Don't Believe Everything You Think

“What if all your suffering comes not from the reality of pain, but from the stories your mind tells about it?”

1. Our thoughts shape our reality

Our perception of the world depends on how we interpret events through our thoughts. According to the book, reality itself is neutral — events occur without inherently being good or bad. However, our interpretations assign meaning to those events that can cause us pain or joy. For instance, two people can face the same situation but feel entirely different emotions based on how they perceive it.

The Zen parable of the samurai and the master demonstrates this concept. When the master insults the warrior, the latter's anger turns the situation into "hell." But the moment he lets go of his ego, his outlook changes, leading to "heaven." Nguyen emphasizes that since thoughts create experiences, altering how we think enables us to change how we experience reality.

This insight aligns with the teachings of Buddhist philosophy, which separates unavoidable pain from avoidable suffering. Pain occurs naturally, but suffering arises from our mental resistance and negative interpretations. As Hamlet famously states, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Examples

• The Zen master reframes insults as neither good nor bad, turning the warrior’s perspective upside down.
• A negative work feedback could either be seen as an insult or an opportunity to grow, depending on one’s thinking.
• Losing a game can feel devastating or motivating, purely based on how someone interprets the loss.

2. Thinking was designed for survival

Human evolution has hardwired our brains to think constantly for survival. Early humans relied on thought to stay prepared for threats. Scanning the environment for danger, solving immediate problems, and recalling bad experiences kept our ancestors alive.

However, the modern world is far less dangerous. We don't face lions or poisonous berries anymore, yet our brains haven't caught up with this change. Today, our over-thinking focuses instead on trivial matters like social interactions, job performance, or minor illnesses. What once protected us from physical harm now triggers unwarranted anxiety, stress, and fear.

Nguyen explains that this outdated wiring keeps our minds in a hyper-vigilant state, needlessly extending suffering. Worrying about past mistakes or analyzing every interaction intensifies discomfort, feeding a cycle of mental exhaustion.

Examples

• Constantly rethinking an awkward conversation makes a minor event feel worse.
• A prehistoric human scanning the bushes for predators was necessary, but now manifests as excessive worrying over emails.
• Overanalyzing a symptom leads many to irrationally fear the worst, rather than waiting calmly for a diagnosis.

3. The difference between thoughts and thinking

Nguyen distinguishes thoughts from thinking. Thoughts are spontaneous, effortless flashes of creativity or feelings; they just “pop up.” Thinking, however, involves analyzing, judging, and over-processing those thoughts, which can lead to negativity.

Imagine thinking of an amount you’d like to earn in a year. That initial number likely felt simple and exciting. But the moment you added layers of doubt or questioned its feasibility, a joyful thought turned into a source of stress. This is the destructive transition from thoughts to thinking.

Judging our thoughts, Nguyen argues, is the root of much misery. Instead of allowing our thoughts to exist, we obsessively analyze them, often leading ourselves into endless cycles of frustration and self-doubt.

Examples

• A creative idea for a new business can feel inspiring, unless overthinking kills the enthusiasm.
• A passing worry about being late can escalate if you overanalyze traffic or clock-watch obsessively.
• Reflecting briefly on a mistake can be helpful, but relentless replaying deepens self-criticism.

4. Suffering thrives on attachment to thoughts

Buddhist teachings describe suffering as a result of clinging to thoughts and emotions. When we attach ourselves to certain ideas, like resentment, fear, or guilt, we fuel our inner turmoil. Nguyen explains that true freedom comes when we detach from the need to control or cling to thoughts.

For instance, anger becomes suffering when we replay the same scenario in our heads. Clinging to someone's hurtful words leads us to feel worse over time, even after the moment has passed. Detachment allows emotions to pass without overwhelming us.

Similar to how a bird doesn’t pause mid-flight, detachment lets thoughts flow without interruption. Practicing this mindset helps to break free from the narratives that trap us in mental pain.

Examples

• Holding onto regret for missing an opportunity prolongs the pain unnecessarily.
• Constantly revisiting old arguments keeps resentment alive long after the dispute ends.
• Obsessive worrying about future problems causes more suffering than the problems themselves.

5. Stop overthinking and let thoughts flow

Nguyen emphasizes that freedom from suffering lies in not engaging with our thoughts too deeply. A thought, left unchecked, is harmless—it comes and goes. But over-analysis disrupts this flow, turning transient ideas into obstacles.

Much like water that clears when left still, the mind also becomes calm when we stop stirring it with unnecessary thinking. By not resisting thoughts, clarity naturally arises, removing barriers to intuition and creativity. This practice, though simple, requires awareness of when we are overthinking.

Allowing thoughts to flow doesn’t mean suppressing them. Instead, it’s about gently observing and letting them pass without judgment. Over time, this creates mental clarity and inner peace.

Examples

• Watching a thought about failure pass, rather than engaging with it, will prevent prolonged disappointment.
• Meditating allows the “mud” in your mental water to settle, naturally leading to focus and calm.
• A martial artist entering mushin clears their mind of doubt, performing with instinct and precision.

6. Mushin or "no mind"

Nguyen introduces the Japanese concept of mushin, meaning "no mind." This state of mind is free of anger, fear, and ego, enabling individuals to act instinctively and effortlessly. Mushin is highly valued in martial arts, where hesitation can mean life or death.

In modern life, mushin applies to any activity that benefits from focus and spontaneity. A musician might call it being "in the zone," while a writer might describe it as effortless creativity. Entering this state requires letting go of overthinking and embracing the present moment fully.

When practicing mushin, our mental energy becomes available for meaningful action. It's about trusting yourself rather than doubting, leading to quick, effective decisions.

Examples

• A martial artist reacts immediately in combat by letting intuition take over.
• A basketball player in “the zone” shoots without hesitation, avoiding self-doubt.
• A writer gets into flow and produces pages effortlessly, unburdened by criticism.

7. Flow state and creativity

The Western term “flow state” shares similarities with mushin. This optimal mental state allows people to feel fully absorbed, energized, and focused on a task. According to researchers, our brains are incredibly efficient while in flow, as thinking takes a backseat to spontaneous action.

Achieving flow enhances creativity and problem-solving. Without the interruptions of overthinking, ideas flow freely, leading to innovative solutions. Nguyen notes that flow is most easily reached when we do something we enjoy or have mastered.

This state also boosts performance under pressure. Athletes, artists, and workers alike benefit from being “in the zone,” where time seems to evaporate and tasks become natural.

Examples

• A runner achieves flow during a race, feeling energized and focused.
• Designing a craft project allows creativity to thrive without interruption.
• Playing an instrument fluently brings satisfaction, with fewer conscious mistakes.

8. Ego as an obstacle

Nguyen sees the ego as a major roadblock to peace and clarity. When we attach our identity to thoughts, we become vulnerable to emotional swings. Ego amplifies concerns about status, criticism, and comparison, trapping us in cycles of anxiety.

Letting go of ego often brings emotional freedom. By giving up the need to be right or respected, peace takes over. Ego clings to the past and worries about the future, preventing us from living in the present.

Releasing the ego doesn’t mean abandoning self-worth. Instead, it focuses on detaching from self-centered concerns, helping us grow through humility and openness.

Examples

• Getting offended by criticism stems from the ego's desire for approval.
• Comparing yourself to others often creates envy and resentment.
• Public speaking anxiety often comes from worrying about reputation, an ego-driven fear.

9. Detachment allows true connection

Ironically, detaching from our thoughts enables greater connection with the world. By not fixating on judgments, we can truly absorb our experience and engage with others. Nguyen explains that clarity fosters understanding and empathy.

When ego and overthinking are removed, we become better listeners and collaborators. This doesn’t mean being passive—it means actively embracing life without interference from mental clutter.

True happiness and relationships flourish when we stop trying to control everything. By accepting the flow of life, we create space for joy, connection, and meaning.

Examples

• Letting go of an internal argument lets you truly focus on your partner in a conversation.
• Accepting change fosters deeper satisfaction in relationships and work.
• Enjoying the natural flow of events instead of controlling every outcome leads to inner peace.

Takeaways

1. Practice releasing negative control by observing your thoughts without engaging with them.
2. Cultivate being present with regular mindfulness activities, like meditation or journaling.
3. Notice when overthinking arises and pause; redirect your focus to the present moment.