Introduction
Have you ever felt like you don't deserve your success? Do you constantly worry that someone might discover you're not as competent as they think? If so, you're not alone. These feelings are symptoms of imposter syndrome, a phenomenon that affects up to 70% of people at some point in their lives.
In "Own Your Greatness," psychologists Lisa Orbé-Austin and Richard Orbé-Austin provide a comprehensive guide to understanding and overcoming imposter syndrome. Drawing from years of clinical experience, the authors offer a seven-step program designed to help readers recognize their worth, silence self-doubt, and embrace their achievements.
This book summary will walk you through each step of the authors' program, providing exercises and strategies to help you overcome imposter syndrome and start owning your greatness.
Step 1: Identify Your Imposter Origin Story
The journey to overcoming imposter syndrome begins with understanding where these feelings come from. For many people, the roots of imposter syndrome can be traced back to childhood experiences and family dynamics.
Understanding Your Past
Think about your upbringing and the messages you received about success, achievement, and self-worth. Were you constantly compared to siblings or other children? Did you feel pressure to meet impossibly high standards? Or perhaps your unique talents were overlooked or undervalued?
These early experiences shape our beliefs about ourselves and our abilities, forming what the authors call our "imposter origin story." To identify your own story, reflect on the following questions:
- What expectations were placed on you as a child?
- How did your family view achievement and success?
- Were your individual strengths recognized and celebrated?
- Did you feel pressure to fulfill others' needs or expectations?
Exercise: Write Your Imposter Origin Story
Take a few minutes to write down your imposter origin story. Use this prompt to get started: "The dynamics that prompted my imposter syndrome were..." Describe the consequences of these dynamics and how they affected your self-perception. Keep it concise, aiming for just a few sentences.
Remember, this story has likely developed over many years, possibly even generations. Recognizing its origins is the first step toward changing the narrative.
Step 2: Know Your Triggers
Now that you've identified your imposter origin story, the next step is to recognize the situations that activate or intensify your imposter feelings. These are your triggers, and understanding them is crucial for breaking the cycle of self-doubt.
Common Imposter Syndrome Triggers
Some common triggers include:
- Starting a new job or receiving a promotion
- Having your performance evaluated
- Giving an important presentation
- Receiving compliments
- Entering a new relationship
- Unfamiliar social situations
Exercise: Identify Your Triggers
Reflect on recent times when you felt like an imposter. For each instance, describe:
- The situation (where you were, who you were with)
- What was said or done
- How you reacted
Look for patterns in these situations. Try completing these sentences:
- "I'm triggered by situations that..."
- "When I'm triggered, I often think or feel..."
This exercise will help you anticipate and prepare for triggering situations, allowing you to respond more effectively in the future.
Step 3: Change Your Narrative
With a clear understanding of your imposter origin story and triggers, it's time to start changing the narrative. The key to this step is "thickening" your story – adding complexity, context, and balance to your self-perception.
The Power of a Thicker Narrative
Your imposter story is likely oversimplified and distorted, focusing only on perceived shortcomings while ignoring your strengths and achievements. A thicker narrative acknowledges both challenges and successes, providing a more accurate and affirming self-image.
Exercise: Thicken Your Story
- Write down your old, imposter narratives in one column.
- In an adjacent column, thicken each narrative by asking:
- What skills or achievements does this story ignore?
- What is the broader context for this story?
- What important details are missing?
Remember to embrace "both-and" thinking rather than "either-or." For example, you can be both sensitive and intelligent, both hardworking and naturally talented.
Step 4: Speak Your Truth
Overcoming imposter syndrome isn't a solitary journey. Sharing your experience with others can weaken its grip and provide valuable support and perspective.
The Power of Sharing
When you keep your imposter feelings to yourself, they often grow stronger. By speaking your truth, you:
- Reduce the power of these feelings
- Gain support and understanding from others
- Often discover that others have similar experiences
Exercise: Share Your Experience
- Identify one or two trusted people in your life.
- Share with them what it's like to live with imposter syndrome, including your anxieties, fears, and triggers.
- Listen to their perspective and be open to their support.
Owning Your Skills and Achievements
Another crucial aspect of speaking your truth is acknowledging your talents and accomplishments. Your imposter narrative often hides these truths, so it's important to bring them into the light.
Exercise: List Your Skills
Write down a comprehensive list of your skills and achievements. Consider a broad range of abilities, including:
- Emotional intelligence
- Interpersonal skills
- Communication
- Physical or kinesthetic skills
- Creative talents
- Technical expertise
If you're struggling, think of a few accomplishments you're proud of and list the skills they required. This list will serve as a powerful reminder of your capabilities when self-doubt creeps in.
Step 5: Silence Your ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Imposter syndrome often manifests as a swarm of negative thoughts that interrupt your ability to think positively about yourself. These Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) can be persistent and intrusive, but with practice, you can learn to silence them.
Common ANTs
Some typical ANTs include:
- Mind-reading: "They must think I'm incompetent."
- Labeling: "I'm so stupid for making that mistake."
- Fortune-telling: "There's no way this will work out."
- Catastrophizing: "If I make a mistake, I'll be fired."
- Unfair comparisons: "Everyone here is so much more accomplished than me."
- All-or-nothing thinking: "If it's not perfect, it's a complete failure."
- Discounting positives: "That compliment wasn't genuine; they were just being nice."
Exercise: Identify and Challenge Your ANTs
- Write down your most common or strongest ANTs.
- For each ANT, develop challenging questions. For example:
- "What evidence do I have that this thought is true?"
- "Has anyone ever been fired for a single mistake?"
- "Am I holding myself to an unrealistic standard?"
- Replace each ANT with a more balanced, positive thought. For instance:
- Instead of "If I make a mistake, I'll be fired," try "If I make a mistake, it's an opportunity to learn and improve."
By regularly challenging and reframing your ANTs, you can gradually reduce their impact on your self-confidence.
Step 6: Experiment with New Roles
As you begin to change your internal narrative, it's time to put your new self-perception into action. This step involves giving up roles that reinforce your imposter thinking and experimenting with new, more empowering roles.
Common Imposter Roles and Their Alternatives
The Helper → The Help-Seeker Instead of always being the one with all the answers, learn to ask for help and support from others.
The Superperson → The Collaborator Rather than trying to do everything yourself, practice delegating tasks and working as part of a team.
The Failure Avoider → The Risk-Taker Instead of always playing it safe, learn to take calculated risks and embrace the possibility of failure as a learning opportunity.
The Behind-the-Scenes Leader → The Visible Leader Stop letting imposter syndrome hold you back from the spotlight. Practice stepping forward and taking credit for your contributions.
Exercise: Identify New Roles to Try
- List the new roles you want to experiment with.
- For each role, identify specific situations where you can practice it. For example:
- Practice being a Help-Seeker with your manager
- Try being a Risk-Taker in your next team meeting
- Embrace the Visible Leader role at your next family gathering
Remember to approach this exercise with a playful, experimental mindset. You're not completely abandoning your old roles, just adding new options to your repertoire.
Step 7: Build Your Dream Team
The final step in overcoming imposter syndrome is to surround yourself with a supportive network of people who can help you maintain your progress and navigate challenges.
The Six Members of Your Dream Team
The Cheerleader: Someone who can lift your spirits and remind you of your worth when you're feeling low.
The Grounder: A person who can provide a reality check when you're catastrophizing or spinning out of control.
The Action Planner: Someone skilled at problem-solving who can help you break challenges into manageable steps.
The Big-Picture Person: Someone who knows you well and can remind you of your long-term goals and values.
The Imposter Expert: Either someone who has overcome imposter syndrome themselves or a professional like a therapist or coach.
The Mentor: A more experienced person in your field who can guide your career development.
Exercise: Assemble Your Dream Team
- For each role, identify one or two people in your life who could fill it.
- Write down specific situations when you might reach out to each team member.
- Consider having a conversation with each person about their role on your dream team.
Remember, your dream team is there to support you, but it's up to you to reach out and utilize their help when needed.
Putting It All Together: Your Action Plan
Congratulations! You've now completed all seven steps of the program. Let's recap what you've accomplished:
- Identified your imposter origin story
- Recognized your imposter triggers
- Learned to change your narrative
- Practiced speaking your truth
- Developed strategies to silence your ANTs
- Experimented with new, empowering roles
- Built a supportive dream team
These seven elements form your personalized action plan for overcoming imposter syndrome. Keep your notes and exercises from each step as "coping cards" that you can refer back to whenever you need a reminder of your worth and capabilities.
Final Thoughts: Embracing Self-Care
As you continue on your journey to overcome imposter syndrome, it's crucial to prioritize self-care. Many people with imposter syndrome tend to overwork themselves in an attempt to prove their worth, which can lead to burnout.
Make time for activities that bring you joy, help you relax, and rebuild your energy. This might include:
- Meditation or mindfulness practices
- Physical exercise or outdoor activities
- Creative hobbies like art, music, or writing
- Quality time with friends and loved ones
- Relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation
- Engaging in learning or personal growth activities
Remember, taking care of yourself isn't selfish – it's essential for maintaining the mental and emotional resilience needed to overcome imposter syndrome and thrive in all areas of your life.
Conclusion
Overcoming imposter syndrome is a journey, not a destination. There may be times when self-doubt creeps back in, but with the tools and strategies you've learned from "Own Your Greatness," you're now equipped to recognize and challenge these feelings.
As you continue to practice these techniques, you'll find yourself becoming more confident, more authentic, and more capable of embracing your true potential. Remember, you are not an imposter – you are skilled, worthy, and deserving of your success.
By owning your greatness, you not only improve your own life but also inspire and empower others around you. So take a deep breath, stand tall, and step confidently into the future you deserve. Your journey to authentic self-confidence starts now.