How to Live Summary

What if the secret to a fulfilling and peaceful life has been with us since the sixth century, hidden in a monk’s simple rulebook?

1. The Art of Listening: The Foundation of Community

Benedictine living places great importance on listening, urging individuals to “listen with the ear of the heart.” To form harmonious relationships and communities, Benedict emphasized the value of understanding and meaningful communication. Listening deeply enables individuals to hear others without judgment and fosters lasting bonds.

This practice challenges the tendency to prioritize our internal voice or dismiss viewpoints we find unfamiliar or uncomfortable. Benedict knew that a community falls apart without genuine efforts to communicate. The movie Arrival mirrors this principle; its protagonist averts global conflict by prioritizing understanding over aggression when communicating with visitors from outer space.

Even in small contexts, such as workplaces or family gatherings, active listening can bridge divides. The author shares how constructive criticism helped her adjust her behavior in meetings. By taking her colleague’s feedback to heart, she became a better listener and communicative collaborator.

Examples

• Adopting “listening with the heart” helps foster inclusivity in diverse groups.
• In Arrival, success comes from listening rather than imposing personal agendas.
• The author cultivated better work relationships by reflecting on and adapting her communication.

2. Waking Up to Life by Facing Mortality

St. Benedict invites us to be awake to life and mindful of our limited time. Modern life often lulls us into routines, ignoring the world’s beauty and the reality of death. Instead, embracing the inevitability of death can motivate us to live more vibrantly and fully.

Benedict advocated for awakening the senses to nature and existence. The author experienced this during a pilgrimage to the Abbey of Gethsemani, where waking at 3:15 a.m. for prayer yielded an unforgettable view of the stars. Awareness of mortality also shaped the elder sisters she met, who lived with joy and purpose, unafraid of death due to the meaningful lives they’d led.

Confronting mortality does not mean morbidity but using it as a mirror to examine our choices. Life can be savored when we truly accept its fleeting nature. Opening our senses reconnects us with life’s profound beauty, driving us toward meaningful actions.

Examples

• Early prayers at the abbey helped the author appreciate the night sky’s grandeur.
• Elder nuns lived fearlessly, embracing mortality as a part of their spiritual journey.
• Reflecting on death encouraged the author to cherish her experiences and relationships.

3. Silence as a Pathway to Peace

In order to create harmony, Benedict warned against gossip, complaints, and unnecessary chatter. Silence, both external and internal, was his way to encourage mindfulness and bring peace to communal and inner conflicts.

True silence is not just a cessation of noise but a pause that allows the mind to declutter. In today’s buzzing digital world, stepping away from distractions aligns with Benedict’s guidance. Even monks, despite their devotion, struggle with silence, yet persist because they understand that wisdom grows in these quiet spaces.

Practicing patience and humility complements silence. When the sisters at Mount St. Scholastica begin tasks, they ask each other to show patience and love. This ritual reflects Benedict’s teaching that humility is core to a peaceful life, where pride is tempered by love.

Examples

• Silence can break cycles of argument and refocus the mind in chaotic environments.
• Stepping away from phones and digital distractions is an application of Benedictine wisdom.
• Monks and sisters practice silence as a cornerstone of their lifestyle to foster inner calm and community unity.

4. Balance Work and Rest for a Fulfilled Lifestyle

Benedict understood the power of balance between work and leisure. He advocated doing meaningful work while ensuring space for rest, reflection, and rejuvenation. Overwork, as the author experienced, leads to exhaustion and disconnection.

Monks organize their day around the Liturgy of the Hours, alternating between prayer, work, and rest. Though you may not adopt a structured religious practice, pausing for moments of contemplation can help rebalance your day. The author learned this rhythm through writing haikus—compact poetic reflections on nature that ignite mindfulness in moments of stillness.

Balancing work with rest replenishes both physical and emotional reserves. By seeing your work and rest as interconnected elements in service to life, you can create a sustainable way of living.

Examples

• Monks dedicate hours to structured prayer alongside physical and communal duties.
• Writing haiku offered the author mental rejuvenation, marking a break in her tasks.
• Restored energy through rest greatly improves productivity in daily routines.

5. Forgiveness As Emotional Liberation

Forgiveness is a theme in Benedictine life, reflecting a way to live without carrying the weight of grudges. Benedict believed in resolving disputes swiftly to protect the community’s emotional well-being.

The author learned this the hard way after a falling-out with her brother over family finances. Years of estrangement weighed heavily on her, teaching her the price of unresolved conflict. Embracing forgiveness and seeking empathy helps to mend strained relationships and lighten burdens.

Practicing forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning bad behavior but releasing resentment to live freely. Benedict also ties this principle to hospitality, encouraging kindness and patience for both friends and strangers.

Examples

• Resolving disputes helps preserve unity within communities.
• The author’s unresolved anger with her brother led to long-standing regret.
• Welcoming strangers mirrors forgiveness by opening one’s heart to others.

6. Leadership Is a Service, Not a Privilege

Leadership, according to Benedict, requires humility and service. A leader should work for the betterment of the group, listening to others rather than issuing unilateral commands.

Benedictine leadership is communal, with decisions made collectively. In contrast to power-driven workplaces, this approach fosters fairness and shared responsibility. The author reflects on struggles to step away from control in her professional life, trying to replace it with dialogue.

Servant leadership rejects material rewards and self-serving behavior in favor of work that helps others thrive. Leaders who seek community-centered goals, rather than power, better achieve harmony within their teams or families.

Examples

• Monastic leaders involve all voices in decision-making rather than issuing edicts.
• The author shares struggles in letting go of ego-driven control at the workplace.
• Corporate and political leaders ignoring self-gain foster trust and collaboration.

7. Appreciate Life Through Simplicity and Connection with Nature

Benedict called for simplicity and awe, urging his followers to treat everything as sacred. By living with less and finding joy in the world’s interconnectedness, one can cultivate gratitude and mindfulness.

The story of gray wolves in the US illustrates interconnectedness. Removing predators led to ecological imbalance, showing the importance of harmony in nature. Similarly, treating personal belongings and relationships with care enhances life for ourselves and others.

Living simply requires less consumption and more reflection. It means protecting the environment and slowing down to notice life’s beauty, fostering awe instead of always seeking more.

Examples

• Seeing Earth from space gave astronaut Piers Sellers a deep sense of appreciation.
• Disrupting the food chain demonstrated the fragility of Earth’s systems.
• Daily blessings from monks inspire gratitude in life’s simplest aspects.

8. Combine Action and Reflection for Meaningful Work

Work becomes meaningful when combined with moments of reflection. Benedict emphasized balancing “ora et labora” (prayer and work), reminding us that introspection enriches our endeavors.

The author discovered this balance through figures like poet William Carlos Williams, a doctor who still found time to reflect and write. His love for the world infused his work, transcending professional responsibilities into a creative, fulfilling life.

Achieving meaning requires aligning your efforts with values, recognizing both the outer world and your inner calling. Doing so transforms mundane tasks into a loving service to life itself.

Examples

• The author struggled to find joy purely in professional success.
• Williams wrote poetry alongside doctoring, merging contemplation with action.
• Reflecting on how work aligns with the world nourishes a sense of purpose.

9. Life as a Continuous Process of Growth

Benedict spoke of conversatio morum, a lifelong process of committing to virtuous living. The journey isn’t perfect, but the everyday struggle toward growth enriches life with meaning.

Progress often requires pausing and reflecting on areas of life where new approaches may help. Mistakes are opportunities for learning. This ongoing process is not about reaching an endpoint but living authentically in the present, making adjustments as needed.

Personal growth is rooted in small, daily actions. Living mindfully keeps us attuned to where we’re going and where we might shift our paths for better outcomes.

Examples

• The author reframed mistakes as lessons rather than failures.
• Through reflection, monks align their lives continually with their values.
• Daily introspection helps course-correct and stay connected to meaningful living.

Takeaways

1. Practice listening intentionally and compassionately during your next conversation, focusing not on response but on understanding.
2. Dedicate one moment each day to step away from daily tasks—whether it’s writing gratitude, enjoying silence, or observing nature.
3. Reflect daily on personal growth by journaling one habit or thought you could adjust to live in alignment with your values.