Dare to Lead Summary

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness." — Brené Brown

1. Vulnerability: A Leader’s Strength, Not Weakness

Vulnerability is often misunderstood as a sign of weakness, but Brené Brown redefines it as the foundation of courageous leadership. When leaders admit they don't have all the answers, they create an environment of honesty and connection within their teams. Vulnerability builds trust and encourages problem-solving by removing the emotional armor many leaders rely upon.

Brown describes vulnerability as being open about emotions and admitting failures for the betterment of the team. Historical roots of the term "courage" come into play here, as it originally meant to "speak your heart." Leaders who embrace vulnerability pave the way for authentic communication, unlock creativity, and enable their team to thrive through trial and error.

At its core, embracing vulnerability means taking risks without being paralyzed by the fear of failure. By showcasing your humanity, you empower others to do the same, fostering a culture of innovation. Vulnerable leaders aren't merely bosses; they're relatable individuals who inspire positive change within organizations.

Examples

• A manager admits their mistake in setting unrealistic goals, inviting the team to find better solutions together.
• A CEO shares personal struggles during a speech, connecting with employees on a human level.
• A leader encourages the team to brainstorm openly, even if most initial ideas fail.

2. Courageous Conversations: The Power of Honest Feedback

Successful leaders listen when their teams dare to deliver hard truths. Brené illustrates this by recounting her own experience when her employees confronted her about unhealthy deadlines. Although it was difficult to hear, their honesty ultimately strengthened the team and improved processes.

Rather than skirting around difficult conversations, leaders should prioritize clarity in their communication. Avoiding these conversations often leads to long-term issues, while addressing them directly fosters growth. Transparent dialogue shows team members you respect and value their perspective, creating an open atmosphere.

Brown recommends regular feedback sessions to surface concerns and build trust. During these discussions, leaders should focus on understanding the emotional experience of their teams. It’s not necessary to have solutions right away; showing a commitment to explore and resolve issues is often enough to sustain trust.

Examples

• Weekly check-ins where team members share obstacles enhance productivity.
• Asking, “Tell me more about how this affects you,” demonstrates empathy and curiosity.
• Sitting through the initial discomfort of honest discussions (the "8-second rule") leads to deeper understanding.

3. Permission Slips: Setting the Tone for Meetings

Transform your meetings into spaces of vulnerability using permission slips. This practice lets team members articulate their intentions and emotions before a meeting starts, creating a safe environment where everyone feels seen and valued.

Brown’s use of Post-it notes as permission slips initially seems simple, but it encourages reflection on feelings such as frustration or patience. By verbalizing these emotions, team members become more intentional in their behavior during the meeting. It also fosters accountability, as they can revisit how these emotions influenced their participation.

The process builds deeper relationships and trust over time. For example, when team members publicly state their fears and hopes, they strip away pretense, making it easier to collaborate. Permission slips are also opportunities to provide gentle reminders to align actions with intentions.

Examples

• Participants give themselves permission to speak up about concerns or to remain silent to process information.
• Leaders check in after meetings: “You were frustrated earlier—how are you feeling now?”
• Observing shifts, like an employee taking more time to answer thoughtfully, reflects the impact of these slips.

4. The Hazard of Filling in the Blanks

Humans are natural storytellers, but incomplete or unclear communication often leads to inaccurate, self-created narratives. These "Shitty First Drafts" (SFDs), as Anne Lamott calls them, are harmful because they rely on assumptions. Leaders must address knowledge gaps promptly to prevent misinformation from spreading.

Being transparent with your team may feel challenging, but it cuts down on misunderstandings. Providing context—whether about organizational changes or personal delays—prevents unnecessary anxiety. By fostering a culture of open communication, leaders reduce "bad storytelling" within teams.

To correct or discuss SFDs, invite team members to share their interpretations of events. This practice allows everyone to clarify and builds stronger relationships while dismantling unnecessary fears.

Examples

• After failing to comment on a proposal, a leader explains that delays stemmed from personal issues, not disinterest.
• Holding a meeting to share the reasons behind organizational changes reduces employee stress.
• Regular "SFD check-ins" encourage employees to talk about stories they’ve been telling themselves and realign perceptions.

5. Values Are Your Leadership Compass

Effective leadership stems from a clear understanding of personal values. Leaders must identify and prioritize their core values to guide daily decisions and long-term strategies, especially when faced with adversity.

Brené advises narrowing down your values to just two, as these are easier to apply consistently in decision-making. For example, her own values—courage and faith—allowed her to assess risks and move forward with authenticity during tough times.

This exercise clarifies priorities and helps leaders align their actions with meaningful principles. Whether overcoming challenges or navigating organizational changes, leaders who stay true to their values inspire loyalty and confidence in their teams.

Examples

• A leader relying on “trust” and “service” as guiding principles solves conflicts with empathy and fairness.
• Living out “integrity” ensures tough calls, like cutting ties with unethical clients, are made without hesitation.
• Revisiting values during strategy planning inspires cohesive and purpose-driven tactics.

6. The Problem with Perfectionism

Perfectionism can cripple creativity and leadership. From a young age, individuals learn to associate their worth with achieving perfect outcomes, driving a need for constant approval. This limits risk-taking and emotional vulnerability.

Brown distinguishes between striving for excellence and perfectionism. The latter revolves around seeking validation, while the former stems from genuine self-improvement. Leaders fall into this trap when their focus shifts from what they want to achieve to what others will think.

Letting go of perfectionism allows leaders to embrace imperfection, participate fully in decision-making, and develop resilience. True leadership involves being willing to make mistakes and learn from them.

Examples

• A leader acknowledges unfinished work during brainstorming, encouraging others to contribute without fear.
• Adopting “good enough for now” ensures steady progress without burnout.
• Rejecting “perfect execution” motivates teams to experiment and innovate freely.

7. Clarity Is Kindness

Brown emphasizes that honest, direct communication benefits both leaders and teams. Transparency in expectations, decisions, and feedback promotes trust and reduces confusion. Avoiding unclear communication isn't kindness; it creates more harm in the long run.

When leaders explain the why behind decisions, it prevents teams from making harmful assumptions. Clarity also ensures alignment between goals and actions, leading to smoother processes and less frustration.

Leaders should aim to express intentions and expectations clearly, rather than leaving space for misinterpretation. This approach reduces anxiety, boosts morale, and directly impacts performance.

Examples

• A project manager clarifies deadline expectations upfront to set the team up for success.
• Transparent sharing about setbacks, like budget cuts, helps teams adapt with understanding.
• Leaders openly discuss roles and responsibilities during transitions to reduce friction.

8. Empathy Cultivates Connection

Leaders who practice empathy foster loyalty and drive collaboration. By truly listening and showing understanding, they create a work culture where team members feel valued.

Brown notes that empathy begins with acknowledging emotions without minimizing them. When employees feel heard, they’re more willing to engage productively and trust their leaders. Empathy also helps leaders address miscommunication without escalating issues.

Empathy, paired with vulnerability, strengthens teams by building a foundation of care and mutual respect. It equips leaders with emotional intelligence to handle conflicts and sensitive topics gracefully.

Examples

• A leader actively listens during a performance review, acknowledging personal struggles affecting an employee’s output.
• Verbalizing “I understand why that upset you” makes employees feel validated.
• Using empathy improves manager-employee trust, strengthening commitment to shared goals.

9. Mistakes Are Opportunities for Growth

Making mistakes is part of the leadership journey. Instead of fearing failure, leaders can treat it as an opportunity to learn and grow. When team members see a leader respond positively to challenges, they feel empowered to take calculated risks themselves.

Brown shares that embracing failure builds confidence and resilience. Acknowledging errors fosters humility and growth, critical for long-term success. Leaders who view mistakes as stepping stones demonstrate adaptability and inspire team members to do the same.

Turning errors into lessons creates a fearless work environment where teams strive for excellence. Leaders who handle mistakes openly reduce judgment and stimulate innovation.

Examples

• A mistake in rollout strategy spurs improvements in future launches.
• A leader admits errors during a meeting, encouraging transparency among their team.
• Teams brainstorm solutions after failures, improving workflows collectively.

Takeaways

1. Schedule regular feedback sessions to uncover obstacles and foster honest communication with your team.
2. Identify your two core values and let them steer your decisions and actions under any circumstance.
3. Recognize and overcome perfectionism by focusing on growth, not validation, and by embracing inevitable mistakes as a tool for improvement.