Stop Doing That Sh*t

Are you the one standing in your own way? Discover how to break free from the cycles of self-sabotage that silently shape your life.

1. The Hidden Patterns of Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is often invisible, even to the person doing it. It happens when you unintentionally harm your chances at success or happiness. These actions stem from subconscious fears or beliefs, steering your choices in unhelpful directions.

Picture moments when things were going well in your life, and then, suddenly, they weren’t. Maybe your car broke down because you ignored scheduled maintenance, or you were abrupt with a boss who responded poorly. On the surface, it seems like bad luck or external forces are to blame, but often it’s your own distracted or stressed behavior feeding the chaos.

This pattern creates an endless cycle. When things go wrong, we throw ourselves into rebuilding, make progress, but unknowingly enact the same internal narratives that caused the downfall in the first place. The cycle continues until we confront it head-on.

Examples

• Worrying so much about failing an interview that your nervousness takes over, and you perform poorly.
• Skimping on self-care or basic routines because you assume something bad will happen anyway.
• Giving up on a long-term goal right before achieving success due to hidden doubts.

2. The Past Isn't All-Powerful

Many believe their past either wholly controls their present or has no impact at all. Neither view is accurate. The past certainly influences you, but it does not have to dictate your choices.

Your family, genetics, upbringing, and early experiences leave marks on you, but they don’t make today’s decisions for you. Taking the easy way out by blaming the past keeps you stuck in its shadow. Conversely, ignoring past influence denies you the chance to understand your behavioral patterns.

The book emphasizes that self-awareness begins where you accept both the role of the past and your present responsibility. Acknowledge how you developed certain habits or fears without using them as an excuse. That way, you gain the power to change.

Examples

• An employee missing their deadlines because they believe they’re destined to fail, based on a demanding upbringing.
• Someone raised in poverty feeling uneasy even when financially secure, and constantly expecting it to disappear.
• A student avoiding leadership roles because they never received encouragement growing up.

3. Meet Your Three Subconscious Saboteurs

Bishop categorizes our destructive patterns into three core beliefs: a thought about yourself, about others, and about life. These hidden conclusions steer your actions, often without your awareness.

The thought about yourself reflects your deep-seated self-perception. For example, if your belief is "I’m unlovable," you'll unconsciously act in ways to confirm it, such as withdrawing from supportive friendships. Similarly, the thought about others might dictate how you relate to people—if you believe "People are selfish," trust and teamwork become challenges.

Lastly, your view of life—whether it's "Life is unpredictable," "Life is unfair," or another limiting belief—colors how you approach opportunities or setbacks. Once uncovered, these saboteurs reveal the blueprint of your behavioral patterns.

Examples

• Seeing yourself as "not smart enough" might lead to avoiding new learning opportunities.
• Believing "People are unreliable" could prevent you from forming strong collaborations.
• Feeling "Life is always a struggle" might dampen your motivation to pursue ambitious goals.

4. Breaking the Cycle Starts With Acceptance

Identifying your saboteurs is step one; step two is learning to accept them. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking or keeping these beliefs, but rather acknowledging their existence so you can begin to challenge and replace them.

Often, people attempt to suppress or ignore destructive thoughts. This gives them even more control because what you fight in your mind tends to persist. By fully facing your saboteurs, you weaken their hold over you, reducing their power to steer daily decisions and habits.

Acknowledging the influence of these long-held beliefs is a vulnerable process but also an empowering one. Only when you admit, "Yes, I’ve been operating under this perspective," can you actively start rewriting your mental narrative.

Examples

• Journaling about setbacks and examining the recurring self-beliefs in play.
• Confiding in a trusted friend or therapist to uncover unnoticed thought patterns.
• Replaying a recent stressful moment and analyzing what internal fears were at work.

5. Safety vs. Self-Sabotage

Everyone craves predictability and security, often at the cost of growth. Ironically, our subconscious sabotages us to maintain the safety of familiar pain rather than risk the unknown.

When you believe difficult or negative thoughts about yourself, others, or life, your brain seeks "proof" to validate those beliefs. This makes you favor actions that affirm your familiarity rather than challenge it. For example, if "I’m not good enough" is your hidden truth, you’ll subconsciously avoid trying something big that might disprove it.

Breaking this pattern involves rewiring your brain to value uncertainty or new results over the comfort of staying stuck. You have to unlearn the connection between perceived safety and the real damage it causes.

Examples

• Persistently staying in unfulfilling relationships due to fear of loneliness.
• Avoiding job promotions out of fear of failing at higher levels.
• Consistently choosing situations that match an "I deserve less" mindset.

6. You Control What Happens Next

While you can’t control where you come from, you are responsible for what you do now. Every choice is an opportunity to either stay the same or explore new, healthier actions.

This truth is empowering and freeing. There’s comfort in realizing you have the ability to rewrite your trajectory, even if it feels daunting at first. Each step matters, no matter how insignificant it may appear.

Your past environment, conditioning, and circumstances shaped your tendencies, but today's choices belong solely to you. This shift in responsibility is where transformation truly begins.

Examples

• Replacing "I can’t help it" with "I’ll try to change this starting today."
• Practicing small, positive habits daily, like affirmations or setting goals.
• Distinguishing between inherited problems and the actions you control right now.

7. Dream Boldly to Build the Future

Once freed from the shackles of your saboteurs, it's time to visualize what you truly want from life. Bold dreaming isn’t about immediate, giant leaps—it's about aiming high and turning that vision into small actions.

Many people avoid big dreams because failure feels inevitable if they start from zero. Others fail to dream at all, substituting old, unhelpful narratives or limits. Breaking that tendency requires embracing possibility.

Imagine your ideal outcomes in personal relationships, career, or health. Actively remind yourself that big futures start with modest daily effort.

Examples

• Writing down a five-year dream goal and brainstorming three concrete steps to begin.
• Overcoming the fear of failure by simply taking small risks and documenting wins.
• Helping others to embrace their dreams, reinforcing your commitment to your own.

8. Beware of Saboteurs Resurfacing

Even after progress, your saboteurs may attempt to return. They’re sneaky and love to hide when it seems like you’ve conquered them, only to pop up during moments of doubt.

Staying mindful of these patterns ensures they don’t sneakily reenter your habits or actions. Regular self-assessment—through reflection or journaling—can help you keep unhelpful beliefs at bay.

This ongoing vigilance equips you to lead a life shaped by intentionality rather than unconscious self-protection.

Examples

• Feeling the urge to pull back from a thriving relationship and identifying it as fear of vulnerability.
• Having anxiety when nearing a career milestone and recognizing it as an old saboteur about worthiness.
• Experiencing frustration in setbacks and addressing whether old views about "unfair life" are resurfacing.

9. You Are Capable of Self-Transformation

Ultimately, Bishop returns to one universal truth: You are fully capable of self-transformation. The process requires awareness, acceptance, and continual effort, but you hold all the tools.

Your life begins to change the moment you actively uncouple from past conditioning and make choices aligned with your aspirations. The harder—but more rewarding—path is always in breaking free of limiting self-beliefs.

Even when setbacks occur, remembering your ability to adapt, grow, or reframe the situation keeps you moving steadily on your new path.

Examples

• Responding to failure by learning instead of self-blame.
• Taking responsibility for a poor decision while immediately seeking repair or growth strategies.
• Using every small win to affirm capability and build momentum.

Takeaways

1. Identify and understand your three personal saboteurs related to yourself, others, and life.
2. Practice acceptance of your current self without judgment before striving for change.
3. Envision a bold future, break it into smaller actions, and track progress regularly to avoid slipping into old habits.