I Didn't Know I Needed This

Love starts with yourself – when you fall in love with yourself, you radiate confidence and joy, attracting the right connections into your life.

1. Love Yourself Before Loving Others

Being single in your twenties isn’t a failure; it’s an opportunity. Culture often tells us that finding a partner is the ultimate goal in life. But the author challenges this notion, urging readers to flip the script and focus on cultivating a loving relationship with themselves first.

Eli Rallo shares her personal realization that she wasn’t even enjoying her own company. By prioritizing solo adventures, journaling, and hanging with inspiring friends, she got to know what set her soul on fire. Self-love became the foundation for her happiness, independent of her relationship status.

Spending time alone helps you discover what truly excites you. It also fosters magnetic confidence, which makes any future romantic relationship an addition to an already fulfilling life, rather than something to complete an empty one.

Examples

• Going on a solo hike or treating yourself to dinner to celebrate your independence
• Creating a vision board that aligns with your personal dreams and goals
• Leaving toxic friendships and prioritizing those who lift you up

2. Make Online Dating Fun and Authentic

The digital world has redefined dating, and embracing it with the right mindset can turn the experience from draining to delightful. Eli argues for dropping the shame around meeting people online, as nearly half of today's couples begin this way.

Instead of using dating apps to seek validation, approach them as tools for exploration. Create a profile that reflects your personality honestly – not a polished, exaggerated version. And don’t drag conversations on endlessly. If there's a spark, suggest meeting up sooner rather than later.

When you let go of pressure and treat online dating like a fun way to connect, you'll remain open to possibilities without unnecessary emotional strain. The key is staying authentic and confident while navigating these platforms.

Examples

• Choosing photos that showcase everyday, real-life moments
• Asking icebreaker questions instead of generic small talk
• Scheduling quick meet-ups within a few days of matching

3. Approach First Dates With Curiosity

First dates often come with overwhelming nerves, especially when you're overthinking their impression of you. Eli reframes this stress by reminding readers it's not about them liking you – it’s about figuring out if you even like them.

By setting up a calming pre-date ritual, like playing your favorite music and choosing an outfit you feel great in, you’re creating a positive mindset. Treat the date as casual fun and get-to-know-you time, instead of a high-pressure performance.

Relaxing into your quirky self while staying honest – but not oversharing early traumas – allows organic connections to grow. The goal isn’t finding "the one" in one evening but enjoying the process of exploring who's out there.

Examples

• Listening to Beyoncé or any feel-good anthem while getting ready
• Sharing light, funny stories about yourself rather than deeply personal details
• Planning a second date only if you genuinely feel intrigued by the person

4. Build Strong and Healthy Relationships From Day One

Early love feels like fireworks – but it’s during this euphoric phase that you can deepen connections and invest in knowing each other. Eli suggests sharing both lighthearted memories and thought-provoking questions to build intimacy.

As the initial rush fades, reality sets in, prompting honest conversations about values, boundaries, and growth. The ability to love and accept each other as imperfect humans is the cornerstone of long-term partnership.

Maintaining individuality and nurturing existing friendships while in a relationship ensures balance. A strong union enhances your life without overshadowing your sense of self.

Examples

• Playing the “36 Questions” game to explore each other's dreams and differences
• Learning and respecting each other's love languages
• Taking time to decompress solo or with friends, even during the honeymoon phase

5. Breakups Hurt – But They Teach and Transform

Heartbreak feels like the end of the world, but Eli reframes it as a powerful teacher. Grieving a breakup allows you to confront the depth of your feelings, paving the way for healing and self-discovery.

Rituals like a symbolic farewell to memories or getting a makeover help you reclaim your energy. Heartaches also serve as a reminder of your resilience. When the pain subsides, you rise stronger and surer of what you deserve.

Though it’s tempting to stew in blame or regret, heartbreak is a chance to redefine your boundaries and rediscover what you want in life and love.

Examples

• Burning or burying old letters or items tied to the relationship
• Creating a breakup playlist to move through emotions
• Writing about lessons learned to refocus on future possibilities

6. Accept Imperfection in Love and Life

Life isn’t a movie, and Eli reminds readers that love (and life) isn’t about perfection. Romanticized ideas of soulmates or “the one” can trap us in narrow expectations and prevent us from embracing the messy but meaningful reality of relationships.

Deep, meaningful unions recognize flaws and foster growth for both partners. When both accept imperfection as part of the process, it creates an environment for laughter, intimacy, and resilience.

Instead of chasing idealized standards, enjoy the small moments and find joy in imperfection – whether it’s a silly misunderstanding or the quirks that make your partner unique.

Examples

• Laughing over miscommunications instead of escalating them
• Building within the relationship guided by mutual learning
• Bonding over personal stories of growth and struggle

7. Find Joy in Being Alone

Eli emphasizes that time alone isn't lonely; it’s liberating. When you enjoy your own company, the need for outside validation diminishes. Pamper yourself, prioritize your dreams, and embrace adventures fearlessly.

This sense of independence naturally attracts healthier relationships, as you’re not entering them from a place of lack but rather self-assured completeness. Love thrives best between two whole individuals.

By reclaiming control of your time and energy, you realize being single isn’t a void – it’s a beautiful chapter full of potential.

Examples

• Taking dance classes or trying a new hobby solo
• Planning a solo weekend getaway just for you
• Investing in personal growth through therapy or journaling

8. Boundaries Are Love That Protects You

Clear boundaries are essential in both new and ongoing relationships to ensure mutual respect. Eli admits that setting limits can feel daunting, but they’re an act of self-care.

Communicate what works and what doesn’t in a way that invites understanding rather than conflict. Healthy boundaries create sustainable connections where both people feel respected and understood.

Remember, saying no sometimes doesn’t push people away; it makes room for relationships worth holding onto.

Examples

• Politely refusing to agree with a value you don’t share
• Asking for space when you need mental clarity
• Setting clear expectations on the pace or type of relationship you’re exploring

9. You’re the Boss of Your Life

Eli’s final message is empowering: Only you have control over your life story. Stop living to impress others. Instead, tune into what feels right for your authentic self.

Whether it’s making a career shift, a bold personal change, or simply saying no to something unenjoyable, honor your truth. You’re in charge – and embracing imperfection builds a unique, fulfilling life.

Celebrate each step you take toward joy, no matter how small. Every moment can be the start of the next exciting chapter.

Examples

• Tossing out trendy outfits that don’t make you feel great
• Journaling your unfiltered aspirations for clarity and inspiration
• Starting a new creative project for fun, not results

Takeaways

1. Spend quality time with yourself to truly understand your own desires and needs before seeking connection with others.
2. Approach dating as a journey of exploration without pressure or unrealistic expectations, prioritizing open communication and fun.
3. Life is yours to design – honor your authentic self, set boundaries, and take baby steps toward creating your ideal reality.