Introduction
In "Better Than Before," Gretchen Rubin explores the fascinating world of habits and how we can harness their power to improve our lives. This book is a practical guide to understanding, creating, and maintaining good habits while breaking free from the bad ones that hold us back. Rubin's approach is both insightful and actionable, offering readers a roadmap to personal growth and lasting change.
The Power of Habits
Habits are the invisible architecture of our daily lives. They shape our actions, thoughts, and ultimately, our destinies. Rubin begins by emphasizing the profound impact habits have on our overall well-being and success. She quotes Mahatma Gandhi, who said, "Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny." This sets the stage for the importance of cultivating positive habits and eliminating negative ones.
Know Thyself: The Four Tendencies
One of the key insights Rubin offers is that to effectively change our habits, we must first understand ourselves. She introduces the concept of the Four Tendencies, which categorize people based on how they respond to expectations:
Upholders: These individuals readily meet both inner and outer expectations. They thrive on structure and clear guidelines but may struggle when rules are ambiguous.
Questioners: They meet inner expectations but resist outer ones unless they align with their personal beliefs. Questioners need to understand the reasoning behind expectations before complying.
Obligers: These people easily meet outer expectations but struggle with inner ones. They benefit from external accountability to maintain personal habits.
Rebels: Resisting both inner and outer expectations, Rebels value authenticity and self-determination above all else.
Understanding which tendency you fall into can significantly impact your approach to habit formation. For example, an Obliger might benefit from finding an exercise buddy to stay accountable, while a Questioner might need to research the benefits of exercise to stay motivated.
Strategies for Habit Formation
Monitoring and Scheduling
Rubin emphasizes the importance of monitoring our behavior and scheduling our habits. By keeping track of our actions, we become more aware of our patterns and can make informed decisions about change. For instance, maintaining a food journal can help us understand our eating habits and make healthier choices.
Scheduling habits removes the need for daily decision-making, which can be mentally taxing. By putting activities like workouts or meditation sessions in our calendars, we're more likely to follow through consistently.
Convenience and Inconvenience
Making good habits convenient and bad habits inconvenient is a powerful strategy for change. Rubin shares the example of a Swedish subway station that transformed its stairs into a musical keyboard, increasing stair usage by 66% simply by making it more fun and engaging.
Conversely, making bad habits inconvenient can discourage them. The author recounts the story of millionaire Anne Bass, who kept chocolate in her safe to make it less accessible, thereby reducing her consumption.
Leveraging New Beginnings
Major life changes, such as moving to a new city or starting a new job, create natural opportunities for habit formation. During these transitions, our routines are disrupted, making it easier to introduce new behaviors. Rubin cites studies showing that people are more likely to succeed in changing habits during such periods of transition.
Safeguarding Against Temptation
Recognizing that we spend a significant portion of our waking hours resisting temptation, Rubin advises proactively minimizing our exposure to it. This could mean removing tempting foods from our homes or unsubscribing from promotional emails that encourage unnecessary spending.
She also warns against common excuses or "loopholes" we use to justify breaking good habits, such as the "moral licensing loophole," where we reward ourselves for good behavior with something that undermines our goals.
Distraction and Treats
When trying to break a bad habit, distraction can be a powerful tool. Instead of trying to suppress cravings, which often backfires, Rubin suggests redirecting our attention to something engaging and enjoyable. This strategy can help weaken cravings within just 15 minutes.
While rewards can sometimes undermine habit formation by creating dependency, Rubin introduces the concept of "treats" – small, spontaneous indulgences that boost our mood and energy without being tied to specific achievements. These treats can help sustain our motivation for maintaining good habits over time.
Pairing and If-Then Planning
Pairing a desired habit with an enjoyable activity can increase our likelihood of sticking to it. For example, only listening to audiobooks while exercising combines two positive habits and makes working out more appealing.
Creating "if-then" plans helps us prepare for potential obstacles and removes the need for in-the-moment decision-making. For instance, "If I finish work early, then I'll go for a run" pre-commits us to a specific action in a given situation.
Practical Applications
Throughout the book, Rubin provides numerous examples of how these strategies can be applied to common habit goals:
Eating Healthier
- Keep a food journal to increase awareness of eating patterns
- Make healthy foods easily accessible and unhealthy foods inconvenient
- Use smaller plates and serving utensils to naturally reduce portion sizes
- Pair healthy eating with enjoyable activities, like watching a favorite TV show only while eating vegetables
Exercising More
- Schedule workouts in advance and treat them like non-negotiable appointments
- Lay out exercise clothes the night before to reduce morning friction
- Find an exercise buddy for accountability (especially helpful for Obligers)
- Use a pedometer to track daily steps and gradually increase the goal
Reducing Screen Time
- Set up screen time limits on devices
- Create designated "no-phone" zones or times in the home
- Pair screen-free time with enjoyable activities, like reading or family games
- Use apps that block distracting websites during work hours
Improving Sleep Habits
- Establish a consistent bedtime routine
- Make the bedroom a sleep-friendly environment (dark, cool, quiet)
- Avoid screens for an hour before bed
- Pair relaxing activities (like reading or stretching) with bedtime
Managing Finances
- Automate savings and bill payments
- Use cash instead of cards for discretionary spending
- Track expenses with a budgeting app
- Pair financial review sessions with a favorite beverage or location
Overcoming Common Obstacles
Rubin addresses several challenges that often arise when trying to change habits:
Lack of Motivation
She emphasizes that relying on motivation alone is often insufficient. Instead, focus on creating systems and environments that support desired habits, reducing the need for constant willpower.
Perfectionism
The author encourages embracing "good enough" rather than striving for perfection. Small, consistent actions are more valuable than sporadic bursts of intense effort.
Social Pressure
Rubin suggests finding like-minded individuals who support your habit goals and being prepared with strategies to handle social situations that might derail progress.
Burnout
Recognizing the importance of rest and recovery, she advises building in regular breaks and self-care practices to sustain long-term habit change.
The Role of Identity
A crucial insight Rubin offers is the connection between habits and identity. As we develop new habits, we often begin to see ourselves differently. For example, someone who starts running regularly might begin to identify as "a runner." This shift in identity can reinforce the habit and make it more sustainable over time.
Conversely, aligning our habits with our existing sense of identity can make them feel more natural and easier to maintain. Understanding this connection can help us choose habits that resonate with our core values and self-perception.
Habit Stacking
Rubin introduces the concept of "habit stacking," where new habits are built upon existing ones. This technique leverages the power of routine to make new behaviors feel more automatic. For instance, if you already have a habit of making coffee every morning, you might add a new habit of doing a quick stretching routine while the coffee brews.
The Importance of Environment
Our physical surroundings play a significant role in shaping our habits. Rubin emphasizes the power of designing our environments to support desired behaviors. This might involve:
- Creating a dedicated workspace for productivity
- Keeping healthy snacks visible and easily accessible
- Displaying exercise equipment prominently as a visual cue
- Removing digital distractions from the bedroom to improve sleep
By consciously shaping our environment, we can make good habits feel more natural and effortless.
Habit Formation in Relationships
Rubin explores how habits impact our relationships and vice versa. She suggests:
- Establishing shared habits with partners or family members to strengthen bonds
- Being mindful of how our habits affect those around us
- Supporting loved ones in their habit goals without becoming overly controlling
- Recognizing that changing personal habits may require adjustments in relationship dynamics
The Role of Mindfulness
While habits are often automatic, Rubin highlights the importance of mindfulness in the habit-formation process. By paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can:
- Identify triggers that lead to unwanted habits
- Recognize the true rewards we're seeking from certain behaviors
- Cultivate gratitude for the progress we've made
- Make conscious choices that align with our long-term goals
Adapting to Change
Life is unpredictable, and even well-established habits can be disrupted by unexpected events. Rubin offers strategies for maintaining habits during times of change:
- Identify the core elements of important habits that can be preserved
- Be flexible and willing to adapt habits to new circumstances
- Use disruptions as opportunities to reassess and potentially improve existing habits
- Focus on maintaining keystone habits that have a positive ripple effect on other areas of life
The Power of Small Wins
Throughout the book, Rubin emphasizes the importance of celebrating small victories. Recognizing and appreciating incremental progress can:
- Boost motivation and confidence
- Create positive momentum
- Reinforce the connection between actions and results
- Make the habit-formation process more enjoyable
Habit Experiments
Rubin encourages readers to approach habit change with a spirit of curiosity and experimentation. She suggests:
- Trying different strategies to see what works best for you
- Being willing to adjust and refine your approach
- Setting specific timeframes for habit experiments (e.g., 30 days)
- Reflecting on what you learn about yourself through the process
The Ripple Effect of Habits
One of the most powerful insights Rubin shares is how changing one habit can have a positive impact on many areas of life. For example, improving sleep habits might lead to better eating choices, increased productivity, and improved mood. Recognizing these interconnections can provide additional motivation for sticking to new habits.
Habits and Happiness
Ultimately, Rubin connects the pursuit of better habits to the broader goal of living a happier, more fulfilling life. She argues that by aligning our daily actions with our values and long-term aspirations, we can create a sense of purpose and satisfaction that goes beyond individual habits.
Conclusion
"Better Than Before" offers a comprehensive and practical approach to understanding and changing our habits. Gretchen Rubin's insights into human nature, combined with actionable strategies and relatable examples, provide readers with a valuable toolkit for personal growth.
Key takeaways include:
- Understanding your personality tendency is crucial for effective habit change
- Making good habits convenient and bad habits inconvenient can significantly impact success
- Monitoring, scheduling, and pairing habits increase the likelihood of maintaining them
- Leveraging life transitions and new beginnings can jumpstart habit formation
- Small, consistent actions are more valuable than sporadic bursts of effort
- Our environment and relationships play a significant role in shaping our habits
- Approaching habit change with curiosity, flexibility, and self-compassion leads to better outcomes
By applying the principles and strategies outlined in this book, readers can take meaningful steps towards mastering their habits and, in turn, shaping their lives for the better. Rubin's work serves as both an inspiration and a practical guide for anyone looking to make lasting positive changes in their daily routines and overall well-being.