Coach Yourself Confident

Confidence isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about believing you can find them.

1. Confidence Is Your Inherent Engine

Confidence is not something you need to acquire; it’s something you already have, often buried under layers of self-doubt. The journey to embracing it begins by acknowledging this inner strength and bringing it to the forefront. Confidence is like a muscle—underused, it weakens, but with consistent effort, it thrives.

Think of confidence as essential fuel. It pushes you to face obstacles with determination, whether that’s taking on a challenging project at work or pursuing personal dreams. Even when you don’t know all the answers, confidence equips you to seek solutions and trust your problem-solving abilities. This mindset is key for growth in every facet of life.

Confidence resonates with others too. A self-assured individual fosters trust and inspires their peers. Beyond improving personal achievement, confidence elevates group efforts, making teams more effective and cohesive. The confidence you exhibit can become contagious, spreading positivity among others around you.

Examples

• A manager taking decisive actions despite initial hesitations inspires their team to do the same.
• A student raising their hand in class, willing to learn even if uncertain, builds an environment of openness.
• Entrepreneurs who pitch their ideas enthusiastically often gain buy-in even when their plans are not fully refined.

2. Self-Doubt Comes at a Cost

When self-doubt takes over, it leads to what Julia Smith terms the "self-doubt tax." This tax manifests in two costly ways: missed opportunities and excessive overcompensation. Both hold you back from living fully and achieving your goals.

Missed opportunities arise when self-doubt convinces you to stay in your comfort zone. You fear failure or rejection, so you don’t take that first step. On the other end of the spectrum, some people overcompensate for their self-doubt, driving themselves to exhaustion to prove their worth. This drains energy, leaving little room for joy or satisfaction.

Your inner critic often fuels this tax, overemphasizing flaws and undermining accomplishments. If you deflect praise or shrink from celebrating your wins, you allow this critic to dominate. Adjusting how you respond to such inner voices—and the language you use with yourself—can unburden you from this unnecessary cost.

Examples

• A talented artist refuses to exhibit their work due to fear it’s 'not good enough.'
• A junior employee over-prepares for every presentation, wasting hours and feeling burnt out.
• A writer dismisses positive reviews, attributing success to 'luck' instead of skill.

3. Humble Confidence: The Balanced Approach

True confidence isn’t boastful or arrogant. Humble confidence, as Smith describes, is about having a clear, grounded assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. It allows for self-assurance without losing sight of areas to improve.

This balance helps you approach tasks with a mindset of growth, acknowledging your capability while embracing challenges. It fuels a healthy drive, encouraging learning and adaptation rather than fear or complacency. Humble confidence shifts the focus from proving yourself to simply doing your best.

It’s also authentic. Rather than imitating others, you focus on expressing your natural abilities and qualities. This honesty not only strengthens internal satisfaction but also enhances how people perceive and interact with you. Authenticity builds trust and relationships, both professionally and personally.

Examples

• Uma Raja, a first-time CEO, tackled challenges by thoughtfully assessing where she excelled versus where she needed to learn.
• A teacher admits their unfamiliarity with a topic but works alongside students to explore it, fostering mutual respect.
• A programmer openly acknowledges flaws in their code, finding effective solutions with their team.

4. Recalibrate Your Self-View

Like a distorted mirror, your self-image can exaggerate flaws and downplay strengths. Resetting this calibration to better align with reality is critical for building true confidence. Misjudged perceptions prevent you from understanding your true worth.

Your inner narrative heavily influences your confidence levels. People often hold themselves to impossible standards, allowing mistakes to overshadow achievements. Reclaiming a balanced self-view involves deliberately reflecting on—and owning—what you’re good at without letting false modesty creep in.

Feedback from others can act as a useful mirror here. However, if your perception is skewed, even positive comments may bounce off while criticism feels magnified. Actively seeking and applying constructive feedback helps correct this imbalance, encouraging growth.

Examples

• A finance leader broadens their perspective by transforming past achievements into stepping stones for new challenges.
• An athlete focuses on their records and progress instead of fixating on minor losses in competitions.
• A designer embraces positive client feedback, learning to appreciate the impact of their talent.

5. Overcome Confidence Saboteurs

Saboteurs like your inner critic, comparisonitis, and FOPO (fear of other people’s opinions) sneakily undermine confidence. Identifying and addressing these "voices" is crucial to maintaining self-belief.

The inner critic heightens anxieties needlessly, but separating irrational fears from reality weakens its influence. Comparisonitis, meanwhile, leaves you feeling inferior by unfairly measuring yourself against others. Understanding that everyone has unique qualities can help combat this.

FOPO amplifies concern over others’ judgments, often stifling authenticity. Shifting your focus from fitting in to valuing your own perspective diminishes this fear. Remember, confidence grows when you control the narrative inside your head rather than letting external opinions dictate it.

Examples

• Writing two columns to separate fears from facts effectively silences the inner critic.
• A musician stops comparing themselves to peers, focusing on their unique style.
• A new parent stops worrying about societal expectations and embraces their individual approach to parenting.

6. Confidence Excels in Action

Confidence isn’t passive—it thrives through action and practice. Every small step you take toward a goal reinforces it. Even confronting minor fears can create momentum for larger changes.

Real confidence often surfaces when stepping outside your comfort zone. Trial and error teach resilience, showing that failure is not the end but part of the learning process. Taking action proves that you can handle unforeseen challenges, solidifying belief in yourself.

Action also nurtures perseverance. Confidence rarely arrives all at once, but grows session by session as you continue pushing boundaries, even when self-doubt arises. The act of trying is what strengthens it.

Examples

• A novice entrepreneur pitches an idea, refining it with each attempt.
• A shy person initiates small conversations daily, slowly easing social anxiety.
• A beginner piano player perfects confidence through daily practice despite occasional setbacks.

7. Words Shape Confidence

The language you use broadcasts your confidence—or the lack of it. Phrases like "I’m not sure if this will work, but..." preemptively weaken your points. Rephrasing statements with conviction changes how others see you and how you view yourself.

How you attribute success (to yourself or external factors) also shapes confidence. Recognize your role in accomplishments instead of brushing them off as luck. Speak to highlight value rather than downplaying or apologizing for good work.

Positive language reinforces inner assurance, allowing you to communicate effectively and assertively. By speaking confidently, you project strength, encouraging both self-belief and trust from others.

Examples

• A presenter switches from "I hope this makes sense" to "Here’s the idea behind this."
• A manager credits team success to their organizational strategy.
• A job applicant confidently discusses strengths during an interview.

8. Anxiety as an Ally

Nerves don’t have to be an enemy. They can also signify energy or readiness rather than fear. Changing how you interpret anxiety allows you to tap into its motivational aspects instead of feeling overwhelmed.

The body’s stress response is natural before unfamiliar or challenging activities. Reframing the experience encourages harnessing this energy to focus and perform well. A little nervousness can even boost preparation and drive.

Confidence grows when you take control of how you interpret and use your physical reactions. Recasting anxiety as a signal of engagement reduces its power to derail you.

Examples

• A speaker embraces adrenaline as energy to engage an audience.
• A runner uses pre-race jitters to mentally prepare and strategize.
• A student utilizes exam tension to focus and recall information.

9. Authenticity Builds Confidence

Aligning confidence with your real self rather than external expectations fosters satisfaction. Authenticity reduces the disconnect caused by mimicking others or hiding behind masks. Embracing your uniqueness strengthens your ability to act comfortably and assuredly.

Living authentically balances pressure by allowing you to honor your individual values and abilities instead of chasing a false ideal. Genuine confidence stems from being at peace with who you are while continuously seeking growth.

Authenticity attracts genuine connections. People trust and respect those who are true to themselves, further affirming your self-value. By staying authentic, confidence becomes naturally sustainable.

Examples

• An artist focuses on their inherent style rather than trying to imitate trends.
• A parent abandons comparisons for their methods and grows into their natural parenting role.
• A professional openly shares their learning process, connecting genuinely with colleagues.

Takeaways

1. Practice reflecting positively on past achievements and connecting them to future challenges.
2. Reframe anxiety as energy to engage with, not retreat from, difficult situations.
3. Develop your inner dialogue by writing down and correcting untrue, self-critical thoughts.