You Coach You

What if instead of waiting for someone to coach you, you could be your own coach, cheering yourself to success?

1. Embrace the Squiggly Path

The concept of a traditional career ladder is outdated. Helen Tupper encourages readers to rethink their professional trajectory as a "squiggly path," full of twists, turns, and opportunities for exploration. Instead of focusing on linear progress, embrace the freedom and unpredictability of creating a unique career journey.

Your mindset plays a critical role here. A growth mentality, as coined by Carol Dweck, can turn challenges into opportunities. Replace “I can’t do this” with “I can’t do this yet.” Such small adjustments in thought patterns pave the way for personal and professional development on this unconventional route.

By stepping into the shoes of a coach, you get to know yourself on a deeper level. This includes examining whether you are more action-oriented or introspective in your approach and ensuring that your understanding of self aligns with how others perceive you, helping to refine and direct your squiggly progress.

Examples

• Reflecting on past successes and failures to understand personal patterns.
• Switching roles temporarily to experiment with different approaches.
• Leveraging a growth mindset to embrace uncertainty as opportunity.

2. Learn the Power of Words

How you talk to yourself shapes your ability to persevere and believe in your goals. Martin Seligman's "three Ps" (personal, pervasive, and permanent) represent limiting mindsets that often creep into our inner dialogue, creating roadblocks to success.

Shift away from self-defeating phrases like “It’s all my fault” or “This will never change.” Instead, adopt an empowering vocabulary that fuels resilience. Start recording daily wins, however small, and reflect on how they came to be. These habits allow you to foster self-belief through positivity and measured growth.

Try the "fly on the wall" technique to view situations objectively. Reframe perceived failures as learning experiences and observe positive aspects from a detached perspective. This not only fine-tunes your self-belief but also builds your emotional reserves.

Examples

• Reassess a perceived failure by identifying at least one positive takeaway from the experience.
• Record one daily success—no matter how minor—analyze its cause, and repeat the positive behaviors.
• Practice using growth-oriented vocabulary such as “What can I learn from this?” instead of “This always happens to me.”

3. Make Friends with Time

Dive into the relationship you have with time and identify if it’s working for you or against you. By imagining time as a person, you can better define the dynamics of this relationship and decide how to improve it.

Find your “goal-den hour,” the part of the day when you're most focused, and dedicate this time to your hardest tasks. Techniques like the Pomodoro (25-minute work blocks) or batch working can ensure you're making efficient use of your hours. Structure your time so that it feels like a partner, not a conflict.

It’s also essential to protect your schedule by managing commitments. Learn to "manage your monkeys" by setting boundaries. For example, when handed a new project, negotiate deadlines or reprioritize. This ensures you maintain control while still contributing effectively.

Examples

• Keep a time journal to identify patterns in your productivity and lulls.
• Use the monk technique to block hours for distraction-free work.
• Reframe your daily to-do list into a “to-think” list to focus on impactful tasks.

4. Build Resilience through Rest

Resilience is not about constantly pushing to the brink—it’s about bouncing back stronger. To do so, rest intentionally. Find hobbies or small pleasures that nurture your spirit and help refill your energy reserves.

Simple joys—like trying a new dessert or playing an instrument—can have a profound effect on resilience. Rest doesn't mean inactivity; instead, take breaks that recharge you and provide a mental reset to boost your endurance for challenges.

To strengthen resilience further, find inspiration from others' stories and your own past triumphs. Reflect on moments you handled adversity and dissect what strategies worked. Use these memories to build confidence for future obstacles.

Examples

• Schedule “active rest” activities, such as walking or creative hobbies.
• Identify at least three instances where you overcame adversity and deconstruct the process.
• Rest intentionally by setting aside specific times to detach from work completely.

5. Nurture Meaningful Relationships

Strong relationships bolster self-coaching by providing different perspectives, guidance, and empathy. Using “Dunbar’s Number,” categorize your network into circles: close confidants, trusted counsel, and casual connections.

Build a balanced network that includes supporters, critics, and people from various backgrounds. Diversity in your professional relationships ensures that you receive both encouragement and constructive feedback to refine your goals and ideas.

Maintain connections with acts of goodwill, like a five-minute favor. Send an article, leave a LinkedIn recommendation, or host a small professional meetup. Reciprocity creates stronger professional ties.

Examples

• Identify five trusted colleagues for each professional circle.
• Offer a short, meaningful favor to a contact every week to maintain relationships.
• Attend industry-specific events to expand and diversify your network regularly.

6. Handle Conflicts with Courage

Conflict is inevitable but can strengthen relationships when handled constructively. Learn whether you are a conflict activator (confrontational) or avoider (withdrawn) and modify approaches accordingly.

A useful tool is the “courageous conversation.” Address disagreements with empathy and clarity instead of sidestepping issues. Use team meetings to respectfully air concerns or create space for individuals to submit ideas privately if they are hesitant to speak up.

Rehearsing compassionate techniques, like actively listening and validating the other person’s perspective, often diffuses tensions while increasing the chance of reaching mutual agreement.

Examples

• Use structured meeting formats to ensure all voices are heard.
• Try a role reversal exercise where you temporarily take on a coworker’s role.
• Hold guided mediation sessions to resolve workplace disputes.

7. Pursue Sideways Progression

Progression isn’t always upward; it’s about gaining experiences that align with your purpose. Helen Tupper and Sara Ellis advise looking into sideways movements, such as starting volunteer programs, job swaps, or shadowing others.

These lateral moves often uncover hidden strengths or passions while enriching your skill set. Whether organizing a local charity drive or pitching an educational initiative to your boss, unconventional methods lead to greater self-discovery.

Sideways progression also benefits your career’s “squiggly path,” allowing for more diverse and fulfilling professional growth.

Examples

• Volunteer for a cross-department project outside your comfort zone.
• Explore educational opportunities and share the knowledge you gain with your team.
• Shadow someone in a different company position to broaden your perspective.

8. Discover Your True Purpose

Purpose can feel elusive, but it’s not just an endpoint—it’s a direction. Self-coaching begins with understanding what drives you and recognizing where your passions intersect with opportunities to make an impact.

Ask questions about your inspirations and talents to map out a scope of meaningful work. Review where you’ve made the biggest difference in your organization or community.

By reflecting on both your own aspirations and your workplace’s goals, you can align yourself more closely with roles that feel authentic and rewarding.

Examples

• Journal about moments when you felt most fulfilled at work and why.
• Create a list of role models and articulate what about their work inspires you.
• Identify three meaningful projects and strategize how to replicate their success.

9. Define Success on Your Terms

Success is no longer the corner office or a shiny title; it’s about finding fulfillment in work that resonates with your values. Redefine what achievement means by integrating personal growth into professional milestones.

This could be as simple as becoming a mentor, innovating within your role, or balancing work-life integration. When you let go of societal standards, your career transforms into a more personalized and satisfying endeavor.

Sit down periodically to reassess whether your career trajectory matches your inner peace and joy. Adjust as needed without the constraints of traditional expectations.

Examples

• Write a personal mission statement to guide your career decisions.
• Redefine long-term goals by emphasizing quality and meaning over quantity.
• Regularly discuss role adjustments with your supervisor to ensure alignment with your values.

Takeaways

1. Start practicing the fly-on-the-wall technique to detach emotion and gain objective insights.
2. Build a diverse inner circle of work allies who offer both support and constructive criticism.
3. Implement Switch-off Sundays by unplugging from technology weekly to recharge and refocus.