Name: Relationship Goals
Rating: 4.1 (6667 reviews)
Author: Michael Todd

Introduction

In today's world, many of us struggle to form and maintain healthy, lasting relationships. With high divorce rates and celebrity breakups constantly in the news, it can be hard to envision what a strong, enduring partnership looks like. Pastor Michael Todd has encountered countless relationship issues in his work, from single people unable to find "the one" to long-married couples fighting to keep their bond alive.

In his book "Relationship Goals," Todd argues that the key to creating and sustaining meaningful relationships is having clear, intentional goals rooted in Biblical teachings. Whether you're single, dating, or married, Todd offers guidance on how to align your relationships with God's plan and your life's purpose. Drawing on scripture and real-life examples, he provides a roadmap for forming godly relationships that stand the test of time.

The Problem with Unrealistic Relationship Goals

One of the main issues Todd identifies is that our ideas about relationships are often distorted by media portrayals. Social media feeds are filled with carefully curated images of seemingly perfect couples, while movies and TV shows sell an idealized version of romance. These unrealistic depictions shape our expectations in unhealthy ways.

Todd shares the story of Sarah, a woman in his congregation who was frustrated about still being single later in life than she had expected. When Todd asked about her ideal partner, Sarah rattled off an impossibly long list of requirements - he had to be a successful business owner, a preacher, athletic, funny, from a two-parent home, and much more. Todd gently pointed out that her relationship goals were setting the bar unreasonably high, causing her to reject potentially great partners.

The key takeaway is that relationship goals need to be realistic. While it's good to have standards, basing them on superficial qualities or an unattainable ideal often leads to disappointment. Instead, Todd encourages focusing on the qualities that truly matter in a godly relationship.

Aligning Relationship Goals with God's Teachings

Todd argues that the most effective relationship goals are those that align with Biblical principles. He uses the analogy of an archer - without a clear target to aim for, you can shoot arrows all day but never hit anything meaningful. Similarly, many people approach relationships aimlessly, taking whatever comes along without intentionality.

According to scripture, the crucial goals for a godly relationship include showing kindness and integrity, practicing forgiveness, and helping each other fulfill your God-given purpose. Todd shares the example of his parents, both Christian ministers. Rather than following traditional gender roles, his mother took on a leadership position preaching around the world while his father supported her behind the scenes. Their partnership allowed his mother to have a huge impact, demonstrating how the right relationship can help you achieve your calling.

When setting relationship goals, Todd advises looking to what the Bible says: your ideal partner should love and support you, help you fulfill your purpose, and ultimately bring you closer to God. By keeping these principles in mind, you can aim for a truly meaningful and lasting bond.

The Importance of a Relationship with God

Todd emphasizes that to have healthy relationships with others, you must first cultivate a strong relationship with God. He points out that relationships existed even before humans, in the form of the Holy Trinity - God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Humanity was created from this divine relationship, which is why we naturally desire a connection with God.

Our relationship with God should be the foundation for all other relationships in our lives. When we stray from this core connection, our other bonds tend to suffer as a result. Todd shares the cautionary tale of his friend Doug, who had a loving family and thriving business. But when Doug lost his faith, everything fell apart - his business failed, his marriage ended in divorce, and his children were negatively impacted.

To nurture your relationship with God, Todd recommends having a daily devotional practice. This can involve reading scripture, praying regularly, and talking to God about both big and small matters in your life. The specific form isn't as important as maintaining that closeness with God. When you do, Todd says, God will guide you in creating and sustaining positive relationships while surrounding you with love.

The Single Phase: A Crucial Foundation

While many people view being single negatively, Todd argues it's actually a vital stage for personal growth and preparation for future relationships. He outlines six key steps in relationship progression: singleness, dating, engagement, marriage, love, and children. The single phase is particularly important as it's when God reveals our identity and purpose.

Todd acknowledges that extended periods of singleness can feel lonely and discouraging. However, he reframes it as a time for investing in yourself, imagining your future, and inspiring others. It's an opportunity for self-discovery and development that builds a strong foundation for eventual partnership.

To make the most of being single, Todd suggests focusing on the "I":

Investing in areas you want to develop, like turning a passion into a career
Imagining your future goals and aspirations
Inspiring others through mentorship and making a difference

By using this time intentionally, you can gain self-understanding, improve yourself, and work towards your God-given purpose. This personal growth prepares you to be a better partner when the right relationship does come along.

Intentional Dating: Finding the Right Partner

Todd shares his own love story of meeting his wife Natalie as a teenager and marrying her nine years later. While they've faced challenges, their relationship has endured because they focused on each other from the start. Todd contrasts this with a period when they briefly broke up and he pursued casual dating, which he now views as a misguided distraction.

The problem with recreational dating, Todd argues, is that it lacks direction. Many people date randomly hoping a relationship will go somewhere, then feel disappointed when it doesn't. Instead, Todd advocates for intentional dating with marriage as the ultimate goal, in line with Biblical teachings.

To date intentionally, Todd advises:

Being selective about who you date - look for someone dependable, supportive, and faith-oriented
Ensuring your partner also sees marriage as the relationship goal
Following the rule: "If they're not mateable, they're not dateable"

This approach helps you invest your time and emotions wisely in partnerships with long-term potential.

A 90-Day Process for Intentional Dating

Todd outlines a 90-day intentional dating process he used to coach a couple named Taylor and Brandon. The goal is to get to know each other as friends first, without the pressure of commitment, to see if you're truly compatible. Key steps include:

Discussing relationship fears and expectations openly
Agreeing on clear boundaries (e.g. physical intimacy limits, curfews)
Having focused conversations about shared interests
After 90 days, deciding whether to continue dating or end things

This structured approach allows you to assess compatibility and alignment of values before getting too emotionally invested. Even if the relationship doesn't progress, you gain valuable experience and relationship skills.

Shedding Toxic Relationships

Todd emphasizes that our relationship with God should take priority over all others. When new people enter our lives, we need to evaluate whether they strengthen our connection to God or lead us away from Him.

He encourages viewing relationships as either assets or liabilities - do they add value to your life or drain you? Todd recommends taking inventory of your relationships and investing only in reciprocal ones where both parties contribute positively. While it may feel difficult to end certain relationships, Todd reassures that God supports us in letting go of connections that don't serve our growth and purpose.

Keeping Marriage Alive

Many couples put their relationship on the backburner while raising children, then struggle to reconnect when the kids leave home. To avoid this, Todd advises continuing to work on yourself and intentionally date your spouse throughout your marriage.

This involves:

Pursuing self-improvement and personal goals
Finding new ways to connect beyond mundane topics
Showing ongoing interest in your partner
Maintaining a mutually supportive dynamic

The key is to keep growing as individuals while nurturing your bond as a couple, with or without children in the picture.

Final Thoughts

Todd's central message is that healthy, lasting relationships require intentionality and alignment with God's teachings. By setting realistic, biblically-based relationship goals, we can find partners who support our purpose and bring us closer to God. Whether single, dating, or married, focusing on personal growth and connection with God provides the foundation for meaningful human relationships.

Some key takeaways: