Before Happiness

“Happiness is not the belief that we don’t need to change; it is the realization that we can.” – Shawn Achor

1. Happiness and success start with perception

Our ability to achieve happiness and success depends on how we perceive them. If we believe they are possible, we are more likely to pursue them. Perception acts as a filter through which we interpret the world, shaping our actions and decisions. When we see opportunities instead of obstacles, we unlock the motivation to act.

For example, someone with a heavy workload might feel overwhelmed and give up if they perceive their tasks as impossible. On the other hand, if they view the same workload as a challenge they can tackle, they are more likely to find solutions and succeed. This shift in perception doesn’t change the workload itself but changes how the person approaches it.

Our perceptions are not fixed. They are influenced by our mental state, beliefs, and attitudes. By learning to see challenges as surmountable, we can tap into our inner resources—like energy, focus, and creativity—and use them to achieve our goals.

Examples

• A student who believes they can improve their grades studies harder and performs better.
• An entrepreneur who sees failure as a learning opportunity keeps trying until they succeed.
• A runner who visualizes crossing the finish line pushes through fatigue to complete a marathon.

2. Perception is subjective and changeable

The way we see challenges is not set in stone. Our mental and emotional states can make the same situation feel easier or harder. For instance, when we’re tired or stressed, even small tasks can seem overwhelming. Conversely, when we’re energized and positive, we can handle much more.

Research shows that our perceptions are shaped by a mix of objective reality and subjective interpretation. For example, carrying a heavy backpack feels harder when we’re in a bad mood. Similarly, a tough project at work might seem insurmountable if we’re feeling negative, but manageable if we’re in a good mental state.

Recognizing the variability of perception is empowering. It reminds us that we can influence how we see the world. By improving our mental and emotional states, we can make challenges feel less daunting and opportunities more visible.

Examples

• A tired parent might find bedtime routines exhausting, but after a good night’s sleep, the same routine feels easier.
• A team facing a tight deadline might feel stressed, but with a positive mindset, they can see it as a chance to prove their skills.
• A student who feels anxious about an exam can reframe it as an opportunity to showcase their knowledge.

3. Changing perception can change reality

When we shift how we see the world, we don’t just change our thoughts—we change our outcomes. For example, if we view a difficult task as achievable, we’re more likely to put in the effort needed to succeed. This creates a positive feedback loop: our actions improve our results, which reinforces our belief in our abilities.

This process is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we can succeed, we’re more likely to take the steps necessary to make it happen. Conversely, if we believe failure is inevitable, we’re less likely to try, which increases the likelihood of failure.

Changing perception isn’t just about thinking positively. It’s about taking concrete actions that improve our mental state and make challenges feel more manageable. For instance, getting better sleep or eating healthier can give us the energy to tackle problems more effectively.

Examples

• A writer who believes they can finish their novel sets a daily word count goal and eventually completes it.
• A job seeker who views rejection as part of the process keeps applying and eventually lands their dream job.
• A manager who reframes stress as a sign of growth uses it to motivate their team.

4. Our minds create mental maps of reality

Our brains don’t passively record reality; they actively construct it. This means we all have mental maps that guide how we navigate the world. These maps are based on the information our brains choose to focus on, which means they can vary widely from person to person.

For instance, two people might experience the same work environment very differently. One might focus on the challenges, like a demanding boss and tight deadlines, while the other focuses on the opportunities, like career growth and skill development. Both perspectives are valid, but one is more likely to lead to motivation and success.

The ability to create helpful mental maps is what the author calls “positive genius.” It’s about choosing to focus on the aspects of reality that empower us, rather than those that hold us back.

Examples

• A student who focuses on their strengths, like creativity, builds confidence and performs better in school.
• A leader who sees their team’s potential inspires them to achieve great results.
• A person who views their setbacks as stepping stones to success stays motivated to keep going.

5. Break free from habitual ways of seeing the world

We often get stuck in habitual ways of viewing the world, which can limit our potential. For example, many of us see stress as purely negative. But stress can also be a source of energy and focus, helping us perform at our best.

Research supports this idea. In one study, stressed-out managers who were encouraged to focus on the positive aspects of stress—like increased motivation and resilience—experienced fewer physical symptoms and became more productive. This shows that changing how we view stress can change how it affects us.

To create better mental maps, we need to challenge our default perspectives and explore new ways of seeing the world. This opens up possibilities we might otherwise miss.

Examples

• A teacher who views a disruptive student as a challenge to connect with finds new ways to engage them.
• An athlete who sees competition as a chance to grow performs better under pressure.
• A professional who reframes a demanding project as a learning opportunity feels more motivated to succeed.

6. Look at the world from new angles

Improving our mental maps requires us to see the world from different perspectives. This means stepping back, shifting our focus, and noticing details we might have overlooked. For example, instead of fixating on a problem, we can look for solutions or opportunities.

This skill can be developed through practice. One exercise involves studying artwork from different angles and distances to notice new details. Another involves listing words to describe a situation, then challenging ourselves to find additional, overlooked aspects.

By training ourselves to see the world in new ways, we become better at finding opportunities and solutions, even in challenging situations.

Examples

• A doctor who practices observing art becomes better at noticing subtle details in patients.
• A professional who lists both the positives and negatives of their job gains a more balanced perspective.
• A parent who looks at a messy house as a sign of active, happy kids feels less stressed.

7. Find your “most valuable reality”

Not all mental maps are equally helpful. To achieve happiness and success, we need to focus on the version of reality that is most valid, encouraging, and empowering. This means acknowledging both the positives and negatives but giving more weight to the positives.

Research shows that our minds naturally focus more on negatives, which can skew our perspective. To counteract this, we need to consciously look for positive details. A good rule of thumb is to find three positives for every negative.

This balanced approach helps us see reality more clearly and make the most of our resources and opportunities.

Examples

• A manager who focuses on their team’s strengths builds a more motivated and effective workforce.
• A student who celebrates small wins stays motivated to keep studying.
• A person who practices gratitude feels happier and more optimistic.

8. Use your map to define your goals

A mental map is only useful if it helps you get where you want to go. To chart your path to happiness and success, you need to define your goals clearly. This means identifying what happiness and success mean to you and figuring out how to achieve them.

Start by listing specific activities and accomplishments that make you feel happy and successful. Then, identify the resources and opportunities you have to pursue these goals. This process helps you focus your energy on what matters most.

By aligning your actions with your goals, you can turn your mental map into a roadmap for success.

Examples

• A professional who sets clear career goals takes steps to achieve them, like networking or learning new skills.
• A parent who prioritizes family time schedules regular activities to connect with their kids.
• A student who defines their academic goals creates a study plan to stay on track.

9. Maintain a 3:1 positivity ratio

Research shows that successful people maintain a ratio of three positive thoughts for every negative one. This doesn’t mean ignoring negatives—it means balancing them with positives to create a more accurate and empowering perspective.

To practice this, try the word-association game described earlier. For every negative word you come up with, challenge yourself to find three positive ones. Over time, this habit will help you see the world in a more balanced and constructive way.

By maintaining this ratio, you can build resilience, stay motivated, and achieve greater happiness and success.

Examples

• A leader who focuses on their team’s achievements, rather than just their mistakes, fosters a positive work environment.
• A person who practices gratitude daily feels more content and optimistic.
• A student who celebrates their progress, even after setbacks, stays motivated to keep learning.

Takeaways

1. Practice reframing challenges by listing three positives for every negative in any situation.
2. Define your personal goals for happiness and success, and identify the resources you have to achieve them.
3. Train yourself to see new perspectives by observing art, writing lists, or exploring different angles in daily life.