Keep Showing Up Summary

Marriage is not just about love; it's about creating a partnership that mirrors God's selfless bond with His people.

1. Marriage is More Work Than We Initially Picture

When we say "I do," most of us envision a dreamlike life of togetherness. Yet, the daily realities of marriage often clash with those expectations. Social media and Hollywood portray idealized versions of relationships, falsely leading us to believe marriage is easy or instantly fulfilling.

We need to recognize that these romanticized ideals are not reality. Marriage is a long-term endeavor that requires mutual effort, patience, and compromise. It demands that both partners actively work to understand one another and adjust their perspectives in the face of challenges. Instead of being surprised that marriage is difficult, we need to embrace its complexities.

Viewing marriage through a Biblical lens reframes its purpose. The Bible likens marriage to the selfless bond between Jesus and the church. It's about two individuals becoming "one flesh" and creating a partnership that reflects God's divine love. Once we accept that marriage requires work, we enable ourselves to approach it as a shared spiritual journey.

Examples

• Many couples struggle early on when they discover joint decision-making isn’t as simple as they'd hoped.
• Social media often hides struggles, leaving couples to believe they’re the only ones facing hardships.
• Biblical analogies for marriage emphasize equality and teamwork, such as Eve being made from Adam's side, symbolizing partnership.

2. Embracing Differences Instead of Fighting Them

At the start of a relationship, differences seem exciting, but over time, they can become sources of conflict. Despite this, these differences are not inherently bad; they provide an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Miscommunications frequently arise from assumptions. For example, your husband may seem inattentive as you talk, but he could be focused on navigating traffic. Jumping to conclusions creates unnecessary tension. Viewing differences in opinion not as flaws but as a chance to learn from one another shifts the conversation and strengthens the bond.

Disagreements, when handled well, can serve as refining tools rather than wedges. As 1 Corinthians reminds us, "Love is patient and not easily angered." By embracing differences respectfully and working through them, both individuals grow and create a more stable foundation for their marriage.

Examples

• Misinterpreting silence during conversations leads to unnecessary hurt unless the real reason, such as fatigue, is clarified.
• Differing approaches to parenting often create disagreements but can become collaborative with open communication.
• Using Biblical guidance like "love is patient" redirects couples toward kindness in heated moments.

3. Love Must Evolve to Survive

The giddy excitement at the start of a relationship won’t last forever. However, that’s not a failure—it’s an invitation for love to evolve into something richer and enduring.

The Bible describes four types of love: romantic ("eros"), friendship ("philia"), familial, and unconditional ("agape"). Romantic love is often selfish and fleeting, but unconditional love, rooted in selflessness, mirrors God’s love for humanity. Strong marriages embrace this evolution, moving from infatuation to a deeper connection built on understanding, patience, and giving.

Looking ahead, couples can make decisions that minimize regrets. Before escalating petty arguments, they can ask, “Is this worth what we’ve built together?” By shifting toward selfless and enduring love, couples create stronger bonds and a legacy of commitment.

Examples

• Newlyweds might confuse fading passion with a loss of love, but they learn that marriage deepens over time.
• Shifting focus from "receiving love" to "giving love" transforms the dynamic.
• Wedding vows, like promises of “for better or worse,” help couples remember love's larger significance.

4. Gratitude Changes Everything

It's easy to focus on frustrations in marriage while overlooking day-to-day blessings. Shifting that focus toward gratitude transforms your perception of your spouse and the relationship.

Many couples fall into the trap of comparing their lives to others. Whether it’s wishing their spouse acted like a friend’s partner or longing for material possessions, such comparisons diminish gratitude. The Bible’s commandment against coveting underscores the importance of gratitude. Instead of wishing for what you don’t have, thank God for the partner and life you do.

One simple exercise is reflecting on your husband’s positive attributes. Write them down, share them, and appreciate how these qualities enrich your life. Gratitude fosters intimacy while trivial annoyances fade into the background.

Examples

• Writing a list of your husband’s strengths, like being dependable and caring, shifts focus from arguments to appreciation.
• Finding joy in shared laughter or quiet moments strengthens bonds.
• Remembering times your husband supported you in crises renews gratitude.

5. Love Languages Hold the Key to Connection

Every person expresses and perceives love differently. Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of "love languages" highlights five ways people show affection: words, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and touch. Recognizing and reciprocating your partner’s love language bridges disconnects.

Misaligned love languages often cause frustration. For instance, if you value small gifts as signs of care but your partner expresses love through acts of service, you may overlook their thoughtful gestures. Understanding each other’s languages builds emotional intimacy.

Rekindling romance doesn’t require grand gestures. Remaining curious about your partner and sharing conversations about their past, hobbies, and dreams cultivates closeness, even as life becomes routine.

Examples

• A spouse who keeps the car filled with gas expresses acts of service, though the gesture may go unnoticed.
• Small tokens of love like handwritten notes can make someone feel deeply valued.
• Asking your husband new questions about his youth fosters fresh intimacy.

6. Lean on God in Moments of Hardship

Life’s trials are inevitable, but those trials provide opportunities to grow closer to God as a couple. Instead of asking why challenges arise, focus on how to navigate them with God’s guidance.

God doesn’t promise a life without trouble, but Jesus reassures us in the Book of John: “Fear not, for I have overcome.” When you’re tested, pray not for your husband to change but for clarity and strength to improve your own responses. Flaws, both yours and your husband’s, become pathways for spiritual growth.

Prayer strengthens bonds when life feels overwhelming. It’s a continuous process, but seeking God transforms challenges into catalysts for healing and unity.

Examples

• Accepting imperfections helps couples embrace each other as they are.
• Praying for patience during disagreements leads to more productive resolutions.
• Viewing struggles as opportunities to deepen faith creates hope and resilience.

7. Reframe Marriage as a Team Offering Strengths

Marriage isn’t just about surviving together—it holds the power to do meaningful work in the wider community. Together, couples can unite their strengths to make a difference.

Every marriage benefits from complementary skills. Consider how your talents align and what causes you both care deeply about. Transforming those gifts into action for your neighborhood or church fosters connection while fulfilling shared purpose.

In seeking ways to give back together, couples further solidify their bond while embodying selfless love to others.

Examples

• Volunteering as a couple at a food pantry fosters teamwork and service.
• Sharing your love for reading through local literacy programs meets a community need.
• Using skills like cooking or carpentry for outreach projects enhances both connection and impact.

8. A Healthy Partnership Requires Letting Go of Comparisons

Always thinking about what others have can steal joy from your relationship. Focus on cultivating what is uniquely yours, free of comparisons or envy.

Coveting another person’s spouse, lifestyle, or material wealth creates resentment. Instead, gratitude for what you and your spouse share keeps your perspective in line with God’s teachings. Celebrate the areas where you excel as a couple and work on ones that challenge you.

When we appreciate what God has entrusted us with, we foster contentment and nurture relationships more fully.

Examples

• Avoiding comparisons with a friend's "perfect" husband reduces unnecessary tension.
• Celebrating small wins in your marriage builds trust and appreciation.
• Setting joint goals for self-improvement prevents you from focusing on others.

9. Marriage as a Lifelong Spiritual Journey

Marriage is not just a personal relationship; it reflects God’s work on Earth. Viewing marriage as a ministry creates opportunities to positively impact others while drawing closer to God.

By living selflessly, couples mirror the relationship between Christ and the church. Over time, this realization brings meaning to even small, everyday choices. Being intentional in how you interact with each other can inspire others to seek faith-driven partnerships.

Through service, love, and kindness, marriages become a beacon that uplifts not only the couple but their community.

Examples

• Being kind and patient with each other sets a positive example for children or friends.
• Sharing your struggles and triumphs in faith inspires others going through rough patches.
• Finding joint ways to serve as a couple strengthens your ministry and deepens your connection.

Takeaways

1. Cultivate gratitude by listing your partner's strengths and the blessings in your daily life. Share those thoughts with them often.
2. Learn your spouse’s love language and commit to speaking it through regular, thoughtful actions.
3. Approach hardships in your marriage as an invitation for prayer and collaboration, seeking God’s wisdom to guide your response.