Introduction
Life is a journey, but it's not a straight path. Instead, it's more like a winding road with ups and downs, twists and turns. In his book "Falling Upward," Richard Rohr explores the idea that our lives are divided into two distinct halves, each with its own purpose and challenges. This book offers a fresh perspective on personal growth and spiritual development, encouraging readers to embrace the journey of "falling upward" into a more meaningful and fulfilling second half of life.
Rohr's insights are not just for those in their later years. The transition from the first to the second half of life isn't necessarily tied to age. Some people may enter the second half early in life, while others might never make the transition at all. Understanding these two halves can help us navigate our lives more consciously, regardless of our age or circumstances.
The Two Halves of Life
Understanding the Concept
The idea of life having two halves isn't about chronological age. Instead, it's about two distinct stages of personal and spiritual development. These stages are characterized by different focuses, priorities, and ways of thinking.
In the first half of life, we're primarily concerned with building our identity, establishing ourselves in the world, and creating what Rohr calls the "container" for our lives. This includes things like:
- Developing our personality
- Building relationships
- Establishing a career
- Creating a home
- Finding our place in society
The second half of life, on the other hand, is about filling that container with meaning and purpose. It's a time for:
- Deepening our understanding of ourselves and others
- Embracing paradox and complexity
- Finding a sense of purpose beyond our personal achievements
- Developing wisdom and spiritual maturity
The Hero's Journey
To illustrate this concept, Rohr draws on the idea of the "hero's journey," a common narrative pattern found in myths and stories across cultures. This journey, as described by mythologist Joseph Campbell, follows a similar arc:
- The hero starts in a familiar, comfortable world
- They receive a call to adventure, pushing them out of their comfort zone
- The hero faces challenges and trials
- Through these experiences, the hero's perspective is broadened
- The hero returns home, seeing their original world with new eyes
- They share their newfound wisdom with others
This journey mirrors the transition from the first to the second half of life. We start in the familiar territory of our first-half concerns, then face challenges that push us to grow and see the world differently. Eventually, we return to our lives with a new perspective and deeper wisdom.
Recognizing the Two Halves
Understanding which half of life you're in can be incredibly valuable. If you're in the first half, it can help you prepare for the transition ahead. If you're in the second half, it can provide reassurance that you're on the right path, even if it feels unfamiliar or challenging.
Some signs that you might be transitioning to or already in the second half of life include:
- Feeling less concerned with external achievements and more interested in inner growth
- Becoming more comfortable with paradox and "both/and" thinking
- Developing a broader perspective on life and your place in it
- Feeling a pull towards deeper meaning and purpose
The First Half of Life
Building the Container
The first half of life is all about creating the structure and foundation for our lives. It's a necessary and important stage, focused on external factors and concrete achievements. During this time, we're concerned with:
- Establishing our identity
- Building relationships
- Developing skills and competencies
- Creating security and stability
- Understanding and following societal rules and norms
This stage is characterized by:
- A focus on external validation and achievement
- Black-and-white thinking
- A strong emphasis on rules, traditions, and authority
- The development of ego strength and a clear sense of self
The Importance of Structure
The structure and boundaries we create in the first half of life are crucial. They give us:
- A sense of security and predictability
- Clear moral guidelines
- Impulse control
- A framework for understanding the world
Without these structures, we'd be overwhelmed by options and lack the foundation needed for healthy development.
The Limitations of First-Half Thinking
While the first half of life is necessary and valuable, it has its limitations. Many people and institutions remain stuck in first-half thinking, never moving beyond:
- A focus on external success and achievement
- Rigid adherence to rules and traditions
- Black-and-white thinking
- A need for certainty and control
This can lead to a sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction, even when we've achieved all our first-half goals.
The Cultural Bias Towards the First Half
Our society tends to prioritize and reward first-half-of-life tasks and thinking. This is evident in:
- The emphasis on youth and external beauty
- The focus on career advancement and material success
- The prevalence of black-and-white thinking in politics and media
- The discomfort many people feel with ambiguity and paradox
This cultural bias can make it challenging to recognize the need for and value of second-half-of-life growth.
The Transition: Falling Upward
The Necessity of Falling
The transition from the first to the second half of life often involves what Rohr calls "falling upward." This paradoxical phrase captures the idea that we often need to experience some kind of fall or failure to grow into a more mature, wise state.
This falling might involve:
- A personal crisis or loss
- A failure or setback in our career or relationships
- A health scare or brush with mortality
- A spiritual or existential crisis
Whatever form it takes, this falling serves to shake us out of our comfortable first-half-of-life patterns and open us up to new ways of thinking and being.
The Role of Necessary Suffering
Rohr emphasizes that suffering is a necessary part of human life and growth. He argues that our attempts to avoid all suffering actually lead to more pain in the long run. Instead, we need to learn to embrace "necessary suffering" as a path to growth and transformation.
This doesn't mean seeking out suffering, but rather:
- Accepting that pain and loss are part of life
- Learning to face difficulties with courage and openness
- Recognizing that our struggles can lead to growth and wisdom
The Importance of Stumbling Blocks
In order to transition to the second half of life, we often need to encounter what Rohr calls a "stumbling block" - a challenge or problem that we can't solve with our usual first-half-of-life strategies. This might be:
- A relationship conflict that can't be resolved through compromise or negotiation
- A personal or professional failure that shakes our sense of identity
- A spiritual question that can't be answered with our existing beliefs or knowledge
These stumbling blocks force us to let go of our need for control and certainty, opening us up to new ways of thinking and being.
Letting Go of the "Loyal Soldier"
Rohr uses the metaphor of the "loyal soldier" to describe the part of ourselves that has served us well in the first half of life. This loyal soldier has helped us:
- Follow rules and meet expectations
- Build a strong ego and sense of self
- Achieve success in our career and relationships
But to move into the second half of life, we need to "discharge" this loyal soldier. This doesn't mean rejecting everything we've learned, but rather:
- Recognizing the limitations of our first-half-of-life strategies
- Being willing to let go of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us
- Opening ourselves up to new ways of thinking and being
The Process of Transformation
The transition from the first to the second half of life is not a single event, but a process. It often involves:
- Encountering a stumbling block or crisis that challenges our existing worldview
- Experiencing a period of confusion, doubt, or "darkness"
- Gradually letting go of old patterns and beliefs
- Opening up to new insights and ways of being
- Integrating these new insights into our lives
- Developing a broader, more inclusive perspective
This process can be challenging and uncomfortable, but it's ultimately transformative and liberating.
The Second Half of Life
A New Perspective
The second half of life is characterized by a shift in perspective. Rather than focusing on building and achieving, we become more concerned with meaning, connection, and wisdom. This new perspective is marked by:
- A "bright sadness and sober happiness"
- Less anxiety about darkness and difficulty
- A reduced need to judge others or hold onto past hurts
- A loss of feelings of superiority
- A quieter, more persuasive approach to change
Expanded Boundaries
In the second half of life, the "container" we built in the first half expands. We become:
- More interested in what we have in common with others, rather than what sets us apart
- Less concerned with standing out or changing others
- More comfortable with simply being present
This expanded perspective allows us to be more inclusive and understanding, even as we become more grounded in our own identity.
The Power of Presence
One of the hallmarks of second-half-of-life wisdom is the power of simple presence. True elders, Rohr argues, don't need to dominate conversations or prove their worth. Instead:
- They define the depth and breadth of conversations just by being there
- They use fewer, well-chosen words to convey their points
- They influence others through their being, not just their doing
Embracing Paradox and Non-Dualistic Thinking
In the second half of life, we develop a greater capacity for non-dualistic or "both-and" thinking. This means:
- Moving beyond black-and-white categorizations
- Embracing paradox and complexity
- Recognizing that truth often lies in the tension between apparent opposites
This shift allows us to hold multiple perspectives simultaneously, leading to greater wisdom and compassion.
Double Belonging
As we move into the second half of life, we often experience what Rohr calls "double belonging." This means:
- Recognizing that no single group or identity can meet all our needs
- Feeling comfortable belonging to multiple communities or traditions
- Embracing a both-and approach to identity and belief
This double belonging allows for a richer, more nuanced understanding of ourselves and the world.
Letting Go of Strong Opinions
In the first half of life, we often hold strong opinions as a way of defining ourselves and our place in the world. In the second half, we become more comfortable with:
- Not having final opinions on everything
- Allowing for ambiguity and uncertainty
- Recognizing the limitations of our own knowledge and perspective
This doesn't mean becoming passive or indifferent, but rather developing a more humble and open stance towards life and others.
Influencing Through Being
In the second half of life, our influence shifts from direct action to a more subtle form of impact. We learn to:
- Influence others through our presence and example
- Trust in the power of quiet persuasion
- Let go of the need to change others directly
This form of influence is often more powerful and lasting than the more forceful approaches of the first half of life.
Embracing Necessary Losses
The second half of life involves embracing necessary losses. This might include:
- Letting go of youthful ideals or ambitions
- Accepting the limitations of our bodies as we age
- Recognizing the impermanence of all things
By accepting these losses gracefully, we open ourselves up to new forms of growth and wisdom.
Finding Meaning Beyond Achievement
In the second half of life, we begin to find meaning beyond personal achievement. This might involve:
- Focusing on legacy and what we'll leave behind
- Developing a sense of connection to something larger than ourselves
- Finding purpose in service to others or to ideals beyond our personal gain
This shift allows for a deeper, more satisfying sense of fulfillment than the external achievements of the first half of life.
Practical Implications
Embracing the Journey
Understanding the concept of the two halves of life can help us embrace our personal journey more fully. This means:
- Recognizing that challenges and setbacks can be opportunities for growth
- Being patient with ourselves as we navigate transitions
- Trusting in the process of personal and spiritual development
Cultivating Second-Half Wisdom
Even if we're chronologically in the first half of life, we can begin cultivating second-half wisdom by:
- Practicing non-dualistic thinking
- Developing comfort with paradox and ambiguity
- Focusing on being present rather than always doing or achieving
- Cultivating a sense of connection to something larger than ourselves
Supporting Others in Their Journey
Understanding the two halves of life can also help us support others more effectively. This might involve:
- Recognizing when someone is going through a transition or "falling" experience
- Offering compassion and understanding rather than trying to fix or change them
- Sharing our own experiences of growth and transformation
- Creating spaces that support both first-half achievement and second-half wisdom
Rethinking Success and Failure
The concept of falling upward invites us to rethink our ideas of success and failure. Instead of seeing failure as something to be avoided at all costs, we can learn to:
- Recognize the growth potential in our setbacks and struggles
- Embrace necessary suffering as a path to wisdom
- Value inner growth and transformation as much as external achievement
Balancing Structure and Openness
While the second half of life involves letting go of rigid structures, it doesn't mean abandoning all structure. Instead, we're called to find a balance between:
- The necessary structures and boundaries of the first half of life
- The openness and flexibility of the second half
This balance allows us to remain grounded while also being open to growth and new possibilities.
Conclusion
Richard Rohr's "Falling Upward" offers a powerful framework for understanding the journey of personal and spiritual growth. By recognizing the distinct tasks and challenges of the two halves of life, we can navigate our path with greater awareness and intention.
The book reminds us that:
- Life is a journey of continuous growth and transformation
- Falling or failing is often necessary for true growth
- The second half of life offers a deeper, richer perspective on meaning and purpose
- Embracing paradox and non-dualistic thinking leads to greater wisdom
- True influence comes from being, not just doing
Whether we're in the first half of life, the second half, or somewhere in between, Rohr's insights can help us embrace our journey more fully. By understanding the process of falling upward, we can approach life's challenges with greater courage and openness, trusting that even our struggles can lead us to a place of deeper wisdom and fulfillment.
As we navigate the complexities of modern life, the concept of the two halves of life offers a valuable perspective. It reminds us that our journey is not just about achieving external success, but about growing into the fullness of who we are meant to be. It encourages us to embrace both the building of the first half and the deepening of the second half, recognizing that both are necessary for a rich and meaningful life.
Ultimately, "Falling Upward" is an invitation - an invitation to embrace our whole journey, to trust the process of growth and transformation, and to fall upward into a larger, more inclusive way of being in the world. It's a message of hope and possibility, reminding us that our best years may well be ahead of us, not behind us, if we're willing to embrace the journey of falling upward.