Learning to Pray Summary

Why pray? Because deep down inside us, there's a natural desire to communicate with the divine — an unspoken connection we all yearn to feel.

1. Prayer is a skill that everyone can learn

Prayer feels intimidating, especially if you're unsure where to begin or worried about doing it "the wrong way." Many people view it as reserved for the devout, but, in reality, it’s a practice anyone can develop. Like learning to ride a bike or swim, prayer is about practice and patience.

The author shares his personal experience growing up in a religious household where spirituality was secondary. As a child, prayer was transactional—he prayed to get better grades, achieve in sports, or for favors. It wasn’t until his late twenties that he realized prayer could be deeper and more personal, driven not just by need but by a desire for connection.

He discovered this transformation during his time training as a Jesuit. There, he learned that prayer has no singular format or method because a relationship with God is personal and varies from one person to the next. This flexibility ensures prayer is accessible to everyone.

Examples

• How Mother Teresa also had to learn and practice prayer.
• The author’s childhood prayers for success in sports and academics.
• His discovery of multiple ways to approach prayer during Jesuit training.

2. Prayer fulfills our need for connection

Why do we feel compelled to pray? It’s because prayer satisfies our all-too-human need to seek something greater than ourselves; it fills a profound gap we can't address in worldly ways. Prayer reflects our innate yearning for the divine and for finding purpose.

The author explains that this drive isn't random. God created humans with the urge to connect with Him, which is why our hearts often feel incomplete without spiritual fulfillment. As St. Augustine expressed, we find true rest for our restless hearts only in God.

Besides spiritual fulfillment, prayer serves as a form of solace during hardship. Life’s struggles naturally lead us to seek divine support. Much like how exercise keeps the body strong, prayer keeps the spirit healthy and aligned with God’s purpose for us.

Examples

• St. Augustine’s description of human restlessness being fulfilled only by God.
• Turning to prayer in emergencies or painful moments.
• Comparing prayer to physical exercise to keep our spiritual health in check.

3. Sometimes we pray without realizing it

Not all prayer is deliberate or formal. Sometimes, in moments of awe, reflection, or frustration, our hearts reach out to God without our minds being fully aware of it. These unconscious prayers are just as valid as spoken ones.

The author gives examples of spontaneous prayers, like instinctively saying, “Help me, God,” in times of desperation or reflecting on acts of kindness or beauty in nature. Contemplation—whether on a coworker’s sacrifice or the perfection of a spring flower—is often an unconscious form of connection with God.

Even frustration and existential questioning are forms of prayer. Questions like, “Why am I here?” or “What is God’s plan for me?” open the door to seeking God's presence and engaging in dialogue with Him through your thoughts.

Examples

• Spontaneous cries for divine help in moments of despair.
• Reflecting on inspiring human stories, like sacrifices for loved ones.
• Pondering profound questions about life and purpose.

4. Prayer connects us to God as humble seekers

Formal prayer is often defined as an act of “raising the mind and heart to God.” By praying, we place ourselves lower than the Creator, consciously seeking His guidance with humility and reverence. This is often called the “approach from below.”

The significance of this definition lies in understanding our relationship to God as one of admiration and trust. Formal prayer isn't about groveling but recognizing God’s greatness. It’s like lifting a delicate issue—much like presenting a rescued bird to a vet—to a being who can offer help and healing.

This perspective also shapes what we ask for in prayer. According to spiritual teachings, our requests should align with what is good, meaningful, and harmonious with God’s plan—like seeking patience or wisdom instead of ill will against others.

Examples

• St. John Damascene’s description of prayer as "raising the heart and mind."
• An injured bird metaphor for offering our cares to God.
• Asking for guidance or virtues instead of harmful desires.

5. Prayer fosters a friendship with God

Prayer isn’t just a ritual; it’s an opportunity to build a close and personal friendship with God. Saints like St. Teresa of Ávila viewed prayer as a “sharing between friends,” while theologians encouraged speaking naturally to God.

True friendship takes time to nurture, and prayer is no different. A relationship with God deepens as you dedicate time to this conversation, just as you would invest time in any important friendship. With daily practice, talking to God evolves from rote memorization to heartfelt dialogues to simply being in God’s comforting presence.

Over time, prayer shifts from asking for things to acknowledging how God engages with you in life, making space for both words and silent companionship, as seen with old, trusted friends.

Examples

• St. Teresa’s belief in praying as a natural conversation with a close friend.
• St. Ignatius’s call to approach God as you would a confidant.
• Regular prayer developing into a deeper awareness of God’s responses.

6. Love lies at the heart of prayer

For St. Thérèse of Lisieux, prayer wasn’t just about duty or awe—it was about love. Love inspired her connection to God and fueled her belief that prayer was an honest, heartfelt alignment between herself and the divine.

In her view, prayer could be spontaneous, like a “surge of the heart,” and filled with emotions. Yet, such prayer wasn’t self-centered. It sought to connect with the ultimate, eternal love that resides in heaven and mirrors our inner longing.

Knowing God's love allows transparency and truthfulness while praying. Because God already knows us fully, we can openly express joy, sadness, or confusion before Him, free of fear or judgment.

Examples

• St. Thérèse’s metaphor of being the heart of the Church.
• Psalm 42’s reference to “Deep calls to deep.”
• Emotional transparency as a sign of authentic prayer.

7. Prayer evokes powerful emotions

Ultimately, prayer often uncovers deep emotions. By opening ourselves to God, we access layers of feelings we may not usually confront. These emotions range from joy to sorrow to surprise and anger.

Prayer intensifies your feelings. By thanking God for a blessing, your gratitude multiplies. By seeking God during sadness, your grief transitions into understanding or peace. Even repressed emotions, like unresolved anger, can surface in prayer as a means for God to guide you toward addressing them.

The emotions that arise aren’t just random—they’re clues about what God might want you to focus on. Prayer translates these feelings into opportunities for growth, reconciliation, or change with divine support.

Examples

• Deep gratitude after a prayer of thanksgiving.
• Tears at a funeral being processed through prayer.
• Resurfacing unresolved feelings of frustration as spiritual prompts.

8. We can pray anywhere and in many forms

Prayer happens in formal settings like churches, but it also thrives wherever you feel the need for God. From whispered prayers at mealtimes to meditations while walking through nature, any moment can be one of prayer if it's directed toward God.

The book reminds us there’s no single “right” way to pray. Whether it's silence, words, or even through music, every style connects us with God when it's genuine and heartfelt. The author stresses the importance of finding a method that speaks to your heart.

A career, raising children, or helping others can also be a form of constant prayer if done joyfully in acknowledgment of God’s presence.

Examples

• Meditating on nature's beauty during a hike.
• Working in service roles with a heart full of gratitude to God.
• Singing hymns or listening to reflective music as spiritual practice.

9. Prayer answers natural restlessness

Many people feel an inner restlessness—like something is missing. Prayer addresses this deeply felt gap. It helps align us with God and our purpose, bringing clarity to why we’re here.

This spiritual quest often starts with questions: “Who am I?” and “What should I be doing?” Through prayer, personal restlessness transforms into trust that God is guiding us, providing wisdom when answers are unclear.

In essence, prayer connects us to divine answers while calming the human desire to "figure everything out" on our own.

Examples

• Deep longing for peace and clarity leading people to pray.
• Finding renewed purpose through quiet reflection in prayer.
• Trusting God to resolve unanswered life questions.

Takeaways

1. Try a simple daily prayer practice where you thank God, ask for guidance, and share your thoughts openly.
2. Use moments of spontaneous reflection, like enjoying nature or pondering goodness, as unconscious forms of prayer.
3. Write down your feelings after prayer sessions to identify recurring emotions or unresolved aspects God may be highlighting.