Rising Strong Summary

“Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable. It means showing up and being seen.” Rising Strong by Brené Brown teaches us how to face inevitable failures with grace and come out stronger.

1. Risk and Failure Are Essential for Growth

Taking risks is fundamental if we wish to grow and learn. But with risks comes the inevitability of failure, which can make us feel exposed, embarrassed, or unworthy. Such moments are challenging, yet they are where real growth occurs.

When venturing outside your comfort zone, mistakes help you discover what you can change and improve. While facing failure is hard, refusing to try means you lose the chance to grow. Embracing risk does not mean avoiding fear—it means acting despite it, knowing failure could be the outcome.

For example, starting a small business often means financial uncertainties. Joining a challenging fitness class could invite moments of clumsiness. And entering unknown social situations might make us feel awkward. Each scenario brings lessons when we persevere, helping us develop grit and flexibility.

Examples

• Entrepreneurs who failed multiple times before building successful companies.
• A student learning public speaking through multiple fumbles during practice.
• An artist facing rejection before finding recognition for their work.

2. A Three-Part Process to Rise Again

Rising strong follows three vital stages: the reckoning, the rumble, and the revolution. Each stage signifies unique but interconnected steps to recover and thrive after a setback.

The reckoning begins with recognizing and confronting our emotions. It involves curiosity to explore why events impact us emotionally. Rumbling follows, where we scrutinize the stories we tell about failure, uncover self-deceptions, and find clarity. Lastly, the revolution involves implementing what we've learned into our lives, leading to transformational growth powered by our experiences.

For instance, a team leader analyzing why a failed project hurt their self-image undergoes reckoning. Writing down flawed narratives like "I am bad at my job" constitutes rumbling. Then, redefining their approach to teamwork and failures ushers in their personal revolution.

Examples

• Someone recognizing that a breakup made them feel unworthy of love.
• A teacher questioning their teaching skills after students struggled during exams.
• A novice cook transforming mishaps in the kitchen into culinary confidence.

3. The Power of Recognizing and Embracing Emotions

To build resilience, we must stop suppressing or ignoring emotions—both positive and negative. Acknowledging emotions helps us navigate through them rather than dismiss or fear them. A simple step, like writing a "permission slip" to express feelings, can have a profound impact on emotional recognition.

For example, you might feel frustrated after missing a promotion. Instead of suppressing it, writing "Permission to feel angry" allows you to accept the emotion without self-judgment. After embracing it, you can investigate deeper—what caused this emotion, and what can you learn from it?

By practicing self-awareness and curiosity, you build emotional intelligence, making it easier to process even unfamiliar or difficult emotions.

Examples

• Writing "Permission to cry" when grieving a loss after a failed exam.
• Letting yourself feel excitement after hearing good news, rather than tempering it.
• Investigating why a minor disagreement made you unusually upset.

4. Challenging the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Often, we unconsciously rely on stories we create to explain failures or struggles. While comforting, these stories may not show the full picture and can trap us in unhelpful patterns. To overcome this, we need to challenge our assumptions by examining these narratives with honesty.

A helpful technique is writing a "shitty first draft" (SFD)—an unfiltered account of what we believe occurred. This brings hidden patterns or biases into view, helping us gain perspective. Seeing these narratives on paper reveals how we might exaggerate blame, punishment, or victimhood.

For example, overreacting to a friend canceling plans might stem not from betrayal but from a deeper feeling of abandonment you’ve carried since childhood.

Examples

• An employee thinking "My boss hates me" after being assigned additional work.
• A parent believing they’re a failure after making one parenting mistake.
• A friend assuming they’re being ignored due to an unanswered text.

5. Setting Boundaries to Avoid Resentment

Establishing clear boundaries is essential to prevent feelings of being exploited or undervalued. Sometimes, feelings of frustration or resentment result from us failing to advocate for our own needs.

For example, the author shared her feelings of anger after accommodating a conference room-sharing arrangement she wasn’t comfortable with. Understanding her resentment helped her later reinforce personal boundaries, like saying no when needed for her well-being.

Maintaining boundaries allows relationships—both personal and professional—to remain balanced and respectful.

Examples

• Declining extra work without proper compensation to avoid burnout.
• Stating preferences clearly in a partnership to reduce misunderstandings.
• Requesting quiet time to focus when roommates disrupt productivity.

6. Rethinking Unrealistic Expectations

Disappointment often stems from expectations we didn’t even realize we had. Questioning and clarifying these expectations can lessen disappointment and improve relationships. Discussing such expectations with stakeholders—partners, coworkers, or family members—can strengthen mutual understanding.

For example, if you anticipate a relaxing weekend but your partner plans for chores, miscommunication could lead to frustration. Making expectations explicit could avoid misunderstandings and create opportunities for compromise.

By adjusting expectations, we prepare ourselves to handle future outcomes with more flexibility.

Examples

• Clarifying expectations with coworkers about shared deadlines.
• Adjusting parenting expectations when children don’t behave as planned.
• Managing travel companions’ differences in vacation plans.

7. Seeking Help Is Strength, Not Weakness

Asking for help often feels vulnerable, but it’s an act of courage and a key part of resilience. Seeking support when you face challenges empowers both personal growth and stronger connections with others.

For example, when the author explored her underlying discomfort with seeing homeless people, she questioned her ingrained belief that asking for help embodies weakness. This led her to realize vulnerability, including seeking assistance, builds authentic connections.

Acknowledging limitations fosters collaboration, empathy, and inclusion.

Examples

• A student requesting tutoring to better understand complex coursework.
• A new parent seeking advice from experienced parents to improve caregiving.
• An overwhelmed employee asking a coworker for help with a tight deadline.

8. Using Accountability to Repair Broken Trust

Ownership of mistakes promotes healing in relationships. Avoiding accountability fuels mistrust and tension. Acknowledging wrongs and showing willingness to change restores damaged bonds and fosters unity.

For instance, a team leader named Andrew earned his team’s respect back after admitting his missteps when a project failed. His openness strengthened his team’s culture and trust.

Honesty can turn mistakes into learning moments.

Examples

• Offering an apology to your partner for reacting unreasonably during a fight.
• Admitting to a colleague that an overlooked email caused a delay in a task.
• Taking responsibility for breaking a rule and accepting fair consequences.

9. Collective Resilience Brings Teams Closer Together

The rising-strong process isn’t an individual journey; it also enhances collaboration. When groups embrace vulnerability, rumble openly about misunderstandings, and build trust through accountability, they become more cohesive.

For example, in the author’s workplace, a team member expressed concerns during a meeting about a project shift with honesty. Their engagement cleared misconceptions and strengthened the team’s unity, ultimately improving communication overall.

Teams grow stronger by encouraging authenticity and embracing shared struggles.

Examples

• Team discussions that address failures constructively, improving results.
• Schools using group reflection to better support students’ needs after setbacks.
• Families sharing insights on responsibilities to strengthen household cooperation.

Takeaways

1. Write a "shitty first draft" to untangle complicated feelings or recurring frustrations. This simple exercise often reveals hidden perspectives or lessons.
2. Establish and clearly communicate boundaries, both professionally and personally, to maintain healthy relationships and respect for your needs.
3. Foster open "rumbling" discussions at work or home to address disagreements, build trust, and find solutions collaboratively.