to impact them on a daily basis, requiring constant processing and resilience.
They emphasize that there's no finish line or point of "being healed." Instead, it's a continual practice of self-reflection, setting boundaries, seeking support, and choosing vulnerability when it's safe to do so.
The essays reveal both the challenges and rewards of this ongoing inner work. While it can be exhausting to continually confront racism and its effects, many writers also describe a sense of empowerment, purpose, and deep connection that comes from this journey.
Hope for the Future
Despite grappling with heavy topics like trauma and oppression, the overall tone of the book is one of cautious hope. The writers envision a future where Black Americans can live freely and joyfully, unburdened by racism and generational pain.
They emphasize the resilience and creativity of Black communities in the face of centuries of oppression. Many express determination to create a better world for the next generation, even while acknowledging how much work remains to be done.
The essays highlight how small acts of liberation and joy can pave the way for broader change. By embracing their full humanity and supporting each other, these writers are already creating the more just future they imagine.
Conclusion
"You Are Your Best Thing" offers a raw, intimate look at how racism and white supremacy impact Black Americans on a deeply personal level. Through vulnerable storytelling, the contributors reveal the complex layers of trauma, shame, and fear they navigate daily.
At the same time, their essays are a powerful testament to Black joy, love, creativity, and resilience. They share hard-won wisdom about healing from racial trauma, dismantling internalized oppression, and creating lives full of meaning and connection despite systemic barriers.
The book serves as both a mirror for Black readers to see their experiences reflected and validated, and a window for others to develop deeper empathy and understanding. It highlights the ongoing nature of anti-racism work, both internally and in society at large.
Ultimately, "You Are Your Best Thing" is a celebration of Black humanity in all its complexity. It reminds us that vulnerability and authenticity are radical acts in a racist society. And it offers hope that through sharing our stories and supporting each other, we can create a more just and loving world.