Brave

Introduction

In her book "Brave," Margie Warrell presents a compelling case for embracing courage in our everyday lives. The author argues that fear often holds us back from pursuing our dreams, seizing opportunities, and living life to the fullest. Through a series of practical insights and actionable advice, Warrell offers 50 ways to become braver in our day-to-day lives.

This summary explores some of the key ideas from Warrell's book, providing strategies and actions we can take to overcome fear, build confidence, and create a better life for ourselves. By facing our fears and embracing bravery, we can unlock our potential and achieve greater success in work, love, and life.

Facing Your Fears Makes You Stronger

One of the central themes in "Brave" is the importance of confronting our fears head-on. Warrell illustrates this point with a personal anecdote about her son Ben's 13th birthday. When asked what he wanted to do, Ben excitedly replied, "Skyjumping!" Despite the natural parental concern and Ben's own nervousness, he went through with the jump. This experience led Warrell to reflect on the benefits of overcoming fear for personal growth.

The author emphasizes that taking action despite our fears is crucial for becoming stronger individuals. Each time we face our fears, we effectively strengthen our "courage muscles." This doesn't mean we need to immediately engage in extreme activities like skydiving or swimming with sharks. Instead, Warrell suggests starting small and gradually working our way up to bigger challenges.

For those who struggle with social anxiety, hosting a dinner party for friends could be a good starting point. If you're concerned about appearing vulnerable, sharing a personal struggle with a trusted friend might be an appropriate first step. The key is to recognize when fear is governing our actions and to consciously choose to confront those fears.

Warrell recommends keeping a record of the times we avoid doing something out of fear, whether it's fear of failure or rejection. This awareness can help us gradually improve and build our courage over time.

To effectively face our fears, Warrell advises taking prompt action rather than procrastinating. She suggests considering what we'd like to accomplish in the coming months if we felt truly brave. Then, we should break down and analyze the specific fears associated with each challenge.

For example, if public speaking is a source of anxiety, it's important to dig deeper and identify the root causes. Is it fear of failure? Concern about being judged by others? By understanding these underlying fears, we can better address them.

Warrell also emphasizes the power of positive visualization. Imagining a successful outcome can help motivate us to step out of our comfort zone. For instance, envisioning a successful speech – how it would look, how we'd feel, and what we'd learn – can highlight the benefits of facing our fears and provide the push we need to take action.

Embracing Your Uniqueness

Warrell shares the inspiring story of her friend Carly Findlay, who has a skin condition called ichthyosis. This condition affects Findlay's appearance, causing her to stand out in public. While it led to social awkwardness during her teenage years, Findlay has since learned to embrace her difference and use it as a source of strength. Today, she is a passionate advocate for people who don't fit society's narrow definition of "normal."

This story illustrates a crucial lesson: being true to yourself and resisting conformity can lead to personal and professional success. Warrell encourages readers to embrace what makes them unique, whether it's their appearance, sexuality, or interests. While caution may be necessary in some communities due to potential legal repercussions, for the most part, there's no need to fear rejection for being authentic.

In today's world, people are increasingly drawn to authenticity and uniqueness. By being true to yourself, you're more likely to find acceptance, success, and happiness. Warrell advises against hiding your true self and instead encourages readers to let their unique qualities shine.

This principle applies to children as well. If a child's passions don't align with traditional gender roles – for example, a boy who loves fashion – it's important to encourage them to pursue their interests rather than trying to conform to societal expectations. Attempting to be someone you're not only leads to failure and unhappiness.

By accepting yourself as you are, you'll behave more naturally around others, speaking and interacting in a way that feels genuine. This authenticity is likely to make you more likable and relatable to others.

Speaking Up for What Matters

Warrell uses the powerful example of Malala Yousafzai to illustrate the importance of speaking up for what you believe in, even in the face of danger. Yousafzai, born in Pakistan in 1997, became an advocate for girls' education rights at a young age, despite the Taliban's strong opposition to women's education in her region. In 2012, her activism made her a target, and she was shot in the head by a Taliban gunman. Miraculously, Yousafzai survived and went on to win the Nobel Peace Prize for her advocacy work.

This story serves as a reminder that we should not be afraid to speak up for what we believe is right, even when facing potential threats or opposition. Warrell acknowledges that fear often prevents people from expressing their true thoughts, especially in group settings. Many of us are familiar with the regret that comes from not speaking up in the moment, wishing we had been brave enough to stand up for our values.

However, Warrell warns that remaining silent can have long-term consequences, leading to a sense of self-betrayal and damage to our integrity. To avoid this, she recommends two key steps:

1. Clearly define your beliefs and values.
2. Be prepared to stand up for them when necessary.

The first step is often overlooked but is crucial for effective advocacy. By understanding and articulating your values to yourself, you'll be better equipped to defend them when the time comes. For example, if you're uncomfortable with racist or homophobic jokes, take the time to explore why discrimination is unacceptable in society. Read books or articles on the subject to deepen your understanding and strengthen your ability to express your views when strong words are needed.

Speaking from the Heart

Warrell shares an anecdote about a US army colonel she once worked with to illustrate the different forms courage can take. While the colonel was accustomed to battlefield bravery, he found that his new office job at the Pentagon required a different kind of courage – the ability to communicate clearly and sometimes question his superiors. This transition was challenging, but he eventually succeeded.

This story highlights that speaking from the heart requires bravery, even if it may not seem as dramatic as physical acts of courage. Many people struggle to express their thoughts and feelings openly, fearing rejection or judgment. Warrell uses the example of an employee who's afraid to discuss her concerns about being overlooked for promotion with her boss. By avoiding this conversation, the employee may become resentful over time.

Warrell emphasizes that while speaking from the heart is essential, it requires a strategic approach. She offers several guidelines for effective communication:

1. Present your perspective as your own, rather than an absolute truth.
2. Communicate your feelings and point of view while remaining open to understanding others' perspectives.
3. Distinguish between a person's actions and the individual themselves.

Using the promotion example, Warrell cautions against labeling the situation as "unfair," as it might imply that the employer is an unfair person. This approach could lead to a breakdown in communication and make it difficult to resolve the issue constructively.

Self-Advocacy and Modesty

Warrell challenges the common belief that modesty is always a virtue, drawing from her own upbringing on a family farm where humility was highly valued. While modesty has its place, Warrell argues that in today's competitive society, there's a strong case for being your own advocate.

Self-advocacy doesn't mean resorting to lying or boasting. Instead, it involves effectively communicating your skills, experience, and accomplishments to the right people in a professional manner. By doing so, you can build optimal networks and connections that can lead to better job opportunities.

Warrell acknowledges that some people may feel uncomfortable promoting themselves, as it can seem self-centered. To overcome this, she suggests focusing on what you can contribute to others rather than what you can gain for yourself. Think about the skills you can share or how you can help others in a particular role or company.

Another key aspect of self-advocacy is choosing a field you're genuinely passionate about. When you speak about your work with authentic enthusiasm, it becomes more natural and convincing to others.

Embracing Uncertainty and Making Decisions

Warrell addresses the increasing uncertainty in today's job market, noting that people now change jobs an average of six times during their careers, compared to two or three in the past. This unpredictability makes it challenging to plan for the future accurately.

The author shares her personal experience with her husband, Andrew, as they spent years trying to plan their careers and make long-term decisions. Eventually, they realized that there were too many unknown factors for their planning to be effective.

Despite the temptation to give up in the face of uncertainty, Warrell argues that making decisions is both productive and brave, even when the future is unpredictable. She contends that the stress of indecision is often more taxing than making an informed choice, even if that choice turns out to be flawed.

Warrell advises taking time to consider your options, but warns against getting lost in endless deliberation. For example, when weighing a job offer against your current position, it's important to assess both options, but don't let the process consume you.

Ultimately, Warrell encourages readers to make a decision and commit to it, accepting that there's no such thing as a perfect choice. Being brave means taking the leap into the unknown and embracing where it leads you, rather than wasting energy trying to predict every possible outcome.

The Strength in Asking for Help

Warrell shares the story of her friend Mona, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009. Through her illness, Mona learned the importance of asking for help when needed – a lesson that was initially challenging for her as a strong, independent woman accustomed to others relying on her.

This anecdote illustrates a crucial point: asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a demonstration of strength. Warrell argues that many people have been conditioned to view seeking assistance as a weakness, but this perception is misguided.

In reality, it takes courage to display vulnerability and reveal one's fragility to others. There's no benefit in pretending to be more than human. By accepting the need to ask for help, we connect ourselves to the power of community – an essential element for success and personal growth.

Warrell emphasizes that recognizing our need for support throughout life makes us stronger and braver individuals. She encourages readers to embrace their humanity and understand that no one can thrive in isolation.

Facing Sadness and Grief

Warrell addresses the universal experience of loss and grief, sharing her personal story of losing her brother to suicide in April 2010. She emphasizes the importance of allowing ourselves to feel and process these difficult emotions rather than trying to mask or avoid them.

Many people resort to numbing behaviors when faced with grief, such as drinking, drug use, overworking, or seeking out numerous sexual partners. However, Warrell warns that these are merely distractions that provide temporary relief but do nothing to assist in the grieving process. Worse, they can lead to a state of denial and prevent true acceptance of the loss.

Instead of avoiding sadness, Warrell advises facing it head-on and giving it full attention. Only by understanding and processing these feelings can we eventually let them go. While it may be challenging in the moment, confronting our emotions can lead to personal growth and a deeper appreciation for life.

Warrell points out that many cancer survivors, in retrospect, claim that their illness was one of the best things to happen to them. While no one would wish cancer upon anyone, such experiences often provide a profound perspective on life and a renewed understanding of what truly matters. By enduring pain and emerging on the other side, many individuals come to appreciate and enjoy life more fully.

This lesson can be applied to various forms of pain and suffering. Warrell argues that we must face the darkness to truly value the light of joy.

The Many Forms of Bravery

Throughout "Brave," Warrell emphasizes that courage comes in many forms, and dramatic gestures like skydiving represent only a small fraction of what it means to be brave. She highlights several everyday acts of courage that can have a significant impact on our lives:

1. Taking small steps outside our comfort zone
2. Speaking our truth from the heart, even at the risk of conflict
3. Addressing sadness or depression
4. Embracing uncertainty in life
5. Asking for help when needed
6. Being authentic and true to ourselves
7. Standing up for our beliefs and values
8. Advocating for ourselves in professional settings
9. Making decisions in the face of uncertainty
10. Facing and processing difficult emotions

By practicing these forms of everyday bravery, Warrell argues that we can lead fuller, happier lives and unlock our true potential.

Final Thoughts

In "Brave," Margie Warrell presents a compelling case for embracing courage in our daily lives. She emphasizes that bravery isn't limited to grand gestures or extreme risk-taking but can be practiced in small, meaningful ways every day.

The book encourages readers to:

1. Face their fears and strengthen their "courage muscles"
2. Embrace their uniqueness and resist conformity
3. Speak up for what matters and clearly define their values
4. Communicate authentically and from the heart
5. Advocate for themselves while focusing on what they can contribute to others
6. Make decisions in the face of uncertainty
7. Ask for help when needed and recognize it as a sign of strength
8. Face sadness and grief head-on rather than avoiding or masking these emotions

By incorporating these principles into our lives, we can overcome the limitations imposed by fear and self-doubt, leading to greater success and fulfillment in work, love, and life.

Warrell's actionable advice to "be brave enough to be grateful" serves as a powerful reminder that gratitude itself is an act of courage. By recognizing and appreciating what we have, we can shift our perspective from self-pity and jealousy to one of empowerment and responsibility.

In conclusion, "Brave" offers a roadmap for cultivating courage in our everyday lives, challenging readers to step outside their comfort zones and embrace the transformative power of bravery. By doing so, we can unlock our potential, strengthen our relationships, and create a more meaningful and satisfying life experience.