In "Stick with It," Sean D. Young presents a comprehensive guide to making lasting changes in our lives. The book tackles the age-old problem of why we often fail to keep our New Year's resolutions and offers practical strategies to overcome this challenge. Young draws on cutting-edge research in psychology and neuroscience to provide readers with actionable advice on how to form good habits, break bad ones, and achieve their goals.
The book's central premise is that by understanding how our minds work and using specific techniques to "hack" our behavior, we can dramatically increase our chances of success in any endeavor. Whether you're trying to lose weight, quit smoking, or start a new project, "Stick with It" offers a roadmap to help you stay on track and reach your objectives.
Breaking Down Your Dreams
One of the key insights Young presents is the importance of breaking down large goals into smaller, manageable steps. This approach takes advantage of how our brains process rewards and motivation.
The Power of Small Steps
Research shows that focusing on short-term goals is more effective than fixating on long-term outcomes. A 2012 study of 126 overweight women trying to lose weight found that those who concentrated on daily, low-calorie food choices were more likely to shed pounds than those who focused on a target weight by the end of the month. Surprisingly, the group focusing on long-term goals actually gained weight.
This phenomenon is linked to how our brains release dopamine, the "feel-good" neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. The anticipation of completing a small task triggers a dopamine release, making us feel good and motivating us to continue. By setting and achieving frequent, small goals, we can maintain a steady stream of motivation.
The Three-Tier Goal System
Young recommends breaking down your objectives into three categories:
Steps: These are small tasks that can be completed in two days or less. For example, if you're learning a new language, a step might be signing up for a course or buying a workbook.
Goals: These are both short-term and long-term objectives. Short-term goals should take about a week to complete, while long-term goals might span a month. Short-term goals should build up to achieve the long-term ones.
Dreams: These are your ultimate objectives, typically taking three months or longer to achieve. If your dream is to write a book, your steps might include writing one page a day, your short-term goal could be writing 2000 words a week, and your long-term goal might be finishing a chapter every month.
By structuring your ambitions this way, you create a clear path forward and give yourself frequent opportunities to experience success and maintain motivation.
The Power of Community
Another crucial element in achieving your goals is finding the right support system. Young emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals who share similar objectives.
The Social Magnet Effect
Organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers, and CrossFit demonstrate the power of community in achieving personal goals. These groups create what Young calls a "social magnet" effect – a powerful pull that keeps individuals connected to their goals and less likely to give up.
Communities offer several benefits:
- Accountability: Members hold each other responsible for their actions and progress.
- Support: People can share experiences, challenges, and solutions.
- Motivation: Seeing others succeed can inspire and encourage you to keep going.
- Safe space: Communities often provide a judgment-free environment to discuss problems and seek help.
Online Communities
Young highlights that these supportive communities don't have to be physical. He shares the example of HOPE, an online forum he helped create for men at risk of contracting HIV. This platform allowed users to join anonymously, making them feel more comfortable sharing experiences without fear of stigma.
The results were impressive: HOPE members were twice as likely to get tested for HIV compared to non-members. Moreover, after 15 months, 82 percent of users were still active in the online community.
This example underscores how digital platforms can effectively address our basic human needs for encouragement, empowerment, and trust. If you're struggling to find motivation or need support, there's likely an online community of like-minded individuals ready to help.
Leveraging Human Nature
Young argues that understanding and working with human nature, rather than against it, can significantly boost our chances of success.
The Power of Social Connection
Research has shown that our brains react to friendly social interactions in the same way they respond to physical warmth. Conversely, social rejection triggers the same brain regions as physical pain. This highlights how deeply ingrained our need for social connection is – it's as fundamental as our need for food or shelter.
This insight explains why linking your goals to social programs or communities can be so effective. When we connect our personal objectives to a larger social context, we tap into a powerful, instinctual motivation.
Making It Personal
Another way to leverage human nature is by making goals and consequences personally relevant. For instance, smokers are more likely to quit when given specific details about how smoking damages their lungs, rather than general health warnings.
Young cites a fascinating study by psychologist Hal Hershfield on retirement savings. Participants who were shown digitally aged photos of themselves consistently set aside more money for retirement than those who only saw current photos. This demonstrates how making future consequences feel more immediate and personal can drive behavior change.
Environmental Changes and Clear Direction
Young emphasizes that making positive changes doesn't have to be a constant battle of willpower. Instead, we can set ourselves up for success by modifying our environment and creating clear action plans.
Removing Obstacles
One simple yet effective strategy is to remove unnecessary obstacles from your path. If you're trying to eat healthier, clear your home of junk food. If you're quitting smoking, get rid of all tobacco products in your living space. A six-month study of over a thousand smokers found that those who removed all tobacco from their homes had the highest quit rates.
Creating a Roadmap
Having a clear, step-by-step plan can significantly increase your chances of success. Young cites a Yale University study on public health directives. Participants who received practical information (like a map to the clinic and its opening hours) along with general information about tetanus were more likely to get vaccinated than those who only received general information.
This principle applies to any goal: the more concrete and detailed your action plan, the more likely you are to follow through. Break down your objectives into specific, actionable steps, and you'll find it easier to stay on track.
Neurohacks and Identity Shifts
Young introduces the concept of "neurohacks" – techniques designed to improve the way we think and behave. These are similar to life hacks but specifically target our cognitive processes.
Behavioral Neurohacks
The most important type of neurohack is the behavioral neurohack, which uses action to counteract unwanted thoughts or feelings. Young shares an example from a 1982 study where socially awkward men were paired with women for 12-minute conversations. After these brief interactions, the men reported feeling less anxious and insecure, with many experiencing lasting improvements in their social confidence.
This simple intervention serves as a neurohack – a quick, easy way to shift someone's perception of their capabilities. It underscores the power of confronting our fears and anxieties head-on as a means of overcoming them.
The Power of Language
Another powerful tool for behavior change is the careful use of language, particularly in how we identify ourselves. Young cites a 2011 survey on voting behavior that asked two versions of the same question: "How important is it for you to vote?" and "How important is it for you to be a voter?"
The study found that people who responded strongly to the second question were more likely to vote. This is because the question spoke to their identity as a voter, not just the act of voting. This insight can be applied to any goal: if you're trying to start running, begin referring to yourself as a runner, not just someone who runs.
These seemingly small shifts in language and self-perception can add up to significant changes in behavior over time.
The Pitfalls of Fear and External Rewards
While it's important to understand what motivates us, Young cautions against relying too heavily on fear-based motivation or external rewards.
The Limitations of Fear
Fear can be a powerful motivator in the short term. For example, the threat of a heart attack might push someone to stick to a healthy diet temporarily. However, fear-based motivation often loses its effectiveness over time. As the immediate threat passes or becomes less salient, people tend to revert to their old habits.
Moreover, fear-based tactics can backfire. Young points to public health efforts around HIV/AIDS education in the United States. Despite fear-based campaigns about the dangers of the disease, condom use actually declined in high-risk areas. Researchers found that the fear campaigns caused people to panic and, as a coping mechanism, many chose to ignore the health officials' efforts altogether.
The Double-Edged Sword of Rewards
While positive reinforcement can be effective, Young warns against relying solely on external rewards to motivate behavior change. He cites the Colorado state prison system's use of "good behavior" incentives, which included rewards like padded chairs and earlier meals for inmates who showed improved behavior. Over 14 months, prisoners in this program were responsible for only two percent of rule violations.
However, it's crucial that the completion of the goal itself is seen as the primary reward. Young references a study by independent scholar Alfie Kohn, which found that employees were more motivated by simple goal-setting and workplace training than by incentive programs or rewards. The study showed that employee rewards worked similarly to fear-based incentives: there were some short-term improvements, but these were negligible in the long run.
The key takeaway is to focus on the intrinsic value of achieving your goals rather than relying on external motivators like fear or rewards.
Replacing Bad Habits with Positive Ones
One of the most challenging aspects of personal change is breaking bad habits. Young suggests that the most effective way to eliminate unwanted behaviors is to replace them with positive ones.
Understanding Habit Formation
To effectively replace bad habits, it's helpful to understand how habits form in the first place. Our brains are wired to favor actions that are simple and efficient. When we repeat a behavior, our brain quickly memorizes it and turns it into a habit. This process makes the behavior more automatic, freeing up mental space and making it more efficient.
This understanding is crucial when seeking to replace bad habits with good ones. The goal is to make the new, positive behavior as automatic and effortless as the old, negative one.
The Power of Meditation
Young shares the story of David George, one of the first American infantrymen to enter Iraq in 2003. Like many soldiers, George developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after witnessing repeated acts of violence. For people with PTSD, common triggers like flashing lights or loud noises can immediately bring repressed traumatic memories to the surface.
Interestingly, the way these triggers consistently summon negative memories is similar to how an unwanted habit functions. After finding little success with medication and other treatments, George eventually found relief through daily meditation practice.
This example illustrates how a positive habit like meditation can effectively replace negative thought patterns or behaviors. By consistently practicing meditation, George was able to rewire his brain's response to triggers, replacing anxiety and stress with calm and focus.
Three Types of Unwanted Behaviors
Young identifies three main categories of unwanted behaviors that people typically struggle with:
- Automatic Behaviors
- Burning Behaviors
- Common Behaviors
Understanding which category your unwanted behavior falls into can help you choose the most effective strategy for change.
Automatic Behaviors
Automatic behaviors are those we engage in without conscious awareness. Examples include nail-biting or mindless snacking on junk food. These habits are often deeply ingrained and can be challenging to break because we're not always aware we're doing them.
The best solution for automatic behaviors is to remove temptations from your environment and replace these habits with positive ones. For instance, to break a nail-biting habit, you might chew gum or wear gloves until a new, less harmful habit forms.
Burning Behaviors
Burning behaviors are compulsions triggered by certain impulses or irresistible urges. A common example in today's digital age is constantly checking your cell phone. These behaviors can be particularly frustrating because we're often aware we're doing them but struggle to stop.
The strategy for changing burning behaviors is similar to that for automatic behaviors: remove certain elements from your environment and try to replace these compulsions with positive ones. If you spend too much time checking your phone, you could set specific times to turn it off and replace that time with a more constructive activity, like reading a book or practicing mindfulness.
Common Behaviors
Common behaviors are more conscious actions that people often try to change. A typical example is not getting enough exercise. These behaviors are usually the easiest to identify but can still be challenging to modify.
For common behaviors, Young suggests surrounding yourself with a supportive community of people who share your goals. This approach provides motivation, accountability, and a sense of shared purpose. For example, joining a running club or workout group can help you stick to an exercise routine more effectively than trying to go it alone.
Practical Strategies for Lasting Change
Throughout the book, Young provides numerous practical strategies for implementing lasting change. Here's a summary of some key tactics:
- Break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps.
- Join or create a supportive community, either in-person or online.
- Make your goals personally relevant and immediate.
- Modify your environment to remove obstacles and temptations.
- Create detailed, step-by-step action plans.
- Use behavioral neurohacks to shift your perceptions and capabilities.
- Adjust your language to reinforce your new identity.
- Focus on intrinsic motivation rather than external rewards or fear.
- Replace bad habits with positive ones.
- Identify the type of unwanted behavior you're dealing with and apply the appropriate strategy.
The Power of Persistence
Young emphasizes that change is rarely a linear process. There will be setbacks and challenges along the way. The key is to persist, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward.
He notes that those who adopt these strategies generally experience three times the success rate of those who don't. This statistic underscores the power of having a systematic approach to personal change.
Conclusion
"Stick with It" offers a comprehensive, science-based approach to achieving lasting personal change. By understanding the psychological and neurological factors that influence our behavior, we can develop strategies that work with our natural tendencies rather than against them.
The book's central message is one of empowerment: with the right tools and mindset, we can overcome even our most deeply ingrained habits and achieve our most ambitious goals. Whether you're looking to improve your health, advance your career, or simply break a bad habit, the strategies outlined in "Stick with It" provide a roadmap for success.
Young's approach is both practical and optimistic. He acknowledges the challenges of personal change but provides readers with concrete, actionable steps to overcome these obstacles. By breaking down our dreams into manageable steps, leveraging the power of community, understanding our own psychology, and using proven techniques to shift our behavior, we can indeed "stick with it" and achieve lasting transformation.
The book serves as a reminder that change is possible at any age and at any stage of life. It's never too late to start working towards your goals, and with the right strategies, you can make this year's resolutions stick.
As you embark on your own journey of personal change, remember Young's key insights:
- Small steps lead to big changes.
- Community support can make all the difference.
- Understanding human nature allows you to work with it, not against it.
- Your environment plays a crucial role in your success.
- The way you think about yourself and your goals matters.
- Replacing bad habits with good ones is more effective than simply trying to stop bad behaviors.
Armed with these insights and the practical strategies outlined in "Stick with It," you're well-equipped to tackle any personal change you wish to make. Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So take that first step, and keep moving forward. With persistence and the right approach, you can achieve things you never thought possible.
In the end, "Stick with It" is more than just a self-help book. It's a guide to understanding yourself better and leveraging that understanding to create the life you want. It's about making lasting changes that align with your deepest values and aspirations. By applying the principles in this book, you're not just changing your behavior – you're transforming your life.
So, as you close the pages of "Stick with It," remember that the power to change is within you. You have the ability to reshape your habits, achieve your goals, and become the person you want to be. It won't always be easy, but with the strategies you've learned, it's entirely possible. Now, it's time to take that knowledge and put it into action. Your future self will thank you for it.