You Are Your Best Thing Summary

“How do we reclaim Black humanity in a world designed to deny it?” This book explores that singular question through the lens of Black resilience, vulnerability, and joy amid systemic oppression.

1. Black Trauma is Deeply Connected to White Supremacy

Black experiences of shame and trauma are not standalone; they are part of systemic racism and white supremacy. As Tarana Burke observed during the 2020 protests, the focus was often on educating white people about racism while ignoring the emotional impact on Black communities. To connect these conversations, Burke collaborated with Brené Brown to explore the often-overlooked emotional toll on Black lives.

Black individuals face uniquely different standards when dealing with shame and vulnerability. Brené Brown has long explored the universality of shame and emotional connection in her work, but Burke pointed out that her research doesn't fully address systemic barriers for Black individuals. Vulnerability and self-worth aren’t luxuries all can afford—Black people in daily danger often can’t risk letting down their guard.

This collaboration recognizes the need to address these systemic hurdles by platforming Black authors and thinkers. Their stories in the book lay bare the duality of surviving racism while striving for joy and connection. This duality is both their burden and their strength.

Examples

• Black protesters in 2020 struggled to address their own grief while focusing on racial change.
• Brené Brown's work on vulnerability gained traction, but it missed perspectives of those in marginalized positions.
• By collaborating, Burke and Brown provided an inclusive space for sharing Black experiences of resilience.

2. Parenting While Black Means Constant Fear for Your Kids

Black parenting is steeped in both immense love and constant worry. Austin Channing Brown reflects her fear when seeing her son in a hoodie—reminding her of Trayvon Martin’s tragic death. For Black parents, foreboding joy, as Brené Brown calls it, becomes a survival instinct shaped by systemic racism.

While “foreboding joy” is universal, it takes on stark realism for Black mothers fearful that merely existing in public spaces could put their children at risk. Racist violence, whether it’s a police encounter or a neighbor’s prejudice, constantly looms as a threat within their lives.

Despite this fear, Black parents like Channing Brown focus on celebrating love and joy in the present. A moment like holding her toddler or seeing him smile becomes a declaration of joy and resistance to fear—a balancing act of maintaining love in a troubled society.

Examples

• Trayvon Martin's death still haunts Black mothers as they send their kids into the world.
• Brené Brown’s explanation of “foreboding joy” resonates realistically for Black families living under systemic violence.
• Channing Brown practices being present with her child, finding small moments of love amid fear.

3. Rejecting Shame as a Form of Resistance

Tanya Denise Fields discovered how internalized racial oppression led her to feelings of deep shame. This shame influenced her decisions, leaving her stuck in toxic patterns until a near-death experience forced her to confront and reject this narrative of self-worthlessness.

Fields realized that societal racism planted these feelings early. Whether it was about beauty standards, motherhood, or financial instability, she had adopted narratives meant to devalue and degrade her. Recognizing that these beliefs were rooted in oppression, she began rebuilding her sense of self-worth on new terms.

Once she embraced her intrinsic value, Fields transformed her life. Focused on joy and empowerment, she positively reshaped her career, health, and relationships. Reclaiming self-worth became a personal and political act of liberation.

Examples

• Fields left abusive relationships after confronting feelings tied to racist beauty norms.
• She openly shared her domestic abuse story, building community over social media.
• Fields revitalized her life goals, including leadership in the Black Feminist Project.

4. The Racism in America’s Healthcare System

Seeking medical assistance can be fraught for Black Americans, who often experience dismissive and racist care. Kiese Laymon recounts his own mistrust of doctors, revealing how systemic racism within health services led him to avoid seeking care for both physical and mental health.

Laymon’s cardiologist dismissed his concerns over heart palpitations without proper investigation, leaving him to find answers online. Similar biases have pervaded other medical experiences, including when mental health needs were weaponized against him during his college years.

The lack of compassionate care results in a cycle: Distrust leads to avoidance, which can worsen health outcomes. Laymon’s story highlights the need for a deeper overhaul in how the medical system approaches care for marginalized communities.

Examples

• Laymon’s heart condition led to no answers until he resorted to his own research.
• His mental health struggles were misinterpreted and poorly addressed as a student.
• Distrust of medical spaces reflects generational experiences of inadequate healthcare.

5. Embracing Identity Brings Healing

Prentis Hemphill hid their true self for years, assimilating to environments that were judgmental of their Queerness and impoverished background. The secrecy took a toll, leading them to years of shame and isolation.

Their journey toward healing began when they decided to confront the intergenerational trauma handed down by their family. Therapy helped them reclaim their body and emotions, unlearning the suppression that had kept them silent for so long. Participating in social movements also gave them a sense of collective healing.

Accepting their authentic self unlocked the ability to connect with others. While it required rejecting societal conditioning, it paved the way for breakthroughs in relationships and activism.

Examples

• Hemphill hid their upbringing and sexuality at a predominantly white school to fit in.
• Somatic therapy offered a method to release long-held physical tension from trauma.
• Participating in Black Lives Matter allowed them to find shared vulnerability and strength.

6. The Church’s Role in Uplifting Instead of Silencing Black Women

Tracey Michae’l Lewis-Giggetts recounts how church failed to support her after experiencing abuse as a teenager. Instead of offering a sanctuary, her church silenced her pain, reflecting larger patterns of Black girls being dismissed within sacred spaces.

The teachings she encountered prioritized suffering and conformity, obscuring the radical love at the heart of her faith. In her journey of healing, she began reshaping what faith could mean—focusing on love, support, and community by discarding shame-laden religious practices.

For Lewis-Giggetts, healing trauma went hand-in-hand with reimagining the role of spiritual spaces. She dreams of creating a church rooted in love and intergenerational healing to support Black women better.

Examples

• Her abuse was stifled by faith leaders who pushed silence over support.
• Black women’s resilience was often upheld instead of addressing their well-being.
• She envisions faith spaces that liberate instead of degrading joy.

7. Emotional Vulnerability Requires Safe Spaces

Emotional openness is necessary for human connection, but Black individuals often lack safety in vulnerable moments. Shawn Ginwright has spent years helping Black youth confront their pain within secure, affirming environments.

He notes that for those living daily with systemic injustice, emotional vulnerability is tied to survival. Safe spaces—like his summer camps for disadvantaged youth—allow Black teens to let down defenses, fostering openness and healing.

This structural vulnerability, born from poverty and racism, must be understood within trauma-informed care. Ginwright emphasizes shared stories as a pathway for connection and solidarity, fostering emotional growth even when faced with risk.

Examples

• Ginwright’s summer camps allowed teens from Oakland to openly process trauma.
• Young individuals from violent environments often suppress their emotions out of necessity.
• Shared storytelling among peers led to critical breakthroughs in community healing.

8. The Cost of Overworking While Black

Tarana Burke’s stroke became a turning point. As a Black woman, she’d been conditioned to measure her worth through endless labor—enduring years of anxiety, sleepless nights, and physical wear until her body could take no more.

Burke realized her overwork was born from internalized expectations. Society places undue demands on Black women to work themselves thin, often at the expense of their health, happiness, and family.

Her healing required unlearning this conditioning. By choosing rest, embracing joy, and valuing herself beyond productivity, Burke began to reimagine living within a framework of worthiness and self-care.

Examples

• Burke fainted during Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, signaling suppressed anxiety.
• Her neurologist warned her stroke was stress-linked, mandating lifestyle changes.
• Shifting from labor as proof of worth was her path to health and balance.

9. Centering Shame Resilience in Liberation

Aiko D. Bethea learned that assimilating into white spaces like workplaces wasn’t the path to thriving as a Black woman. Her growth came from developing “shame resilience”—strategies to confront oppression while living her full truth.

Bethea credits resources such as Black thinkers and creatives for offering ways to understand, critique, and resist shame. Being part of Sister Circles gave her the strength to amplify connections while pursuing a purpose larger than herself—whether for personal or collective liberation.

By dismantling internalized ideas of inferiority, shame resilience gave Bethea the tools to reclaim joy while navigating adversity with pride.

Examples

• Black Sister Circles foster conversations about shared race and gender oppression.
• Reading authors like James Baldwin helped deconstruct systems of shame.
• She embraces both vulnerability and humor as tools for living generously.

Takeaways

1. Create safe spaces for honest conversation within your community to foster emotional healing.
2. Learn to identify and reject internalized shame rooted in societal oppression by actively challenging societal narratives.
3. Surround yourself with supportive texts, art, and people who encourage joy, resilience, and vision for change.