Ego is the Enemy

“Ego is the enemy of what you want and what you have: of mastering a craft, of real creative insight, of working well with others, of making a difference in the world.” - Ryan Holiday

1. The Constant Battle Against Ego

Ego is not just arrogance; it’s unhealthy self-regard that creates blind spots. It fuels overconfidence and prevents personal growth. Whether you're starting out, succeeding, or facing failure, ego lurks in the background, ready to disrupt your progress.

Ryan Holiday explains that we are always in one of three phases in life—Aspire, Success, or Failure. Ego manifests in different ways across these phases. In the Aspire stage, it makes us think we don’t need to work hard. In the Success stage, it masks our weaknesses by amplifying pride. And in the Failure stage, it blames others for our setbacks while preventing us from reflecting.

The philosopher Epictetus reminds us that “it is impossible to learn that which one thinks one already knows.” To combat ego, humility and objectivity are essential. Understanding our limitations allows us to grow, learn, and succeed without falling prey to arrogance or delusions.

Examples

• Aspiring artists may think their natural talent excuses them from regular practice.
• A CEO might believe they are the smartest person in the room and ignore feedback.
• A struggling athlete might blame external conditions instead of their preparation.

2. Aspire with Humility

Ego in the Aspire phase tricks us into believing that talent alone is enough. This mindset obstructs progress and prevents mastery. Becoming exceptional requires work, not just dreaming of greatness.

William Tecumseh Sherman, a Union Army general, serves as an example of humility while aspiring. Sherman declined premature promotions early in his career because he knew his limits and wanted to prepare thoroughly. When the opportunity finally came, his expertise from years of hard work paid off.

Ryan Holiday encourages us to assess ourselves accurately. Overestimating abilities is a recipe for stagnation. Accept your flaws, identify strengths, and commit to consistent effort.

Examples

• Writers who assume their first draft is flawless rarely revise and improve.
• Students who skip studying because they feel intelligent can fail exams.
• Entrepreneurs who forego research and rely on intuition risk business failure.

3. Become a Doer, Not a Talker

Talking about goals can be seductive, but it often substitutes for real action. Ego thrives on talk because it gives the illusion of progress when none has actually been made.

Holiday warns that excessive discussion depletes the energy and time needed for action. Instead, focus on doing. A would-be runner isn’t defined by talking about marathons; they’re a runner because they run every day. Success isn’t just achieving your dream; it’s the continuous process of working toward it.

The Greek poet Hesiod said, “A man’s best treasure is a thrifty tongue.” Less talking and more doing pave the way to achievement. Enjoy the process of working, as the journey itself is the reward.

Examples

• An aspiring novelist talks endlessly about their book but doesn’t write daily.
• A person planning to open a business spends months discussing ideas but doesn’t take any concrete steps.
• Marathon runners train consistently, even when they’re far from race day.

4. Be a Life-Long Learner

Ego resists learning because it insists we already know enough. To grow beyond initial success, maintain the mindset of a student. Success doesn’t mean the end of learning—it’s when learning becomes even more critical.

Kirk Hammett, Metallica’s lead guitarist, joined the band at a young age and was already skilled. However, he sought to improve his craft by studying guitar under Joe Satriani, despite already being part of a legendary band. This humility helped him refine his expertise and remain relevant over decades.

Avoid resting on laurels. True masters commit to continuous learning, exploring ways to sharpen their skills and stay ahead.

Examples

• Inventor Steve Jobs kept innovating beyond the early Apple computers, eventually creating the revolutionary iPhone.
• Teachers who regularly attend workshops stay engaged with evolving education techniques.
• Athletes who are world champions still work with coaches to train harder.

5. Don’t Chase Empty Success

Ego often pushes us toward outcomes that others value but may not align with our own priorities. It drives us to seek more accolades, money, or positions without considering if they bring personal fulfillment.

General Ulysses S. Grant, a hero of the Civil War, entered politics because of his ego, not because it aligned with his expertise or passions. His presidency was marked by scandals and poor governance. Had he followed his true interests, he might have avoided harm to his legacy.

Knowing what matters to you personally helps avoid chasing goals that aren’t meaningful. Align ambitions with your values and invest your energy wisely.

Examples

• Someone who detests corporate environments might still climb the corporate ladder because of societal expectations.
• A musician transitions to acting for the fame, knowing they don't love it.
• A scientist shifts into management roles for money but feels disconnected from research.

6. Delegate and Trust Others

Ego may convince you that only you can do a task correctly, causing you to control everything. This mindset limits growth and leads to burnout.

Holiday illustrates this through John DeLorean, an automotive executive who sabotaged his company because he refused to delegate. His all-encompassing management style backfired, leading to bankruptcy. The best managers trust their team and empower them.

Delegation frees up time for higher-level thinking and prioritizing meaningful work. It also strengthens relationships by showing trust in others’ abilities.

Examples

• Project managers who delegate tasks effectively avoid micromanagement and improve team efficiency.
• Entrepreneurs who trust employees build stronger businesses.
• A chef who trains and delegates to staff can experiment with new recipes, driving innovation.

7. Learn from Failure

Failure is inevitable, but ego distorts it. Instead of recognizing it as a learning experience, we might take failure personally or blame others. Ego tricks us into avoiding self-reflection.

The New England Patriots drafted Tom Brady from obscurity but didn’t rest on luck alone. They improved their scouting system to better recognize talent, embracing failure as a tool for growth. Similarly, personal failure can teach resilience when handled humbly.

Reflect on what went wrong and identify areas for improvement. Honesty with yourself, rather than excuses, unlocks progress.

Examples

• Athletes review game footage to learn from mistakes.
• Authors refine rejected manuscripts based on editorial feedback.
• Businesses pivot after failed product launches to meet customer needs.

8. Stay Resilient Post-Failure

Ego can make you quit after setbacks, but resilience helps you push through. Accepting failure as part of the journey keeps you moving toward your larger aspirations.

Even the most successful people have failed countless times. What separates them is their ability to view failures as valuable lessons rather than insurmountable roadblocks. Develop the habit of bouncing back with a stronger focus.

Staying resilient means seeing setbacks not as defeats but as stepping-stones to your next opportunity.

Examples

• An entrepreneur launches a better product after a failed crowdfunding campaign.
• A student reevaluates their study habits after flunking an exam and does better next time.
• A manager uses a failed project to refine team strategies.

9. Ego is Earned, Never Stolen

Ryan Holiday argues that ego steals confidence, while real confidence can only be earned. Confidence comes from experience and hard work, not from inflated self-worth.

He contrasts ego-driven leaders with those like General Sherman, who earned confidence through learning and diligence. By staying grounded and focused on reality, they achieved goals without egotistical distractions.

Replacing ego with earned confidence ensures that you stay grounded and grow gradually.

Examples

• A boxer trains daily to gain real confidence for the ring.
• A software engineer builds technical skills over years instead of claiming expertise prematurely.
• A musician playing nightly gigs develops stage confidence over time.

Takeaways

1. Regularly assess your abilities and focus on improving through hard work, accuracy, and feedback.
2. Let go of excessive self-reliance—delegate tasks and trust the people around you to shoulder responsibility.
3. Treat every success, failure, or challenge as a learning moment, and continue practicing humility no matter your achievements.