I’ve Been Thinking

"Who are you, why are you here, and what is your purpose?" These profound questions form the foundation of a meaningful life, urging us to reflect and find clarity amidst life's chaos.

1. Pause and Reflect to Change Your Perspective

Life is unpredictable, full of highs and lows that can catch us off guard. But our frustration often stems from expecting life to be perfect, something it never promises to be. Instead of resisting, we can change the way we think about life’s twists, embracing a mindset of acceptance and growth.

Pausing allows us to reflect on our values and how we want to respond to challenges. Moments of reflection help us uncover deeper truths—like recognizing that a bad day at work doesn’t define our worth or realizing that anger toward someone may actually stem from deeper sadness or fear. This perspective shift empowers us to handle life’s difficulties with compassion and resilience.

By consciously creating time to pause in our busy schedules, we open space for clarity. Whether through journaling or simply sitting in silence, those reflective moments let us act from wisdom rather than reactivity. The ultimate decision is not about what happens to us but about how we respond to it.

Examples

• Pausing can help you see strengths, like being admired at work despite challenges.
• Reflecting might prevent you from spreading negativity, like halting a judgmental text.
• It can change emotions, such as finding that anger masks grief.

2. Embrace Prayer, Meditation, and Gratitude

Spiritual practices like prayer, meditation, and gratitude can ground you, even if you aren’t religious. They cultivate inner peace by aligning your mind and heart, helping you connect with your thoughts and emotions.

Prayer doesn’t need to be tied to a specific religion. Maria uses it as a personal tool for hope, forgiveness, and clarity. Even the Jesuits' “Process of Discernment” blends prayer with mindful problem-solving. Meditation and gratitude amplify these benefits, helping to quiet mental noise and foster appreciation for life’s everyday blessings.

Establishing regular practices can transform how you approach life. Small habits, like listing three things you’re grateful for each morning or taking just a few deep breaths daily, create a foundation of calm you can carry into all situations, spreading goodwill in relationships and communities.

Examples

• Writing a gratitude list improves your outlook and mental state.
• Meditation before bed releases daily stress for deeper rest.
• Using prayer to solve dilemmas brings clarity, like practicing the Jesuit Discernment Process.

3. Motherhood as Leadership

Motherhood requires a unique combination of compassion, resilience, and nurturing, but its value often goes unacknowledged in societal metrics of success. Yet, these very traits make for great leaders, not just great mothers.

Maria sees motherhood as a leadership role. Mothers guide their children with love, patience, and encouragement while balancing full schedules—a skill set applicable to any context, from business to politics. Leaders who adopt motherly care can foster unity and purpose within their teams.

Expanding motherly qualities beyond parenting might help societies grow kinder and stronger. Maria highlights how leaders like Pope Francis and Emmanuel Macron embrace care and love as governing principles. These qualities, paired with forgiveness and strength, could redefine leadership in today’s divided world.

Examples

• Motherly encouragement builds confidence in children and teams alike.
• Compassionate leadership stabilizes relationships, like Macron’s pledge to govern with love.
• Family values like unity translate well to managing diverse organizations.

4. Broaden Your Idea of Family

Family isn’t limited to biology. It’s about the people who love, support, and uplift you. Maria’s experience of facing an empty nest after her youngest child left for college taught her that our “families” can grow to include friends, colleagues, and community members.

Building connections takes effort, but rituals like Sunday Dinners can demonstrate care and strengthen bonds. Inviting others into her life gave Maria not just companionship but a sense of purpose and extended love that transcended motherhood.

Listening is also an essential part of creating deeper connections. When we truly hear others without judgment, we validate their experiences and build empathy. Forgiveness and gratitude help sustain these relationships, ensuring they remain a source of strength even during tough times.

Examples

• Hosting regular gatherings, like Maria’s Sunday Dinners, can foster closeness.
• Actively listening to friends creates trust and helps uncover shared experiences.
• Forgiving others strengthens bonds, even after disputes or mistakes.

5. Grief Isn’t Linear

Grieving a loss isn’t something to rush. Whether mourning a loved one or other important losses, grief is deeply personal and shouldn’t be forced to fit a timeline. Acknowledging the pain is part of the healing process.

Maria found solace after her mother’s death by connecting with others who experienced similar losses. Writing about her grief in a children’s book helped her open up and process what seemed unbearable. Grief doesn’t disappear—it transforms when met with support, love, and patience.

The people around us can serve as “faith keepers” when our grief feels isolating. They gently remind us that life still holds light, even in moments of immense hurt. Moving forward takes time and strength, but there’s no better way than to keep walking steadily through this deeply human process.

Examples

• Maria shared her grief with others to feel less alone.
• Writing about loss helped her articulate emotions she couldn’t express aloud.
• Relatives and friends gave her stability, offering loving reminders of life’s beauty.

6. Reevaluate Beliefs Over Time

As you grow and gain experiences, you might find that old beliefs no longer fit who you’ve become. Reevaluating your values helps you shed outdated notions and adopt what aligns with your deeper self.

Maria shares how her beliefs transformed through life lessons—from resting more and being less critical to embracing universal human rights like equal marriage. Changing these views made her life richer and more inclusive, proving that self-reflection is worth the effort.

Making a “Bury and Bring” list each year can help you identify what to leave behind and what to carry forward. Whether it’s shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion or letting go of past anger, reevaluating beliefs brings personal growth and clarity for the future.

Examples

• Maria abandoned biases against same-sex marriage with greater understanding.
• She learned the importance of rest, despite society’s emphasis on hustle.
• Her “Bury and Bring” practice allows a fresh start with each year.

7. Acts of Love Are Everywhere

Love often hides in the smallest gestures. While we may yearn for grand displays, appreciating quiet signs of care deepens relationships and reminds us to return love in kind.

Maria points out that love is all around us if we notice the little things—like children sending letters, friends checking in, or partners making thoughtful meals. By valuing these acts, we find joy and meaning in daily life.

Returning love doesn’t require monumental efforts either. A thank-you note or a warm compliment can go a long way in strengthening bonds, making others feel seen and appreciated.

Examples

• A child drawing a picture for you shows their love.
• A friend surprising you with coffee is an act of thoughtfulness.
• A partner routinely ensuring your happiness fosters lasting connections.

8. Forgiveness Makes You Stronger

Forgiveness isn’t just altruistic—it’s liberating. Carrying resentment limits you; learning to let go transforms pain into freedom and power.

Maria emphasizes that forgiveness requires tremendous strength but is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. It opens doors to empathy and deepens connections, turning even negative situations into chances to grow.

Through stories like Gandhi’s famous words on forgiveness as a “strength of the brave,” the book reminds us that holding a grudge comes at a cost. Letting go gives space for joy and light.

Examples

• Gandhi’s philosophy framed forgiveness as a healthy personal choice.
• Releasing past hurts lifted emotional burdens for Maria.
• Forgiving colleagues helped foster better working relationships in her life.

9. Inner Peace Spreads Outward

Cultivating inner peace isn’t selfish—it benefits everyone you interact with. Your sense of calm amplifies clarity in decision-making, kindness in relationships, and patience during conflicts.

Practices like meditation help you maintain balance and treat others more kindly. Whether managing work stress or bold conversations, inner peace empowers you to face challenges with grace.

This ripple effect shows how personal growth creates a better world. You can help spread what you’ve gained from self-reflection by simply being a more thoughtful and present person.

Examples

• Maintaining peace gives confidence in resolving workplace challenges.
• Kindness under stress defuses tension in family disagreements.
• Meditation has helped Maria extend compassion to both strangers and loved ones.

Takeaways

1. Set aside time every day to pause and reflect. It could be a few minutes to breathe or journal your thoughts.
2. Practice gratitude by noting three things you’re thankful for each morning or evening.
3. Start small traditions that strengthen bonds, like hosting regular meals or writing thank-you notes.