Better Than Before Summary

"Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny." – This timeless wisdom from Mahatma Gandhi captures the essence of Gretchen Rubin's book, which explores how small changes in habits can shape the outcomes of our lives.

1. Know Yourself to Change Yourself

The first step to building better habits is understanding who you are. Gretchen Rubin outlines four personality types that influence how we form and stick to habits: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Each type has unique strengths and challenges.

Upholders excel at meeting inner and outer expectations alike. They stick to plans but may struggle without clear guidelines. For instance, an Upholder will work out rigorously if it’s on their calendar but may skip it otherwise, even if they have free time. Questioners, on the other hand, need a good reason to act. They question all expectations and need logic or data to justify new habits, which can delay their start.

Obligers thrive when they’re externally accountable. They’ll show up if someone depends on them but falter without external motivation. This makes workout buddies or accountability partners helpful for Obligers. Rebels resist expectations altogether, both external and internal. They succeed when their sense of choice or freedom motivates them, such as deciding to exercise simply because they want to.

Examples

• An Upholder might follow a strict gym schedule if it’s pre-planned.
• Questioners could rely on tracking apps that provide data about their workouts to stay motivated.
• Obligers can improve consistency by committing to workout with a friend.

2. Take Decision-Making Out of Habits

Decisions zap our energy, and too many choices can overwhelm. Rubin points out that habitual behaviors stick better when we make decisions in advance and automate them as much as possible.

Instead of debating daily whether to work out, commit ahead of time by scheduling gym days in your calendar. Knowing that the plan is already in place helps avoid the internal debate that leads to skipping workouts. Rubin also emphasizes monitoring your habits. Tracking behaviors, like maintaining a food diary or using a pedometer, makes you more mindful and encourages consistency.

Tracking works because we're often unaware of our actual behaviors. Studies show that people tend to underestimate their food intake and overestimate their physical activity. This kind of self-monitoring helps bridge the gap between behavior and perception.

Examples

• Writing down everything you eat in a food journal helps control portion sizes.
• Scheduling gym sessions weeks in advance reduces the daily decision struggle.
• Using a pedometer motivates individuals to increase their step counts.

3. New Beginnings Boost New Habits

Life changes create opportunities for new habits. Major events like moving, starting a new job, or going through a breakup disrupt routine and create fertile ground for positive changes.

Rubin shares research illustrating that when people move to a new city, they’re more likely to change eating and exercise habits. University students, for example, often break bad habits or adopt healthier ones when starting at a new school. These shifts shake up routines and allow people to see their world — and potential habits — in a new light.

When life circumstances change, it gives a sense of a fresh start. This mindset helps us disconnect from ingrained patterns and set new goals that align better with those changes.

Examples

• People who recently moved were far more likely to adopt healthier diets.
• University students often stick to new routines like exercising once classes begin.
• Divorce can trigger lifestyle changes, with divorced men gaining weight and married women seeing similar effects.

4. Make Good Habits Easy and Bad Habits Hard

We stick to habits when they’re convenient. Rubin advises making positive behaviors as effortless as possible and minimizing accessibility for habits you want to avoid.

For example, socializing becomes easier if you join a regular book club rather than organizing impromptu hangouts repeatedly. Similarly, small adjustments can make avoiding bad habits easier. Research shows that minor nuisances, like using tongs instead of spoons to dish out food, can significantly reduce how much we eat.

This principle applies to both adding and removing habits. Anne Bass, a millionaire, locked her chocolate in a safe to make indulgence an inconvenience — and it worked.

Examples

• A Swedish subway replaced conventional stairs with musical ones and saw stair usage rise by 66%.
• Small food-serving obstacles, like using tongs, often result in smaller portions.
• People buy less ice cream when the freezer lid must be opened manually.

5. Plan for Temptation

Temptation is a constant challenge when pursuing good habits. Rather than relying solely on willpower, Rubin suggests minimizing your exposure to tempting situations.

For bad habits, “out of sight, out of mind” works wonders. Alcoholics asking hotel staff to remove the minibar alcohol is one example. For resisting excuses to skip good habits, it’s also important to avoid rationalizing poor decisions with “loopholes,” like overeating after a workout under the guise of a “reward.”

Rubin shares how rebellious or lazy feelings chip away at even strongly ingrained habits if loopholes aren’t carefully addressed.

Examples

• Remove tempting foods from your pantry entirely to avoid late-night snacking.
• Odysseus used wax to block out the Sirens’ tempting calls, protecting his crew.
• Avoid "moral licensing" by not treating good behavior (e.g., exercising) as an excuse for unhealthy food.

6. Distraction Is a Tool for Breaking Bad Habits

Distraction can help curb bad habits. When cravings strike, distracting yourself with an engaging activity can shift your attention until the urge passes.

Instead of suppressing thoughts, which often makes them worse, Rubin recommends redirecting your focus toward fun, lighthearted tasks. Studies reveal that cravings weaken within 15 minutes when we engage in interesting activities. Watching uplifting movies, for example, can effectively pull focus away from harmful habits.

Even minor humor-filled distractions help reduce both cravings and stress, which often fuels bad behaviors in the first place.

Examples

• Watching a comedy can calm cravings better than indulging will.
• Research proves cravings lessen significantly after just 15 minutes of distraction.
• Picking up a light hobby like knitting gives hands something productive to do.

7. Rewards Are Not Always Helpful

Rewards seem like a good idea, but they can undermine habit-building. When we act mainly to gain a reward, the action loses intrinsic value. If rewards stop, so might the behavior.

Rubin gives examples of how children rewarded for using Magic Markers became less interested in them over time. Similar trends apply to adults in many settings. Habit formation works best when people perform actions for their intrinsic benefits, rather than external rewards.

Intrinsic motivation keeps habits sustainable. Once behavior feels like an inherent choice, it’s easier to maintain for the long run.

Examples

• Kids rewarded for good behavior often lose interest in the activity itself.
• Adults rewarded for dieting may revert when prizes subside.
• Employees often perform better on intrinsic motivation than monetary incentives.

8. Pairing Habits Creates Effective Nudges

Pairing is a clever method of tying a difficult habit with a pleasant one to make both more enjoyable. Rubin suggests bundling, like listening to audiobooks exclusively during workouts.

By making desired activities a dependent part of something you enjoy, you’ll look forward to one, which pulls the other along. This technique can apply to establishing habits like taking medication next to your coffee machine, so one action reminds you of the other naturally.

Habit pairing works because it strengthens our natural inclination to do things that feel rewarding.

Examples

• Run only while listening to podcasts or audiobooks.
• Place vitamins by the coffee maker to establish a pairing routine.
• Watch your favorite show during gym bike sessions to enjoy both at once.

9. Treats Matter More Than Rewards

Rubin draws an important distinction between rewards and treats. While rewards are intentional and tied to achievements, treats are spontaneous gifts to yourself without strings attached.

Treats, like smelling flowers or taking a short walk outside, add joy and reduce the strain of habit-building. They prevent burnout and restore energy without feeding bad habits. Treats don’t need significant planning; they rely on small pleasures in everyday life.

This makes small indulgences, when unrelated to progress or goals, a simple way to stay refreshed while forming good habits.

Examples

• Enjoying a sunny day stroll provides a natural mood boost during habit challenges.
• Pause for a cup of your favorite tea during work breaks as an uplifting treat.
• Buy a small bouquet of flowers just because they make you happy.

Takeaways

1. Identify your personality type to strategize habit-building; Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, or Rebels need tailored approaches.
2. Set habits by automating decisions ahead of time—put them into your schedule and track progress.
3. Pair habits you want with enjoyable ones to encourage consistency, like syncing workouts with audiobooks.