Building a Non-Anxious Life

Life is hard. Running from reality is hard. So is facing it. The question is: what's your hard?

1. Face Reality With Honesty

There is power in looking at your life as it truly is—both good and bad. John Delony argues that by evaluating your reality honestly, you can take control of your life. This means understanding where you thrive and where you're falling short. Facing reality can indeed be painful, but it’s necessary for personal growth.

People often ignore their flaws or life’s challenges by escaping into distractions or avoiding them altogether. Delony encourages taking stock of all areas of life—relationships, health, career, and self-worth. By doing this, you build self-awareness and clarity. You stop being passive and start becoming intentional about change.

This process highlights the beauty as well as the burdens of life. Many focus only on struggles, yet Delony reminds readers to take note of small joys, meaningful connections, or moments where things go well. This honest reflection doesn’t just include criticism—it also celebrates victories.

Examples

• Writing down three positive things and three struggles every night to reflect honestly on your day
• Acknowledging both unhealthy habits and achievements when evaluating your health
• Reflecting on relationships to spot toxic connections or appreciate meaningful ones

2. Connection is Vital

Delony states that humans are wired for connection. We thrive when we foster relationships and feel understood, loved, and connected to others. The modern world—with its fractured communities and shallow social media ties—has left many disconnected and lonelier than ever before.

Building deep relationships requires more than just having a lot of acquaintances; it means fostering connections with people who know your fears, joys, and struggles. Quality far outweighs quantity. It may seem intimidating to show vulnerability or reach out to old friends, but it is a step toward greater connection and less anxiety.

Daily, small gestures—like sending a supportive message or embracing a loved one—help strengthen your relationships. These connections are the foundation for emotional stability and well-being, providing a sense of belonging in tough times.

Examples

• Reaching out to an old friend to reconnect despite losing touch over the years
• Joining a community group or church to find shared values and meaningful bonds
• Hugging or affirming your spouse regularly to foster closeness

3. Freedom from Overload is Possible

Freedom isn’t only about breaking free from external restrictions—it’s also about removing self-inflicted burdens. Delony points to four areas where freedom is essential: money, clutter, time, and boundaries. If one of these controls your life, anxiety is heightened.

For instance, financial stress is often tied to poor money habits, yet many are reluctant to alter their lifestyle. Similarly, clutter—whether it’s physical or mental—affects peace of mind. Poor time management also leaves people feeling overwhelmed, while weak boundaries invite others to intrude on personal priorities.

Taking control can mean paying down debt, removing unnecessary possessions, organizing time wisely, and saying “no” when others put too much on your plate. With every effort to reclaim your autonomy, you silence anxiety’s nagging voice. Work on addressing one area for long-term mental clarity.

Examples

• Setting aside 15 minutes daily to clear a cluttered room
• Practicing saying "no" kindly when new tasks overwhelm your schedule
• Crafting a budget to build savings and reduce financial stress

4. Let Go by Choosing Belief

Belief isn't limited to religion or spirituality—it’s about acknowledging that not everything is in your control. Delony emphasizes surrendering the need to micromanage life and trusting in something larger than yourself.

Whether you put your faith in God, the universe, nature, or simply humanity, belief brings a sense of purpose and calm. It reminds you that while you can influence much, some forces are beyond your reach. Fighting to control it all only increases anxiety. Belief teaches humility and peace.

Practical ways to grow your belief include meditating on gratitude, exploring faith traditions if they appeal to you, or simply writing out your thoughts on what brings meaning to life. This openness to belief reduces the fear of uncertainty.

Examples

• Attending a spiritual meeting or service to explore a community’s teachings
• Journaling each day about things you’re grateful for or powers you trust
• Practicing deep breathing when feeling out of control and reminding yourself to release tension

5. Small Steps Have Big Impacts

Instead of worrying about massive, sudden overhauls, Delony advises gradual and consistent daily actions. Big transformations often start with something simple—like taking ten minutes a day to reflect or declutter.

Planning realistic daily efforts makes change sustainable. A manageable first step, like phoning a single friend or clearing one desk drawer, doesn’t overwhelm while still moving you closer to your goals. Cumulatively, these efforts lead to larger breakthroughs over time.

This approach also reinforces the idea that no journey to a better life happens overnight. Consistency, even with seemingly tiny actions, eventually rewires habits and builds resilience.

Examples

• Taking ten minutes every morning to journal thoughts and goals
• Spending five minutes organizing finances to reduce debt gradually
• Making one small dietary or exercise change instead of trying an extreme regime

6. Restoring Boundaries Restores Peace

Boundaries protect your time, well-being, and relationships. Delony asserts that learning where to draw the line—even when it's uncomfortable—can alleviate a great deal of anxiety.

People often hesitate to enforce boundaries for fear of displeasing others or confrontation. But a lack of boundaries usually leads to emotional exhaustion and frustration. Practicing self-respect by saying "no" removes the need to continually please others at your expense. Healthy boundaries serve as safeguards for your mental health.

Daily boundary-setting might mean pausing before agreeing to favors, limiting work hours to designated times, or calmly asserting your needs in difficult conversations.

Examples

• Declining overtime when personal time with family is more important
• Politely refusing someone who frequently dumps toxic behavior on you
• Setting screens to offline mode during meals to prevent intrusion from constant notifications

7. Joy in Small Blessings

Delony encourages embracing life's tiny moments rather than focusing solely on outcomes, productivity, or future milestones. Many miss out on the present while chasing after huge achievements or worrying unnecessarily.

Daily mindfulness helps notice the graceful details often overlooked, like laughter with a loved one or the beauty of nature. This appreciation contrasts against the background noise of larger anxieties and stresses, giving balance to an otherwise overwhelming world.

Finding joy doesn't involve complexity. It’s rooted in small gestures reminding you that beauty surrounds you if you take a moment to see it.

Examples

• Letting yourself laugh freely when something funny happens—even if you're busy
• Taking a walk in nature for no reason other than enjoying its peaceful sights
• Pausing daily to write one unexpected good thing that happened

8. Fear Signals Aren't Enemies

Delony reframes anxiety as a signal, not an enemy. When anxious feelings surface, they often point to real underlying problems. Instead of drowning in despair, treat anxiety like fire alarms that direct you toward where to check your emotional or physical “house."

For instance, anxious thoughts about money might indicate financial dysfunctions that need rectifying through budgeting. Identifying the root cause of discomfort removes the sting of anxiety. Facing the problem head-on quiets the alarm bell.

This reframe turns discomfort into empowerment. Abandoning fear of anxiety itself lets you begin to handle the sources behind it more effectively.

Examples

• Viewing anxiety over deadlines as a prompt to manage time better
• Recognizing unease during arguments as a message to improve communication skills
• Treating physical tension as a reminder to address health concerns

9. Anxiety Is a Society Problem Too

Delony addresses how societal structures—not just personal factors—create much of the anxiety, urging collective solutions as well private fixes. Overwork, pervasive “hustle culture,” and excessive materialism raise normal anxiety levels.

While working individually, Delony also invites people to consider ways they can contribute to healthier cultural norms. Society benefits when individuals embrace meaningful lives over shallow societal models of “success.” Sometimes, resisting anxiety means resisting unfair systems.

Examples

• Speaking out about unsustainable workplace expectations instead of staying silent
• Supporting community groups advocating public mental health priorities
• Simplifying elements of personal life to avoid contributing to a stressed-out societal dynamic

Takeaways

1. Write down both good and bad aspects of your life regularly to stay grounded in reality.
2. Make your relationships a daily priority—whether it’s calling a friend or embracing a loved one.
3. Pick one area of overload—money, clutter, time, boundaries—and spend 10 minutes daily improving it.