13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

"Being strong doesn’t mean you never feel scared or sad. It means you have the tools to get through life’s challenges while still staying focused on your goals." - Amy Morin

1. Replace Self-Pity with Gratitude

Self-pity is a trap that leads to misery, as it trains people to focus on what’s wrong, rather than what’s right. Amy Morin shares that holding onto self-pity clouds your judgment and creates an endless loop of negativity, preventing you from seeing life’s brighter sides. Mentally strong people avoid this by reframing their thoughts and focusing on gratitude instead.

Shifting focus to gratitude helps break the negative cycle. By intentionally recognizing the good in their lives, people can create a positive feedback loop. Writing in gratitude journals or sharing thankful moments with others are simple ways to start. The habit rewires the brain to seek positivity, which fuels resilience.

Morin encourages readers to reevaluate moments of hardship and find lessons, rather than dwelling on misfortunes. Her personal hardships taught her that practicing gratitude actively lifted her out of the emotional pit self-pity often digs.

Examples

• A man once complained about his car getting dented in a minor accident, while another thanked his luck that no one was hurt.
• Amy, after multiple personal losses, wrote a list of things to be grateful for in moments of despair.
• Keeping a daily gratitude journal proved transformative for her therapy clients.

2. Hold Onto Your Power by Forgiving Others

Giving others control over your emotions leads to frustration. If someone’s criticism or demands dictate how you react, they hold power over you. Mentally strong people set boundaries and choose responses intentionally rather than impulsively.

When Lauren allowed her mother-in-law’s meddling to eat away at her happiness, she gave her power away. But mentally strong people recognize this issue and resolve it by directly addressing such conflicts respectfully. Instead of simmering silently, they might initiate conversations or set boundaries to retain their autonomy.

Forgiveness is another critical element. Holding onto grudges or anger gives the offender power over your mental well-being. By forgiving, you not only free yourself from the emotional weight of resentment but also regain the energy to focus on what matters.

Examples

• Lauren regained her peace by setting boundaries with her difficult mother-in-law.
• A woman avoided years of turmoil by forgiving her estranged friend who betrayed her.
• Amy herself had to forgive the events of her own past to stop letting them control her present.

3. Embrace Change and Make it Manageable

Many people resist change, imagining it as a daunting all-or-nothing task. Mentally strong people take a smarter approach by breaking change down into smaller, practical steps. This makes it less overwhelming and more achievable.

Richard’s attempt to overhaul his lifestyle by ditching junk food and hitting the gym overnight didn’t work. The shift was too drastic. When he took smaller steps, like tracking meals and setting incremental weight loss goals, the process became more manageable. Success came because the small wins built momentum.

By embracing gradual change, mentally strong people keep their goals realistic. They remain adaptable, using clear action plans to sustain lasting results rather than rushing into unattainable standards that lead to burnout.

Examples

• Richard lost weight after breaking down his goal into smaller, measurable steps.
• Amy tells of a teacher who shifted to a dream career by taking evening courses rather than quitting her job cold turkey.
• A client who resisted therapy found value in piecemeal efforts like 10-minute mindfulness exercises.

4. Stop Wasting Energy on What You Can’t Control

Trying to control uncontrollable factors creates unnecessary stress. Amy stresses the importance of recognizing what you can influence and focusing your energy there instead. Mentally strong people know where to draw this line.

James ruined a whale watching trip with his daughter by obsessing over his ex-wife’s actions—something he couldn’t control. After reframing his focus on enjoying rare quality time, he learned to let go and make the best of each moment.

You can't control people, the environment, or unexpected events. However, you always control your response. This small yet empowering mindset shift minimizes frustration and helps achieve mental peace.

Examples

• James improved his relationship with his daughter by letting go of his ex-wife’s influence.
• A friend learned to ignore nasty online comments instead of engaging with trolls.
• Amy herself handled stressful clients by focusing on her responses, not controlling their behavior.

5. Let Go of the Need to Please Everyone

The tendency to please everyone stems from an inner fear of rejection or conflict. However, always saying “yes” at your own expense leads to resentment and burnout. Mentally strong people value connection but also recognize the importance of boundaries.

Megan’s inability to say no meant she constantly overcommitted, which caused stress in her family life. Using scripts to delay answers gave her space to prioritize her needs. With practice, saying “no” became liberating.

Remember, you are not responsible for others’ happiness. Learning this requires awareness and practice, but it’s essential to maintaining mental health.

Examples

• Megan reduced conflict with her family after learning to decline unnecessary favors.
• A man cut toxic friends loose who only drained his energy and added no value.
• Amy herself coached many clients to rehearse delaying their “yes” to decide thoughtfully.

6. See Risks as Opportunities Rather Than Threats

Mentally strong people distinguish between reckless risks and calculated opportunities. They analyze possible outcomes and create “middle ground” solutions, avoiding harmful extremes like doing nothing or overcommitting.

Dale dreamed of opening a furniture store but feared giving up his steady job. Instead of diving all in, he launched his store online part-time. Assessing risks allowed him to pursue his passion without losing stability.

Amy suggests asking questions like, “What’s the worst-case scenario?” and “What’s the best possible outcome?” Answering these lets you manage risks wisely instead of avoiding them entirely.

Examples

• Dale balanced work safety with entrepreneurial dreams through a small-scale launch.
• A college graduate reduced debt risk by taking smaller student loans and working part-time.
• Amy tells of an artist who cautiously marketed her skills while holding another job.

7. Learn From Mistakes and Avoid Repeating Them

Mistakes are valuable lessons when addressed openly. Mentally strong people analyze what went wrong, adjust, and apply those lessons to future actions.

Rowland Macy’s failed store taught him to pick better locations—a principle that led to Macy’s massive success. Like him, you should take proactive steps to learn and make adjustments as needed.

Amy advises using lists of past mistakes to avoid repeating them. Whether small or big errors, each one serves as a stepping stone for growth.

Examples

• Macy moved his store to a bustling area, creating lasting business success.
• A therapist used feedback from unsuccessful sessions to improve her communication.
• A writer revised strategies for completing a manuscript after repeated delays.

8. Let Go of Entitlement and Start Earning

Feeling entitled makes you wait for rewards you haven’t worked for. Mentally strong people focus on making meaningful contributions instead. They act rather than expect.

A young employee named Lucas struggled at work when he thought promotion was his right rather than something earned. With feedback and self-awareness, he shifted his focus to learning from others and became a better team member.

Humility is key here. Acknowledge your flaws, value others’ input, and strive for genuine improvement instead of demanding recognition.

Examples

• Lucas gained respect by adopting humility and openness after feedback.
• A business partner doubled profits after ditching entitlement to cooperate more.
• Amy’s personal path was shaped by taking deliberate steps rather than shortcuts.

9. Progress Requires Patience and Long-Term Effort

In today’s fast-paced world, many expect instant results. But meaningful progress takes time, and mentally strong people embrace this reality. They break large goals into smaller ones to celebrate victories along the way.

Marcy wanted quick wins from self-help books but gave up too quickly. By breaking larger goals into steps, she finally saw steady growth. The key is to commit, even if success isn’t visible right away.

Delayed gratification often results in greater rewards. With consistency and perseverance, long-term success becomes sustainable.

Examples

• Marcy broke down her goals and began celebrating each milestone.
• A student improved grades by studying steadily every day instead of cramming.
• Amy’s viral blog started small and grew through persistence over time.

Takeaways

1. Keep a gratitude journal to counteract self-pity and focus on the positive aspects of your life.
2. Practice saying "no" using delay scripts to create room for your needs and prevent overcommitting.
3. Break down complex goals into smaller, actionable steps and celebrate each milestone for sustained motivation.