Exceptional

What if instead of dwelling on your flaws, you focused on what makes you exceptional? This book helps uncover your strengths and show how to let them shine.

1. Build on Your Strengths, Not Your Flaws

Focusing on strengths is far more productive than endlessly fixing flaws. While self-awareness of weaknesses can be useful, excellence comes from mastering and using what we do well. Too often, people replay their failures in their minds, creating a “blooper reel” that erodes confidence. Instead, imagine revisiting moments when you excelled – like giving a great presentation or helping someone in need – and using those to inspire you.

Research emphasizes the value of focusing on strengths. A University of Auckland study tested teens with physical disabilities during a workshop where tasks were filmed. Teens who watched highlight reels of their achievements (with mistakes edited out) became 15% more productive compared to teens who replayed unedited footage. Positive reinforcement pushes people to do better, fostering motivation and pride.

Rather than aiming only to mitigate flaws, lean into your unique abilities the same way athletes hone their best skills. You don’t need a camera to capture these moments; reflection and self-assessment can achieve similar outcomes.

Examples

• Viewing a personal highlight reel boosted productivity in disabled teens.
• Athletes train by focusing on their signature skills.
• Replaying successful moments creates motivation and purpose.

2. Social Norms Keep Us from Discovering Our Superpowers

Praise tends to come too late or not at all, leaving many unaware of their gifts. Cultural factors discourage us from inflating egos or addressing mortality, making people hesitate to express meaningful recognition. Often, people like comedian Dave Maher only hear heartfelt truths about themselves in eulogies – moments when it’s too late to respond.

Dave’s story is an anomaly. Thought dead after a coma, he awoke to discover touching comments from friends. Their messages, posted when they thought he was gone, finally made him see the selfless impact he’d made on their lives. That recognition urged him to embrace and build on those qualities.

To break this societal habit, try a thought experiment: write your own eulogy. Reflecting on what you hope people would say creates better self-awareness. Learning what matters most about you can also inspire you to prioritize those traits now.

Examples

• Dave Maher’s friends honored him online, showing his value after they thought he had died.
• Societal concerns about pride discourage open praise for others.
• Writing a eulogy enhances self-recognition of standout qualities.

3. Positive Trauma Can Be Life-Changing

Trauma does not always have to be tragic to transform lives. While negative traumas create significant shifts, positive traumas – moments of overwhelming joy, shock, or inspiration – also carry immense power. Falling in love or hearing heartfelt feedback about yourself can reshape perceptions or priorities.

The concept of a positive trauma ties into the practice of gathering a personal highlight reel. Asking loved ones to reflect on their most cherished memories of you fosters that life-altering effect. Reading their sincere feedback becomes a striking emotional experience, helping you see yourself in a fresh, more uplifting way.

Start by creating this impact for someone else. Write a gratitude letter to a friend or family member highlighting a specific moment when they made a difference. By doing so, you not only brighten their day, but you set a precedent for them to return the favor.

Examples

• Receiving gratitude letters dramatically shifts someone’s self-perspective.
• Positive experiences like having a child can be transformative traumas.
• Offering uplifting feedback inspires reciprocal positivity.

4. Feedback Letters Bring Strengths to Light

Soliciting positive feedback may feel awkward, but it’s one of the best ways to discover your unique strengths. Others often see us in ways we overlook, making their observations invaluable. When friends and family share specific instances of your excellence, these insights help solidify what defines you.

It’s essential to encourage contributors to provide detailed stories. For instance, instead of vague traits like “you’re kind,” a wife could describe her husband’s perseverance driving hours through a snowstorm to help her parents. Collecting such specific examples transforms the exercise into a powerful reflection on your true capabilities.

Once you gather these stories, sit down to review them all at once. Reading through them creates an emotional impact often akin to a "positive trauma." Then, systematically analyze recurring traits or characteristics that emerge. Compare this with the version of yourself you aspire to be.

Examples

• A woman learned of her husband’s quiet commitment through a highlight reel.
• Soliciting honest feedback encourages deeper self-reflection.
• Grouping numerous observations creates a more complete picture of your strengths.

5. Visualization Transforms Strengths into Habits

Making a habit of using newfound strengths requires persistence and focus. Visualizing how to incorporate these traits into daily life can motivate impactful routines over time. For example, if you excel in communication, allocate more time for meaningful conversations or find professional projects that require those skills.

Visualization works best when tied to process rather than outcome. Studies show that imagining yourself solving problems or practicing talents yields more results than picturing a final reward. A UCLA study with students preparing for an exam proved this; those who visualized their study methods achieved better grades than those who merely envisioned success.

Start by identifying small, actionable steps to integrate your strengths. Visualize moments of execution rather than abstract victories. These mental practices align behavior with goals, creating lasting change.

Examples

• Exam-focused students benefited from visualizing preparation rather than a result.
• Professional athletes use visualization techniques for performance.
• New habits become natural after consistent effort over 66 days.

6. Reshape Your Job Around Your Strengths

Seeing yourself through the lens of your top strengths also creates opportunities to reshape work tasks. This doesn't necessarily mean switching careers but tweaking how existing work aligns with what energizes you. If your strength lies in forming relationships, it may mean taking initiative socially, even in unrelated roles.

For example, Charles, an outgoing manager, found his best strength underused in his office. By dedicating regular time to field visits with clients, he reinvigorated his passion for work. Small shifts, like reframing tasks you dislike (e.g., boring small talk as “interviews”), can also make jobs more meaningful.

Incorporating small weekly experiments into your schedule helps bring strengths forward. Reflect weekly to refine which changes bring satisfaction or identify better approaches.

Examples

• Charles added field visits to improve satisfaction.
• Reframing disliked tasks taps hidden enjoyment.
• Weekly tests allow creativity to reshape work processes.

7. Design Your Daily Life to Feature Your Strengths

Don't wait for an ideal moment to integrate your strengths into your personal life. Start crafting activities that play to your assets in small, meaningful ways. You’ll foster greater fulfillment and inspire those around you.

Brainstorm ten potential activities related to a single strength – like volunteering, joining a group, or teaching others a skill. Experiment with these ideas and track how they impact your mood and energy. The goal is gradual integration rather than overhauling your entire routine overnight.

To stay connected with strengths day-to-day, try simple mental cues like the doorway exercise. Touching doorframes while asking, “Who am I as I enter this space?” keeps these qualities at the forefront of your mind.

Examples

• A friendly person might join a networking group to relax and connect.
• Volunteers often find roles that benefit from their specific talents.
• Quick mindset adjustments like the doorway exercise become energizing reminders.

8. Gratitude Sparks Uplifting Feedback Cycles

Expressing gratitude encourages others to do the same. Writing gratitude letters, a key step in building your highlight reel, nurtures a culture of appreciation in your relationships. It provides opportunities for people to reflect deeper on one another’s contributions.

When writing, focus on tangible examples of how someone made a difference. Thoughts like “you’ve always supported me” are good but can grow richer with details about specific moments they stepped in to help. Encourage honesty to make the process meaningful and heartfelt.

Gratitude creates an ongoing upward spiral: the more people feel appreciated, the more likely they are to return that energy by uplifting others.

Examples

• Journaling gratitude inspires reflective habits for others.
• Reciprocated appreciation letters strengthen social bonds.
• Tangible stories of small impacts feel personal and memorable.

9. Leverage Your Strengths for Lasting Life Change

Once you’ve identified your strengths and begun applying them, reflect on the bigger picture of who you want to be. Writing a “future you” letter – imagining yourself fully living to potential – acts as additional motivation. Envisioning results encourages active steps today.

Connecting daily actions to the vision of your best self ensures meaningful growth. Tie habits learned in earlier steps to long-term aspirations. Revisiting your highlight reel whenever progress feels hard reinforces confidence in the journey.

These methods move beyond theory into consistent practices that create sustained personal transformation.

Examples

• Remarkable growth often starts by testing small changes one step at a time.
• Revisiting long-term goals sustains excitement for new habits.
• Seeing others grow through mutual feedback can refine your focus too.

Takeaways

1. Write ten gratitude letters to people in your life, focusing on specific impacts they’ve had.
2. Craft a “future you” letter imagining your greatest possible version and keep it accessible.
3. Practice visualizing action steps for incorporating strengths into daily life, focusing on processes.