Introduction
In his book "Stop Doing That Sh*t," Gary John Bishop tackles the pervasive issue of self-sabotage that plagues many people's lives. Bishop, a personal development coach with firsthand experience of unconscious self-sabotage, offers insights into why we engage in self-destructive behaviors and provides practical strategies to overcome them.
This book is for anyone who has ever felt stuck in a cycle of self-defeat, constantly undermining their own efforts to improve their lives. Bishop's approach is refreshingly direct and honest, cutting through the noise of traditional self-help advice to get to the root of why we sabotage ourselves and how we can stop.
The Cycles of Self-Sabotage
One of the key concepts Bishop introduces is the cycle of self-sabotage. This pattern is all too familiar to many of us: things start going well in our lives, but instead of embracing success, we begin to worry about when it will all come crashing down. This anxiety leads to poor decision-making and a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.
Consider this scenario: You've been doing great at work, your relationships are thriving, and life seems to be on an upswing. Suddenly, you start to feel uneasy. You begin to wonder when the other shoe will drop. This anxiety causes you to make mistakes at work, neglect your relationships, and generally pull back from life. Before you know it, things start to fall apart, just as you feared they would.
The irony is that it was your fear of failure that led to the very failure you were trying to avoid. This is the essence of self-sabotage – unconsciously taking actions that undermine our own success and happiness.
Bishop argues that these cycles of self-sabotage are more common than we might think. They can manifest in various ways:
- Procrastination on important tasks or goals
- Engaging in self-destructive behaviors when things are going well
- Pushing away people who care about us
- Setting unrealistic expectations and then giving up when we can't meet them
- Constantly second-guessing our decisions and abilities
The key to breaking these cycles is first recognizing that they exist. Only then can we begin to understand why we engage in them and how to stop.
The True Impact of the Past
A significant portion of the book is dedicated to exploring how our past shapes our present behaviors. Bishop takes a nuanced approach to this topic, avoiding the extremes of either completely dismissing the impact of our past or using it as an excuse for our current actions.
He argues that while our past experiences, especially those from childhood, have a profound impact on shaping who we are, they do not determine our future actions. This is a crucial distinction. Our past may explain why we have certain tendencies or beliefs, but it doesn't excuse or justify our current behaviors.
Bishop emphasizes that we are ultimately responsible for our actions in the present moment. This might seem like a harsh stance, but it's actually empowering. If we're not bound by our past, then we have the power to change our future.
However, to truly move forward, we need to understand how our past has influenced us. Bishop suggests that our early experiences and circumstances shape three fundamental beliefs about ourselves, others, and life in general. These beliefs operate at a subconscious level, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and actions without us even realizing it.
Uncovering Your Three Saboteurs
The heart of Bishop's approach lies in identifying what he calls the "three saboteurs." These are deeply ingrained beliefs that operate in our subconscious, shaping our perceptions and behaviors. The three saboteurs take the form of statements about:
- Ourselves (I am...)
- Other people (People are...)
- Life in general (Life is...)
These statements are unique to each individual, formed by our personal experiences and interpretations of the world. They act as hidden lenses through which we view everything, often contradicting our conscious desires and goals.
For example, someone might consciously believe they're capable of success, but if their subconscious "I am" statement is "I am unworthy," they'll unconsciously make choices that sabotage their efforts to succeed.
Identifying these saboteurs is not an easy task. It requires deep introspection and honesty with oneself. Bishop suggests several methods for uncovering these hidden beliefs:
Journaling: Write freely about your thoughts and feelings, especially when things go wrong. Look for recurring themes or beliefs.
Therapy: A professional can help you dig deeper into your subconscious beliefs and patterns.
Reflection on Failure: When things go wrong, pay attention to your immediate thoughts and feelings. What do you tell yourself about why it happened?
Examining Relationship Patterns: Look for recurring issues in your relationships. These often reflect your beliefs about people and yourself.
Analyzing Life Patterns: Consider the overall trajectory of your life. Do you see recurring themes or challenges? These might point to your beliefs about life.
Once you've identified your three saboteurs, you're ready to start making real changes in your life. But this is just the beginning of the process.
Accepting Your Saboteurs
After identifying your saboteurs, the next crucial step is acceptance. This doesn't mean resigning yourself to these beliefs or using them as excuses. Instead, it means fully acknowledging that these beliefs exist within you and have been shaping your actions.
This step is challenging because it requires facing some uncomfortable truths about ourselves. It's easy to say, "That's not really me," or "I don't actually believe that." But if we're honest with ourselves, we'll recognize that these saboteurs have indeed been influencing our choices and behaviors.
Acceptance is crucial because it brings these subconscious beliefs into the light of consciousness. As long as they remain hidden, they continue to exert their influence without our awareness. By accepting them, we take away some of their power and put ourselves in a position to change.
Bishop emphasizes that this acceptance should be non-judgmental. It's not about beating yourself up for having these beliefs. Remember, they were formed based on your past experiences and were likely useful at some point in your life. The goal is simply to recognize their existence and their impact on your life.
Dreaming Big and Taking Action
Once you've identified and accepted your saboteurs, you're ready for the final steps in Bishop's process: dreaming big and taking action.
Dreaming big is about allowing yourself to imagine the life you truly want, free from the limitations imposed by your saboteurs. This might feel uncomfortable or even impossible at first. Your saboteurs might try to convince you that you don't deserve success or that it's not possible for you. But remember, these are just beliefs, not facts.
Bishop encourages readers to push past these limiting beliefs and truly envision their ideal life. What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? What kind of person would you be if you weren't held back by your saboteurs?
Once you have a clear vision of what you want, the next step is to work backward and identify the actions you need to take to get there. This is where many self-help approaches fall short – they encourage positive thinking without providing practical steps for change.
Bishop's approach is different. He emphasizes the importance of taking concrete actions, no matter how small, to move towards your goals. These actions should be specific, measurable, and achievable. For example, if your goal is to start a business, your first action might be to spend one hour researching your industry. The key is to start small and build momentum.
As you take these actions, you'll likely encounter resistance from your saboteurs. They might try to convince you that it's too hard, that you're not good enough, or that something will go wrong. This is where the work you've done in identifying and accepting your saboteurs becomes crucial. When you recognize these thoughts as coming from your saboteurs, you can choose to act despite them.
Staying Vigilant
Bishop concludes by reminding readers that overcoming self-sabotage is an ongoing process. Our saboteurs are deeply ingrained and can be persistent. Even after you've made significant progress, you might find new saboteurs emerging or old ones trying to reassert themselves.
The key is to stay vigilant. Regularly check in with yourself to see if you're slipping back into old patterns. Are you making decisions based on fear or anxiety rather than moving towards your goals? Are you finding excuses not to take action? These could be signs that your saboteurs are at work.
When you notice this happening, pause and reflect. Go back to the process of identifying and accepting your saboteurs. What beliefs are driving these behaviors? Once you've identified them, you can choose to act differently.
Bishop also encourages readers to celebrate their successes, no matter how small. Each time you recognize a saboteur at work and choose to act differently, you're making progress. These small victories build up over time, leading to significant changes in your life.
Final Thoughts
"Stop Doing That Sh*t" offers a refreshing and practical approach to personal development. By focusing on the subconscious beliefs that drive our self-sabotaging behaviors, Bishop provides a framework for lasting change.
The book's key messages can be summarized as follows:
Self-sabotage is a common problem that keeps many people stuck in cycles of failure and disappointment.
Our past experiences shape our subconscious beliefs about ourselves, others, and life, but they don't determine our future actions.
Identifying and accepting our "three saboteurs" is crucial for breaking free from self-sabotaging patterns.
Once we understand our saboteurs, we can dream big and take concrete actions towards our goals.
Overcoming self-sabotage is an ongoing process that requires vigilance and self-awareness.
Bishop's approach is not about quick fixes or positive thinking. It's about doing the hard work of understanding ourselves, facing uncomfortable truths, and consistently taking action towards our goals. It's a challenging process, but one that offers the possibility of real, lasting change.
The book's title, "Stop Doing That Sh*t," encapsulates its no-nonsense approach. It's a call to action, urging readers to stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors and start living the life they truly want.
Ultimately, Bishop's message is one of empowerment. While our past experiences have shaped us, we have the power to shape our future. By understanding and overcoming our self-sabotaging tendencies, we can take control of our lives and create the future we desire.
The journey to overcoming self-sabotage is not easy, but as Bishop reminds us, we are in the best hands possible – our own. With self-awareness, acceptance, and consistent action, we can break free from the cycles of self-sabotage and create the life we truly want.