How Women Rise Summary

What's holding you back at work isn't always external—it's often hidden in the habits you've learned over time.

1. The Struggle to Claim Recognized Success

Many women face difficulty in taking ownership of their accomplishments. This arises from the discomfort they feel when drawing attention to their own successes. Instead of embracing their work, they tend to shift credit to others or present their contributions modestly.

This tendency can harm their careers as it affects how others, including male colleagues and senior managers, perceive them. Men often value confidence and authenticity in colleagues, and women downplaying their achievements can come across as lackluster or disingenuous. In management roles, this hesitation can also undermine the morale of the teams they lead. By failing to stand up for their own and their team's efforts, managers may unintentionally demotivate their employees.

Addressing this behavior starts with recognizing that celebrating one’s achievements is not arrogant but necessary for career advancement. Women can learn to reframe their “I” statements in a way that feels authentic and practice asserting their accomplishments.

Examples

• Female associates in law and accounting firms often downplay their contributions, leading to underappreciation by their seniors.
• Senior women professionals found younger female colleagues reluctant to talk about their successes in performance reviews.
• A woman in leadership who avoids sharing team achievements risks misrepresenting her department's efforts.

2. The “Disease to Please” Can Backfire

Women are often raised to prioritize being likable and agreeable, which leads to behaviors like avoiding direct conflict, always saying "yes," and putting others' needs above their own. This stems from societal conditioning that begins in childhood.

This tendency can be harmful in professional settings. It makes women less likely to assert their authority or set boundaries. For instance, when women feel obligated to take on extra work or tasks beyond their role, it can lead to burnout and impact their capacity to focus on growth opportunities. This mindset is problematic for leadership, as leaders are expected to be direct, assertive, and make tough decisions—even at the risk of displeasing others.

To overcome this, women need to rethink their fear of disappointing others. Being decisive and setting clear boundaries should be viewed as a strength, not a flaw.

Examples

• Women in offices often find it hard to refuse extra responsibilities, even when they do not benefit their career growth.
• Female managers sometimes struggle to hold underperforming employees accountable, fearing conflict.
• The habit of over-accommodating can lead others to assume that a woman's time and resources are always available.

3. Expertise as a Trap for Career Advancement

While expertise in a role may seem like the path to success, it can often hold women back. Over-focusing on mastering current responsibilities can prevent them from preparing for higher, broader roles.

A pattern among women in male-dominated workplaces is the pressure to prove competence through excessive detail orientation. While this may set them apart initially, it can limit their opportunities to showcase leadership skills. Leaders need to know how to strategically delegate and build relationships while balancing the big picture. Those overly focused on just “doing the job well” may inadvertently signal they are indispensable in their lower position, reducing their chances of promotion.

Women should focus not only on excelling within their current role but on developing skills and connections that align with future roles.

Examples

• A software engineer overly dedicated to technical details struggled when her career advanced, as client relationship-building proved a more critical skill.
• Junior employees perfecting every project often forgo networking, which is vital for leadership roles.
• Over-reliance on skills within one role may prevent senior leaders from considering a woman for broader opportunities.

4. Physical and Verbal Minimizing Reflects Unintended Submission

Taking up less space—both physically and verbally—is a behavior that women often practice unconsciously. This reflects societal expectations that women should be less assertive.

Women often sit or carry themselves in a way that reduces their presence, such as folding their arms or keeping their belongings tightly contained. Similarly, in meetings, they may preface ideas with diminishing phrases like “This might not be important.” These behaviors unintentionally undermine their authority and create perceptions of uncertainty or lack of confidence.

To change this perception, women must consciously practice occupying space through body language and speaking with directness and assurance. Such behaviors project strength, authority, and credibility in professional spaces.

Examples

• Women at board meetings were seen rearranging themselves to accommodate others, while men stayed in their original positions.
• Using hedging phrases like "I was just thinking…" weakens ideas that might otherwise be valuable contributions.
• Neuroscience studies show that reducing physical presence signals submission, which affects how power dynamics are perceived.

5. Ruminating on Regrets Leads to Inaction

Women are prone to overthinking mistakes from their past, which affects their ability to move forward. This tendency to ruminate stems from internalized feelings of self-blame fostered during childhood.

Unlike men, who often externalize regrets as frustration, women internalize them as personal failings. The habit of ruminating not only saps mental energy but also has been linked to depression. At work, it can reduce their effectiveness and creativity as they remain mired in self-doubt instead of addressing problems proactively.

The solution lies in learning how to let go of mistakes by treating them as lessons rather than failures. Adopting forward-focused thinking can help regain lost momentum.

Examples

• Research finds chronic rumination contributes to stress-related depression in women.
• After a workplace blunder, women are more likely to replay the event in their head endlessly than to seek solutions.
• Men tend to shift blame outward, allowing them to recover emotionally faster from their professional setbacks.

6. Perfectionism Is a Dead End

The relentless pursuit of perfection acts as an anchor, trapping women in roles where precision is more valued than risk-taking. Society teaches women from a young age to equate value with mistake-free performance but encourages men to take bold actions, even at the risk of failure.

Perfectionism affects career growth because leadership roles require decisiveness and innovation, which come with risk. Excessive attention to avoiding errors can cause women to miss opportunities that require a leap of faith. Letting go of the burden of perfect execution and embracing calculated risks is key for breaking through professional barriers.

Examples

• Women avoid volunteering for high-stakes projects out of fear they might not perform perfectly.
• Schools condition girls to be obedient and focused, while boys are rewarded for their willingness to challenge boundaries.
• Executives often view risk-takers as visionaries, but perfectionism holds many women back from this perception.

Takeaways

1. Own your achievements by practicing how to present your successes confidently and clearly.
2. Say no more often to requests that don't align with your career goals or add value to your growth.
3. Embrace risk-taking and stop waiting for the "perfect" opportunity to seize your next professional step.