Dusk, Night, Dawn

What if life's hardest moments are exactly what we need to discover the beauty and strength that lies within us?

1. Stay Grounded in the Present to Find Hope

Life often feels chaotic, filled with crises and distractions that pull us out of the present moment. Anne Lamott shares how a seemingly insignificant incident—a misunderstanding with her husband—escalated in her mind until a conversation with a wise friend brought her back to reality. She realized that the fight was mostly in her own thoughts, and her focus on the present helped her quiet this inner turmoil.

In the past, Lamott struggled with addiction and self-hatred, which made her feel disconnected from her true self or soul. Simple, small acts like washing dishes or paying bills brought her back to the present and helped her reconnect with herself. Focusing on the now gave her space to start loving who she was.

If you've ever felt lost in negativity or overwhelmed, Lamott encourages you to harness curiosity as a tool. When you notice something beautiful, like the taste of cherries or the warmth of morning sunlight, it’s your soul urging you to stop and savor the moment. Paying attention to what's in front of you anchors you to reality and rekindles hope.

Examples

• A marital misunderstanding caused by overthinking but resolved with self-awareness.
• Small acts like doing dishes helping Lamott feel grounded during recovery.
• Curiosity about simple pleasures, like a bowl of cherries, redirecting attention to the now.

2. True Intimacy Comes from Being Seen and Embraced Anyway

Everyone, at some point, feels flawed or unlovable. Lamott recounts a moment when she showed her aging, sunburned arms to her husband, half-expecting him to be repulsed. Instead, his kindness and love overwhelmed her because he genuinely saw her and accepted her fully.

Real intimacy comes from seeing the entirety of another person—their flaws, vulnerabilities, and strengths—and loving them anyway. Lamott describes doing this with her husband, whose know-it-all tendencies could have been a deal-breaker in his past relationships. By embracing all sides of one another, they built trust and deep understanding.

However, intimacy can be scary, often rooted in childhood experiences of neglect or dysfunction. Yet Lamott insists the courage to let others see you—even at your most boring or imperfect—teaches you that you’re worthy of love. Accepting love not only reflects your value but also catalyzes self-love.

Examples

• Lamott’s husband embracing her imperfections with love and tenderness.
• A moment of honesty about her husband's habits leading to trust and tears.
• Understanding that intimacy requires courage but brings profound connection.

3. Change Your Focus and Transform Your Heart

Lamott recalls panicking over a minor health concern during a doctor visit. Her anxiety spiraled, reminding her of a lifelong tendency to fixate on fears. But her late friend Father Terry had a lesson: don’t try to “get over” struggles—lean into goodness instead.

Father Terry used to say that being less selfish not only helps others but also helps us by transforming our internal focus. Lamott emphasizes the value of creating small, good actions from the heart, which can slowly shift your perspective and bring profound change.

Carrying shame from childhood comments or mistakes can weigh anyone down. Lamott explains that by leaning into good acts or being present with yourself and others, you naturally create opportunities for self-forgiveness. It’s this shift—away from shame and toward forgiveness—that opens your heart to both self-kindness and seeing beauty in life again.

Examples

• A health worry that catalyzed Lamott's reflection on her mindset.
• Father Terry’s teaching to focus on goodness rather than overcoming obstacles.
• Finding peace by forgiving yourself for long-held guilt or shame.

4. Small Faith Can Sustain You Through Life’s Hardest Tests

Lamott shares the story of her friend whose son battles incurable brain cancer. Despite facing an unimaginably painful situation, her friend finds a deep reserve of faith that she calls “lunch-money faith”—just enough to keep going day by day.

This reflects Lamott’s belief that even a tiny amount of faith can help you endure enormous challenges. By cultivating moments of connection—whether through a small meal, a prayer, or seeking comfort in God’s whisper—you find strength to face adversity.

Faith doesn’t guarantee freedom from hardship; it merely offers tools to navigate it. Elijah’s biblical journey, where he found strength after eating and resting, underscores this point. Lamott suggests that by leaning on simple, sustaining rituals, you can weather the storms that sometimes seem insurmountable.

Examples

• The resilience of a friend coping with her son’s terminal illness.
• Elijah finding strength to move forward after nourishment and rest.
• Lamott’s advice to listen for God’s whisper in everyday life.

5. Darkness Reveals the Value of Light

Rather than fearing darkness, Lamott suggests embracing it as a necessary contrast to light. She recounts power outages during California wildfires, during which her home was illuminated only by candles. The shadows on her walls reminded her of life’s complexity and beauty.

Darkness can be soothing because it forces you to slow down and appreciate simplicity. Lamott recalls attending a church service without electricity and noticing how, in the absence of modern distractions, everyone’s attention was fully engaged, creating a profound spiritual connection.

From clear starlit skies to the quiet of dawn, darkness has its own moments of truth. Lamott believes that it’s in these times of shadow that you realize the depth of connection you have—to loved ones, your community, and even yourself.

Examples

• The beauty of candle shadows during a California wildfire power outage.
• A microphone-free church gathering fostering connection.
• Observing stars and dawn as metaphors for finding light in dark moments.

6. Attend to the Small Things to Stay Anchored

Lamott highlights that in difficult times, like recovery or global crises, even small tasks can serve as anchors. Through simple acts—paying a bill, walking outside—she regained a sense of stability and purpose amid overwhelming challenges.

Eventually, these moments highlight a shift in perception from “I must do this” to “I get to do this.” The acknowledgment of everyday blessings, such as having clean water or a place to rest, becomes an act of gratitude.

Though basic, these acts retain significant power. They show that even when bigger pieces of life seem broken, small steps forward can rebuild your inner stability. By showing up for these little moments, you gradually reconnect with a rhythm that restores balance and wholeness.

Examples

• Small chores during recovery bringing Lamott moments of purpose.
• Reframing chores as opportunities for gratitude instead of obligations.
• A walk during stressful times providing a renewed sense of calm.

7. Love Is a Mirror of Our Beauty

Lamott believes love reflects our truest selves, giving us a sense of belonging and worth. She describes how, even amid imperfections, love from others confirms our own beauty and value.

This reciprocal nature works both ways: as you accept love from friends or partners, you also give love to them. Lamott notes that dark, challenging times—despite their hardships—inevitably lead to an upwelling of community, friendship, and service.

Through this give-and-take of love, you not only comfort others but also receive healing and affirmation in return. It’s in these exchanges that you see your deepest value.

Examples

• Love from her husband reflecting Lamott’s beauty to her.
• Friends and neighbors coming together during crises.
• Dark moments bringing out acts of kindness and solidarity.

8. Gratitude Is a Superpower Against Fear

Lamott says cultivating gratitude helped her move from fear-driven living to joy. Gratitude reorients your thinking toward abundance rather than scarcity.

Simply noticing and appreciating life’s gifts—no matter how small—leads to an open heart. Lamott shares how gratitude works as an antidote to anxiety and helps you trust life's journey.

This habit isn’t reserved for grand moments. It blooms as you appreciate the warmth of a meal, the smile of a stranger, or even a single flower. Small, consistent acts of thankfulness gradually redefine how you see the world.

Examples

• A meal or friendly smile bringing Lamott appreciation for the present.
• Viewing gratitude as a daily practice, not a luxury.
• Overcoming fear by acknowledging what’s good in her life.

9. Connection Unites Us with the Larger Whole

During dark moments, like a wildfire-induced power outage, Lamott felt connected to a larger web of life. Whether through observing nature or relationships, she recognized the unity and beauty underlying the chaos of life.

Like a redwood tree, whose massive root system supports both itself and others, you exist as part of a greater whole. This interconnectedness sustains and reassures during struggles, reminding you of shared humanity.

Lamott encourages looking at relationships and the earth as sources of grounding and strength. They’re reminders that amidst change, love and connection endure.

Examples

• Observing a naturally uprooted tree and its intricate roots.
• Feeling unity during a candlelit church service.
• Grounding in nature to find reassurance in life’s cycles.

Takeaways

1. Focus your attention on the present by grounding yourself in tangible experiences like cooking, walking, or practicing mindfulness.
2. Embrace imperfections in yourself and others to foster deeper intimacy and self-love.
3. Develop a daily gratitude practice to shift your mindset from fear to abundance and hope.