In Praise Of Love Summary

Love is an adventure and a chance encounter that redefines the way we think about life, offering both risk and reward in unequal measure.

1. Risk Is Inherent to True Love

Alain Badiou argues that love is inherently risky, and attempting to remove that risk dilutes its transformative power. In a world where dating apps promise "love without disappointment," we risk reducing love to a checklist of preferences. Love thrives on unpredictability, surprises, and moments of vulnerability that lead to deeper connections.

Algorithms on dating apps match people by shared interests, values, and backgrounds. While this appears efficient, it creates relationships that lack diversity of thought and life experiences. Badiou compares these matches to arranged marriages, where safety takes precedence over passion. Riskless love, he suggests, lacks the adventure of discovering new facets of oneself and the world.

When love eliminates risk, it only services the individual's desires. True love, in contrast, shakes up a person's worldview by integrating the perspectives of another. Without the element of risk, love does not challenge or change us—the very qualities that make it a profound experience.

Examples

• Dating apps advertise compatibility as a way to avoid heartbreak.
• Arranged marriages prioritize shared class, religion, or culture over personal choice.
• Relationships formed without risk often resemble partnerships of convenience rather than passion.

2. Commitment Is Fading in Modern Love

Badiou observes that people today are quick to abandon relationships when challenges arise. This readiness to move on stems from a shallow understanding of love, which modern culture equates with fleeting pleasures rather than long-term dedication. Love’s richness lies in its challenges, not its ease.

Modern dating apps contribute to this issue by always offering the promise of someone better just a swipe away. However, they aren't the sole culprits. Cultural narratives depict commitment as a limit on individual freedom. This leads people to end relationships prematurely, favoring the pursuit of momentary happiness over the hard work of sustaining love.

Two widespread beliefs influence this behavior: one reduces love to sexual desire, making it seem transient; the other sees love as just another source of pleasure that can be replaced when it fades. Both views miss the depth of love, which requires investment, resilience, and mutual growth over time.

Examples

• The "honeymoon phase" is glorified, leaving long-term relationships undervalued.
• Casual hook-up culture promotes options over dedication.
• Films and books often conclude the story at the start of a relationship, skipping the hard work that follows.

3. Love Is a New Way of Thinking

Rather than being purely emotional or physical, love changes how people think. Badiou describes love as a shift in perspective—moving from a solitary view of the world to seeing it through the lens of two people united. This shift brings fresh dimensions to life.

When people fall in love, their routines and assumptions are disrupted. Love becomes an event that bursts into their lives, altering plans, values, and even fundamental beliefs. This is why Badiou equates love with a creative act, one that reimagines everyday life and opens doors to fresh experiences.

In this dual view of the world, love becomes a shared adventure. It forces people out of their comfort zones, challenging their egos and deepening their understanding of life. This profound shift in thought and outlook is what makes love deeply transformative.

Examples

• A partner introduces new interests or environments that reshape one’s habits.
• Love changes decisions about future plans, such as careers or places of residence.
• Seeing life from another’s perspective encourages empathy and openness.

4. Saying “I Love You” Is a Transformative Act

Three small words—“I love you”—carry extraordinary weight. These words not only express feelings but also define the course of a relationship, turning an uncertain connection into a meaningful bond. Badiou highlights that this declaration is central to the evolution of love.

The phrase’s initial intensity can be daunting, especially early in relationships. People hesitate to utter it because it marks a turning point where love moves from chance to commitment. Saying “I love you” alters a casual meeting into a shared journey marked by intention and vulnerability.

Reaffirming love by repeating these words over time strengthens the bond. In enduring relationships, every declaration renews the connection and ensures love’s presence through changing circumstances. This process ties the relationship’s beginning to its continued growth.

Examples

• Couples often remember the first time they exchanged “I love you” as a defining moment.
• Long-term partners use the phrase to reassure one another during difficult times.
• The act of repetition reflects the ongoing choice to remain together.

5. Love Bridges Social Divides

Badiou emphasizes love’s ability to transcend social, cultural, and political boundaries. Unlike institutions that enforce divisions, love cuts across differences, uniting people from diverse backgrounds and offering a form of equality.

Examples of love breaking barriers appear across history and literature. Shakespeare’s "Romeo and Juliet" illustrates the unifying force of love against family loyalties. Even in reality, love disrupts systemic inequalities by bringing together individuals from different classes or races, fostering understanding and connection.

Governments and families have tried to control love to protect these divisions. From arranged marriages to immigration restrictions, there are countless efforts to keep love within boundaries. However, true love defies these constraints, making it a revolutionary force for change.

Examples

• Interracial and interfaith marriages persist despite societal resistance.
• Romeo and Juliet’s tragedy demonstrates love’s struggle against social norms.
• Restrictions on visas aim to curb cross-cultural relationships but fail when love endures.

6. Commitment Is a Political Act

Badiou says that love challenges societal norms, especially in a world promoting individualism and self-interest. By choosing dedication over freedom, lovers resist the commodification of relationships, embracing partnership as an act of defiance.

Modern culture’s focus on personal pleasure over shared growth undermines love. Choosing to invest in one person rejects transactional relationships and prioritizes humanity’s capacity for connection. This commitment creates lasting bonds in an increasingly fragmented world.

Such dedication can also reshape communities. In a globalized world, love that crosses borders or defies categorization stands as a testament to values like unity, empathy, and resilience—qualities that foster progress.

Examples

• Long-term relationships counter the idea that gratification should be short-term.
• Defying family expectations for love promotes individuality and equality.
• Love analogies appear in political revolutions, emphasizing unity over division.

7. Love Is More Than the Honeymoon Phase

Modern culture focuses heavily on the early, exciting stage of love, often neglecting the hard work needed to sustain it. Badiou insists the true value of love lies in its endurance and evolution beyond passion.

Artistic portrayals of love rarely venture beyond initial attraction. Yet lasting relationships demand effort, compromise, and continual affirmation. By shifting focus to enduring love, we can learn to cherish the process of growth within partnerships.

Badiou calls for a timeline shift in love stories. Artists and writers should explore narratives that celebrate not just love’s spark but its sustained energy. This can redefine how people approach relationships.

Examples

• Most romantic comedy films conclude with couples' first union, skipping long-term challenges.
• Novels rarely explore enduring love; they idealize beginnings.
• A play like Samuel Beckett’s "Happy Days" portrays love as companionship in old age.

8. Art Can Reinvent Love Narratives

Badiou believes art has the power to elevate and reshape our understanding of love. Most stories focus on the first flush of passion without delving into long-term dedication. By crafting new narratives, artists can guide us to value enduring romance.

He calls on writers, filmmakers, and musicians to explore love as a lifelong journey rather than a fleeting moment. Theater and literature in particular have traditions of portraying love in subversive and meaningful ways. Through reimagined stories, they can create cultural attitudes that appreciate love’s full spectrum.

By presenting love that lasts, art can shift societal perceptions, moving from the fetishization of beginnings toward real, sustained emotion that survives life’s trials.

Examples

• Samuel Beckett’s plays address enduring connections between partners.
• Love songs predominantly capture early infatuation, rarely maturity.
• Films like "Amour" explore the complexities of long-term relationships.

9. Modern Love Needs Rediscovery

Love is losing its prominence in modern times because it’s seen as either risky or irrelevant. Badiou argues that rediscovering love requires a reorientation of how we view it—less as an indulgence and more as a significant, life-enhancing force.

Rather than avoid love’s complexity, embracing its challenges can lead to growth. Love becomes more meaningful when treated as an ongoing adventure into the unknown, full of risk, effort, and beauty. By reinventing our approach to love, we can restore its depth and vitality.

This means seeing love not as a transient pleasure but as an enlightening journey that connects us to something greater than ourselves.

Examples

• People who fear heartbreak miss out on transformative love experiences.
• Treating love as an adventure yields personal and relational growth.
• Embracing challenges in love leads to profound happiness and learning.

Takeaways

1. Embrace risk in relationships and avoid seeking complete compatibility before giving love a chance.
2. Value long-term commitment and acknowledge that love extends beyond its initial stages.
3. Seek and create stories about enduring love to build a culture that cherishes lasting connections.