I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was

Introduction

Have you ever felt stuck, unsure of what you truly want in life? Barbara Smith's book, "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was," tackles this common dilemma head-on. Smith, inspired by feedback from readers of her previous work, set out to help people not just achieve their goals, but discover what those goals should be in the first place.

This book summary will guide you through Smith's insights and practical exercises, designed to help you uncover your true desires and overcome the obstacles that may be holding you back. We'll explore the common reasons why people struggle to identify their passions, and dive into specific scenarios that might resonate with your own experiences.

The Three Main Obstacles to Knowing What You Want

Smith identifies three primary factors that often prevent people from understanding their true desires:

1. Other People's Expectations
2. Lack of Action
3. Hidden Resistance

Let's examine each of these obstacles in detail and learn how to overcome them.

1. Overcoming Other People's Expectations

We often carry the weight of others' expectations without realizing it. These expectations can come from family, friends, or society at large, and they can significantly influence our choices and aspirations.

To break free from these external influences, try this exercise:

1. Make a list of important people in your life.
2. Write down what you think each person expects from you.
3. Identify any decisions you've made based on these perceived expectations.
4. Reflect on which of these choices have actually made you happy.

By completing this exercise, you'll gain clarity on which aspirations are truly yours and which ones you've adopted from others.

2. Taking Action, Even When Uncertain

Inaction is a common trap when you're unsure of your goals. However, Smith emphasizes that taking action is crucial, even if you don't have a clear direction yet. Here's why:

1. Experimentation: Trying new things helps you discover what you like and dislike.
2. Confidence Boost: Taking action, regardless of the outcome, increases your self-assurance.
3. Creating Opportunities: Luck favors those who put themselves out there.
4. Trusting Your Instincts: Acting on your gut feelings helps refine your intuition over time.

Remember, small steps count. Start by trying new activities or exploring different interests, even if they seem unrelated to your current situation.

3. Uncovering Your Hidden Resistance

Hidden resistance refers to the subconscious barriers that prevent you from pursuing what you truly want. To identify these barriers, try this exercise:

1. Imagine your ideal job in great detail, including work hours, tasks, and location.
2. If you struggle with this, describe your worst possible job instead, then flip each aspect to its positive counterpart.
3. Visualize yourself in this ideal job and pay attention to any feelings of unease or negative thoughts that arise.
4. Write down these feelings and thoughts – they represent your hidden resistance.

By bringing these subconscious barriers to light, you can begin to address and overcome them.

Breaking Free from the "Sure Thing" Mindset

Many people find themselves stuck in unfulfilling jobs or situations because they prioritize security over pursuing their passions. Smith calls these individuals "sure thing" people. Let's explore how to break free from this mindset using the story of Jerry, a man who dreamed of writing screenplays but remained in a stable editing job.

Jerry's Story: Balancing Passion and Security

Jerry's situation illustrates a common dilemma: how to pursue your dreams without completely abandoning financial stability. The key takeaways from his story are:

1. Small Steps Matter: Jerry found happiness by dedicating just a few hours each day to screenwriting.
2. Redefine Your Identity: By writing regularly, Jerry began to see himself as a screenwriter, not just an editor.
3. Embrace Both: It's possible to maintain your day job while pursuing your passion on the side.

Strategies for "Sure Thing" People

If you identify with the "sure thing" mindset, try these approaches:

1. Start Small: Dedicate a small amount of time each day to exploring your interests.
2. Create Space: Give up one task you do for others and use that time for yourself instead.
3. Gradual Change: Make incremental adjustments to your routine rather than drastic overhauls.

Remember, even small actions can lead to significant discoveries about what you truly want in life.

When Success Doesn't Feel Satisfying

Sometimes, people achieve conventional success but still feel unfulfilled. This scenario can be particularly challenging because it often comes with additional pressures and fears. Let's explore how to navigate this situation.

Common Scenarios of Unsatisfying Success

Smith identifies five typical situations where success might not feel fulfilling:

1. Being in a job you didn't actively choose
2. Work that consumes your entire life
3. Toxic work environments
4. Disappointing work outcomes
5. Feeling empty after achieving a major goal

Two Key Principles for Redefining Success

Regardless of your specific situation, two principles can help you reassess and redefine what success means to you:

1. Tune into Your Feelings: Often, successful people (or "fast trackers," as Smith calls them) neglect their emotions in pursuit of their goals. To reconnect with your feelings, try this journaling exercise:

   • Create three 10-page sections in a notebook, labeled "Anger," "Fear," and "Hurt."
   • Choose one section and write about everything that triggers that emotion for you.
   • Repeat this process regularly to release pent-up emotions and reduce stress.

2. Plan for Financial Flexibility: If you're considering a major life change, start saving now to support your transition. This might involve:

   • Living below your means
   • Gradually adjusting your lifestyle
   • Setting aside funds for a potential career change or reduced work hours

By addressing your emotional needs and preparing financially, you'll be better equipped to pursue a more fulfilling path, even if it means redefining your notion of success.

Navigating Major Life Transitions and Loss

Life doesn't always go according to plan. Sometimes, we achieve our goals only to face unexpected challenges or losses that force us to reevaluate our purpose. Smith addresses two main groups in this situation:

1. Those facing major life transitions (e.g., job loss, empty nest syndrome)
2. Those who've experienced irreversible life events (e.g., career-ending injuries, loss of a spouse)

While these situations differ in severity, both require a process of rediscovery and adaptation. Smith introduces the concept of "touchstones" to help navigate these challenging times.

Finding Your Touchstones

Touchstones are recurring themes or elements in your life that have brought you joy and satisfaction. They can serve as guideposts when charting a new course. Here's how to identify your touchstones:

For Life Transitions:

1. Think back to your earliest memory of something you enjoyed doing.
2. Work your way up to the present in five-year increments, noting activities you loved at each stage.
3. Look for common themes across these memories.

For example, Smith's own exercise revealed recurring themes of reading, writing, and a sense of adventure, which led her to explore travel writing.

For Dealing with Serious Loss:

1. Write a detailed essay about everything you loved about your life before the loss.
2. From this essay, make a list of every detail you cherished.
3. Narrow this list down to three key elements.
4. Look for connections among these elements to guide you toward a new pursuit.

This process not only helps you process your grief but also provides a foundation for moving forward.

Embracing New Possibilities

Remember that even in the face of significant loss or change, you still have choices. It's never too late to discover new passions or reinvent yourself. The key is to remain open to possibilities and use your past experiences as a guide, not a limitation.

Practical Exercises for Self-Discovery

Throughout the book, Smith provides numerous exercises to help readers uncover their true desires and overcome obstacles. Here's a compilation of some key exercises you can try:

1. Expectation Inventory: List important people in your life and their perceived expectations of you.

2. Ideal Job Visualization: Imagine your perfect job in detail, or describe your worst job and invert it.

3. Hidden Resistance Identification: Note any negative feelings or thoughts that arise when visualizing your ideal scenario.

4. Daily Passion Pursuit: Dedicate a small amount of time each day to exploring a new interest or hobby.

5. Task Swap: Replace one daily task you do for others with an activity you enjoy.

6. Emotional Journaling: Write about your feelings of anger, fear, and hurt to process emotions and reduce stress.

7. Life Timeline: Create a timeline of activities you've enjoyed throughout your life, looking for recurring themes.

8. Pre-Loss Essay: Write about everything you loved in your life before a significant loss to help process grief and identify important elements to carry forward.

Remember, these exercises are tools to help you gain insight into yourself. Be patient with the process and don't be afraid to revisit exercises as you grow and change.

The Power of Small Actions

A recurring theme in Smith's book is the importance of taking small, consistent actions. Whether you're stuck in a rut, feeling unfulfilled despite success, or recovering from a major life change, small steps can lead to significant discoveries and transformations.

Here are some ways to incorporate small actions into your journey of self-discovery:

1. Daily Exploration: Spend 15-30 minutes each day trying something new or pursuing a curiosity.
2. Weekly Reflection: Set aside time each week to journal about your experiences and feelings.
3. Monthly Challenges: Each month, commit to a small challenge that pushes you slightly out of your comfort zone.
4. Quarterly Reviews: Every three months, assess your progress and adjust your approach as needed.

Remember, the goal is not to make drastic changes overnight but to gradually build self-awareness and momentum towards a more fulfilling life.

Overcoming Fear and Embracing Uncertainty

Fear of the unknown often holds people back from pursuing their true desires. Smith acknowledges this fear and provides strategies for managing it:

1. Reframe Risk: Instead of focusing on what you might lose, consider what you might gain by taking a chance.
2. Create a Safety Net: Build financial reserves and support systems to cushion potential setbacks.
3. Embrace Imperfection: Accept that mistakes and failures are part of the learning process.
4. Practice Gradual Exposure: Slowly increase your tolerance for uncertainty through small, manageable risks.

By addressing your fears head-on and developing strategies to manage them, you'll be better equipped to pursue what you truly want in life.

The Importance of Self-Compassion

Throughout your journey of self-discovery, it's crucial to practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself as you navigate uncertainty, face setbacks, or grapple with difficult emotions. Remember that:

1. Everyone struggles with finding their purpose at times.
2. It's okay to change your mind or take a different path.
3. Progress is not always linear – setbacks are normal and can be valuable learning experiences.
4. Your worth is not determined by your achievements or how quickly you figure things out.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend facing similar challenges.

Conclusion: Your Ongoing Journey of Discovery

Barbara Smith's "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was" provides a roadmap for those struggling to identify their true desires and life goals. By addressing common obstacles, offering practical exercises, and sharing relatable scenarios, Smith empowers readers to take control of their lives and pursue what truly matters to them.

Key takeaways from the book include:

1. Recognize and overcome external expectations that may be influencing your choices.
2. Take action, even small steps, to discover what resonates with you.
3. Identify and address your hidden resistance to change and growth.
4. Redefine success on your own terms, prioritizing personal fulfillment over societal expectations.
5. Use life transitions and even losses as opportunities for self-discovery and reinvention.
6. Embrace the power of small, consistent actions in creating meaningful change.
7. Develop strategies to manage fear and uncertainty.
8. Practice self-compassion throughout your journey.

Remember that discovering what you want in life is an ongoing process. As you grow and change, your desires and goals may evolve too. The skills and insights you gain from Smith's approach will serve you well throughout your life, helping you adapt to new circumstances and continually align your actions with your true desires.

By embracing this journey of self-discovery, you open yourself up to a life of greater purpose, fulfillment, and authenticity. So take that first small step today – you never know where it might lead you.