In today's fast-paced and interconnected world, success often hinges on our ability to collaborate, share resources, and leverage the knowledge and skills of those around us. Yet, many people struggle with a seemingly simple act that can unlock tremendous potential: asking for help. In his book "All You Have to Do Is Ask," Wayne Baker explores the power of making requests and how it can transform our personal and professional lives.
Baker argues that the ability to ask for assistance is a critical skill that can lead to greater success, innovation, and personal growth. Through a combination of research, real-life examples, and practical advice, he demonstrates how asking for help can bridge the gap between our current situation and our goals.
This book challenges the common misconceptions that prevent people from seeking assistance and provides strategies for overcoming these barriers. It also offers insights into creating a culture of helping within organizations, which can lead to increased productivity, creativity, and employee satisfaction.
As we delve into the key ideas presented in "All You Have to Do Is Ask," we'll explore the importance of asking, the psychology behind giving and receiving help, and practical techniques for making effective requests. We'll also examine how organizations can foster an environment that encourages and rewards both asking for and providing assistance.
The Power of Asking
Asking for help is the bridge between us and success
One of the most compelling examples Baker provides to illustrate the power of asking is the story of Cristina, a baby born in Romania with craniosynostosis, a rare condition that causes premature fusion of skull bones. Finding a specialist capable of performing the necessary surgery in Romania was challenging. However, Cristina's story has a happy ending, thanks to the power of asking.
Cristina's aunt, Felicia, was participating in a Reciprocity Ring, a guided group activity that allows participants to tap into the collective knowledge and resources of a large network. Felicia used this opportunity to ask for contact with an experienced pediatric cranial surgeon who could help her niece. As a result of her request, one of the participants, a pediatrician, introduced her to a relevant specialist, ultimately leading to Cristina receiving the necessary surgery.
This story highlights a crucial point: if we don't ask, people won't know what we need. And if people don't know what we need, they can't help us. The power of asking lies in its ability to unlock hidden resources and connections that we might never have known existed.
Baker provides another example to drive this point home. A senior engineer at a major auto company was grappling with a complex technical problem. After struggling for some time, he decided to reach out to his network of colleagues to ask for an expert who could help. Surprisingly, the first person to respond was a newly hired 22-year-old administrative assistant. It turned out that her father had the exact expertise needed to solve the problem, and he had recently retired with plenty of free time on his hands.
These anecdotes illustrate that you never know what people know or whom they know until you ask. The power of asking lies in its ability to tap into unexpected resources and connections that can lead to solutions we might never have discovered on our own.
Baker backs up these anecdotal examples with hard science. Studies show that as much as 90 percent of the help provided in the workplace occurs only after assistance has been requested. This statistic underscores the importance of actively seeking help rather than waiting for others to offer it.
The author encourages readers to embrace the power of asking, especially in stressful work situations. By reaching out to colleagues and experiencing the positive outcomes that can result from seeking help, we can begin to overcome our reluctance to ask and unlock new possibilities for success.
We routinely underestimate other people's willingness and ability to help
One of the main reasons people hesitate to ask for help is that they underestimate others' willingness to assist. Baker challenges this assumption by presenting research that demonstrates how people are often more willing to help than we might expect.
He cites a study conducted by psychologists at Columbia University, where participants were asked to borrow strangers' cell phones in New York City. Contrary to what many might assume, it took an average of only two attempts to get a New Yorker to lend their phone. This experiment shows that people are often more willing to help than we give them credit for, even in situations where we might expect reluctance or refusal.
To further support this point, Baker references a global Gallup survey that found 73 percent of Americans had helped a stranger within the past month. Moreover, the majority of people in more than half of the 140 countries surveyed had done the same. Gallup estimates that worldwide, roughly 2.2 billion people help a stranger every month. These statistics paint a picture of a world where helping others is far more common than we might assume.
Despite this evidence, many people still struggle to make requests of those outside their closest social circles. Baker argues that this is a mistake, as our acquaintances can serve as bridges to different social circles, opening doors to new information, solutions, and resources.
The author also addresses the hesitation people feel about reaching out to friends from their past. Many assume that attempts to reconnect will be rebuffed or that former friends may resent being contacted just for a favor. However, Baker asserts that most people are actually happy to hear from old friends and eager to help. Given that lives and social networks diverge over time, these connections can provide access to entirely new pools of knowledge and resources that could be crucial in solving current problems.
By challenging our assumptions about others' willingness to help, Baker encourages readers to be more proactive in seeking assistance. He suggests that by overcoming our reluctance to ask, we can tap into a vast network of potential helpers and resources that we might otherwise never access.
Organizational Barriers to Asking for Help
A company's culture, systems, procedures, and practices may stop us from asking for and giving help
While individual attitudes play a significant role in our willingness to ask for help, Baker points out that organizational factors can also have a profound impact on this behavior. He emphasizes the importance of company culture in fostering an environment where employees feel comfortable seeking assistance.
According to researchers at Google, the most critical ingredient in an organization's culture is psychological safety. In a psychologically safe workplace, employees feel at ease asking questions, admitting mistakes, and bringing up problems. Kathryn Dekas, a senior manager at Google, credits this aspect of their culture as integral to the company's ability to drive innovation in their products.
However, not all organizations prioritize or cultivate psychological safety. In some workplaces, asking for help may have negative consequences, leading to both the employees and the organization suffering as a result.
Baker identifies several factors that can deter individuals from asking for help within an organization:
Hiring practices: Some organizations focus solely on an individual's skills and experience without considering how they will fit into the team or whether they will be willing to help others or ask for help themselves. Rich Sheridan, CEO of Menlo Innovations, learned this lesson the hard way. The company now seeks people with "good kindergarten skills" – those who are respectful, play well with others, and are willing to share – in addition to technical abilities.
Competitive rankings and individual rewards: When a company only recognizes individual achievements, it may develop a competitive culture in which asking for or giving help is not the norm. This can create an environment where employees are more focused on outperforming their colleagues than collaborating and supporting one another.
Rapid growth and fragmentation: Organizations that grow quickly may fragment into multiple small, disconnected departments that slow down collaboration. This can create silos within the company, making it more difficult for employees to reach out across departmental lines for assistance.
Globalization: As companies expand globally, collaboration can be hindered by distance, time zones, and cultural norms. These factors can make it more challenging for employees to build the relationships and trust necessary for effective help-seeking and giving.
Baker argues that recognizing these organizational barriers is the first step in creating a culture that encourages and supports asking for help. By addressing these issues, companies can foster an environment where employees feel safe and empowered to seek assistance when needed, ultimately leading to increased innovation, productivity, and job satisfaction.
The Law of Giving and Receiving
Asking for help is as important as giving it
Baker challenges the common notion that giving is more virtuous than receiving by introducing the law of giving and receiving. He argues that these two acts are intrinsically linked and equally important. The author emphasizes that it's impossible to give without receiving, and vice versa.
The law of giving and receiving is not about helping those who help you in return. Instead, it's about helping others regardless of whether they've helped you or are likely to help you in the future. Baker describes this as an investment that will yield powerful returns over time.
To illustrate the benefits of embracing both giving and asking, Baker points to the design firm IDEO. The company has cultivated an active "culture of helping," which encourages colleagues to share their knowledge and ask for help when needed. This approach has led to increased creativity, innovation, and overall success for the organization.
Baker identifies four general styles of giving and asking:
The overly generous giver: These individuals spend so much time giving that they may suffer from "generosity burnout." While they enjoy the gratitude of others, they often fail to disclose their own needs, missing out on valuable ideas, information, and opportunities.
The selfish taker: These people are primarily self-focused and rarely repay the generosity of others. However, studies have shown that even selfish takers are more likely to give when their actions are public, as they are concerned about their reputations.
The lone wolf: These individuals value self-reliance and rarely seek or give help. As a result, they tend to become socially isolated. Baker considers this the worst giving-asking style, as even selfish takers maintain some level of connection to a network.
The giver-requester: This is the ideal style, according to Baker. These individuals are popular among colleagues because they give help willingly. They also seek help when needed, receiving the support necessary to succeed. In a study of a telecommunications firm, giver-requesters were found to be the most productive and well-regarded employees.
By highlighting these different styles, Baker encourages readers to strive for the giver-requester approach. This balanced style allows individuals to contribute to their networks while also benefiting from the collective knowledge and resources of others.
The author argues that by embracing both giving and asking, we can create a virtuous cycle of mutual support and success. This approach not only benefits individuals but also contributes to a more collaborative and productive work environment overall.
Making Effective Requests
Learning to ask for what you need will help you get closer to your goal
Baker acknowledges that even for those who are comfortable with asking, it can be challenging to know precisely what to ask for or how to express their needs effectively. He provides a three-step process for making effective requests:
Determine your goal: Start by clearly defining what you're working toward and why it's important to you. If you're struggling to articulate your goal, Baker suggests writing it down to help clarify your thoughts.
Develop your request using SMART criteria: Once you know your goal, craft your request using the SMART framework:
- Specific: Be clear and precise about what you need.
- Meaningful: Explain why you need it and how it relates to your goal.
- Action-oriented: Clearly state what actions the person needs to take to assist you.
- Realistic: Ensure that your request is achievable, even if it seems unlikely.
- Timebound: Provide a clear timeline for when you need the help.
Identify whom to ask: Consider not just "who knows what," but also "who knows whom." Sometimes, your contacts can connect you with others who have the knowledge or resources to assist you.
When it comes to making the actual request, Baker emphasizes the importance of adapting to your audience. Research has shown that face-to-face requests are 34 times more effective than email messages. However, the most crucial factor is to consider the preferences and circumstances of the person you're asking. For example, if they prefer written communication or are going through a busy period, it might be better to wait for a more opportune moment or use a different method of communication.
Baker also addresses the fear of rejection, which often holds people back from making requests. He encourages readers not to lose heart or give up if their request is initially denied. He cites the example of J.K. Rowling, whose first Harry Potter book was rejected by publishers 12 times before finding success. The author reminds us that rejection isn't personal; it's simply an opinion, and that opinion could be wrong.
By following these steps and maintaining a positive attitude in the face of potential rejection, individuals can significantly improve their ability to make effective requests and move closer to achieving their goals.
Creating a Culture of Asking
Devise team norms and routines that give employees permission to ask for help
Baker emphasizes the importance of creating a workplace environment where employees feel comfortable asking for help and discussing mistakes. He argues that this kind of culture is essential for fostering innovation, problem-solving, and overall organizational success.
The author suggests several strategies for building a culture that encourages asking for help:
Lead by example: Leaders should set the tone by asking for help when they need it. Baker cites the example of Dr. Salvador Salort-Pons, who took charge of the Detroit Institute of Arts and surprised his leadership team by openly seeking assistance. This practice soon spread throughout the team.
Hire the right people: Select employees who not only have the necessary skills and abilities but are also requesters and generous givers. This approach ensures that new hires will contribute to and benefit from a culture of helping.
Build psychological safety: Create an environment where team members feel it's okay to ask for help and admit mistakes. For new teams, allow time for members to get to know each other before diving into projects.
Implement specific tools and practices:
a. Stand-up meetings: Adopt a daily practice where team members take 15 minutes to stand in a circle and provide brief updates. At software firm Atlassian, each team member answers three questions: What did I work on yesterday? What am I working on today? What issues are blocking me? Menlo Innovations takes this further by adding, "What help do I need?" This question normalizes making requests.
b. Reciprocity Ring: This guided activity allows people to tap into the power of a network to get what they need. In a group of 20 to 24 people, everyone takes turns making a request, and others consider how they can help. This exercise has led to some remarkable outcomes, such as helping an adopted individual find information about their biological parents.
Baker also addresses the challenge of collaborating across organizational divides. He shares the example of Kent Power, where communication between field superintendents and company executives had broken down. To bridge this gap, they implemented a game involving regular one-on-one phone calls over three months, with the stipulation that work couldn't be discussed. This approach successfully reestablished productive communication and improved working relationships.
The author also suggests using continuing-education programs as a way to bridge structural divides within organizations. These customized programs bring together employees from different departments, offices, or even countries, providing opportunities for collaboration and networking.
Another tool Baker recommends is flexible budgeting, where one department can allocate a portion of its budget to another department or project. He cites the example of Hopelab, a social-innovation lab in California, where this practice allows for quick funding of exciting opportunities that arise unexpectedly.
By implementing these strategies and tools, organizations can create a culture where asking for help is not only accepted but encouraged and valued. This approach can lead to increased collaboration, innovation, and overall organizational success.
Recognition and Rewards
Recognize, appreciate, and reward those who request help as well as those who give help
Baker emphasizes the importance of recognition and rewards in building a culture of asking. He cites a survey by the Globoforce Workplace Research Institute, which found that over 20 percent of full-time employees in the United States report never receiving recognition for their work. The author argues that recognizing and rewarding employees is critical to building a more engaged, motivated, and productive workforce.
To be effective, Baker suggests that recognition should be:
- Frequent
- Repeated
- Authentic
- Personalized
When it comes to creating a culture of asking, Baker recommends making a point of recognizing and rewarding staff members who request help, not just those who provide it. He shares the example of the Levine Greenberg Rostan literary agency, where despite having written guidelines emphasizing the importance of asking for help, some employees still struggled to speak up. The principal agent, Jim Levine, realized he hadn't been recognizing people for asking because he assumed it was fully ingrained in the agency's culture. He started giving shout-outs during team meetings to people who had been asking for help, which led to positive changes in employee behavior.
Baker suggests several ways to incorporate recognition for asking into existing reward systems:
Modify existing programs: If your company already has a recognition program, consider tweaking it to reward people who request help. For example, Algentis, an HR outsourcing firm in California, developed the High-5 program, which allows employees to give colleagues a $25 Amazon gift card for going above and beyond to help them. This program could easily be adapted to include recognition for those who reach out for support.
Create a gratitude wall: Set up a wall in the office with blank "thank you" cards. Encourage staff members to use these cards to express gratitude to colleagues who either ask for or provide help. These notes can be delivered personally or displayed on the wall.
Public acknowledgment: Use team meetings or company-wide communications to highlight instances where employees have successfully sought help and how it benefited the organization.
Include asking in performance reviews: Make "willingness to seek assistance when needed" a criterion in employee evaluations, signaling that it's a valued behavior in the organization.
Share success stories: Regularly communicate examples of how asking for help led to positive outcomes, innovations, or problem-solving within the company.
By implementing these recognition and reward strategies, organizations can reinforce the message that asking for help is not just acceptable but praiseworthy. This approach can break down any lingering inner resistance to requesting support and create a more collaborative, efficient, and innovative work environment.
Conclusion
In "All You Have to Do Is Ask," Wayne Baker presents a compelling case for the power of making requests and its potential to transform both individual lives and organizational cultures. By challenging common misconceptions about asking for help and providing practical strategies for overcoming barriers, Baker offers a roadmap for unlocking hidden resources and fostering greater collaboration.
The book's key takeaways include:
- Asking for help is a critical skill that can lead to greater success, innovation, and personal growth.
- People are often more willing to help than we assume, and we should not hesitate to reach out to our networks, including acquaintances and old friends.
- Organizational culture plays a significant role in encouraging or discouraging help-seeking behavior.
- The ideal approach is to be both a giver and a requester, creating a balanced exchange of support and resources.
- Making effective requests involves clearly defining goals, using the SMART criteria, and identifying the right people to ask.
- Creating a culture of asking requires leadership by example, hiring the right people, and implementing specific tools and practices.
- Recognizing and rewarding both those who ask for help and those who provide it is crucial for reinforcing positive behaviors.
Baker argues that expressing our needs has multiple benefits:
- Increased effectiveness in our jobs
- New job opportunities
- Better adaptation to new circumstances
- Improved team performance and creativity
By embracing the power of asking, individuals can overcome personal and professional challenges, while organizations can foster environments that promote innovation, collaboration, and overall success.
As we navigate an increasingly complex and interconnected world, the ability to ask for help becomes even more crucial. Baker's book serves as a valuable guide for anyone looking to harness this often-overlooked skill and create positive change in their personal and professional lives.
In conclusion, "All You Have to Do Is Ask" reminds us that the simple act of reaching out for assistance can open doors to unexpected opportunities, solutions, and connections. By overcoming our reluctance to ask and creating supportive environments that encourage help-seeking behavior, we can unlock our full potential and achieve greater success in all aspects of our lives.