All You Have to Do Is Ask

Requesting help doesn't just reveal our needs; it unlocks hidden resources and transforms challenges into opportunities.

1. Asking for help connects you to success

Asking for help bridges the divide between where you are now and where you want to be. This idea is rooted in the concept that if people don’t know what you need, they can’t offer their assistance. Often, opportunities and solutions lie just one request away, waiting to be unlocked.

For example, Cristina, a baby born in Romania with a rare skull condition, received life-saving surgery only because her aunt sought help through a Reciprocity Ring. This activity connected her to the right specialist, illustrating how asking opens doors you might not even know exist.

Research backs this up. Studies find that up to 90% of workplace aid happens only after a request. Avoiding the ask can leave resources untapped, but embracing the courage to ask creates pathways to solutions. Success stories like these prove a simple request can solve even the most complicated problems.

Examples

• Cristina’s aunt found a cranial surgeon through a Reciprocity Ring.
• An auto engineer solved a technical issue thanks to a young admin assistant’s network.
• A Gallup survey showed 73% of Americans had helped a stranger in the past month.

2. We misjudge others’ readiness to help

People are far more willing to help than we think. Yet, many of us fear rejection or believe our requests will be an inconvenience, stopping us from reaching out. This misperception can prevent us from tapping into a wealth of support.

Consider a Columbia University study where researchers asked New Yorkers to lend a cellphone. Despite the city’s reputation for being tough, most participants found help after just two attempts. People generally like to assist when given the opportunity.

Even acquaintances and old friends can be valuable allies. Often, their separate networks provide fresh avenues for solutions. Our hesitance to ask them is rarely warranted. Rebuilding a connection while addressing a challenge can be mutually satisfying, enabling both past and present relationships to flourish.

Examples

• New Yorkers were willing to lend their phones in a study.
• Acquaintances act as bridges to different social networks.
• Old friendships create unexpected reservoirs of help.

3. Workplace culture shapes asking habits

Workplace dynamics and culture play a significant role in whether employees feel comfortable asking for help. A psychologically safe environment—where people can admit mistakes without fear—makes all the difference.

Take Google’s success in fostering innovation. The company emphasizes psychological safety, encouraging employees to seek help, ask questions, and admit errors. Meanwhile, competitive environments or disconnected departments can stifle collaboration and discourage requests.

Organizations like Menlo Innovations now prioritize “kindergarten skills” like respect and sharing when hiring employees. This approach ensures team members understand that collaboration is essential, not optional.

Examples

• Google’s culture of psychological safety drives innovation.
• Menlo Innovations hires for qualities like respect and cooperation.
• Competitive environments limit cooperation by favoring individual recognition.

4. Balancing giving and asking helps everyone

The act of asking for help works hand in hand with giving. A balanced approach creates thriving work cultures where collaboration fuels success. While giving brings satisfaction, combining it with asking ensures a free flow of resources.

IDEO, a design firm, exemplifies this balance. Their “culture of helping” connects employees, allowing them to contribute knowledge freely while seeking support when needed. Employees' productivity grows when they are both helpers and askers.

Different styles exist in this give-and-take dynamic. While “lone wolves” and “selfish takers” limit collaboration, “giver-requesters” are both popular and productive. They model the best kind of behavior by fostering an open exchange of ideas.

Examples

• IDEO’s culture encourages employees to both ask and give.
• Study shows giver-requesters are the most productive workers.
• Overly generous givers risk burnout by not expressing their own needs.

5. Framing your request improves success

Even if asking comes naturally, presenting your request well makes all the difference. Crafting an ask thoughtfully ensures clarity and increases the likelihood of receiving help. Using SMART criteria—specific, meaningful, action-oriented, realistic, and timebound—can shape an effective request.

For instance, if you need mentorship, don’t simply ask for guidance. Specify what kind of mentorship you’re seeking, clarify your end goal, and suggest a reasonable time frame. Clear and actionable words inspire others to act.

Face-to-face communication is 34 times more effective than email, research shows. However, the medium should fit the specific person you’re addressing. Adapting your request to suit the recipient maximizes your chance of success.

Examples

• Clear, actionable requests following SMART criteria are more compelling.
• Harry Potter was rejected 12 times before J.K. Rowling found a publisher.
• Face-to-face requests are significantly more effective than emails.

6. Team norms give permission to ask

Team rituals and routines can normalize asking for help while strengthening bonds between members. When asking becomes an accepted part of workplace culture, it removes stigma and builds trust.

Software firms like Atlassian use brief daily check-ins, allowing employees to identify roadblocks and make requests for help. Similarly, Menlo Innovations goes a step further, making “What help do I need?” an integral part of group discussions.

Reciprocity Rings also weave requests into group activities. Structured settings make people more comfortable asking for help, translating these habits into everyday teamwork.

Examples

• Atlassian’s daily stand-up meetings normalize asking for help.
• Menlo Innovations integrates help-seeking into regular discussions.
• Reciprocity Rings make it easier to ask in group settings.

7. Collaboration breaks structural silos

Large companies often face departmental walls, leading to duplicated efforts and missed opportunities. Deliberately bridging divides strengthens communication and improves resource sharing.

Kent Power tackled this issue by pairing superintendents with executives for regular one-on-one calls. These chats created stronger workplace relationships and broke down barriers in communication. Similar initiatives can sync isolated teams and boost efficiency.

Educational programs also foster cross-departmental bonds. Employees learn collaboratively, enriching relationships and boosting organizational cohesion. This type of activity encourages asking across organizational divides.

Examples

• Kent Power improved cohesion with structured one-on-one calls.
• Educational programs connect staff from disparate departments.
• Hopelab uses flexible budgeting to fund cross-team opportunities.

8. Recognize and reward askers

Recognition fuels motivation. Showering praise on those who ask for help encourages others to open up. Acknowledging both helpers and askers establishes a culture of mutual respect and support.

At Algentis HR, employees receive a $25 gift card for “High-5” awards when they aid a coworker. This program could easily extend to those making requests, rewarding proactive behavior.

Personalized recognition during meetings, like at Jim Levine’s agency, also makes a difference. Calling out individuals for acting courageously—whether by helping or asking—fosters a culture of acknowledgment and growth.

Examples

• Algentis gives awards for helpful behavior, promoting collaboration.
• Levine’s team praises helping and asking directly in meetings.
• Frequent, authentic praise boosts asking behavior across teams.

9. Asking benefits individuals and teams

At its core, asking improves performance on individual and organizational levels. When people feel empowered to ask, creativity flourishes, teamwork strengthens, and innovation becomes a shared goal.

Teams learn to adapt quickly when communication is open. By making requesting a standard practice, dynamic workplaces emerge, ready to tackle challenges with fresh perspectives. Employees find opportunities they wouldn’t have uncovered alone.

Even in day-to-day life, asking fosters surprising outcomes and long-term connections. It’s a small act with remarkably far-reaching effects.

Examples

• Open communication boosts creativity and problem-solving at IDEO.
• Psychological safety helped Google maintain innovative momentum.
• Menlo Innovations employees adapt better thanks to open communication.

Takeaways

1. Use the SMART framework to craft specific, meaningful, and timebound requests.
2. Introduce team rituals, like daily check-ins, to normalize asking for help.
3. Encourage a culture of recognition by praising askers and givers during meetings or through reward systems.