Introduction
Ayelet Waldman's "A Really Good Day" is a compelling exploration of one woman's journey to find relief from her debilitating mood disorder through an unconventional and controversial method: microdosing LSD. This memoir not only chronicles Waldman's personal experiences but also delves into the history, science, and societal implications of psychedelic drug use.
As a former federal public defender and law professor, Waldman brings a unique perspective to the topic, blending her personal story with insights into drug policy and the criminal justice system. Her experiment with microdosing LSD over 30 days serves as a backdrop for broader discussions about mental health, the pharmaceutical industry, and the war on drugs.
The Author's Struggle with Mood Disorders
Waldman's story begins with her long-standing battle against mood swings, irritability, and depression. Despite being a successful author and having a loving family, she found herself constantly at the mercy of her volatile emotions. Her bad days were characterized by overwhelming feelings of self-hatred, guilt, and shame, which not only affected her but also strained her relationships with her husband and children.
Over the years, Waldman sought help through various means:
Therapy: She tried multiple approaches, from Freudian analysis to cognitive behavioral therapy, but found limited success.
Mindfulness: She attempted meditation but struggled to find it helpful.
Medication: After a particularly frightening moment when she considered suicide, Waldman sought medical help and was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. This led to years of trying different medications, including Celexa, Prozac, Zoloft, and many others. While some provided temporary relief, they often came with unpleasant side effects like weight gain and decreased libido.
Eventually, Waldman discovered that her mood swings were closely tied to her menstrual cycle, leading to a diagnosis of premenstrual dysphoric disorder. This allowed her to better manage her symptoms by taking medication only when necessary. However, as she entered perimenopause, her irregular periods made it difficult to predict and control her moods.
The Discovery of Microdosing
At her wit's end, Waldman stumbled upon the work of James Fadiman, a psychologist and former psychedelic researcher. Fadiman was promoting the concept of microdosing LSD – taking tiny amounts of the drug to improve mood and cognitive function without experiencing hallucinogenic effects.
Intrigued by the possibility of finally having a "really good day," Waldman decided to embark on a 30-day experiment with microdosing LSD. Despite her initial hesitation as a law-abiding mother of four, her desperation to find relief from her mood issues outweighed her concerns.
Understanding Microdosing
Microdosing involves taking a very small amount of a psychedelic substance, typically one-tenth of a regular dose, on a specific schedule. In Waldman's case, this meant:
- Taking two tiny drops (about 10 micrograms) of LSD every three days
- Monitoring her mood, physical sensations, and productivity on dosing days
- Continuing to observe effects on the two following days without taking LSD
The goal of microdosing is to experience mood improvement and increased focus without the intense psychedelic effects associated with larger doses.
The First Experiences
Waldman's initial experiences with microdosing were overwhelmingly positive:
Enhanced sensory perception: She noticed a heightened awareness of her surroundings, such as the scent of jasmine and the beauty of trees.
Improved mindfulness: She felt more in tune with her thoughts and bodily sensations.
Increased love and affection: Thoughts of her family evoked feelings of love rather than annoyance.
Boosted productivity: She found herself more focused and efficient in her work.
Overall happiness: For the first time in a long while, she felt genuinely happy.
On the days between doses, Waldman noticed that while some of the positive effects lingered, her usual mood gradually returned. This contrast allowed her to better appreciate the impact of the microdose.
The Science Behind LSD
As her experiment progressed, Waldman delved into the scientific understanding of how LSD affects the brain. She learned that psychedelics like LSD increase interactions between various neurotransmitters, leading to the formation of new neural connections and networks. This neuroplasticity is believed to help people develop new perspectives on their problems and life situations.
Recent research has shown promising results in using psychedelics to reduce anxiety and improve mood, particularly in patients facing terminal illnesses. This aligned with Waldman's experience of feeling more capable of dealing with anxiety and irritation, as well as experiencing increased productivity and overall happiness.
The Safety Profile of LSD
Contrary to popular belief and its reputation as a dangerous drug, LSD has a remarkably good safety record:
No documented overdose deaths: A 2008 review in the journal CNS: Neuroscience and Therapeutics found no reported deaths from LSD overdoses.
High tolerance: Studies have shown that taking up to 200 times the dose Waldman was using would cause no significant biological effects (although it would likely result in an intense psychedelic experience).
Quick recovery from extreme doses: Even in cases of accidental massive overdoses, patients have fully recovered within hours.
Low risk of psychosis: While there have been rare cases of adverse psychological reactions, these are typically in individuals with pre-existing psychiatric conditions.
Potential reduction in suicide risk: A study in the Journal of Psychopharmacology found that lifetime psychedelic use correlated with a 36% reduction in suicide attempts.
Waldman notes that LSD's bad reputation largely stems from its association with the counterculture movement of the 1960s, rather than from scientific evidence of harm.
LSD and Creativity
Throughout her research, Waldman discovered numerous accounts of LSD enhancing creativity and problem-solving abilities:
Steve Jobs: The co-founder of Apple credited LSD as one of the most important experiences of his life.
Kary Mullis: The Nobel Prize-winning chemist attributed his invention of the polymerase chain reaction (PCR) technique partly to his experiences with LSD.
Silicon Valley professionals: Many high-powered tech workers have reportedly turned to microdosing to boost their creativity and productivity.
Scientific research supports these anecdotes. Brain imaging studies have shown that LSD creates a state of "hyper-connectivity" in the brain, allowing ordinarily unrelated regions to communicate. This may explain the drug's ability to spark new ideas and insights.
The War on Drugs and Its Consequences
Waldman's experiment led her to reflect on the legal status of LSD and the broader implications of the United States' war on drugs. As a former federal public defender, she was acutely aware of the potential legal consequences of her actions, even though she only possessed a tiny amount of LSD.
The author highlights several troubling aspects of drug policy in the United States:
Disproportionate sentencing: Many people are serving long prison sentences for possessing small amounts of drugs like LSD or marijuana.
Racial disparities: African Americans are ten times more likely to be incarcerated for drug offenses than white people, despite using drugs at lower rates.
Ineffectiveness: Despite decades of strict enforcement, drug use remains prevalent, and many illegal drugs have become cheaper and more accessible.
Missed opportunities: The illegality of substances like LSD has hindered potentially beneficial research and medical applications.
Waldman argues that the war on drugs has caused more harm than good, particularly to marginalized communities, while failing to address the root causes of drug abuse and addiction.
The Potential Benefits of Microdosing
While formal clinical studies on microdosing are still lacking, informal research conducted by James Fadiman has shown promising results:
Emotional benefits: Reduced anxiety, greater acceptance of life's challenges, and improved mood.
Intellectual benefits: Increased creativity, focus, and problem-solving abilities.
Physical benefits: Some users reported improvements in conditions like Parkinson's disease symptoms and stuttering.
Relationship improvements: Many participants noted reduced conflict with friends and family.
Addiction management: Some users found it easier to quit habits like marijuana use or smoking.
These anecdotal reports, while not scientifically rigorous, suggest that microdosing may have potential therapeutic applications that warrant further investigation.
Waldman's 30-Day Experience
As Waldman's month-long experiment came to an end, she reflected on the overall impact of microdosing on her life:
Improved mood: She experienced more frequent feelings of happiness, optimism, and relaxation.
Better emotional regulation: Even during conflicts, she found herself more capable of managing her emotions and avoiding spirals of shame and guilt.
Increased self-awareness: She became more conscious of her behavior and its impact on others.
Family observations: Her children and husband noticed significant improvements in her mood and behavior, reporting that she seemed happier, nicer, and better able to handle stress without yelling.
Minimal side effects: The only noticeable physical effects were occasional dizziness or nausea on dosing days.
While not a perfect solution, Waldman found that microdosing LSD had a largely positive impact on her life and relationships.
The Paradox of Drug Policy
Waldman's experiment left her facing a paradox: she had finally found a substance that seemed to effectively manage her mood disorder, but it was completely illegal. This stands in stark contrast to the widespread use of potentially harmful prescription drugs, such as benzodiazepines, which are legally prescribed despite their addictive nature and potential long-term side effects.
The author argues that this situation highlights the inconsistencies and flaws in current drug policies, which often seem to be based more on historical and cultural biases than on scientific evidence of harm or benefit.
Conclusion
"A Really Good Day" is a thought-provoking exploration of one woman's journey to find relief from her mental health struggles through an unconventional and controversial method. Waldman's experiment with microdosing LSD not only provided her with a new perspective on her own mood disorder but also shed light on broader issues surrounding drug policy, mental health treatment, and the potential benefits of psychedelic substances.
The book challenges readers to reconsider their assumptions about illegal drugs and to question the effectiveness of current approaches to drug regulation and mental health treatment. Waldman makes a compelling case for further research into the potential therapeutic applications of substances like LSD, arguing that current policies may be denying many people access to potentially life-changing treatments.
While the author's experience is largely positive, she is careful to note that her experiment is not a substitute for rigorous scientific study. She acknowledges the need for formal clinical trials to establish the safety and efficacy of microdosing before it can be considered a viable treatment option.
Ultimately, "A Really Good Day" is a call for a more nuanced and evidence-based approach to drug policy and mental health treatment. It suggests that by moving beyond fear and stigma, society may be able to harness the potential benefits of substances like LSD while minimizing harm and improving the lives of those struggling with mood disorders and other mental health issues.
The book raises several important questions for readers to consider:
How do we balance the potential benefits of substances like LSD with the risks and legal implications of their use?
What role should personal experimentation play in the development of new treatments for mental health disorders?
How can society move towards a more rational and evidence-based approach to drug policy?
What are the ethical implications of denying potentially effective treatments to those suffering from mental health disorders?
How can we address the racial and socioeconomic disparities in drug enforcement and access to mental health treatment?
Waldman's honest and vulnerable account of her struggles with mood disorders and her journey with microdosing serves as a powerful reminder of the complex nature of mental health and the ongoing search for effective treatments. While her experience may not be universally applicable, it opens up important conversations about alternative approaches to mental health care and the need for a more compassionate and scientifically-informed approach to drug policy.
As research into psychedelics continues to evolve, books like "A Really Good Day" play a crucial role in destigmatizing these substances and encouraging open dialogue about their potential benefits and risks. By sharing her story, Waldman contributes to a growing body of literature that challenges conventional wisdom about drugs and mental health, paving the way for new approaches to healing and well-being.
In the end, "A Really Good Day" is not just about microdosing LSD or treating mood disorders. It's a broader exploration of how we as individuals and as a society approach the complex issues of mental health, drug use, and personal freedom. It challenges readers to think critically about these issues and to consider the possibility that unconventional approaches may sometimes offer unexpected solutions to long-standing problems.
As we continue to grapple with rising rates of mental health issues and the ongoing challenges of drug policy, stories like Waldman's serve as important reminders of the need for open-mindedness, compassion, and a willingness to explore new possibilities in our quest for health and happiness. Whether or not microdosing LSD becomes a widely accepted treatment in the future, the questions and insights raised by "A Really Good Day" will likely remain relevant for years to come, inviting readers to reconsider their assumptions and engage in meaningful discussions about the nature of consciousness, the treatment of mental illness, and the role of psychoactive substances in human society.