Falling Upward Summary

Sometimes it is when we fall that we discover who we truly are.

1. Life is Divided into Two Halves

Life can be understood as two distinct phases: the first half is about building a “container,” or creating your identity, while the second half focuses on filling that container by discovering your true purpose.

In the first half of life, individuals focus on external achievements—securing a job, forming relationships, and building a sense of self. However, many never recognize that there is a deeper second half to life. The second phase shifts attention inward, from outward accomplishments to internal meaning and contribution.

This divide isn’t about age but progress. Some may transition early due to life challenges, while others never make it. Falling Upward provides tools to recognize when you've transitioned and how to embrace this second stage.

Examples

• Joseph Campbell’s “The Hero’s Journey” displays how an outward adventure transforms into an internal realization in countless myths.
• Odysseus’s journey in The Odyssey shows not one, but two significant adventures, symbolizing life’s halves.
• Observing people who carry wisdom and serenity often reveals characteristics of those who’ve embraced life’s second half.

2. The First Half Shapes Identity

The first half of life is dedicated to forming identities, boundaries, and rules, all necessary to navigate the external world.

This phase encourages individuals to build structures that create stability, such as careers, relationships, and communities. These frameworks guard against chaos and allow us to grow within a predictable environment. At the same time, society reinforces this phase, often focusing on outward measures of success and identity like titles or achievements.

However, remaining in this phase too long risks never progressing inward. Some become trapped by constantly “fixing” or embellishing the container, rather than filling it with true purpose.

Examples

• Human cultures often value external markers of success, like education or wealth, and reward people who excel at these early tasks.
• Religious and social structures promote first-half behaviors through laws, traditions, and ceremonies.
• Odysseus spends years overcoming external obstacles like cyclops and sirens, which reflect his first-half journey.

3. Transition Requires “Falling”

The shift to the second half of life begins when something disrupts your carefully constructed world. This falling leads to new growth.

A significant failure, loss, or pain often serves as a catalyst. This moment of crisis—whether the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or a betrayal—forces us to realize that the identity we built is not all there is. Rohr calls this process “falling upward,” as the depths of struggle eventually lead us to a new height of understanding.

This transformative moment does not come from personal control or achievement. It requires letting go, trusting the process, and accepting that suffering is part of human existence.

Examples

• Odysseus’s lowest moment was literally venturing into Hades, where he gained wisdom for his second journey.
• Biblical stories, like Abraham’s call to leave his homeland, often revolve around letting go of familiarity to embrace growth.
• Carl Jung emphasized that many psychological struggles arise from resisting life’s inevitable pains.

4. Suffering is Necessary for Growth

To move to the second half of life, pain and challenges are non-negotiable—they disrupt your comfort zones and force introspection.

Rohr describes this as “necessary suffering.” While pain is universal, how we respond determines its impact. Those who embrace suffering can use it as a stepping stone toward enlightenment, while those who resist it often face prolonged internal struggles. Accepting suffering helps loosen the grip of ego and awakens a deeper sense of purpose.

Spiritual texts and myths often portray suffering as an invitation to transformation. It’s only through personal losses that we find meaning beyond societal definitions of success.

Examples

• Post–World War II Japan discharged “loyal soldiers” ceremonially, helping them transition from warriors to community members.
• Jesus’s words, “Whoever wishes to save their life will lose it,” highlight the importance of surrender.
• Losing a job or a relationship often leads to deep self-reflection and personal reinvention.

5. Nondual Thinking Emerges in Life’s Second Half

In the second half of life, rigid categories fade, and “both-and” thinking replaces “either-or” reasoning.

This new mindset allows people to hold contradictory ideas without needing absolute answers. You realize that life isn’t black and white but filled with complexities that defy simple labels. This way of thinking fosters empathy, patience, and deeper understanding.

Rohr believes that achieving this nondual perspective brings us closer to spiritual truths. It builds interconnectedness, enabling us to coexist peacefully in a fragmented world.

Examples

• Jesus’s teachings about letting wheat and weeds grow together embody acceptance.
• Aging parents often reconcile conflicts with their children as life’s divisions seem less relevant over time.
• Elders become more open to different perspectives, valuing peace over resistance.

6. The Second Half Brings “Bright Sadness”

The second phase of life holds a paradoxical emotional tone—a peaceful sadness rooted in understanding life’s complexity.

While the darkness of pain doesn’t vanish, it is accompanied by a quiet joy in knowing you can endure life’s hardships. This emotional duality fosters humility and grace, replacing fear and anxiety.

People in this stage no longer feel compelled to argue or dominate. They gain authority by simply existing, offering wisdom to others without needing to impose it.

Examples

• Elders often radiate a quiet presence that draws others for advice, even when they rarely speak.
• Rohr describes his realization that others’ judgments reveal more about them than himself.
• Many religious figures like the Buddha embody this serene, balanced state.

7. True Self Emerges Post-Fall

The second half of life reveals your authentic self, often hidden beneath societal labels and external roles.

This transformation lets you shed your “false self”—the persona shaped by others’ expectations—and align with who you were meant to be. This identity isn’t defined by titles or possessions but by an inner alignment with your core values.

Rohr highlights this journey as finding “the face you had before you were born,” reconnecting with a deep, spiritual essence.

Examples

• Zen wisdom refers to the authentic self as timeless, predating external identities.
• Odysseus burying his oar symbolizes leaving behind tools of his first half in favor of new growth.
• A career-focused individual often redefines fulfillment as relationships and personal peace later in life.

8. Being Outweighs Doing

In life’s second half, the simple act of existing becomes more meaningful than striving to achieve.

You feel less driven by external goals or accolades. Instead of fighting to stand out, your inner peace and presence naturally influence those around you. Actions are deliberate and functional, not performative or ego-driven.

This state of being is deeply impactful. True elders leave lasting imprints without dramatic efforts, embodying wisdom in every interaction.

Examples

• Elders in communities often guide younger generations with sparse but profound words.
• Rohr reflects on how second-half leaders inspire by merely showing up fully present.
• Spiritual leaders like the Dalai Lama advocate for inner peace over outward conquest.

9. The Transition is Personal

Everyone's journey into the second half of life is unique, but it begins with personal willingness to embrace growth.

Rohr emphasizes that no one can push you there, nor can you force it on your own terms. It requires self-awareness, trust, and the courage to let go of control. Each person’s “fall” will look different, but these personal experiences are essential for transformation.

This journey may also circle back to earlier lessons, seen from a new perspective. In this sense, growth is ongoing but anchored by the wisdom gained from challenges.

Examples

• Rohr describes his own shock at realizing he was loved for reasons he didn’t control.
• Many cultures mark life transitions through rituals, like Japanese rites for returning soldiers.
• Personal crises such as illness force deep reflections, often awakening spiritual insight.

Takeaways

1. Embrace challenges as opportunities to transition into a deeper, more authentic life phase.
2. Recognize when you're clinging to external achievements and shift focus toward inner purpose.
3. Cultivate “both-and” thinking by seeking commonalities with others and stepping away from rigid categories.