How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less Summary

“What if you could make someone feel at ease and warm up to you in just a minute and a half? This book holds the keys to opening hearts and forging connections effortlessly.”

1. Meaningful connections improve health and success

Humans thrive in communities. From the days of early ancestors gathering to hunt and share resources to modern social circles, connecting with others plays a vital role in survival and happiness. The need to bond is innate, and science backs its importance.

Studies show that people with strong social bonds live longer, healthier lives. For example, Harvard's Dr. Lisa Berkman observed that individuals with fewer social ties were three times more likely to succumb to illnesses than those with active relationships. Beyond staying healthy, connections grant access to life-changing opportunities.

Networking opens doors to promotions, exciting events, or even meeting a life partner. A wide social circle acts as a support system for information, introductions, and shared opportunities. Fostering relationships is like planting seeds for future collaboration, support, or help.

Examples

• Research found socially active people over nine years had better longevity.
• Jobs are often obtained through referrals from past or current colleagues.
• New connections might help with personal aspirations, like finding rare tickets.

2. Body language speaks before words

First impressions often come from appearances and non-verbal cues, not words. How you stand, maintain eye contact, or smile can subconsciously inform the person meeting you whether you’re open and trustworthy.

Positioning your chest and heart toward the person expresses warmth and dedication to engaging with them. Moreover, eye contact builds trust, showing genuine interest in what the other is saying. Smiling first signals friendliness and creates a comforting atmosphere for the other person.

Combine these gestures when meeting someone. Greet them with your name, gentle eye contact, and a warm smile. Align your body posture to convey attentiveness and use a firm yet respectful handshake to seal that feeling of approachability.

Examples

• A slight forward lean during conversations signals that you’re invested in the dialogue.
• Repeating someone’s name upon introduction fosters familiarity immediately.
• People often sense dishonesty when non-verbal actions contrast verbal communication.

3. A positive attitude nurtures rapport

Conversation success begins with your attitude. Whether you use an open, optimistic view or dwell on negatives influences how others react. A useful attitude, focused on positive goals, triggers non-verbal cues like smiling or engaging movements that automatically attract people.

Your objective steers the conversation. For instance, if stuck at an airport due to a flight cancellation, maintaining calmness and asking politely for help may result in better outcomes than showing frustration. This perspective assists in opening doors and generating goodwill.

Recognizing your end goal and tailoring your approach to circumstances are key steps. Intentions determine the overall vibe of an interaction, so showing genuine warmth can drive better exchanges.

Examples

• Approaching a friend with a collaborative mind leads to healthier discussions.
• Salespeople with calm attitudes often inspire customer trust.
• Smiling and showing optimism amidst challenges enhances assistance from others.

4. Open gestures invite trust

Your physical stance can unintentionally close off conversations or inspire engagement. Open posture, such as uncrossed arms and leaning in slightly, makes you seem inviting, while closed postures like crossed arms may indicate defensiveness.

Furthermore, aligning verbal, vocal, and visual aspects of communication boosts credibility. If you say something kind, but your facial expressions show indifference or hostility, people will notice the mixed signals.

Maintaining congruence in your words, tone, and actions ensures clearer messages. Building reliable dialogue ensures you’re seen as genuine and approachable.

Examples

• Nodding shows agreement and encourages further conversation.
• Crossed arms unintentionally make people seem defensive or closed off.
• Eye contact accompanied by smiling consistently leaves a lasting impression of trustworthiness.

5. Mirroring helps forge familiarity

Natural instincts lead us to mimic each other. Whether matching someone’s smile or copying mannerisms subtly, synchronizing behaviors creates a sense of harmony and connection.

Emulating voice tones or gestures puts people at ease, building mutual comfort. For instance, mimicking someone’s slow speech patterns when they talk softly can enhance relatability. This approach shows respect for their communication style.

Discreet mirroring strengthens rapport during professional and personal moments. Reflecting behaviors helps your conversational partners feel understood and supported in their preferences.

Examples

• A salesperson who mirrors their client’s casual tone builds rapport faster.
• Mimicking a new acquaintance’s laughter deepens the first impression.
• Leaders using staff members’ energy levels during meetings create unity.

6. Engaging questions keep conversations alive

Asking the right questions forms the backbone of lively conversations. Open-ended questions spark involvement, compared to yes-or-no queries that can stifle the dialogue.

For example, asking, “What do you love about this restaurant?” encourages reflection and sharing, creating talking points worth exploring. On the contrary, “Do you come here often?” halts the flow with either a yes or no.

Combining open questions with active listening amplifies connection efforts. Engage not just by hearing others but also by processing tone and emotions to establish deeper understanding.

Examples

• A bartender asking, “What’s your favorite cocktail to unwind with?” starts a deeper interaction.
• Active listeners visually express engagement with nods.
• Asking, “How did you first find that hobby?” builds threads for interesting stories.

7. Tone adapts comfort levels

Just as words matter, so does your tone. Some people speak quickly or brashly, while others are cautious and calm. Matching tones to align with comfort zones creates alignment. Belly breathing (focusing on the abdomen’s rise) trains slowing speech if you normally talk fast.

If someone prefers relaxed tones, adopting the voice speed they’re using warms them toward you further. Being intentionally aware of tone fosters ease in both formal occasions and casual encounters.

Examples

• A quiet co-worker responds better to calm tones over competitive ones.
• Slowing speech before heading into interviews with slow-talking recruiters calms tension.
• Rushed speakers versus deliberate ones often miscommunicate until adapting.

8. Learn dominant sensory preferences

Each person perceives the world through seeing, hearing, or feeling. Paying attention to whether someone phrases things visually, auditorily, or physically reveals helpful context behind how to connect.

For example, visual thinkers describe memories in image-rich terms like, “I see myself there again.” Auditory types lead with sounds such as, “That tone annoyed me.” Lastly, kinesthetic individuals focus on feelings or touch-like sensations.

By matching their sensory mode, you raise trust levels in alignment with that person.

Examples

• Visual thinkers respond to clear, descriptive visual language.
• Auditory-favoring individuals enjoy discussions built around lyrical patterns.
• Adjusting to touch or emotion-rooted preferences ensures kinesthetic types feel understood.

9. Mastering rapport requires consistency

Making people comfortable and engaged involves aligning verbal cues with your gestures, matching tones to dialogue, and adaptive sensory-based awareness. Awareness and consistent practice sharpen relationships and opportunities.

Building rapport accelerates benefits – friendships blossom faster, professional bonds deepen, and opportunities arise quickly during short conversations.

Examples

• Professionals maintaining aligned tone-to-action flourish.
• Eye gestures supporting verbal comments increase honesty perceptions.
• Agreeable nodding or responsive commenting completes rapport loops.

Takeaways

1. Mirror the energy and tone of someone you’re talking to; adapt speed and voice levels for comfort.
2. Practice active listening by using your body, like maintaining soft eye contact while leaning forward.
3. Learn and cater to sensory preferences (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) based on speech and movements.